Summary:  Part 4 of the Each Day Series.  Laura and Will Cartwright visit the Ponderosa.
Rating:  T  (Words:  39,305)

Each Day Series:

Life Begins Anew
Delivered
No Boundaries
The Meeting

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The Brandsters have included this story by this author in our project: Preserving Their Legacy. To preserve the legacy of the author, we have decided to give their work a home in the Bonanza Brand Fanfiction Library.  The author will always be the owner of this work of fanfiction, and should they wish us to remove their story, we will.

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ONE

A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen. ~ Edward de Bono

Ben looked at the letter he held in his hand. He’d been communicating fairly regularly with his nephew Will Cartwright who was living outside of San Francisco with his wife and daughter. Family was the center of Cartwright life as far as Ben was concerned. No matter the circumstances, the thread woven into their lives was important no matter how far away it stretched. It was from this thread the tapestry of family was woven.

He sat back in his chair filling his lungs with life. He was glad Will kept in touch with him. Joe and Hoss did so sporadically, although Adam had only written one letter he was aware of.

Will was a Cartwright by blood and had been embraced as such when he arrived at the Ponderosa. He’d a history of wandering and following his need for adventure. When he arrived at the Ponderosa, Ben genuinely worked hard to make him feel part of the family as did his three sons. Will was his own man and it became clear, to Joe at least, that the transition was not an easy one for Will. Will accepted his place within the family but the blood the coursed through his veins pulled him in a different direction from his cousins and uncle.

The comfort of the chair redirected Ben’s thoughts to his son. Adam had been hurt in more than one way. He had been engaged to Laura, saw her daughter Peggy as his daughter, and worked toward what had been a dream. The dream was shattered as if a mirror falling to the floor. He’d fallen from a ladder while building a home for Laura as a wedding gift which almost rendered him paralyzed. Adam was then confronted with the knowledge that Laura and Will were in love crushing his vision of wife and family. He tried to accept it and move on, but it was evident that Adam was engulfed with both physical and emotional pain – perhaps the emotional pain being the hardest for him to recover from. Adam was faced with two choices as Ben recalled … heal from his physical injuries getting on with his life or, work to mend a heart that was in turmoil. It was a difficult time for all of them

Will and Laura had married quietly and moved with Peggy to San Francisco. Will took a job with an import and export firm and it appeared he was doing well. When they were settled, a letter arrived for Ben informing him where he was and what he was doing. Ben had shared it with all of his sons. It was then the communication began.

Today was different. Ben rose from his chair and opened the door. He watched as Joe and Hoss played with Shelley and Hop Sing rocked Jared jabbering to him in Chinese. A smile grew on his face. Adam had taken Claire into Virginia City for a meeting with the Comstock Arts Society and left their offspring with family to be watched over.

Whatever had been the abyss Adam resided in after Will and Laura left Nevada had been filled. It took time, but the result Ben was now viewing through eyes that could hear and feel – the sight of his grandchildren and a thougts of his daughter that he loved tremendously. Adam’s life had moved on and Ben knew his eldest son was more fulfilled than could ever have been imagined. He closed the door and wondered if Adam had told Claire of his engagement to Laura and the circumstances. Ben realized it was none of his business but the need for the meeting to be a comfortable one for all crossed his mind. He just let the thought go and reread the letter.

Dear Ben,

I trust this letter will find all doing well. We’ve been writing as time has allowed but I want to say, that at least for now, you won’t have to write. Business here is better than expected. I’ll be traveling to Denver due to expansion and this will bring me through Nevada.

Our plan is to stop in Virginia City on the way which will allow a little time to visit with all of you. Laura deserves time away and she’ll be traveling with me. We both look forward to seeing all of you.

Your nephew,

Will

The letter was short and to the point. Ben sighed and vowed to remain positive. After all, wasn’t everyone happy?

TWO

Adam and Claire wanted the afternoon to pass slowly because they were enjoying their time together. Life had changed quickly for them over the last year. Although they would only have a few hours, they enjoyed their leisurely ride into Virginia City. It was special because they were able to be alone. Without speaking a word to the other about it, each wondered what was taking place back at the Ponderosa.

The excursion into Virginia City had to do partly with Claire keeping an appointment with the Comstock Arts Society. Adam had been encouraging her for some time to participate and turned a deaf ear to her numerous reasons for not doing it. Her gift was one she needed to share and he wasn’t going to allow it to become just a tune of the past.

Pulling to a stop in front of the Opera House, Adam assisted Claire down and gently kissed her. Unbeknownst to either of them, this was the beginning of what would become many meetings with the Comstock Arts Society for Claire. She was about to embellish the name of Cartwright with her talents while parts of her inner soul would be filled. She thanked Adam.

While Claire was busy, Adam moved along the main street of Virginia City with a spring in his step. He tipped his hat to the women he passed and held frequent but brief discussions with acquaintances. Life couldn’t be better for him and he knew it.

His ranch had grown with his hard work and forward thinking. More than one plan had been implemented and they were coming together as if pieces of a puzzle being interlocked. Yes, life was better than good. He’d taken some well calculated risks and they’d paid off. Ben and his brothers were amazed with what he’d created – but more importantly he appreciated the support from Claire. It was time for him to hire additional hands and that was what he set about doing.

The last item of the day was on a personal matter. He knocked softly on the door. Within moments a shy and petit woman appeared.

Although he’d not discussed it with Claire, he realized the amount of work she had on her hands with the house and the children. Claire never complained but Adam was determined to make her life easier. Perhaps this was an option. He’d explore the possibility and then speak to Claire. “How could she decline assistance?” he thought.

Knowing Adam was looking for household help, Hop Sing’s words resonated in his mind. “Mista Adam. You build big house. Not easy for Missy Claire to take care of with children. I have cousin and wife new to Virginia City. They make life easy for all. I guarantee. You think. OK? OK!”

* * * * * * * *

Joe with Jared in tow and Hoss with Shelley wanting to remain outside were brought into the house. Hop Sing had prepared a snack and the children needed to be washed.

“Joe, I’ll take get of Little Miss Sunshine while you take care of Jared,” Hoss laughed. He realized he’d the better end of the deal. Besides he’d not mastered the changing of diapers as adeptly as other members of the family.

Joe just grimaced. “No problem brother. I can handle Jared. Unlike you that – includes diapering. Hah!”

Ben smiled at the exchange and laughed at the sound of Shelley giving Hoss a lesson on the use of water.

Joe had become masterful at the changing of diapers and did so with artful skills. He then washed the face that resembled more of his older brother each day. Dry and clean, Jared smiled at his Uncle Joe and made his way to crawl away from the scene.

The children were the pride of all the Cartwrights. Spoiled? Perhaps a bit but they didn’t care. Whatever problems they may have created, they’d let Claire and Adam straighten them out. After all, wasn’t this the purpose of a grandfather and uncles?

Ben joined them for the afternoon snack. He carefully fed Jared mashed fruit while Shelley feasted on milk and cookies.

“I’ve some news for you two,” Ben said. “I got a letter from Will today.”

“Another letter? What’s he say?” quizzed Hoss.

As Ben placed another spoonful of fruit into Jared’s mouth and then wiped it carefully continued. “It appears we’ll be having a visit from Will and Laura. Will’s on his way to Denver for business and will be stopping by to say hello.”

Joe’s eyes spoke although his mouth didn’t move. It had been a little over three years since they’d seen Will although they’d heard from him via mail.

Ben could read the reaction from Joe but ignored it.

“When will they git here?” asked Hoss.

“The letter didn’t say but I suppose we’ll know soon enough. I’m sure when the details are worked out that’s when we’ll know.”

Hoss folded his hands and sighed before he spoke. “It’ll be good to see Will … umm … to see the Will and Laura. Been a while.”

Ben felt he knew what they were thinking but had come to terms with the visit in the short while since the letter arrived. He felt more confident it would be a meaningful family time. He would be certain of that. After all, his sons were mature men and their lives had continued. What was past should remain in the past as far as he was concerned.

“It’ll be plum good to see all of them again,” interjected Hoss. “Wonder how they’ve changed, especially Peggy.”

“Wonder how Adam will take the news,” added Joe rather sarcastically.

“I don’t see Adam taking the news as you put it Joe. Your brother has a life he cherishes and I don’t want anything of the past to be a part of this reunion. We’re family … all of us. We’ve all moved on,” added Ben.

“Pa, I was just thinking of the circumstances at the time,” Joe added.

“That’s just it. Circumstances at the time, Joe. This is a different time and we have much to be thankful for. None of us more so than Adam.”

“I guess you’re right pa. It’s just that the way things happened and then Laura and Will leaving to get married was a blow to Adam. You’d have to agree with that.”

“Joe, I think what pa is saying is that we’re all different people now. Ain’t no way their visit should make a difference. We outta be happy for all that’s come out of it,” Hoss said as he looked at Shelley and Jared.

“Yeah. You’re both right. It was a hard time for Adam and all of us if you remember. Just wonder what affect this will have on Adam.”

