They said she was a beautiful girl…

Grace Becker Thompson. A preacher’s daughter with big brown eyes and hair that was a glory in autumn sunlight, Grace was the kind of girl that gave a man something to smile about. However, beauty didn’t explain what happened the day after she stepped off the stage on a bright September morning. She wasn’t the first beautiful girl in Virginia City, nor was she the last. The town was a siren call for young women who came and went and lost their way; it was the way of things. 

Remembering beauty was a lot different than watching it walk by, but folks remembered Grace. She stayed for a month. The itinerant preacher had his daughter back on the stage before the rocking chair gossips in the front of the mercantile had decent fodder to chew. Didn’t matter. They talked plenty after she was gone. Forgetting came easy, but there was one thing that everyone always remembered.

Where floods and fire, well-aimed bullets, and the ill will of countless evil men had failed, the careless attentions of one Grace Becker Thompson had succeeded. By the time she left town, the damage was done. Like a maul on thin ice, she drove a wedge between the Cartwright brothers. They each fell in love with her. And then she was gone.

The real story began after the love story was over…

**********

Ben stared resignedly across the fire at his three silent sons. A cold wind was blowing the clouds in from the north. He could feel it at his back, despite the layers of woolens underneath his oil slicker and long winter coat. Clouds laced moonlight, appearing threatening along the edges. With a sigh, Ben prodded the fire, appreciating the warmth against his face. From the other side of the blaze, Adam stoked it as well. Ben smiled at his son but couldn’t tell if Adam noticed. His oldest son still sat funny, obviously still covering up his own private pain. Three months earlier, he had been shot in the shoulder while trying to break up a barroom brawl between a miner and one of their wranglers. Adam didn’t complain about the injury, but they all knew it hurt. It had been a rough recovery, but a bullet seemed like an easier hit than what had followed.

His sons were in all in pain, ever since the girl had left the three of them behind. It had been such an ordeal that Ben could hardly remember what their life had been like before. He tried to tell himself that it didn’t matter if Adam said a word, if Hoss looked consistently miserable, or if Joe couldn’t walk out of a room without slamming the door behind him. The Cartwrights were together. They were a family. Ben had to believe that nothing could get in the way of that. Nothing else could matter…

“The devil it doesn’t matter,” Ben muttered and took a sharp intake of breath, when Hoss looked over at him in shock. 

“You say something, Pa?” Hoss queried, obviously thinking that he must be hearing things.

Ben hadn’t realized he’d said the words out loud, but maybe it was just as well. Some things needed to be said. If Joe and Adam heard, they didn’t show it. They sat across from each other, their grim faces side lit by the fire. They were not a happy lot, and Ben didn’t blame them. After all, it had been his idea bring them to the farthest reaches of the Ponderosa to gather the strays before winter. The thankless job was usually assigned to the lowest man on the totem pole of the ranch, not to the prominent owner and his sons. 

However, Ben Cartwright hadn’t been feeling particularly prominent for some time, and he didn’t feel like the task was beneath him. Before being the owner of the biggest spread in Nevada, he was a father and a desperate one at that. The way things had been going, he didn’t know when he would have the chance to be alone again with his sons. Adam had mentioned leaving the Ponderosa in the spring, and Joe was talking about making his way to California. Hoss hadn’t mentioned any travel plans, but it was apparent his heart was nowhere near home. The wind was picking up, and Ben pushed his hat down farther on his head. He wasn’t sorry that winter was coming. Autumn had been a terrible season for the Cartwrights, and he was glad to see it on its way.

“Something bothering you, Pa?” Adam asked, a little too casually, and Ben knew he’d been understood after all.

Ben sighed and searched for a way to get around it. “We’re at least a two day’s ride from home. I think we’d better head over to the line shack near Devil’s Gulch. Feels like snow’s on the way. You agree, Hoss?”

“I reckon,” Hoss replied, in the quiet, glum way he’d taken on since the girl had left. His son was in mourning, Ben understood that, and not just for the girl. Hoss hadn’t simply lost a girl. He’d lost his brothers as well, and Ben didn’t know how his son could hold up under that.

“I’m riding home.” Joe said the words so casually, the defiance in them could have been missed by a less experienced father. However, Ben felt his own hackles rise in response. The boy was eighteen. Hardly a child by any accounting, and yet he could still get a rise out of his father like no one else could. “I’m not going to Devil Gulch. I’ll take what’s left of the herd back to the ranch. We’ve found all the beeves we’re going to, anyway.”

“Weather coming in,” Adam warned quietly, raising a tin cup of coffee to his lips. “You’ll never make it back.”

“I’ll make it fine.” Joe bit off each word like it was an oath. “Don’t you worry about me, Older Brother.”

“Far from it,” Adam replied, leaning closer to the fire. “Go ahead and try to make it home, Joe. Put your life in danger, so the rest of us can ride to your rescue. Nothing new about that…”

And that’s how it began. Joe shoved Adam off the log he’d been sitting on, and his coffee cup tumbled into the ashes. Slowly, Adam got to his feet, fixing Joe with a look that would have sent a less foolhardy man running for cover. But Joe didn’t back off all. He held his ground, until the two of them were facing off so close to the fire that they might have been singed if Hoss and Ben didn’t intervene, pushing in between them.

“Cool off!” Hoss ordered his younger brother. “Right now, I ain’t got a lick of patience, and you ain’t got the sense to spit downwind. I ain’t gonna be standin’ between the two of you all night!”

“Tell it to him, Hoss!” Joe snapped angrily, trying to shrug out of his father’s tight grip. “I’m not the one looking for a fight. I want to go home to keep from getting into it with him. There’s no reason for all of us to be here any way.”

“You’re here because I said so,” Ben asserted, mustering up all the authority he could manage, yet none of his sons seemed to be listening.

“Oh so now you’re the peacemaker. That’s a joke if ever I heard one,” Adam retorted. He met his father’s eyes over the top of Joe’s head. “There’s no point to this, Pa. He only thinks about himself. Let him go back home. We can do a better job without him.”

With that, Adam began to walk away. Like a coiled spring, Joe was about to launch himself after his brother but checked himself, seeming to remember Adam’s barely healed shoulder. Instead, Joe picked up a branch from the pile of kindling and hurtled it out vaguely in the direction his brother had headed. From the look on his son’s face, Ben truly believed that Joe wouldn’t have minded if it found its mark.

“Arrogant, bigheaded, egotistical…” he muttered under his breath and said more, but fortunately, Ben couldn’t understand the rest of his youngest son’s tirade. 

Hoss grunted in disgust and kicked at the ashes with the rounded tip of his boot. He gave Joe a hard look. “It’s always ‘bout the two of you, ain’t it?”

Shaking his head, Hoss headed off in a different direction than Adam. Ben felt his hopes plummet, as he stood next to the fire with his youngest underneath a stormy sky. It was hard to remember that Hoss was part of the fight this time; Ben was so used to Adam and Joe having it out with each other, with he and Hoss as the bystanders. This was different. This time Hoss was just as angry as his brothers. Ben was alone, and the way things had been going, he wondered if he’d be alone forever. How could one girl – one admittedly beautiful girl – have done so much damage to his family?

