Summary: Exploring — what makes you who you are? The first sentence was the May 1, 2016 Pinecone prompt. The original submission has been expanded so the story would meet the minimum word requirements for the Library.
Rating: K (650 words)
What We Didn’t Choose
“I always believed it was the things you don’t choose that makes you who you are.”
Years ago I lost the loves of my life. How different would life be, had Marie lived? Had Inger? Had Elizabeth?
Maybe I wouldn’t be as successful as I am. Yes, we’re prosperous in our holdings, but more importantly, my legacy is in my sons. If it could have been different and Elizabeth was still here. . . there wouldn’t be a Hoss or even a Little Joe, but Adam would hopefully have had other siblings.
Is it even worth thinking about what could have been? No, but I can’t help myself.
Would Elizabeth’s survival have been what it took for Adam to be more settled and content to remain on The Ponderosa? It was our dream, Elizabeth’s and mine, to head west. I know Adam would have still spent the formative years of his life traveling in a wagon to find our piece of heaven. And with him being such an inquisitive child, I’m sure he would have gone to college.
Was our choosing to make our dream a reality what made Adam eventually choose to leave the ranch to travel and explore the world, to seek out new frontiers and people? I knew the Ponderosa couldn’t satisfy him and he’d been unhappy for the longest time. We wished him well, but always kept a light lit for his return. In all his journeys I’m sure he holds his family deep in his heart.
Inger was a breath of fresh air and her gentle ways gave me hope to love again. She’d been settled in Illinois, but with our marriage, she shared and joined in our dream. And she lovingly took on the role of mother to Adam, a feeling that was mutually reciprocated.
So, what of Hoss? Even though he never really knew his mother, I don’t think he’d be any different. He’d still be the gentle, loving, compassionate, big man with a knack for helping those who needed it the most. And always the buffer between his two brothers when they’d butt heads, and tempers.
His life was family and the land. And all the critters that called the Ponderosa home. He’d fight for what he believed in. Would anger against an injustice. And just as swiftly smile that gap-toothed smile and we’d know everything was alright once again.
And then there’s Little Joe. Marie was with us the longest, but still taken from us in a tragic accident. My youngest son didn’t choose be raised by his brothers and me. I remember him just out of his toddler years, rebelling against the dresses his mother enjoyed sewing for him to wear. He also screamed bloody murder when I insisted on his hair being cut. That should have set the tone for his teen years and more. From such an early age he was a scrapper, wanting to be the same as his brothers, working the ranch side by side. Fighting against being the youngest in the family and feeling he was not taken seriously had some bearing on his trying to grow up before his time.
With Adam’s departure, Joe stepped up to the plate, so to speak. Most people would have expected Hoss to take the lead, but he deliberately stepped back. I sensed he knew Joe was meant for the role. Though I never expected any of my sons to be a duplicate of another, Joe filled Adam’s shoes admirably, in his own unique style. He matured, yet he was still Joe; his cackle sounding through the house and across the land. He’s not ‘Little’ Joe any more, hasn’t been for some time.
But now . . . The heartache we’re suffering is tearing us apart. We weren’t given a chance to say goodbye, not until it was too late. We didn’t choose this.
Standing at Hoss’ grave, I know who we were, but I have to wonder who will we be tomorrow?
~The End
For those who wonder about Jamie, sorry, I just couldn’t bring myself to include him in this story.
I chose not to list the series as part of the summary because I didn’t want to give away the ending of the story. I hope you’ll forgive me.
Author’s Note: And I’ve Got Mine…was the first story written, followed by Momma Liked the Roses, and What We Didn’t Choose, and lastly, Always in what has become known as my Remembering Hoss Series. The Series is listed in chronological order.
Remembering Hoss Series:
Always
And I’ve Got Mine… (Until the Pain’s a Cloud of Dust)
What We Didn’t Choose
Momma Liked the Roses
Tags: Ben Cartwright, Grief
What a great story! It’s interesting to think about how people and events molded us into who we are today.
Very touching!!! I can not include Jamie in my feelings… But I will include Hoss forever!!! Being a Joegirl, I can feel all his sadness!!!
*sigh* I couldn’t help myself….
It’s always hard to ask what might have been, because that doesn’t really exist. All you’ve got is what you have … and as Ben ponders here, that’s what you have to learn to live with — not what you wish had happened, or what you were yesterday.
Very poignant … not a tearjerker so much as a point to ponder. Thanks so much for writing!
PSW, I think at one time or another we all might ask ‘what might have been’, especially as we grow older. I just hope everyone can be content with their ‘today’. Thank you for reading and leaving a thought-provoking comment.
I saw this on the post about stories that make you cry and you didn’t disappoint. For a short piece, this packed a powerful punch. I think you have shares in Kleenex!
Q, I hadn’t thought of putting the the stories together as part of a series, but once I realized the common thread… Yep, I like to leave ’em bawling. And this morning I realized there was actually a fourth story to a series.
Thank you for taking the time to read and to leave a comment.
Found my password! 🙂
I think you brilliantly captured the essence of those who had departed from Ben’s life. They’re still there, influencing those left behind, but it’s interesting to speculate on what might have been if things had happened differently. They say things happen for a reason, and perhaps that’s true here.
I love the way you described Hoss! His view of the world could sometimes be construed as child-like, but many times that allowed him interpret the heart of a person more clearly than those who tended to be hard-driven and cynical. He was so like Inger in that respect. It also helped him find those hidden joys in life that others miss. When he smiled his ‘gap-toothed smile’, I often find myself smiling along with him. 🙂
Thanks for a lovely read.
Cristy, Congrats on finding your password!!! And thank you for your kind comments on my story.
Our experiences shape us, make us who we are – good or bad. Who would have expected Joe to turn out like he has – gray hair and all. He’s still the same but more mature, more responsible. I hate to say it but Hoss dying helped shape them even more – whether for good or bad – its just another growing process. How we deal with it is our responsibility.
Ruth, you are correct. Good, bad, or indifferent, our life experiences help shape the person we become; and the process never ends, at least until we’re called Home. Thank you for reading and taking a moment to leave a comment.
Heart-wrenching read. Among the most cruel of life’s inequities is why some must endure an inordinate number of premature deaths of their loved ones. Poor, dear Ben. I think these are exactly the thoughts he would be having at this time.
Julie, Thank you for reading and commenting. It was a difficult period in their lives, and yet they somehow found a way to live.
A lovely little piece of introspection. Just the sort of reflection a man might make at such a sad turn of events. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Belle, thank you for reading and commenting. Looking back, I guess I wrote this for everyone who has been there and asked the same question about tomorrow.
Very moving story . It reminded me so much of the Garth Brooks song The Dance. If any choices or fate had been different you would have missed this amazing life and the people in it
JDDucker, yes, The Dance says it all, and it didn’t even come to mind when I was writing this story. My muse was humming Kenny Chesney’s Who You’d Be Today the whole time; which inspired the last line.
Thank you for taking a moment to read and leave a comment.
Such deep thoughts for a short reflective story. Don’t we all wonder from time to time about the path not taken or the detour we are forced to take? A lot to ponder along with Ben on this new path he is on.
AC, Yes, how different life would be if not for fate or chance or another’s decision. Thank you for reading and taking a moment to comment.