Ben finished feeding Jared and put him on the floor to crawl and explore. “Your brother is a mature man and will handle this if indeed it needs to be handled. He’s moved on with his life. We need to put the past where it belongs and be happy for the lives each of us now has – and that includes Will and Laura.”

“Pa’s right Joe. I guess we don’t need to be askin’ fer trouble if’n there ain’t any. Least wise, we should welcome them and be happy they’s gonna be here,” was the wisdom Hoss imparted.

“I know,” Joe replied. “I care about Adam and Claire. I guess this will be an interesting time for all of us. Uncomfortable maybe – but an interesting time. Just wonder what older brother will think when he hears the news.”

“I’m sure he’ll take it in stride,” Ben said as he followed Jared across the dining room floor.

Both Hoss and Joe looked at each other. They wanted to be as optimistic as their father, but they remembered the circumstances all too clearly.

Quietly Hoss spoke, “We ain’t got nothing to worry about. We jes need to look forward to seeing our cousin and his wife after all this time.”

“That’s the spirit Hoss,” shouted Ben who was on his knees following Jared.

“I suppose your both right and I’ll try. I just wonder how much of this Adam’s told Claire and if Laura will feel comfortable.” He paused for a moment. “I guess this visit was a hard decision for Will and Laura. Guess bygones are bygones.”

Hoss looked across the table at Joe. “Yeah Joe. I hope you remember that.”

Joe just looked back at Hoss and said, “I’ll remember but I wonder what Adam will remember.”

THREE

The afternoon shadows began to cast their long arms reaching toward evening when Adam and Claire arrived at the Ponderosa. Joe was in the barn when he heard the carriage. He stopped grooming Cochise and walked out.

“Well it’s time you two got back,” Joe chided.

Claire smiled and teased, “Adam and I had some things to take care of that took longer than expected. Is there a problem?”

Joe faced the two of them with his hands on his hips. “A problem? Not hardly, unless you call me being worn out a problem.”

“That’s the reward of being an uncle,” Adam added as he turned to head toward the house.

Joe followed them and blurted out, “Don’t wake Jared. It was all I could do to get him to take a nap.”

“We’ll have to wake him if he’s sleeping Joe otherwise he won’t sleep tonight,” Claire added.

“I suppose you’re right.” Joe rolled his eyes thinking at least he’d not have to keep Jared from getting into everything reachable or changing any more diapers.

“Hi pa,” Adam said as he entered the great room.

“Hi son,” Ben greeted as he got up from his chair. “Good day?”

“I’d say so. Where are the Shelley and Jared?”

“Yes, where are they?” asked Claire as she entered and took a seat. “I hope they weren’t too much trouble.”

Laughing slightly Ben added, “They weren’t any trouble at all. Did they keep us busy? Well yes. But being trouble, not in the least.”

“I wouldn’t exactly say that,” added Joe as he joined the trio.

The looks at Joe were puzzled.

“Well what I mean is they weren’t any trouble. We just need to have them here more so we can … ah … ah … get used to how to do things and know what they need,” he swallowed hard. Instead of remaining quiet at this point, Joe continued.

“Í’m not sure how you manage with the two of them Claire. They can be a handful.”

Immediately Adam glanced from his father, to Claire and then to Joe.

“Can’t make up your mind Joe? I guess they got the best of you since you seem to be indecisive as to whether they were a handful or easy to care for,” Adam laughed.

Joe realized he made conflicting statements and just ran his hand through his hair. Claire laughed and it became infectious. Joe took it all in stride and had to laugh as well. What he hadn’t noticed was that his shirt was askew and he had a pinwheel sticking out of the back of his belt.

“I just need more practice. Besides, Shelley is much easier to take care of and Hoss took charge of her.”

“Joe, I think you have a very good manner with Jared and he really seems to know you. I have to give you credit for taking on Jared. He can be a handful and I appreciate it,” Claire added.

“Now if you want to know who seems to great at taking care of Jared and Shelley, it’s pa! You should have seen him crawling around after Jared. He was just great and I think he can teach both me and Hoss a lot.”

“Thanks for the comments Joe, but remember I’ve had experience even if it’s been some years ago. Some things you never forget,” was Ben’s comment.

“Speaking of forgetting, where’s Hoss?” Claire wondered.

“Oh, he’s outside with Hop Sing. The two of them decided to show Hop Sing’s vegetable garden to the little ones.”

“Glad to hear it Ben,” added Claire. I thought they might be sleeping.

The sound of laughter could be heard in the distance. Claire got up and headed toward the door leading outside. “Guess I should rescue the two of them. We need to be heading home.”

As Claire walked away Joe decided to follow and added yet again, “Now that you mention it, I think there was one or two times today me and Hoss could have used some rescuing,” laughed Joe.

Claire smiled as Joe put his hand on her shoulder.

“Oh, did I mention your needing rescuing?” teased Claire. They left for the outdoors.

“Don’t mind Joe’s comments Adam. It was a pleasure having them and I hope we can care for them more often.”

“Thanks pa. Think I’ll give Claire a hand.”

“Adam before you do, I’d like to talk to you for a minute.”

Adam understood the tone of his father’s voice. Whether it was the sound, the cadence of the words, or the inflection pattern, he’d mastered the ability to know his father. “What is it pa!”

“Nothing really. I received a letter from Will today.”

“Oh. How are they?”

Ben noticed Adam’s question was about more than Will.

“It seems he’s doing well and his business is growing,” Ben added as he handed Adam the letter.

Adam read it and said, “It’ll be good to see them – a chance to catch up on things and spend time together. It’s been too long.”

Ben felt a sense of relief hearing Adam’s words. His son moved on and his life was evolving in the present, evolving this very afternoon, and focused on the future. The past, at least what he sensed from Adam’s words, was just that – the past.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“Did you think otherwise pa?”

“Adam I wasn’t sure what to think at first. I … I … didn’t know how you’d feel about it.”

Adam folded his arms and gave his father a crooked smile. “My life is now. It couldn’t be better. I have no malice toward Will or Laura. They way things have turned out seem to be better than any of us could have expected – for all of us.”

“For Claire as well?”

“What are you asking pa?”

“I think you know.”

Adam looked directly into his father’s eyes. He did know. He’d take care of it. He’d have to. His Claire would understand. He wasn’t worried.

“The letter doesn’t say when they’ll arrive.”

“You know your cousin Will. I’m sure we’ll get another letter or a wire.”

“Of course. Now I better see if I can help Claire.” Adam gave his father a look of assurance and headed toward the sounds coming from outside.

Ben turned and watched Adam leave the room. A split second later he heard Shelley’s voice yelling, “Papa! Papa!”

* * * * * * * * * *

It was apparent the children were tired. Midway through dinner Shelley was yawning and Jared crawled his way away from the table with Adam’s help and stopped to lie in the middle of the parlor.

“Whoa! Jared that’s not where you’re supposed to sleep.” Adam picked him up and told Claire he’d get Jared settled for bed if she wanted to do the same for Shelley. His offer was appreciated.

The early evening passed fairly quickly. Claire returned downstairs to clean the kitchen. Thankfully the children were sleeping for what she hoped was the night. She was tired.

Adam heard her sigh as he came to join her. Why don’t I give you a hand?

She looked at him. “I never turn down a good offer.”

Together the work was done in no time. Claire liked a neat kitchen. Adam put his arm around her and ushered her into their great room and turned down the lamps for the night. Never taking his arm from her, they climbed the stairs, checked the children and entered their bedroom.

Sitting on the side of the bed and beginning to remove her clothing, Adam realized it was time for a conversation.

“I was thinking about getting some help for you. This house is too large for you to take care of by yourself along with the children.”

The tiredness Claire felt was swept away by Adam’s words. She looked at him as he nonchalantly removed his shirt. His demeanor surrounding the words he’d just spoken was as if he were discussing the weather.

“Well you’re certainly full of surprises,” Claire added as she put her nightgown on.

“Not a surprise sweetheart. I just feel things can be made easier for you.”

“I’ve not complained Adam and its not as if I don’t appreciate your caring ….”

Before Claire could continue Adam interrupted. “Sweetheart, I may see this as a small gesture but its something I think would be for the best.”

Claire started to brush her hair but could see Adam’s reflection in the mirror. “Knowing you I suppose you’ve already thought this out.”

“You could say that.”

“And you’ve identified the person?”

“Persons,” Adam added as he got into bed.

Claire stopped brushing her hair and said, “Persons?”

Adam turned down the lamp and stretched out his hand toward her. She accepted it, slid next to him and he placed covers over her.

Nestled together in their usual manner Claire asked, “Adam can we talk about this in the morning? I’m really tired and want to be clear headed to discuss this with you.”

They kissed good night with a passion that still burned for the both of them. Claire rested her head on Adam’s chest and told him of her love for him.

Kissing her hair he said, “Tomorrow will be soon enough. There’s something else we need to talk about as well. Good night sweetheart. I love you more than you know.”