Joe stood next to him but was obviously miles away. He wasn’t even apologizing for his language or for the fact he raised a hand to his brother. Ben tried to call up his normal voice as a disciplinarian, but to his surprise he found he had nothing to say. But Joe said it for him.

“I loved her, Pa,” he said.

“I know son,” Ben said and placed his hand on his youngest son’s shoulder. 

Ben’s response was wildly insufficient. But what was he to do about it? Joe loved her, but God help them, so did Hoss and Adam. How did the Cartwright family, legendary for their loyalty to each other, ever find themselves in such a laughably damnable predicament?

Ben cleared his throat and gathered his coat around him. The chill in the air held his chest like a vise. He could hardly breathe. Not for the first time, Ben wished the girl had never come to Virginia City and that his sons had never laid their eyes on her pretty, pretty face. Over the past several weeks, Ben had tried to understand the girl’s reasoning, but he could not forgive Grace Thompson for toying with his sons. Such carelessness, such frivolity! If she had been flirting with his boys, she couldn’t have done it more recklessly. She was a stranger, but his sons belonged to him. They were a family. In the past, they’d always put each other before outsiders. 

Taking care of my own.

The words came to him unbidden and lodged in his heart. No matter what happened, he’d take care of his own, no matter the cost. 

Joe was staring hard at the ground, blinking back tears, and Ben drew him closer. He couldn’t help himself. His son was still a boy really, even though he’d had more experience with women in his short history than Ben liked to think about.

“I know you loved her,” Ben said, sending up a quick prayer that the right words would come to him. “But son, there comes a time when a man has to let go. Your brothers seemed to… care… about this woman as much as you did.”

“Adam didn’t love her,” Joe said, pulling away from his father. “Whatever you think, Pa, it’s not true. He loved who he thought she was, but he didn’t know her. He could never have made her happy.”

“Then what about Hoss?” Ben sighed. His question sounded more harsh than he intended, but he didn’t soften for this son, whose current self absorption almost made him feel sick inside. “Do you think Hoss didn’t love her? Hoss also claims the girl loved him. Would he make something like that up? Do you think Hoss would love someone without knowing her?.”

“I’m not sure what I think,” Joe whispered, and from what Ben saw in the scant moonlight, his son was more sad than angry. Terribly sad, and he was crying. “Hoss couldn’t have known her. I can’t explain what happened with Hoss. Grace was in love with me, Pa. Don’t ask me how I know, but I just do.”

Fury for the imprudent girl welled up in Ben, and this time he didn’t care enough to tamp it down. Joe sincerely believed he was telling the truth, and it was clear to Ben that he had been deceived. His sons were not usually so easily led astray, and they weren’t liars. However Grace had managed to make them all fall in love with her, she had been thoroughly effective. Ben wouldn’t doubt if the Cartwright fortune had something to do with it. She wouldn’t have been the first woman who looked on his sons as prey. The only thing Ben didn’t understand was why she left when she could have had her choice of any one of them. Grace Thompson had nothing to her name other than her undeniable beauty, and she’d bartered her one commodity quite well. As a man, he understood why his sons had been attracted to her. As a father, he wished she’d never been born.

“Joe you’ve got to get on with your life.”

“Pa, I don’t know how I can live without her.” 

Ben didn’t know what to say when happiness for one son meant misery for the other two. 

“You just keep living.” Ben remembered the heartache he’d known in his life. He remembered the way that grief seemed to steal the pleasure from the world. How did he learn to live without the woman he loved? Tempering his words, he added firmly, “Joseph, you will be fine, and your life will go on. How many beautiful girls have you met before and fallen in love with? Can you answer me that? Well, there’s one thing I have to say to you. You have a family, young man, that you are accountable to. Another girl will come along. But your brothers are your blood, and blood always comes before a pretty girl.”

If Joe looked disgusted with him, Ben couldn’t see it in the dark. He’d stopped crying at least and shrugged his father’s hand off his shoulder. 

“We need more wood,” Joe said coolly. “I’ll go see if Adam and Hoss need help finding kindling.”

Ben might have hung his hat on the fact that Joe was willing to help, if not for the reality that Joe headed off into the darkness, in the opposite direction of his brothers.

**********

Adam awoke to the knowing that he was pretty damn cold. He felt even colder, because just the week before, they’d had a string of remarkably hot days that had been unprecedented during the normally bitter month of November. Irritated, he wished the weather would settle down and make up its mind. He’d rather have it cold and stay cold than have it constantly fluctuating. Constancy. The word came to him unbidden, even as he realized his bedroll was dusted in a coverlet of snow. 

Constancy. 

Throughout his life, the word had been his touchstone. It marked the standard to which Adam held himself and to which he held others. And then he met Grace, and she turned his constancy inside out. She had been all that to him and more, but how much more, Adam never had a chance to find out. His brothers meant the world to him, but for the first time, Adam couldn’t find it in himself to forgive them and forget what was between them. He’d given up so much for his family in his thirty years of life, and might have been willing to give up more, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that letting her go had been the biggest mistake he’d ever made. After she left, he had chosen not to follow. It would have killed his brothers. Yet, Adam didn’t know if he’d ever get over the sacrifice.

Adam groaned and rolled over, trying to get himself up without involving his shoulder. He thought to himself, nothing like an old gunshot wound to get you up in the morning. Old timers said a bullet wound always hurt like hell when trouble was on the horizon. Adam normally ducked out from under that kind of superstition, but trouble had been pursuing them since Grace came to town. As hard as it was to admit it, Adam was tired of getting out of trouble’s way.

It was snowing, and from the gray edge of the northern sky, the storm was only getting started. Pa had gambled that fall would hold out a little longer before ceding its place to winter. It was a risky wager, and it appeared that Pa had lost. Just because it was the first storm of the season didn’t mean it couldn’t be as dangerous as any January blizzard. Storms in the mountains were a serious business.

Adam hunkered down on the thin layer of snow, trying to get his bearings before he woke up the rest of them. He had to smile despite himself. Joe was lying next to him, his leg kicked out from the blanket, just like he was stretched out on his bed at home. His long johns and pant leg both were scrunched up, and a small stretch of bare skin was dusted with snow. Joe never did think to dress for the cold. Instinctively, Adam pulled his brother’s blanket up to his shoulders so at least he’d be covered, and affection elbowed its way in unexpectedly. Joe was still his kid brother even though he had gotten in the way of Adam’s best chance for happiness. It didn’t surprise Adam a bit that Joe had fallen for Grace. The kid fell in love faster than he fell into trouble. Usually, it was a passing thing and nothing more, and Adam didn’t doubt that Joe would quickly moved on from Grace, even if she didn’t know it. Adam couldn’t stop thinking about the last day he’d seen her. It was just before dawn, and she had stood outside his bedroom window tossing pebbles against the glass pane…

Adam lifted the sash and peered into the graying morning. He saw the rented buckboard first, but then he saw her. He had to chuckle at the sight of Grace standing in the yard, arms crossed over her chest like an obstinate school girl. It had been such a mild fall. He could feel the coolness in the air, but it had no bite to it.

“What are you doing down there?” He smiled. “Come to take me away from all this?”

“I need you to come down, Adam,” she said, looking anxiously at his brothers’ windows. Her gaze settled on Joe’s the longest but almost as long on Hoss’.

Adam darkened when he saw where she was looking. So that’s how it was. He was no longer talking to his brothers, and while they weren’t exactly throwing punches over dinner any more, they hadn’t exactly been on friendly terms. The only reason Adam was still staying in the house was for his father. If it weren’t for Ben’s sake, he’d have been long packed and gone. Adam took a deep breath and tried not to think about his brothers.

“Sorry,” he said with a smile and made a deprecating gesture at his wounded shoulder. Even though he was smiling, it hurt like hell in the morning. “I’m afraid my window climbing days are over for the time being. How about you wait right there for a few minutes, and I’ll join you in a more civilized manner. Better yet, say, ‘yes,’ to my proposal, and I’ll personally escort you back to town.”

Grace looked like she might start crying again. “I can’t do that, Adam, and you know why.”

“I know what you told me,” he snapped. She had told him why, but he didn’t believe her. The morning was colder than he thought. Bitter. “You love all of us.”

Again, her gaze fell on the bedroom that bordered his own. Joe’s room. He shared a wall with both of his brothers. He’d always been glad for the close proximity before… helped him keep an eye on them. Almost desperately, Grace pleaded, “Please come down, Adam. I need to explain how it is to you.”

Caustically, Adam reminded her, “I don’t share well with my brothers.”

“Well that’s the truth,” she retorted, but then she had to smile. Despite his own resolve, Adam smiled back.

They were at an impasse. Adam sat on the windowsill and crossed his arms. Stubbornly, she didn’t make a move either. Finally, he had to ask her the question he simply could not understand.

“Has any of it been real?” he asked, his voice revealing more vulnerability than he was comfortable with.

“I don’t understand,” she said, obviously puzzled.

“The books, the sonnets…your dreams of having someone to share that with.” Adam sighed. “I suppose it was too good to be true. Do you really keep poetry under your pillow at night?”

“What kind of girl lies about poetry?” she asked, coyly. He had to smile. She really was a beautiful girl.

“What kind of girl lies about loving three brothers at once?”

“I didn’t plan it to happen,” she insisted. “It was the last thing I wanted to happen.”

Then, Adam leaned out of the window as far as he possibly could without falling. “Grace, listen to me. Joe is still a boy, and Hoss is easily hurt. Don’t toy with them. I love you. I love you in a way they don’t understand. Let them down gently, but marry me. You’ve got to know that I will never leave you. Once I’ve decided something, I don’t change your mind.”

“I know that,” she said. “And I wish it was the same with me.”

Constancy.

“Then we have nothing left to talk about,” he said, evenly.

“I’m going back to town,” she said quietly, biting her lip and looking into the distance. “I can’t stay here any more.”

Adam hadn’t understood what she meant. He thought she meant she was leaving the Ponderosa, but instead she left town the next day. He’d never had a chance to kiss her goodbye. She only saw Joe before leaving on the stage. His kid brother had been the last one to speak with her. And Adam wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to forgive either Grace or Joe for that.

But Joe was cold, and the anger of the previous night was gone. In the graying morning, he only felt sad. Hoss and his father were lying on the other side of the dying fire, seemingly impervious to the falling snow. Despite the fact that the storm was anything but good news, Adam had to take a look around. The first snowfall was always something special even it did have bad timing. Adam could gaze up at the feather-points of pines dusted by falling snow; white freckled against a gray sky. He wished he had time to go to his saddlebag for his journal to jot it down, but the morning was dark and bleak, and it was time for them to be moving on. He carefully stepped across the camp to where his father lay sleeping.

“Pa,” Adam said. “You’ve got to wake up. We’ve got some weather coming in.” 

Ben was up almost before his eyes were open. Adam regarded him sympathetically. His poor father. Sleeping on a frozen ground was no pleasure for a man of thirty, but it had to be a misery for someone his father’s age. Not that Adam would ever say that to his father.

Ben stretched awkwardly, as if working out a creak in his back, and then brushed off snow from his head and shoulders.

“Well now,” he said. “It looks like we’ve got snow at last.” He gave his son a tight smile and got to work getting the fire started.

Hoss pushed himself out of his bedroll, his thin hair mussed from making do with an uncomfortable night. In the thin morning light, he looked tired and drawn, older than his twenty-four years, and yet awfully young at the same time. It was hard to be at odds with Hoss. Adam didn’t really understand what had happened between Grace and Hoss. She hardly seemed the right type for him, and yet Hoss had mourned when she left and was mourning still. Adam couldn’t resent his brother for falling for a woman who wasn’t right for him. Hoss didn’t fall in love carelessly, unlike Joe who was always getting mired in ridiculous infatuations. However, from what Adam understood about Grace, he couldn’t imagine she would have fallen in love with someone like Hoss. She was a reader, self-educated to be sure, but she was in love with language and ideas. For God’s sake, she kept poetry under her pillow! 

And yet, Adam had seen them together. 

The two of them had been holding hands, with Grace staring at Hoss like they had some understanding. From Adam’s vantage point, he had seen tenderness in her touch, and yes – possibly even love. It had to be impossible though. It wasn’t like a woman could love three men… she must have placed her affections somewhere, and Adam couldn’t help but believe it had been with him.

Hoss cupped his hands over his eyes and squinted over the treeline at the darkening sky.

Hoss said. “I reckon that’s some real weather comin’ in. See that ridge of clouds where it gets darker. Things are going to get worse ‘fore they get any better.”

Joe was still untangling himself from his bedroll. “What’s going on?” he asked, and the others had to smile at his slurry question. Waking up always took a lot out of Joe. With his hair a wild nest of twigs and pine needles and his jacket buttoned all wrong, he looked like he’d been in brawl with nature. Joe blinked snow out of his eyes and frowned. The seriousness of the situation was waking him up more quickly than a kettle of brewed coffee. “Think we have time to make it home?” he asked quietly, scanning the horizon.

“No,” Ben replied, lending his youngest son a hand up. No one questioned his authority. They knew he was right, even if they weren’t sure what to do about it.

“There’s a mining shack not too far from here,” Adam offered, trying to mull over their options. “It’s about ten miles closer than Devil’s Gulch. It’s in front of a feeder canyon. We can herd the cattle into it and take turns guarding it. Not perfect, but it might be our best option.”

“Ain’t gonna be much protection for them in that canyon,” Hoss said. 

“Better than letting them freeze to death out here,” Joe replied testily.

Ben was standing stock-still, lips pressed into a grim line that left no doubt to the seriousness of their situation. “We don’t have much of a choice,” he said.