“Umm humm,” murmured Claire. Her eyes closed and Adam’s thoughts turned not to hiring help for her, but how he’d share with her his past relationship with Laura. He felt there was nothing to worry about as far as he was concerned, but he’d not shared his engagement to Laura with Claire.

He would tell her in the morning. Closing his eyes, he could smell the sweet scent of her hair.

FOUR

It wasn’t quite dawn when Will Cartwright rose to begin the day. He’d always been an early riser but today he had more of a reason to get the day started. He dressed quickly trying not to disturb Laura. Before leaving their bedroom, he gazed at her sleeping form with strands of blonde hair partially covering her face. As he opened the door of their bedroom, he heard her voice.

“Will? You aren’t leaving already are you?”

“Not just yet. I thought I’d put some coffee on and gather the papers for the shipment that’s coming in today.”

Tossing the covers back she commented, “I can do that and make breakfast while you get your things together.”

Will looked at her thinking it was too early but acquiesced to the suggestion. He nodded in approval. The time alone would allow them to finalize plans for their trip.

Laura peeked in on Peggy who was still sleeping soundly. Quietly she closed Peggy’s door and headed for the kitchen. In no time Will could smell the aroma of freshly made coffee. Laura glanced out the window for a moment. The view was very different from Nevada. She remembered the early Nevada mornings as the sun broke through driving the night away. It was the same here, but this morning seemed different.

Footsteps heading toward the kitchen announced Will’s approach. She quickly poured him a cup of coffee and returned to the bacon and eggs. “Did you get everything done?” she asked.

“Yes. As a matter of fact I’m sure by mid-day everything will be completed. We’ll leave at the end of the week.”

“That soon?” asked Laura.

Chuckling Will continued, “Yes. What’s the matter Laura? Not soon enough for you?”

He noticed the look in her eyes as she covered her lips with her fingers. “Oh, that’s fine. I just have a lot to get ready … making sure the house is looked after, getting the clothing together, arranging for Aunt Lil to look after Peggy …”

“Aunt Lil?” Will interrupted. “This is supposed to be a family trip with some business thrown in. My plan was that we’d all be going. Besides, I’m sure Ben and the boys would love to see how Peggy has grown.”

“I understand what you’re saying Will but Peggy does have to finish out the school year.”

“Laura, we’re leaving a little more than a week before school closes for the summer. Surely her teacher will understand. You can take care of that.”

“But she has friends here and Aunt Lil has plans for her.”

“Laura, Peggy’s looking forward to the trip. Let’s not disappoint her.”

“It wouldn’t be a disappointment Will. She’ll understand that this is really not a pleasure trip for the most part. The travel will be long and ….”

“ …. and she’ll be able to see the country through older eyes now, spend time with family and visit some interesting places when we get to Denver. She’ll have an experience her friends will be jealous with envy about when she returns.”

“I really don’t know.”

Will knew something was bothering Laura. He finished his breakfast while Laura moved food around her plate. Putting his fork down, he looked at her.

“OK Laura. What is it? What’s really on your mind?”

She couldn’t keep it in. “Will I’m glad to be able to take this trip with you. It’s been quite a while since we left Nevada. I’m not sure what kind of reception we’re going to get … what people might think.”

He took her hand in his. “I know we had some difficulties in getting the marriage on the right footing in the beginning but that’s in the past isn’t it?”

Laura was quiet. Will’s eyes searched her face for an answer.

“Isn’t it Laura?”

“Yes of course it is. I guess I’m just a little insecure. I remember the last time we saw the Cartwrights and the circumstances surrounding our leaving Nevada.”

“We all have to grow up sometime Laura. We can’t let the past control what we have today. Besides, Ben and the boys have been in contact with us and there’s no reason to believe the past isn’t just that – the past. Besides, whatever happened involving Adam was resolved a long time ago. His letter made that clear.”

“Of course you’re right. I guess I’m just a bit nervous seeing all of them.”

“Look Laura, there’s nothing to be nervous about. As for Peggy, she needs to go with us. She’s a Cartwright. Now I need to get going. I’ll wire Ben we’ll be arriving on Sunday.” He quickly kissed her goodbye and was gone.

Laura sat back in her chair and thought long and hard. How would she find things in Nevada? How much had things changed? She and Will were certainly in love and their life was flourishing. His partnership in the import and export business had grown beyond expectations. She had to admit the truth to herself even if she couldn’t admit it to Will. She was still feeling guilty about the way her marriage to Will came about. She remembered the hurt on Adam’s face but he’d told her he understood. Did he really understand or was he just being the Adam she knew?

Aunt Lil had told her she wasn’t a childany longer but the mother of a child. She’d reminded Laura that what happened between her, Will and Adam was merely a circumstance that none of them could have imagined. Honesty won that battle and life had to go on.

Laura knew her aunt was right but the effect on Peggy had initially taken its toll. They’d departed Nevada without seeing Adam or the Cartwright’s which left Peggy confused. She was hurt and in her young mind thought Adam was angry with her because her mother married Will. If he wasn’t angry with her she was sure he’d not have let her leave without explaining things to her and saying goodbye.

Did she make a mistake she wondered? Perhaps she did handle things poorly. The rocky start of her marriage to Will involved Peggy. She sulked and stayed to herself. No matter how Will or Laura tried to explain things to her, she remained cold to her mother and unaccepting of Will as her step-father. Laura remembered how difficult it had been and Will assured her it would work out in time.

Aunt Lil noticed the difficulty of the adjustment. Being the person she was, Lil decided to get involved for everyone’s sake. She wrote Adam a letter explaining the situation and asking for his help. He cared a great deal about Peggy and she thought he could make a difference.

A short time after Lil’s request she received a letter from Adam. During a visit with her Aunt Lil one afternoon, Peggy was read Adam’s letter. She was happier now because what Adam wrote made a difference.

Laura was later told by her aunt what she’d done. Although thankful life had turned around for all of them, Laura was angry with her aunt’s interference. Peggy had grown close to Will and him to her. What would this trip dredge up?

“Good morning mommy,” Peggy said.

“Good morning sweetheart. I’ll have your breakfast ready in just a moment. Your father had to leave to take care of some business and we’ve got a busy day.”

“I hope he’s going to get the tickets for the trip!”

“Peggy, that’s something we have to talk about.”

“Talk about? Mommy, daddy said we’d be leaving soon.”

“I know dear, but I’m thinking about your missing school and … well when you father gets back we’ll work out what’s the right thing to do. Now you finish your breakfast so you can get ready for school.”

Peggy looked at her mother. “The right thing to do is for all of us to take the trip together. We’re a family!”

Laura turned and faced her daughter. She nervously half smiled.

* * * * * * * * * *

Claire heard the sound of Jared. She put her robe on and walked across the hall to his room. He was wide awake and kicking his heels in the air. He was a happy baby and when she spoke he turned toward her. In no time she’d managed to wash and dress him, peek in on Shelley and head down the stairs to the kitchen. She loved their home but it was a lot for her.

Jared half ate his breakfast and was now just sitting making sounds. Claire smiled. She started coffee and breakfast for the other two special people in her life.

“Well I see you’ve mastered getting up at the crack of dawn,” Adam said as he strode over and kissed Claire.

“Well when Jared calls, I don’t have a choice.”

Adam poured himself a cup of coffee and sat next to his son. The conversation was one of the educated father trying to determine the meaning of his son’s babblings. They were very much alike. Somehow Adam communicated with Jared in a way that made Claire laugh. Did they understand each other she wondered? Of course they did.

Breakfast was over and Claire went to check on Shelley. She returned to find Adam in his den with Jared on his lap. He was going over some papers when she walked in.

“I take it Shelley’s still sleeping.”

“Yes she is. I guess her day at the Ponderosa wore her out.”

“I suspect my brothers probably did just that.”

Adam turned his chair toward Claire as she sat across from his desk. “Claire I want to get help for you. Now before you say anything you need to hear what I have to say.”

Her blue eyes focused on him as she sipped her coffee. Jared banged the desk with his hands and tried to reach for everything he saw.

“This house is a lot for you to maintain with two children and me.”

She smiled when Adam used the word ‘me’.

“I’ve thought about this and believe I have the solution.”

Adam was surprised Claire remained silent and continued to drink her coffee. Her eyes twinkled as the morning light embraced them.

“Now I’ve spoken with Hop Sing about his cousin and wife working for us. I’ve met them and if you approve they could start immediately.”

Jared managed to wriggle his way out of his father’s lap. Claire put her coffee cup down as Jared crawled over to her. She picked him up and he tried to restyle her hair.

Adam was waiting for Claire to say something. “Well?”

“Well what Adam? It appears that you’ve got this all worked out.”

Adam put the pen down on his desk and looked at her with a puzzled expression. “How do you feel about it?”

She’d kept him wondering too long. “There’s no question that I can use help with the house, the children and you. If Hop Sing was involved in this, I’m sure it could work out. When can I meet them?”

Adam smiled and told her he could arrange it for that afternoon. Claire agreed.

“If this works out,” Adam continued, “I’ll have the annex to the house finished so they can move in.”

This caught Claire off guard. “Move in? You mean they’d be living here? How can we manage that?”

“I think we can manage that just fine and you know it. Any ‘real’ objections?”

After a moment of quiet Claire said, “No real objections. I just need to meet them and find out what their expectations are.”

“That’s not a problem. Your expectations might be the problem,” he laughed.

Claire let Jared down and walked over to give Adam a kiss. “Thank you,” she whispered.

She started to leave the den to check on Shelley when Adam stopped her. He thought it had to be now or never.

“Claire there’s something else I need to talk to you about.”

“Can it wait until I see about Shelley?” Noticing the look on his face she realized something was wearing on him.

Without saying anything further, Claire turned Jared so he could crawl in their direction and sat down.

Adam looked at her and believed in the woman he married. “Pa got a letter from my cousin Will yesterday. He and his wife will be passing through Nevada on their way to Denver and stopping for a visit.”

“That’s great news Adam. I heard a lot about him and look forward to meeting him. Maybe while they’re here we can have them over for dinner or a barbecue. When will they arrive?”

“We don’t know. His letter didn’t say but we suspect it’ll be soon. Pa will probably get a wire.”

Claire reached for Jared who was trying to pull himself up using the window curtains. As she removed Jared’s hands from them, she added, “I think it’s about time I got to meet Laura.”

Claire continued to extricate Jared from the curtains that he’d latched onto again. Without looking behind her she could only imagine the expression on Adam’s face. She completed her task and turned to him.

“You’re amazing,” he said.

With a confident smile on her face Claire replied, “I know. I also know about your engagement, your Cousin Will and your accident.”

“You never said anything,” Adam said slowly.

“Nor did you. Adam what was there to say? I was sure if you felt it was important you would have told me.”

Adam pulled up a chair in front of Claire. “I’m sorry for not telling you about her. How did you know?”

“It doesn’t matter how I found out. What does matter is I know you love me with all your being. Past relationships, no matter how serious they may have been, can’t diminish what we have here and now. Oh, just in case you were wondering, I didn’t find out from you father or your brothers.”

Adam pulled Claire to him and kissed her with all the love he had.

“They’ll be arriving soon, I want you to know the details.”

“Adam, it really isn’t necessary. You’re healthy and we’re happy.”

“I love you,” he said as he kissed her again. He realized how special the woman was he’d married.

As they embraced, Claire wondered about Mrs. William Cartwright. After all I’m a woman she thought.

Babbling got louder from Jared. He saw his sister standing in the doorway to the den. Adam released Claire and opened his arms to his daughter. He kissed her and tousled her hair.

“I love you Miss Shelley. It’s going to be a great day for all of us.”

“Love you papa,” Shelley said with a chuckle as she poked her father’s nose and he returned the sign of affection. “Now I wanna eat.”

“Of course you do,” added Claire. “Come with me.” Claire picked up Jared and took Shelley’s hand. She winked at Adam and the trio left the den.

Adam digested what had just taken place. He was a lucky man. Indeed, however the day started, it was a great day.

*
FIVE

The week passed quickly both in Virginia City and San Francisco. Will looked forward to his business deal in Denver and seeing his relatives. He’d become a whirlwind tying up loose ends. Tomorrow the family would be leaving. He’d made arrangements for them to stay at the International Hotel for Laura’s comfort. She’d not asked him to, but he sensed she needed the time to become comfortable in the town that had been the home for she and Peggy, the home where here husband died, the home that she thought would become her future.

Will was sensitive and caring in his own way. He loved Laura and knew she felt the same. What lay under the surface was a level of insecurity Laura had almost shaken – but the shaking of that tree had a few apples still hanging. He’d take care of that and hoped it would be as easy as the understanding he was able to share with Peggy.

Stepping out onto the porch he breathed in the air. The light scent of salt air found its way to his lungs. Nevada’s air would be equally appreciated and he couldn’t wait. Sounds coming from the house caused him to laugh. Laura was debating with Peggy what could and could not be packed. He shook his head and decided to let the two work it out. After all, it had not been an easy task convincing Laura to take Peggy out of school.

One thing about Will was what might be considered a Cartwright trait. Stubborness and speaking their minds. Will had sat Laura down and had a heart to heart talk with her. What she wouldn’t divulge he guessed. He’d told her she worried about things that no longer existed.

To her consternation, he told her facing life was a given and no matter what she thought, she’d have to do that. He promised her she’d feel relief and be able to laugh and be happy. As an example, he pointed out the excitement Peggy was exhibiting at the prospect of seeing the Cartwrights and Adam. His final words to her were that she needed to let go – she had him.

It had worked and he delighted in watching her get everything in place. It was going to be a trip they’d remember.

* * * * * * * *

The meeting earlier in the week between Claire and Hop Sing’s nephew and his wife went exceedingly well. Claire felt an immediate attraction to the couple as did the children. Adam remained in hearing distance as Claire met with them. The final decision would be hers to make.

Claire was drawn in by the sense of comfort and pleasure that surrounded them. She thought she recognized a dab of Hop Sing in Chu which she found amusing. Ming Lu was very petite; she spoke in quiet tones and listened attentively as Claire advised she would be working along side them.

The annex to their home was completed quickly by Adam and a few hands. Claire, with Shelley’s help, worked along side them to ensure it was a comfortable space. Without notice, Hop Sing arrived with a broad smile on his face and Ming Lu and Chu in tow. Adam and Claire welcomed them and before a word could be said, Shelley grabbed Ming Lu’s hand and pulled her toward what would be her new home.

Hop Sing was excited but gave a critical look toward his nephew. After a few words of Chinese, Chu bowed to his uncle and then left to join his wife and Shelley.

“Hop Sing I’m very happy to see you and very happy that Ming Lu and Chu will be here with us.”

“Missy Claire. I tell Mista Adam for long time too much work for you here. You need help. I think hard head finally open. I sure you be happy with them. If not, I need know. OK? OK,” said Hop Sing. He bowed to Claire and Adam, excused himself and hurried off to give his last instructions to his relatives.

Adam rubbed his ear. “He can be a tyrant in his own way. Guess we won’t have any troubles as long as he’s just a short distance away.”

“There won’t be any troubles. I just have to let Hop Sing know who this house belongs to,” added Claire.

“Yes ma’am,” added Adam.

* * * * * * * * * *

Ben received the wire he’d been expecting. Will, Laura and Peggy would be arriving the next day on the late morning stage. He smiled. He was anxious to see them and had prepared accommodations for them at the Ponderosa. Shaking his head he thought this was just like Will – saying he’s coming and leaving them to wonder when – and at the last minute showing up.

“Joe! Hoss!” he called.

“What is it pa? I was just gonna take a bath. It’s Saturday night ya know,” Joe replied.

Before he could respond to Joe, Hoss came down the stairs.

“Yeah pa?” Hoss quizzed.

“Since yesterday was Friday and tomorrow is Sunday, I think I figured out today is Saturday Joe.” Joe just swallowed and waited.

”Will, Laura and Peggy will be arriving tomorrow on the late morning stage.”

“Hot diggity,” said Hoss. “It’ll sure be good to see ‘em again. Can’t imagine how grownup Peggy must be.”

“Yeah. It’s been too long,” Joe added.

There was a brief silence. Each knew what they originally felt but it had been tossed away as if dirty dishwater.

“Since the two of you are headed into Virginia City tonight, stop by Adam’s and let him know. Oh, and invite them to dinner tomorrow night … let’s say six o’clock. We can really welcome them and catch up,” Ben ordered.

“Whatever you say pa,” Joe said as he headed up the stairs.

Hoss walked over to Ben and looked at the wire for himself. “It’s gonna be an interesting e’vning.”

“You know son, it probably will be – but I’m looking forward to it.”

* * * * * * * *

The news of the arrival had settled in for Adam and Claire. Adam wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t feel uncomfortable about the ‘family’ getting together. He watched Claire as she went about the house in her usual way. In less than eighteen hours it would be time for dinner.

The children had now been put to bed and Claire sat sketching by the light of the lamp and the fireplace. Adam tried to read but found it difficult to keep his eyes away from her. She sensed his eyes on her but said nothing. She wondered what he was thinking.

“Sweetheart, are you sure you’re OK with leaving Shelley and Jared with Ming Lu and Chu?”

Claire put her pencil down and looked at Adam. “No, I’m really not but with dinner at six o’clock it’s too late for them to be out for the evening. They’d be tired and cranky before dessert because it would be close to their bedtime.”

Adam put his book aside. “You’re comfortable with Ming Lu aren’t you?”

“You know I am. It’s just that I’ve never left them with anyone but your family or my aunt and uncle.”

“There’s always a first time.”

“Are you saying you don’t have the slightest concern?”

All Adam could say was, “Touché.”