They all stood side-by-side like that for several minutes, mulling over their alternatives. The anger of the previous night was a luxury that they couldn’t afford. The snow was falling harder, blanketing the world around them. The storm was just getting started.

Joe was shivering, and Adam appraised him critically, before tossing down his own bedroll.

“Wrap it around your shoulders,” he advised and turned to their father. “Pa we need to decide what to do. Joe’s not dressed right – just take a look at him.”

“I’m dressed fine,” Joe retorted but wrapped the blanket around his shoulders anyways, not fool enough to let resentment get in his way of staying alive. At that, they all took a closer look at the youngest Cartwright. Obviously the unusual heat wave of the past couple weeks had interfered with Joe’s common sense. While he was wearing his hat, gloves, and work jacket, he’d obviously not prepared for the worst, as he was missing his winter coat, scarf, and oil slicker. Just as serious, while Joe had been sleeping, Adam had noticed that Joe wore a single layer of long johns.

“Is that all you packed, boy?” Ben demanded angrily.

“Yes sir,” Joe replied, his gazed fixed on the ground. “It was so warm last week, and I was thinking about other things.”

“Dadburned fool thinking…” Hoss grumbled at his little brother, even as he started kicking snow over the previous night’s embers. “Here. Take my blanket. I’m going to see to see to the horses.”

“Do you understand how serious this is?” Adam asked his brother.

Joe bristled. “I reckon I do, Adam, and I don’t need you telling me about it.”

“Enough!” Ben hung the final word on that exchange, and they all knew it. He stared at his sons, reproachfully. “What’s done is done. We’re all in trouble right now, regardless of this boy’s irresponsibility, and we’re compounding that trouble by wasting time out here in the cold. We need to get moving. Now, get! All of you.”

Hoss glowered at his little brother and tramped off, while the other three began to pack up the camp. The snow was coming down harder, frosting the pine branches overhead and blanketing the world with the kind of peacefulness that could kill you. 

“We need to leave the herd behind. They’ll have to fend for themselves,” Ben said abruptly, regarding his shivering youngest son. He turned to Adam. “When was the last time you were at that mining shack?”

“Two summers ago.” Adam was gathering up the night’s supplies, the kettle, the tin cups, the cast iron pot of half-eaten beans. “I spent the night in it during a lightning storm. Not much to speak of, but it’s got four walls and a roof. Better than what we’ve got right now.”

“Much better,” Joe said, cinching his bed roll. He slung it over his shoulder. “I reckon we’ve got a couple hours, Pa, before the storm makes up its mind for us.”

Ben nodded. For once, the four Cartwrights were agreed.

**********

Resolute, they rode forward through the ravine, white-burdened cliffs surrounding them. It was an enormous view but it felt small somehow, with the snow and wind pressing in on them. They had to fight to keep their hats on the heads, and Joe managed to tie one of the saddle blankets around himself in a makeshift wrap, but it was woefully inadequate for the onslaught of snow and freezing rain. The storm had come on unexpectedly, but none of them considered that a reasonable excuse for the situation they were in. They’d all been unprepared for getting stuck in a storm that was quickly becoming a blizzard. Men died for a whole lot less. 

Normally Hoss could track bees in a blizzard, but as it stood, he could hardly keep his pa and Adam in sight ahead of him. Joe was struggling to keep up, but he was still holding steady in the rear. Hoss kept checking on him, anyway. He was as mad as all get out at his little brother – at both his brothers – but he’d worried over Joe his whole life through. Hoss’ own hands were cramping, just holding the reins. He didn’t know how Joe could be bearing up in the cold. They’d all tried forcing some of their own clothing on him, namely their oil slickers, but Joe had vehemently refused most of it, saying that he would be fine with the extra blankets. He’d accepted a scarf from Adam, only because his older brother, always thinking ahead, had brought a spare. 

“We’re almost there,” Ben shouted over the wind. “Is Joe still with you?”

“Yeah, I got him!” Hoss hollered back, and it was true. Hoss always had Joe and had never lost him yet. Hoss had never lost either of his brothers, and he’d never turned his back on them. He’d always put them first in everything. How many times had he stood aside and watched as his two brothers stole the kiss from the pretty girl? Perhaps that was what hurt the most. 

Hoss had a big heart. He loved thoroughly and sometimes irrationally, but for those he loved the most, he’d have laid down his whole life, heart and soul. That’s how it had been when he met Grace Thompson. In the short time he knew her, she’d meant everything to him. He fell that hard. It wasn’t just that she was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. That was part of it, but it wasn’t all. Hoss was a man who knew from experience that the surface of a person was just that – a surface. Grace might have been a pretty little thing, but he’d fallen in love with more than just her pretty face. Hoss was sure it was her beauty that appealed to his brothers, rather than her wide open heart. 

“He’s with me,” Hoss muttered, as if to remind himself, and checked on Joe again. 

It was instinct, looking after Joe, and he’d never begrudged his little brother anything before. For the most part, he’d always let Joe have what he wanted. Hoss was his little brother’s greatest defender, but he couldn’t help but believe that they’d all done wrong by him somehow. Spoiled him into believing that the world would turn out the way he wanted. That’s what Adam had always claimed anyway, but Hoss had always believed that Joe would grow up soon enough and that his heart was in the right place. He’d do the right thing when called to. But Joe took one look at Grace Becker Thompson and had decided that he had to have her. Wasn’t nothing or no one that was going to stand his way. Joe wanted her, and that was that.

But Hoss had wanted her first.

Adam had pursued her just as intently as Joe, and that was honestly the beginning of the end. In some ways, Adam’s pursuit of Grace had felt like more of a betrayal than Joe’s. While Little Joe was… Little Joe… their older brother should have known better. Hoss didn’t give his heart away for just any woman, but Adam could have had his pick of just about any woman in town.

Hoss could have let her go, if he wasn’t convinced to the bottom of his heart that Grace loved him back. He would have sacrificed anything for his brothers. He might not have been a scholar like Adam or as sharp as Joe, but Hoss knew things that didn’t come from book learning or quick thinking. If you stopped long enough to look in the heart of a person, you learned things that others didn’t. Hoss had always had faith that each of his brothers had a good heart. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Since she’d been gone, he’d been feeling as empty as a burnt out lantern, and he couldn’t see any light up ahead making his road any clearer.

Adam had told them he knew where the mining shack was and could find it, even in a blizzard. Hoss wondered if his older brother really knew where he was going. If they were lost, would Adam sacrifice his pride to admit it? It occurred to Hoss that couldn’t remember a time when Adam had ever admitted to losing his sense of direction. It felt like they were riding into an abyss, led only by faith and intuition, and Hoss wasn’t at all sure either was going to see them through. Funny how things had changed. Hoss had followed his pa and oldest brother his whole life and had never doubted their lead until now. He swallowed despite the cold that was clamped against his throat, strangling the breath out of him.

Things weren’t looking good. Hoss wondered if he would ever see Grace again. They hadn’t had much time together, but from the beginning, he’d felt closer to her than he’d ever felt with a woman. He remembered the first afternoon, she’d stayed by his side during the difficult whelping of a newborn foal. When the bay colt finally emerged, shaky on inexperienced legs, Grace had cried, telling him it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. 

“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she told him. He could smell lavender in her hair, and the warmth of her face buried against his shoulder made him feel lightheaded, like the world could prove more wonderful than he’d ever expected.

“Ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of,” he told her, feeling like his life could end right there and then and he would die satisfied. “Not crying over somethin’ like that… now that would be a shame.”

She lifted her tear streaked face and looked up at him, smiling. “You’re a good man,” she said wonderingly, as if the thought was something remarkable. “I haven’t met a lot of good men.”

“But your pa’s a preacher!” Hoss exclaimed, dumbfounded by her comment. “I’d’ve thought you’d be neck high deep with good men.”

“You’d be surprised,” she said with real regret. “It’s usually sinners who are in need of a preacher’s services. I’ve kept company with my share of sinners…”

“That’s past,” Hoss said, suddenly fierce about it. “You don’t need to bother yourself with that. All that’s gone and done. You can keep company with anyone you please, Miss Grace.”

At that she tilted her head, regarding him with a playful expression. Archly, she mused, “I suppose I can, at that.”

And Hoss knew it for sure. She was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. Nothing else would matter with her by his side. Then, Adam and Joe walked in, laughing companionably together and leading their horses into the barn. They’d been away at Placerville for the past week, and hadn’t been around when Grace and her father came to town.

“Hey brother,” Joe called out cheerfully, before stopping in his tracks when he saw Grace in his brother’s arms.

“And who is this?” Adam asked, a slow smile spreading.

Grace stepped forward and away from him, and right away, Hoss felt the aching for her begin.

“I’m Grace Thompson,” she said, holding out her hand.. “Don’t tell me that all of you are Cartwrights…” Her eyes sparkled. Lord how they sparkled! “To think all this time I’ve been telling my father to stay out of Nevada Territory…”

Joe was still staring at Grace, like his good manners had hit the trail. Before he remembered how to put two words together again, Adam stepped forward to take her hand. Hoss also moved forward, trying to reclaim what he was losing. It was falling apart just like it had so many times before. Betrayal welled up inside him, as the sweet uncomplicated moment with Grace began to fade away. It was a terrible beginning for any kind of love story. Blood comes first, Pa always said. But that didn’t seem to matter much any more. Hoss was sure of one thing. Grace mattered.

It was a bittersweet knowing. Hoss had no doubt that Grace might well be the woman for him. Love like that didn’t come around for any old reason. They’d all jostled for a pretty girl’s attention before; it was part of being brothers. But it had always been a game, a good-natured challenge like arm wrestling or being the first one to ride home after a hard day. The best shot, the best girl… it had never seemed serious before. Above all else, being brothers always came first.

“Hey, Hoss!” Joe was calling to him. “Stop – I need you!”

Immediately, Hoss pulled back on the reins. Joe was out of the saddle, crouched beside his horse. His little brother was such a pathetic sight that he might have looked funny if the situation wasn’t so serious. Even though he was still draped in Adam’s blanket, Joe was soaking wet and shivering violently.

“Your lips are turnin’ blue,” Hoss said, dismounting and coming alongside his brother.

“I’m all right,” Joe said, “but Cochise has a split hoof. There’s some swelling in the fetlock. Go on and tell Pa and Adam to go ahead, and I’ll catch up.”

“Any heat coming from it?” Hoss asked, scrunching his face to get a better look with the snow blowing around them.

“I wouldn’t know,” Joe replied with an unaccountable smile, even as his teeth chattered. “I could be standing next a forest fire and wouldn’t feel any heat coming from it. Hoss, you keep going. Tell Pa I’ll be on by, after I take care of my horse.”

“You will do no such thing!” Even with the noise from the storm, Ben’s voice was so loud that Hoss nearly jumped out of his skin. He hadn’t heard him come up from behind. “Land’s sake, boy. You’re frozen to the bone, and we’re not leaving you behind while you check on your horse.”

Joe glared at his father. “Cochise is limping, and I’m not about to let him go lame.”

“Don’t be a fool, Joe,” said Adam, sitting stiffly in the saddle. “Your horse will be dead – and so will you – if we don’t get to shelter soon.”

But Joe was gently lifting the pinto’s fetlock to get a better look. There was a set to his jaw that his family would have recognized anywhere. Little Joe was fighting the bit. Once his mind was made up, it would take all three of them and a whole lot of time to change it. And they didn’t have that kind of time.

Grimly, Adam dismounted and pulled Hoss aside, out of the hearing of the other two. 

“You’re going to have to knock him out,” he said quietly. “The storm’s getting worse. If we don’t get to shelter soon, it’s going to be too late. Do you see how cold he is?”

Hoss nodded but protested, “Adam, I don’t think – “

“Do it.” Despite the coldness in his tone, Hoss could make out the desperation in his brother’s voice. Adam continued, “If we wait much longer, we’re not going to make it. He’ll be the first to go, dressed like he is, but the rest of us won’t be around much longer. I’d do it myself if it weren’t for my shoulder.”

Hoss studied his older brother, remembering how rough it had been for Adam after he’d been shot and how worried they’d been when the wound got infected. That had happened in the summer, before Grace came to town. Everything was different back then. He would have known what to do then, but now his instincts were all mixed up. Hoss then looked down at his stubborn little brother. Joe was snow dusted, from head to toe. His hat had blown off and was lying in a nearby drift, but Joe didn’t seem to notice. He was so cold, he didn’t seem to be feeling it any more. Hoss had seen men about to freeze to death lose their minds, hollering that they were on fire. Beside him, their father kneeled, also examining the pinto’s hoof while giving Joe an earful about why they needed to get a move on. The road ahead was fading out into swirling drifts of white, and Hoss knew his own thinking was slowing down, deadening to how much danger they were really in. He needed to get control of the situation and think.

“Little Joe,” Hoss began with a tone of voice that was half way between a plea and a threat. It didn’t occur to him that he hadn’t used his brother’s nickname since the day he’d found Joe and Grace kissing at their favorite fishing cove. “You gotta get on your horse, boy, and I mean right now!”

If Joe heard him, he didn’t give any indication but was scrupulously examining the pinto’s hoof.

“Joseph, I am telling you to get back on your horse,” Ben was insisting, but they didn’t have time for their father to talk Joe into it. Adam was right. Hoss knew that now. He looked over his shoulder, and Adam nodded. The snow had already covered Joe’s boots as he crouched in the snow. The way Joe loved that pinto, he would never risk endangering her, so long as there was a chance. 

“Joe, I need you to get on your horse,” Hoss said quietly. “Now.” This time the warning in his voice was perfectly clear.

At that, Joe stood and faced off with his brother. Even though he always looked bigger than he really was when angry, there was no way around it. Joe was dwarfed by his brother. Not like that had never stopped him before… 

“I need to see to my horse,” he said. His statement drew a line that dared his brother to cross it.