Claire rose, touched Adam on the arm and headed up the stairs. He smiled and dutifully went about turning the lamps down for the evening. His wife was a temptress at times and this was one of them. The silent communication between them was always understood by the other.

After checking the children, Claire dressed for bed. Adam had bathed earlier while Claire had made time for herself. It was now time for them. Adam removed his robe and found the space waiting for him. As the lamp light was lowered, the emotions of the two rose. There was no denying their love for each other.

* * * * * * * *

The stage made its way toward Virginia City. Will wasn’t sure if the driver was trying to make up for lost time or trying to break a record. Every rut, bump and rock seemed to be hit as they moved along. Peggy enjoyed the jostling and laughed. Laura held her hat and Will just tried to take the ride in stride.

Waiting anxiously at the stage depot in Virginia City were Ben and Joe. Hoss remained at the Ponderosa tending an ailing mare. Roy Coffey made his way toward them and said, “Well it’s sure a right pretty day. Thought we’d never get outta church this morning to enjoy it.”

“The sermon wasn’t that long Roy,” commented Ben.

“Nah it wasn’t that long but sometimes it seems so.”

“Roy the only reason it wasn’t long for you today is because you slept through most of it,” kidded Joe.

With a twinkle in his eye Roy said, “Yep. You’re absolutely right Joe.”

At that moment the sound of horse’s hooves and a dust cloud announced the arrival of the stage. It came to an abrupt halt and the door opened. Will stepped out and rushed to say hello to his uncle and Joe. They hugged and smiled. It was just like old times.

Will turned toward the coach and reached to help Peggy down and then Laura. Laura paused in the doorway and looked directly into Ben’s eyes. The smile on his face and glint in his eye were exactly what she needed.

Smiles on the faces of Ben and Joe welcomed all three of them.

“Laura you look wonderful. It’s so good to see you. And Peggy! You’ve really grown,” Ben added as he continued to extend his warm welcome.

Whatever it was, it was catching. Joe exhibited the Cartwright charm and hospitality. He was glad they were here. Any concerns he had seemed to be vanishing.

Roy realized this was a family reunion but offered his welcome. Politely he welcomed them, tipped his hat and quietly left.

Slapping his hands together Ben asked, “OK. Which bags are yours? The buggy is right over there.”

“Ben we don’t want to put you out. We have reservations at the hotel,” stated Will.

Laura noticed the look on Ben’s face and added, “Why yes. We thought it would be less of an inconvenience for you and give Will the ability to take care of any business or wires he needed to send while here.”

“Nonsense! I’m not going to hear of it. Now we’ll cancel those reservations. I’ve already made arrangements at the Ponderosa for all of you.”

“Mr. Cartwright we can’t. Everything is already arranged,” Laura said quietly.

“Oh mommy please,” begged Peggy. “It’s so nice at the Ponderosa. Couldn’t we go? Please.”

Will turned to Laura and said with a half smile, “Well?”

Realizing she was outnumbered Laura conceded. In short order they were headed through the tall pines. Will and Ben talked without ceasing. Laura breathed in the fresh smell of pine and felt relaxed. Peggy was anxious to see Hoss and Adam.

As the last turn was made toward the ranch, a sinking feeling came over Laura. Flashes of the past crept into her mind. What she remembered most was leaving this wonderful place with Will and never looking back. She gripped her hands and tried to reassure herself the welcome they’d received was genuine. She hoped the welcome from Adam would be the same. The insecurity was seeping into the very core of her.

Laura collected herself and her thoughts. They’d now arrived and she was going to enjoy the visit. At least she hoped it would be enjoyable. She’d find out later that evening. Ben had told them Adam would be arriving at six o’clock to join them for dinner.

SIX

Hop Sing greeted the San Francisco Cartwrights with courtesy and a smile. If the family had dismissed the happenings of the past, he wasn’t able to be as generous just yet, but wouldn’t show it.

Hoss greeted all of them cheerfully and commented on how well San Francisco seemed to agree with them. He and Will started backslapping which Laura found amusing. Hoss genuinely was pleased to see all of them and Peggy laughed when he tweaked her nose.

They settled in their rooms and then joined the others for lunch. Conversation was very animated with Will trying to catch up on the changes made to the ranch and the area. Ben tried to get in a few questions about Will’s business. Up to this point in time no one had mentioned Adam. It was Will who broke the silence surrounding him.

“How’s Adam Ben?” he asked directly with a hint of excitement.

Laura’s eyes darted from Will to Ben. “Yes, how is Adam?” she managed to ask.

Ben put his glass down and said, “Adam and Claire are just fine. Their ranch isn’t far from here and you’ll be able to see for yourselves when they come to dinner.”

Hoss saw the look that came over Will’s face.

“Yeah. Where is Adam? I thought he’d be here when were arrived,” quipped Peggy.

“Will, Laura,” Hoss said quietly. “Adam is just fine. He’s better than new and he’s looking forward to seein y’all.”

The sincerity of Hoss’ words was comforting. Will smiled broadly and taking Laura’s hand said, “I’m glad. We’re both glad.”

“But daddy, where is Adam?” Peggy asked again.

Before Will could answer Ben chimed in. “Adam will be here in a few hours. He’s really going to be surprised to see how pretty you are. He also has someone he wants all of you to meet.”

“Really?” questioned Peggy.

“Really,” added Joe. “And maybe if you’re a good young lady, we can all take a ride to Adam’s house while you’re here.”

“That would be just lovely,” added Laura. She drank her tea and found herself joining in the conversation. Her eyes darted from one person to the other finally settling on her tea.

* * * * * * * *

Adam and Claire had dressed and said their goodnights to the children. Claire gave final instructions to Ming Lu and they were now of their way to the Ponderosa. The sun still shown but its brightness was beginning to diminish. The ride would be a short one, but the beauty of the land embraced them each time they were out – whether for long or short rides.

The soft breeze caressed the pines filtering their fragrance through the air. Mixed with that was the soft fragrance of Claire’s perfume. She placed her hand on Adam’s arm and he smiled.

The meter of the horse’s hooves beat out a steady rhythm as they moved along. Adam leaned over and with a half smile on his face kissed Claire on her cheek. She merely squeezed his arm.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen will?” she asked.

“Umm, let see. As the crow flies or as best I can recollect?”

Claire laughed and watched the jaw of Adam set. Finally Adam offered, “I believe it’s been about three and a half years now or so.”

Claire watched his reaction and wasn’t able to read anything more on his face. The ranch could be seen in the distance. Claire, always the confident one, wondered about the family she was about to meet. She tried to dismiss the feelings and then reached into her handbag.

She pulled a carefully wrapped package and handed it to Adam. With a puzzled look, he accepted it but his eyes asked the question.

Claire held her breath and said, “It just a small present for Peggy. I thought she might like to have it. Sort of a welcome visit gift. I hope you don’t mind. If you think it’s not appropriate or have different feelings I understand.”

The gait of the horse was slowed to a stop. Adam turned to Claire and said, “You’re remarkable.” His eyes were tender as he said those words. He fingered the small package. “You’re loved very much.”

Claire responded, “I know it and have no doubts. Handle it as you see fit. If you want to talk about anything – my ears are open.”

After a solid kiss he said, “You understand me better than I understand myself sometimes.”

Claire said nothing else because they understood one another. Adam pulled the carriage to a stop. They had arrived and he helped her down.

“Are you ready Mrs. Cartwright?”

“As a matter of fact I am. I would suggest you refrain from calling me Mrs. Cartwright since there will be two of us at dinner.”

Adam laughed. “Oh, what’s in this package?”

“Just a simple silver necklace a young girl might like.”

He placed it in his pocket, said nothing and escorted Claire through the door.

* * * * * * * *

Ben, Joe and Hoss were being entertained by Will when they entered. Their laughter was a warm sign of camaraderie.

“Adam! Claire!” Ben called out as he saw them enter. Adam removed Claire’s wrap and hat. Ben rushed over and embraced his daughter-in-law. For a quick moment, both Joe and Hoss looked at one another and braced for whatever the evening had in store.

“Let it go Joe,” whispered Hoss as he went to extend his greetings.

“I thought I had,” mumbled Joe under his breath.

Will and Adam exchanged extremely warm greetings along with some quick verbal shots in fun at each other. Their smiles were genuine. Putting his glass down Will turned as Adam said, “Will, I’d like to introduce you to Claire.”

Will turned on the Cartwright charm as he reached for her hand. “It’s more than a pleasure to meet you Claire. Ben’s been telling me about you but it doesn’t appear he even scratched the surface.”

Adam placed his arm around Claire as she responded. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I hope during your time here we can get to know one another much better.”

“I’ll see to it,” Will countered. “That’s a promise you can count on.”

Adam escorted Claire to a seat as his father presented him with a glass of sherry.

Hop Sing rushed in and smiled at Claire as he offered her lemonade.

The conversation was quiet but it was obvious that Will was taking in both Adam and Claire.

Setting her glass down, Claire asked, “Where are Laura and Peggy? I’m anxious to meet them.”

“You know how … ummm … let me rephrase that. They should be down shortly,” Will commented with a wink of his eye.

“Oh, do you have something in your eye?” asked Claire.

Will had to laugh as did the family.

“Ya gotta watch out fer her,” added Hoss. “She’s a carbon copy of Adam and she stands her ground.”

“Yeah, and don’t forget she has a sense of humor,” laughed Joe.

“I’ll make a point of remembering that,” was Will’s last comment.

Footsteps were heard on the stairs. The men stood up but Claire remained seated facing the hearth.

Laura and Peggy descended the staircase. Adam stood erect and watched has they made their way to join the family.

The woman that stood before him he hadn’t really changed. Their time together didn’t affect him and any memories had faded like last years newpaper. What he did remember was that he considered her a friend.

Adam stretched out his hands and said as only he could, “Hello Laura. It’s wonderful to see you again.”

Laura realized others were watching her and managed in a quiet voice to say, “Hello Adam. It’s nice to be here. It’s been a while.”

“I’d have to agree with you but I’m sure all of us will have time to catch up and get better acquainted.”

Laura just nodded and accepted a sherry from Ben.

Stepping back and taking Claire by the hand, Adam assisted her up from the seat that faced away from Laura. He turned her toward Laura and with a smile on his face said, “Laura, I’d like you to meet Claire … my wife.”

Claire smiled as she quickly tried to size up Laura. Graciously she extended her hand to Laura and said, “I’m very happy to meet you. While you’re here I’d be honored if we can spend time together and become better acquainted.”

Laura could not remove her eyes from Claire. “Yes. That would be a pleasure,” Laura said.

“Hey! I think we’ve overlooked one special person,” Adam teased.

“Do you mean me?” asked Peggy.

Adam bent over and said, “Let me see, what did Aunt Lil always say? I remember. Can you plant one?”

Peggy smiled brightly and promptly placed a kiss on Adam’s cheek and they hugged each other.

“You’ve really grown into a lovely young lady.”

“Oh Adam, you probably say that all the time.”

“Peggy, that’s not true. You can ask you father. We Cartwright men are honest and never tell pretty girls untruths.”

The smile broadened on Peggy’s face.

“I’d like to introduce you to someone who’s been waiting to meet you. Peggy this is Claire, my wife and your cousin.”

Peggy looked hard at Adam and then at Claire. The warmth of Claire’s smile seemed to break the ice.

“Are you really my cousin?” asked Peggy.

“Yes I am and to make matters easier, if your mother and father don’t mind, how about you calling me Claire?

Peggy smiled at Claire and said, “I think I’d like that. You’re very pretty.”

Laura was taking all of this in as she made her way over to Will.

Puzzled expressions centered on Peggy’s face after a few minutes.

For an unknown reason, Claire stood and said, “Peggy, why don’t you come with me to the kitchen. I think we can find a nice glass of lemonade for you.”

Laura stood up and said, “I can take care of that.”

“It’s not a bother,” Claire replied. “We’re already on our way.”

As they disappeared out of sight, the sound of male voices rose once again.

Claire found a glass and began filling it with Hop Sing’s lemonade. Peggy watched her every move.

“You and Adam are really married like my mother and father?”

Smiling Claire said, “Yes we are.”

She saw the expression on Peggy’s face. “I’d like not only to be your cousin, but I’d also like to be your friend. Now if what I think is the case, you have a lot of questions. Right?”

Sipping her lemonade, Peggy bashfully nodded her head.

Curling her finger and inviting Peggy closer to her, Claire bent over and whispered, “I think we’re going to become good friends. Now tonight we’re getting ready to have dinner. While you’re visiting, we’ll make time so that I can answer your questions. That includes Adam as well. Can we agree to that and have a great celebration dinner?”

Peggy was surprised and said cautiously, “Thank you. That sounds fine.”

“Fine then, let’s join the others and have a lovely evening.”

As they joined the others, Peggy slid between Laura and Will. Claire took her seat with Adam sitting on the arm of the chair. He placed his hand on Claire’s shoulder without realizing it. Laura noticed.

Ben suggested they make a toast since everyone held a glass. He wanted to toast ‘family’. Joe just asked that he keep it brief since dinner was ready to be served and he was famished. Ben did as requested.

Dinner moved along. Conversation moved from one subject to another. Will told anecdotes and Hoss shared humorous stories.

Claire chimed in when she could get a chance and Laura did the same. The evening was growing later when they decided to adjourn to the great room. Peggy was asking question after question and Joe continued to bait Will for more tales.

“Joe if you get him started he’ll never stop,” added Laura. “As you can tell, he doesn’t need much encouragement.”

Adam sat quietly and spoke with Peggy. Her face looked serious and Claire noticed. She tried to put the picture of Adam and Peggy in the back of her mind but it was already embedded.

Laura seemed more relaxed and comfortable. She became very animated and whatever her reservations might have been seemed to have been put to ease. Will realized this trip was necessary for the both of them.

Adam rejoined Claire and kissing her on top of her head whispered something quietly. Claire touched his hand and shook her head. It was then Laura noticed the gold band on Adam’s left hand.

Adam put his hand on Claire’s and said, “We hate to depart and end this evening early but we have to get home to the children.”

“Children?” asked Will. “We’ve talked about almost everything. How did we miss your children Adam?”

“I was leaving that opening for the grandfather of them all,” Adam chuckled. “Besides you’ll get more than a chance to meet them.”

“He’s right,” Claire added. “Generally they’ve been left with family when there’s something we’ve had to do. Tonight we’ve left them with Hop Sing’s relatives and I think we need to be heading home.”

“They’re beautiful children,” Laura added. “Ben briefly showed us a picture of them.”

“We think they’re special,” added Adam.

“They’re a handful. Shelley is smart as a whip and Jared is keepin pa in shape with his crawlin,” Hoss added.

“Adam, how old are they and when can we meet them?” asked Will.

“Shelley is three years old and Jared is nine months.”

“Great ages. I take it you were married before then,” added Laura.

As Claire stood to say her goodbyes she merely said with a smile. “No, this is my only marriage.”

With a sense of graciousness, Claire hugged all of the Cartwrights good night and Adam assisted her with her wrap.

Rushing from the kitchen, Hop Sing stopped Claire and said, “Please deliver note to honorable cousin and wife. Deliver these goodies to Missy Shelley.”

“Thank you Hop Sing.”

As they made their way to the door, Adam stopped and asked Peggy for a hug. She obliged. She then accepted a hug from Claire. As they were leaving, Adam reached into his pocket and said, “This is something from me and Claire to welcome you home.”

Will smiled. Laura stared.

SEVEN

The evening at the Ponderosa continued without Adam and Claire but with one minor upset – it was time for Peggy to go to bed. She’d prefer to stay up and be part of the discussions but the look from Will made its point. Kissing her father goodnight, she left with Laura to get settled in.

Adam and Claire were anxious to see about Jared and Shelley. The pace of the carriage was safely quickened a bit.

Adam let out a sigh as they arrived. “I’ll be in shortly after I take care of the horse and carriage ….” Adam noticed Claire’s quietness during their ride home. What he hadn’t noticed was that he’d been quiet as well.

Claire turned and walked toward the door. Adam leaned on the side of the carriage allowing his eyes to follow the steps of his wife. He wondered what was going through her mind. The evening went well he thought – or did it? Was there something he missed? He didn’t sense Claire was upset but knew her mind was always working. He rolled his eyes and took hold of the reins. From his perspective they needed to talk … at least he thought so.

As he started to curry the horse and get some oats his thoughts returned to the evening. He was happy to see his cousin Will, Laura and Peggy, but felt there was something that had not quite been put to rest – or was it something that had been resurrected? What was it? Was it something he didn’t want to acknowledge? It wasn’t Laura. He was sure of that. Peggy? Or was it a change he noticed in Claire?

Claire thanked Ming Lu for the care and attention she’d given the children. She was relieved to be in the presence of her little ones. They were each safe and sound – neatly tucked in their beds. Ming Lu bid goodnight and quietly left with Hop Sing’s note in hand.

Leaving Shelley’s room after gently stroking her head and adjusting her covers Claire went into Jared’s room. He was sleeping soundly with his hand over his head. Pulling up the rocker she and sat watched his small chest rise and fall. She was fulfilled but at the same time she was a woman. She wanted the ‘family’ to be just that – a ‘family’ with no barriers.

Adam turned out the lamps and secured the house. He knew Claire would be upstairs. Removing his tie he slowly walked up the stairs. Their bedroom was dark so he knew Claire was with one of the children.

He walked to the doorway of Jared’s bedroom and saw her rocking next to their sleeping son.

“Claire?”

She turned and gave him the smile that always warmed his heart. “Shhhhh. Just watching Jared for a few minutes. He’s so much like you.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning he’s a beautiful person with his own manner of handling things.”