“You get yourself on that horse,” Hoss warned. 

Joe obviously knew that Hoss was serious. However, he was so cold, his face was drained of color, and his lips were distinctly blue. Joe set aside the horse blanket, which was immediately dusted with falling snow. 

Glaring at Hoss, Joe shot back, “Well then, why don’t you make me?”

Unexpectedly, Hoss felt anger well up in him like untamed animal. While he was looking at his obstinate little brother, he instead remembered Grace and the touch of her hand on his… the promise that she had whispered to him on the last day they were alone together.

“I’ll never forget that you brought me here,” she had whispered to him, and he’d believed her. He’d kept believing her until he found her kissing his little brother out by the cove one week later.. Just like that, that wonderful promise was ended, like it had never mattered at all. He’d wanted to go after Joe right then and there, but instead he rode away to get a hold of his anger. To get his thinking straight and try to make sense of what he’d seen. Things only got worse after that. Hard-faced at dinner that night, Hoss couldn’t look at his little brother. But then Adam declared his intention to propose to Grace. Joe shot up, knocking his floor to the chair. Then the two of them were yelling at each other, Ben pushing them apart.

“Help me, Hoss!” Ben demanded.

But, Hoss was stepping away from all of them, away from the family table. He turned heel and reached for his hat and coat, shutting the door behind them. He could still hear them. His dream for a life with Grace seemed as thin as the night air. Hoss had hungered for that dream – the possibility of an unexpectedly happy ending…

Adam clenched his fists. “Get on your blasted horse, Joe. You’re not being rational.”

“Do you honestly think you can tell me what to do?” Joe yelled. “Go to hell, Adam!”

Hoss was beyond anger, and he took a dangerous step toward his little brother. God had gifted him with an enormous well of patience, but it had decidedly run dry. He was as angry as he’d ever been. If Hoss had hit him with the anger he was feeling, the force of it might have broken his brother’s neck. 

But Adam hit him first, grabbing his bad shoulder in pain after throwing the punch. Joe was cold, too cold, and he went down like a skipping stone in dark water. Ben was shouting, but Joe was out, and Hoss tried to get himself together. 

Ben was staring at the two of them with a look that Hoss couldn’t quite place, but it chilled him to the bone, more than the wind that cut through his coat and scarf. Then Hoss knew it for sure. He could never fool his father. Ben had seen exactly how angry Hoss had been and seemed to know what his massive son was capable of. Shame flooded through Hoss, replacing all that anger. He looked down at Joe who lay on the snow with blood trickling from the corner of his lip. Hoss remembered that this was his brother. For the first time in a long time, he could remember something as important as Grace.

“Quick now.” Adam nodded, and together they took hold of their kid brother’s shoulders and legs. “Pa, help tie him to his saddle. We don’t have much time.”

“I don’t understand this from you,” Ben said to Hoss, before turning then to Adam. “From either of you. I am so disappointed in all of you.” And he turned heel and moved through the snow like he had hobbles on, getting the coil of rope from his own saddle.

Even as he carried his brother, almost staggering through the growing drifts, Hoss knew his father was right. It was true that Hoss had wanted to save Little Joe, but he’d also wanted to hurt him. To hurt both of his brothers. For the first time in his life, Hoss had tasted bitterness.

Solemnly, sorrowfully, Hoss gently helped his father tie his little brother to the saddle. And he led the pinto into the blinding snow.

 

**********

When Joe woke up, he was angry. Angry and aching and as cold as a wagon wheel. His stomach was growling. That’s how he knew he wasn’t dead. Before he even opened his eyes, he remembered Adam’s powerful uppercut that had thoroughly knocked him into oblivion. He hadn’t been able to return the favor, but he intended to remedy that right away.

“I’m going to kill you,” he growled and opened his eyes to his father’s concerned face looking down at him. “Oh, sorry, Pa,” he said.

Ben cleared his throat, giving his youngest son a warning glance. “He’s awake,” he called over his shoulder. A little more gently, he added, “Welcome back.”

Joe blinked to clear his vision and struggled to sit up, but he was shivering so violently he wondered if he was having some sort of convulsion. Blankets were heaped on top of him, but even so, Ben took his own off and draped it over his son’s chest. It was all very confusing. Despite the fact that unbearable cold was still creeping in under all the blankets, they were no longer in the snow. Rather, they were inside a room that barely contained space for a shelf, a stove, and a broken chair, let alone for all of them. He was laying on the floor with his head on his father’s lap. An ancient rack of antlers hung crooked on a far wall. Adam was sitting on the broken chair, bracing himself against the wall in case it tipped over. 

“You didn’t get us lost after all,” Joe said lightly to Adam, while begrudging his brother his throbbing jaw.

“Miracles still happen,” Adam said with strained humor, and he leaned back, rubbing the shoulder where he’d been shot last summer. Joe hadn’t thought about the day of the shooting for a long time. Adam had lost so much blood, they all thought they were going to lose him. When Adam finally turned the corner toward recovery, Joe remembered thinking that he’d never begrudge his oldest brother anything again. How quickly he’d forgotten that promise… Joe realized how much he had been missing his brothers.

As if he knew how his little brother was feeling, Hoss ambled over and patted Joe on the shoulder, almost tentatively. Abruptly, Joe remembered how angry Hoss had been before and flinched, pulling back. But Hoss didn’t look angry any more; he just looked sorry, and he withdrew his hand. Joe wondered what had changed. He sat up, pushing away the scratchy grey blankets, before he realized he wasn’t wearing anything underneath them. His sodden clothing clung to the cold squat stove in the corner. Suddenly, Joe was very grateful for every moth bitten blanket his family had to offer.

“You all right?” Hoss asked gruffly. “You were coughing some in your sleep.”

“Some sleep!” Joe grumbled, thinking of why he’d been “asleep” in the first place, but then he softened. Looking back on the incident in the snow, Joe knew full well that his brothers had little choice but to knock him out. He hadn’t been thinking too clearly. He’d been so cold and tired, his mind had gotten addled with it, and he’d been so worried about Cochise… “How’s my horse?” Joe asked suddenly, remembering the sore hoof and swollen fetlock. “Is Cochise all right? Did you have to put her down?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. It was a stone bruise,” Adam said dryly. “I told you we weren’t far from the mining shack and that she would make it. The miners built a palace for their livestock compared to this shack for themselves. Cochise is now warmer and dryer than any of us, no thanks to your best efforts to kill us.”

Joe tried to hold it back but couldn’t help letting go with a relieved smile. “You’re looking mighty alive, Adam. Looks like I didn’t try hard enough to kill you.”

“Funny,” Adam shot back, but Joe couldn’t help notice that his brother did actually look amused. 

Arms crossed over his chest, Ben fixed his stare from son to son and shook his head.

“There’s not much about any of this I find funny,” he chided. He stared hard at Adam. “Son, I know your motives were good, but as far as knocking out your brother… let’s just say I’d prefer that you try a more moderate approach next time. And Hoss… watch your temper. I saw something out there I didn’t much like.”

“Yes sir,” Hoss said miserably, looking down at the ground. Joe felt sorry for him. Hoss hated when anyone was at odds with each other, and lately, there’d been nothing been nothing but anger, dragging them all down with it. 

“Yes, sir,” Joe echoed dutifully, looking around the room. “So this is your mining shack?” he said to Adam.

“It’s not exactly my shack.” Adam gestured expansively around the cramped room, and Joe noticed with distinct satisfaction that his oldest brother had painful looking knuckles on his right hand. At least that punch had cost him something… “It was built next to an old mine that played out a long time ago. It’s called Bottomless Grief or some such nonsense.”

“Not nonsense,” Joe said quietly, trying to move his own fingers. He spread them out against the dirt packed floor, remembering Grace and holding his hand against hers. At the time, he’d marveled over the perfect symmetry they made together. Bottomless Grief wasn’t anything to scoff at.

Ben went to the door, venturing to crack it open slightly. At once, they felt the rush of icy wind invade the already cold room. Ben couldn’t shut the door fast enough.

“I guess that means the storm’s not letting up any time soon,” he said, running his hand over his eyes.

“Hard to believe we were sweatin’ up a storm last week,” Hoss mused and slumped to the floor. 

“Hard to believe a lot of things,” Adam said, enigmatically, and Joe could agree with that. 

Joe really didn’t feel good, and while he didn’t want to give his brothers the satisfaction of hearing him say it out loud, he had to ask himself why he didn’t think of dressing more appropriately. He’d lived in the mountains his whole life and knew full well how quickly weather could change. Some of his fingers were tingling, while the others were numb. He tried wiggling them under the blanket and hoped that no one would notice.

“Too early to tell it you’ve suffered frostbite.” Adam apparently saw him test out his fingers, and in typical Adam fashion, put it to him straight. “You need to warm up before we know if there’s going to be any permanent damage.”

“That’s enough, Adam,” their father chided reproachfully, but Joe shook his head. For once, he didn’t mind his brother’s tendency to state things like they were. 

“It’s all right,” he said. “Adam’s right. I should have brought warmer clothing. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

And that probably the most truthful thing he had said in days. Joe didn’t know what he had been thinking for the a long time. He’d been so angry with his brothers, but more than that, he’d been angry with himself. He’d let her go. Accepted her insistence that it “was for the best.” He should never have let Grace leave Virginia City on that stage. They had talked of their love so often. He had no idea she would let it end just like that.

“Unless you want to move to Utah, I can’t marry all of you,” Grace told him, her eyes mischievous despite the fact she’d been crying. It was typical of their short time together. They spent much of their time laughing and the rest in each other’s arms.

He’d leaned closer and kissed her until she kissed him back. “You got it wrong, darling,” Joe had told her, still not believing she was really leaving. “They get to have more than one wife in Utah… wives don’t get to have three husbands.”

“Then they got it wrong,” she teased, before sobering quickly.

“You’ve got to choose,” he said, pressing in on her.

“I can’t! I can’t choose between you. That’s why I have to go.”

“That’s ridiculous!” he’d exploded, when she drew away from him. The stage was waiting. Her father, the roving preacher, was waiting. “You can’t love all of us…”

“But I do,” she said sadly and climbed in next to her father. Leaning out the window, she called to him, “I love you, but I love them too. You go and have a wonderful life, Little Joe Cartwright. Have adventures! And be nice to your brothers.”

And with that impossibly infuriating request, she was gone. A dust cloud rose in the stage’s wake, but Joe didn’t bother to get out of the way. He stood there in the middle of C Street, already feeling less than who he was meant to be. Diminished. His world was less of a world without her in it…

“Joe!” Hoss’ got his attention with a gruff pat on his leg. “Pa wants to know if you’re feelin’ your fingers yet.”

“Not yet,” Joe quietly replied. He wasn’t feeling much of anything.

“It’s important to know what you’re feeling,” Adam advised. “If you think it might be frostbite, we need to know. Any burning or tingling… Hoss, are you sure there’s no way to heat up that stove?”

“Not without no kindling,” Hoss said. “I reckon we could burn up that chair you’re sitting on but that’s about all I can think of.”

“Can I have my clothes back?” Joe asked, more pathetically than he intended and winced when his family chorused back an emphatic, “No!”

A bit more sympathetically, Ben explained, “You were soaked through by the time we got here. You would never have made it if we didn’t get you out of those clothes, son.”

“Because you didn’t bring your oil slicker,” Adam added. Even though he didn’t actually say, I told you so, he obviously wanted to, and Joe had to fight the urge to give his brother the nice little punch to the jaw he was due. On the other hand, he did have to admit that Adam had a point. He’d endangered all their lives by being so careless. 

“I’m sorry,” Joe said, and all of a sudden he really was sorry. 

They watched as Hoss easily snapped the chair in pieces to turn it into kindling. He and Adam hunkered in front of the stove, nursing the fire with little more than wood scraps and positive thinking. The smell of burning pine soon filled the room, and Joe’s eyes burned from the smoke. The chair wouldn’t provide an hour’s worth of a fire, but going outside for more kindling could very well be death in that blizzard. Joe couldn’t stop shivering. He couldn’t remember ever being so cold in his entire life.

His pa was painstakingly rubbing his boy’s frozen fingers between his own hands. “If we could just get a little heat in here,” Ben was saying to the other two, “it could make all the difference.”

“I’m all right, Pa,” Joe insisted, but as usual, they didn’t pay much attention to him.

“I can go out,” Adam said quietly to Hoss. “We’re fairly close to a stand of cedars. I noticed it when we came in. There were piles of downed branches. We might be able to find some dry enough on the bottom. It wouldn’t take more than a few minutes to gather enough kindling – “

“No,” Joe said. “I said I’ll be all right. We can wait on the fire until the storm’s over.”

“You’re still hurt,” Hoss said to Adam, ignoring Joe. “You stay with the fire. I’ll see to that kindling.”

“I don’t want either one of you going out in that storm,” Ben protested loudly and moved to block them, but his sons reached the door first.

“Pa, we’ve got to do something,” Adam said under his breath. Meaningfully, he added, “Joe’s cold.”

“Ain’t got much time,” Hoss said. 

“I’m all right,” Joe chimed in. “Look, why don’t you let me go get the wood?”

At that, they all started to laugh, and Joe remembered what he was actually wearing. “I’ve still got on my socks,” he said, grinning.

Adam tossed his own blanket over to Joe. “Warm up,” he said, wryly. “I’ll go get some wood. Relax, Pa. I won’t go far.”

He was out the door before any of them had anything to say about it, and the rush of freezing air that came in after them made them all shudder.

“I’m gonna go with him,” Hoss said. “Ain’t safe for one man to be out there alone. Pa, I think I got a fire started. Can you keep an eye on it till I get back? Why don’t you go and toss Short Shanks next to it?”