Adam sensed a message in her comment. She rose from the rocker, stroked Jared’s face and walked past Adam toward their room.

They needed time and now. Perhaps the conversation she’d not allowed him to share with her earlier was a mistake.

The lamp was lit and cast a very narrow light. Tossing his jacket on the chair he walked to her and held her closely.

“Feeling better?” he whispered in her ear.

Claire couldn’t help but smile. “Yes now that I know the children are fine. You?”

With a crooked grin Adam said, “The same.”

Claire busied herself with things that didn’t require attention and finally opened the double doors of their bedroom that led out to the upstairs porch. The sound of the night, although quiet, seemed to have its own way of speaking. The lake lay a short distance away but she wasn’t seeing it.

The hand she felt on her shoulder brought her back to the moment. “Adam,” she said as she turned to him, “I thought the evening went well. It was wonderful to meet Will and his family.”

Adam pulled up a chair, sat down and decided to let Claire speak her mind. Realizing Adam hadn’t responded, she asked, “Don’t you agree?”

Rubbing the bridge of his nose and then behind his ear, he leaned forward with his arms on his knees and took hold of her hands.

“We need to talk Claire.” The words quietly seeped from his lips.

“I suppose we do,” she said lightly as she sat down.

“I love you Claire. I’ve known it from the very first moment I saw you. The reason I never said anything about Laura was because it was over and you had become my life. The way things turned out between the two of us was a time I was vulnerable, afraid and not sure if I was really in love with her. The prospect of not being able to walk again and having to put up a positive front wasn’t easy. In retrospect, what I cared about was doing the proper thing. Perhaps I kidded myself and her as well.”

He looked at the hands he held and stroked them. “When I found out she and Will were in love with each other, I think I could have accepted it had I not found out the way I did. Call it male ego, but I was angry. I felt betrayed. I know it doesn’t make sense because what I felt for her wasn’t anything like what I feel for you.” His eyes left her hands and found her eyes.

“What else is there you haven’t said? It’s Peggy isn’t it?” Claire asked nervously.

Adam sat back in the chair. “I had formed a close relationship with Peggy and cared about her very much. I thought of her as my daughter. Perhaps that thought colored my relationship with Laura. When she and Will left I never saw Peggy … never had a chance to explain … never had a chance to say goodbye … never had a chance to know if she was OK.”

“How are you feeling now? I need to know.”

The direct question from Claire hit its target. Adam realized the truth needed to be told and Claire was waiting.

EIGHT

Claire didn’t have to wait long. Adam felt free to express his thoughts to the woman he shared his life with. Truths were made to be told although he often kept them close. With this woman, he could share his secrets. That’s what his love for her gave him – the gift of being able to share with honesty and the expectation to receive the same.

“It was a while after they left that I came to terms with the situation. In some ways I felt foolish I guess. I’d been fooling myself thinking my feelings for Laura were feelings strong enough to base a marriage on.” Adam half chuckled and continued. “My history with love has not been the greatest on record.”

Claire’s eyebrows raised a bit.

“Don’t misunderstand. I’m happy for Laura and Will. There couldn’t have been their kind of happiness for me and Laura. What was difficult was the fact that Peggy was young, and as a child, loosing a person you’ve grown close to and expecting to be around can be devastating.”

Claire understood what Adam was saying. It related to losses in his life and she could empathize with these feelings. She herself was an unwanted child, had splintered beginnings, adopted and then losing her parents, the only security she had.

“I did love Peggy and her being taken away the way she was pained me. Certainly she was a child, and still is, but my thoughts resonated on what she must have felt. For me, the promise of her being in my life was one I looked forward to at the time. Perhaps it was a fictitious dream of mine at the time. She needed stability and to know she was loved. I think it was handled badly.”

Claire moved her hands and now held Adam’s. He sensed her understanding his words.

“Over time I came to understand love is not something you control. What Laura and Will had was real. I hope to think it still is for them. They both deserve that happiness. Tonight, seeing the two of them didn’t raise any regrets or feelings. They don’t exist. I’m just wondering, after these years about Peggy. I can’t say that I’m not concerned about the way this may have affected her. She is a special child and I do care for her. You need to know I don’t have any regrets that she didn’t become my daughter. It wasn’t supposed to be. My regrets are that she may be carrying some scars that need to be healed.”

Claire listened intently. “Adam I do understand. I also understand your concerns for Peggy but I don’t know what, if anything, can be done about it.”

“You’re right.” He shifted in his chair. “You need to know that I’ve buried all of this. It’s in the past. Their visit is a time for us to reconnect and to move on. I just need to feel that Peggy is comfortable. Can you understand that?”

Claire moved from her seat and placed herself in Adam’s lap. “I can understand that and wouldn’t expect anything less of you. What can I do to help?”

“You’ve already done it although I don’t know how much it’s appreciated by Laura.”

Claire laughed and said, “It’s my turn.”

“Adam I wasn’t sure what type of person she was and I have to admit I was curious. I was determined to be gracious and myself. After all I am who I am. I also didn’t want to put any pressure on you – there was no need to as far as I could see. After all, no one could love me as much as you do and I know that.”

He looked deeply into the eyes of his wife. She was incredible. “As for Peggy, you’re a caring person and I understand all you’ve said.”

Claire shifted a bit so she could look directly into Adam’s eyes. “Our life is our life and I feel secure in what we have. I shouldn’t be judgmental, but I have to say this. I think Laura may be someone who uses poor judgment. I’m not sure, but if her asking if I was married before I met you is any indication of how she thinks, I can see where the seed of confusion is planted.”

Adam smiled slightly. His wife was somehow declaring her territory and he found it to be a side of her he’d never seen before.

“I didn’t like her question. It was downright rude and if things had been different I’d probably have told her so. Don’t misunderstand me. I think I actually like her. This week will tell, but she could use a good lesson in etiquette.”

“You’re a bit spirited aren’t you?”

“Adam I’m not spirited. I’m your wife. You’ve shared your thoughts with me and I know we’re fine. Laura needs to know that the past can’t be relived. I’m you’re wife and we’ve made our lives together, children and all, adopted or not.”

He laughed and could not help but give her a kiss.

“Now as for the other Mrs. Cartwright, I think she needs some help in accepting the decisions she and Will made and not feel the shadow of that time is hanging over her head. It seems Will has. For Laura, it seems there’s a bit of shame, for lack of a better word, and if her eyes could speak, they’d be asking a lot of questions about us. I think there’s a streak of immaturity in her but that’s not our problem. We’re happy and I’m not sure if that bothers her or not. If it does she has to deal with it. I’m going to deal with you, Shelley and Jared.”

“I’ll say it again, you’re a bit spirited.”

“I’m not spirited Adam. I’m just being honest. If I can help her I will but I’m not going to have our life being pried into for the sake of curiosity. My niceness stops there.”

There was more Claire could have said but chose not to. Adam had gotten the point.

“So where are we?” Adam asked.

“We’re home and I think it’s time we went to bed,” was Claire’s response.

* * * * * * * *

The lamps at the Ponderosa had been dimmed. Everyone had retired to their respective bedrooms for the night.

Will and Laura made themselves comfortable. Each remembered the time they’d spent in the sprawling house. Sleep didn’t come easy for them.

Their conversation was directed by Will’s probing questions and Laura’s responses.

“I do love you Will. Please don’t question that.”

“Laura I know you do. But I also know something else is bothering you. Until you own up to it it’s going to be something that will keep us from the real joy we deserve.”

“I suppose you’re right Will. I love our life in San Francisco. I just wasn’t sure how Adam would feel about us or the Cartwrights for that matter. It seems he’s happy and his wife is quite lovely.”

“I’d have to agree with you on both points.”

“I guess I felt we wouldn’t really receive an honest and heartfelt welcome. I can only guess what the gossip might be in town.”

“That’s you’re problem Laura. Believe in yourself and don’t worry about what others think. We’ve moved on and been very happy. If you continue to think about what was or what people may be thinking you’re asking for trouble.”

“Will it’s how I feel. Now if you think there’s something wrong with that I can’t help it. It’s … it’s just a part of me.”

“Laura,” Will said quietly as he took her hand. “I do understand. I’m sure you can see we’ve been welcomed warmly by everyone and they’re glad we’re here.”

“I know Will. It just all feels so strange.”

Noticing a change in her voice as she moved in the bed Will asked, “Is it Adam?”

“Of course not!”

“Then what’s bothering you?”

“Will, can we just leave it for now? I’m tired.”

Will sat up and said, “No. No we can’t. I want you to be happy that’s why I brought you with me. You need to talk to me.”

“Will I can’t. It would sound silly.”

“Nothing you’ve ever said was silly or could be. Laura do you hear me?”

She didn’t reply.

Will sighed and lay back in the bed. After a moment he said quietly. “Laura are you jealous of what Adam’s done with his life? If so, you need to grow up. If I’m wrong I’m sorry but you’ve left me with little else to think. I love you and I’m going to sleep.”