Hoss didn’t exactly smile at Joe, but it felt like it. Joe couldn’t explain it, but somehow the memory of Grace didn’t quite weigh him down like he did before. It had been a long time since Hoss had called him “Short Shanks,” and even though he’d never exactly appreciated the nickname, hearing it made him feel better all the same.

“Be careful, Hoss,” he said and smiled when his big brother winked at him.

Joe watched as Ben cared for the poor excuse for a fire, coddling it like he would for a hurt son. His pa looked weary to the bone. Joe had to ask himself how many times he had he pushed his pa away during the past weeks. How many times had all of them hurt their father? 

Adam and Hoss had been gone too long. The wind was wicked outside, violating every crack and gap in the makeshift little shack. If he was so miserable inside the room, it had to be all that much worse outside that door. Again, Joe berated himself for making their situation more desperate than it needed to be. He could fill a wagon with all the regrets he’d been heaping up for himself. It was time for honesty. It was the least he could offer his father.

“I knew Hoss loved her,” Joe confessed. Ben stopped prodding the fire and turned back to regard his son. Joe continued before he lost his nerve. “I knew he was in love with Grace, but I didn’t think she loved him back. She loved me. I figured it would be a passing thing for him. Pa, I never meant to hurt Hoss.”

“What about Adam?” Ben asked quietly. “Did you know that both your brothers loved her?”

“Not until it was too late,” Joe replied miserably. “But I knew Adam loved her too, Pa. I wanted her anyway.”

Ben sighed deeply. “Joseph, love isn’t about what you want. It’s about what you are willing to sacrifice.”

“I’d have sacrificed my life for her,” Joe said quickly.

“I wasn’t talking about the girl,” Ben said softly, and Joe stared at his father for a long time.

But then another wave of chills came over him, and he let his pa help him over to the fire. Once he was close enough to burn himself on the rusty iron feet of the stove, Joe could almost remember what it was like to feel warm again. But he had been cold from the inside out for a long time. He wasn’t sure if he knew the difference between hot and cold any more. He turned to his father.

Joe repeated, “She loved me, Pa.”

Ben crouched in front of his youngest son. “I’m sure she did. But has it ever occurred to you that Grace Thompson might have loved your brothers as well?”

Joe’s face was tingling and burning at the same time, as much from the heat of the fire as from the memory of her last words to him. “Yes sir, it’s occurred to me,” he admitted, “but I don’t know how it’s possible.”

“You don’t think it’s possible that the girl could love all three of you?”

“No sir.” Joe turned his young face to his father. “I really don’t. How could she have loved all of us? That’s not the way I understand love.”

“Then you have a lot to learn about love, son,” Ben said gently.

At that, the door swung open, and his older brothers stumbled into the shack, looking for all the world like befuddled snowmen bearing firewood. They brought the blizzard in with them, and Ben rushed over to them, brushing off snow and ice and helping them out of their snow crusted oil slickers. Hoss dropped a pile of kindling at his feet, as if it were an offering.

“Little brother,” Hoss said, bent over while trying to catch his breath, “don’t ever go saying we don’t do nothin’ for you. We just ‘bout killed ourselves cause your common sense is plumb puny.”

Adam crouched next to his father’s small fire and methodically began adding a small hoard of kindling he’d stashed under his oil slicker to keep it dry. “That’s right,” he said dryly. “We sacrificed life and limb to save your life and uh… limbs. Everything still intact under all those blankets?”

Joe was happy enough to see them that he didn’t duck in time as Hoss slugged him affectionately on the arm. 

“Took you long enough,” Joe quipped. “Don’t know what took you fellows so long.”

“A simple thank you would do,” Adam said, shaking his head like he couldn’t understand how Joe got away with it. But they all understood it just fine. 

They huddled around the small stove together, soaking up as much warmth as they could. For the first time in a long time, Joe looked at his brothers and realized that he might not always feel cold inside. He hadn’t forgotten about Grace, but he was starting to understand what his pa had told him. Sometimes, the only thing to do about love was to let it go.

**********

They didn’t talk about Grace that night. They just got through it.

The fire kept them alive, but so did the fact that there were four of them, and they slept close enough to each other that upon waking, none could exactly tell where one left off and the others began. That was the first miracle. 

The second took place when Hoss yawned and stretched, almost hitting Joe in the face, Joe rolled over, and Adam griped, “Would the two of you be more careful? Joe, you’ve got your knee in my eye.”

Not really awake, Joe mumbled, “Then close your eye and go back to sleep, like any normal human being…”

“Don’t know what you’re complainin’ about,” Hoss said, already worrying over the dwindling fire. He prodded the embers, and right away, they flared up again. “Little Joe slept with his head on my shoulder all night. Can’t feel nothin’ from my neck down to my wrist. I’d rather have his knee in my eye any day.”

“Will someone please see if my clothes are dry?” Joe pleaded. “All I want is to put a blanket over my head, so I don’t have to listen to the two of you anymore…”

Adam and Hoss exchanged a familiar look, and even though he’d just woken up as well, Ben recognized it. With an amused smile, their father knew well enough to get out of the way. Lightning fast, they descended, each snatching a handful of blankets off their kid brother.

“Hey!” Joe sputtered, suddenly wide awake and on his feet, trying to grab his blankets back. But they were all laughing, and Ben settled back to watch them. It was the kind of miracle he didn’t take lightly. 

After they settled down and Joe recovered his clothes and what was left of his dignity, Ben watched as light glowed between the planks, coming from outside. Hugging his own coat around him against the cold, Ben cracked open the door, pushing hard to jar it open. He had to smile. It was a beautiful winter morning. The whole world lay snowbound. The wind had blown it into drifts as high as his chest in some places. From the barn, Ben could hear the horses whinnying for attention. There wasn’t a cloud in the blue sky, and the trees around them were shaggy with glittering snow. It was like the morning was ordering them to start over again.

Ben glanced over his shoulder. Hoss was helping Joe tug his boots on. Obviously, his youngest son’s hands were still numb from almost freezing to death, because he was also allowing Adam to button his shirt, something he would never have permitted had he any other choice. Ben felt warmth for his sons flood over him. Suddenly, Joe’s words from the previous evening came back to him. 

How could she have loved all of us?

Right there and then, Ben understood why Grace had no choice but to hurt his sons. She’d done the right thing, given the impossible predicament she’d found herself in. Although he couldn’t condone it, Ben could understand how the girl had fallen in love with all three of his sons. She’d caused a great deal of damage, but she couldn’t choose. Ben could understand that. Each of his sons was a good man in his own right, but together, they were something else entirely. Having known them, how could she have kept from loving each of them?

Ben chuckled as Hoss plopped Joe’s hat on his head so hard that the boy’s eyes disappeared. Joe made a wild swing for Hoss, but hit Adam pretty hard in the chin, instead. Hoss howled with laughter, and even Adam laughed, as Joe worked to tug the hat off his head. 

And Ben forgave Grace Becker Thompson. They weren’t exactly healed, but his sons were laughing, and Ben felt like he could breathe deeply again. They might just live through the day. No, Ben couldn’t blame the girl. 

He knew just how grace felt.

The End