Will turned over. Laura lay still. She wondered if his question was valid. She thought her insecurity might actually be jealousy on her part. How could she admit this? Peggy crossed her mind. She’d lost her father. She’d been angry when taken to San Francisco. She’d had a difficult time adjusting and accepting Will but had.

Laura wondered why she faced one situation after the other with worry. Was she the one making life difficult, or for some reason, was she being singled out?

NINE

Will rose early and wandered outside. The only sound he heard was that of clanking pans in the kitchen – a sign Hop Sing was starting his day. He was unsure why he’d awaken so early but was glad he had. The fresh clear air filled his nostrils and he inhaled it deeply. He understood how his uncle loved this land so much.

Ben was a man he admired and quite unlike his own father – his brother. He smiled as he thought of how different the two siblings were. Regardless, there was a love between his father and uncle which was passed down to him. His father died years before and he became a wanderer following dreams.

He took off on his own seeking life’s excitement, traveling the country and filling the desires he’d laid out for himself. Some dreams were dangerous while others were without roots. He needed to see what the country and the world was about and had to offer.

The world still fascinated him tremendously. The import and export business he was a partner in fit the niche he’d carved for himself. He’d become successful at something he enjoyed.

The morning air was clear as was his thinking. He’d written letters sporadically during those years, to Ben’s dissatisfaction, but wanted to live his life. He and Adam were around the same age although he wasn’t able to vividly remember the times Ben would often refer to – times when he and Adam had visited with him and his father. Although Ben said he’d encouraged them to head west with he and Adam, Will couldn’t remember. He’d tried hard but there was no real recollection.

The door opened and Ben walked out. He was surprised to see Will.

Turning on his heel Will spied Ben. He smiled.

“It’s always beautiful here. So easy to understand why you love it.”

“I’m surprised you’re up so early. I thought you’d take advantage of the ability to rest,” Ben said as he too stared at the surrounding countryside.

“Nah. Why would I sleep when I could take advantage of this?”

“I know what you mean. This is always the part of the day I enjoy the most. I like to come out here and enjoy the peace and quiet of this space. It sort of gets into your blood.”

“You’ve a good life here Ben,” Will added. “You’ve made a mark for yourself.”

“Well I don’t know about making a mark for myself. I had a dream, not unlike you, and worked to achieve it.”

Will nodded his head in understanding. The two stood quietly for a few minutes until they heard the sound of the kitchen door open. It was Hop Sing bringing two hot cups of coffee.

Ben ushered Will up to the porch and they sat down.

Will’s eyes reflected on his uncle. He sipped his coffee. Finally he said, “Ben, I owe you and the family an apology – perhaps Adam the most.”

“There’s no reason for an apology Will and there’s no reason to bring up the past if that’s what you’re planning on doing,” Ben commented quietly.

“I need to Ben,” Will said as he looked him directly in the eye. “It’s been a long time and I’m happy … but I need to explain some things … not only to you but to Adam as well.”

Ben was silent as he looked at his nephew. Realizing there was something Will needed to say, he nodded his head. This moment reminded him of the times he sat with each of his sons when there was something weighing on them they needed to talk about. Will was certainly a Cartwright.

“Ben, you need to know that Laura and I are very much in love. We had our share of difficulties at first but we worked them out. I know we left for San Francisco within a week of leaving here which was very fast. When we were ready to leave for San Francisco, I wanted to stop by and say goodbye to all of you. Instead you received the letter we left in town. There’s no excuse for that.”

Ben sat his cup down, looked at Will and said, “You’re right.”

Will continued. “Everything happened so quickly. We married and packed up. Laura was facing a difficult time with Peggy and although she never said it, I believe she felt guilty because of Adam’s accident. I never set my sights on her outright. I wouldn’t intentionally do that.”

“I believe you Will.”

“You know Ben, that’s a lot like what Adam said before I left. He told me he understood.”

“I couldn’t control my growing feelings for Laura – it just happened even though I tried to honor the relationship between her and Adam. I should have left the Ponderosa then but I didn’t. When I realized she loved me as well, we planned to tell Adam but then he had the accident. We never meant to hurt Adam, you, Joe or Hoss.”

“But you did Will,” Ben said honestly. “Laura did also.”

“I know and that’s why I’m apologizing to you. You’ve always made me feel welcome and part of the family. I can never thank you enough for that.”

“Let me share something with you nephew,” Ben added. “The right or wrong that is created in life is something we face everyday. How we handle it is what’s important. Whatever Adam felt he never disclosed to any of us. What I do know is that he’s forgiven both of you and as you can see moved on with his life. Whatever his thoughts or feelings, for that matter, will have to come from him. For me and the boys, we’re fine and glad you’re here.”

“I know that Ben and I’ll talk to Adam. Now if I could convince Laura of that.”

Ben just looked at his nephew with a bit of confusion.

* * * * * * * *

Jared was warm and cranky. No matter what Claire tried to do to comfort him made no difference. Adam tried to asses the situation as he helped Shelley get dressed.

“Perhaps we should send for the doctor.”

“I don’t know Adam. He was fine when I checked him last night. This just started this morning.”

Shelley was dressed and with her doll in tow went down the stairs calling, “Ming Lu! Ming Lu! Where are you?”

Adam turned and smiled. He knew it was a game that Ming Lu and Shelley played.

Claire carried a crying Jared downstairs and found Ming Lu in the kitchen ready to serve breakfast. Ming Lu bowed. Seeing the frustration on Jared’s face and the concern on Claire’s, she said, “Excuse please. I think can help.”

Holding Jared in her arms, she started to rock him and sing. His lungs were strong. He was louder than ever.

Shelley climbed into her chair and watched. Finally she just put her doll down and placed her hands over her ears.

“Ming Lu, I’m not sure what’s wrong. I’m going to send Adam for the doctor.”

Adam turned to get his hat when he heard Ming Lu say, “No need for doctor. Little one growing. Sometimes growing bring pain.” She began to rub something on his gums. Two parents watched as she continued and the crying eased. Within a few minutes there was none at all. She returned Jared to Adam.

“Ming Lu?” Claire said waiting for an answer.

“Little Jared grow teeth. Sometime not feel good to little child. I rub with herbs to take away pain. Make feel better.”

A relief came over two concerned parents who started to laugh and one daughter who was asking if Jared was OK.

“Thank you Ming Lu. I’ve a lot to learn,” added Claire.

Adam lifted Shelley to turn her around properly in her chair. “Just wait until this one starts to lose her teeth.”

“One ordeal at a time sweetheart. This is enough for the moment.”

Ming Lu served breakfast when Chu entered. He bowed and said his good morning. Saying something in Chinese to his wife Adam just shrugged his shoulders at Claire. Shelley continued to eat and Claire was able to feed Jared.

“Excuse please Mr. Cartwright,” said Chu. “I have message from honorable uncle asking I come see him this morning. I humbly request your permission.”

“Hop Sing?” asked Adam. “He wants to see you?”

“That is true,” was the reply.

“Certainly Chu. There isn’t anything wrong is there?”

“Just matter of family. Not take long. Need permission for use horse.”

Adam thought Hop Sing was up to something. He hadn’t put it together until now when he remembered the note he’d asked Claire to deliver.

Adam was finished with his breakfast and stood up. “Chu come with me. I’ll get you a horse.” Adam winked at Shelley who closed both her eyes back at him. Claire just smiled with a gentleness in her eyes.

* * * * * * * * *

Peggy and Laura joined Ben, Will and Hoss at the breakfast table. Joe had finished his breakfast and was outside hitching up the buggy.

“Good morning,” said Ben. “It’s so nice to have two lovely ladies join us. That doesn’t happen often enough around here,” he said as all three of them stood up.

“Thank you. What a nice compliment to start the day,” Laura responded.

“How’d ya sleep Laura?” asked Hoss.

“I slept very well. I guess it was all of the traveling to get here.”

“But I betcha’ you’re glad to be here,” Hoss responded.

“I am,” said Peggy. “It’s just as I remember it. It’s not like this at all in San Francisco.”

“You know Peggy,” said Hoss. “I think after breakfast maybe you can tell me all about San Francisco. I haven’t been there for a long time.”

“That sounds like a great idea Peggy,” added Will.

“That’s fine. Then maybe you can tell me all about Nevada,” Peggy laughed.

“Ben that was a lovely evening you prepared for us last night. I thoroughly enjoyed it.”

“Laura there’s no need for you to say thank you. Will tells me your plans are to stay through Saturday and then head on to Denver. I was thinking we could have some sort of festivities. I know Adam and Claire want you to spend time with them as well.”

“I don’t want anyone to inconvenience themselves. We’re really fine just being able to spend this time away from the city.”

“Heck … oh, excuse me,” said Hoss. “Ain’t no trouble. Besides its not everyday the whole family gits together.”

“Hoss do you still have that butterfly collection?” laughed Peggy.

“Ya know, I think I jes might. We can look for that too after breakfast before we ride over to say hello to brother Adam and his family.”

Laura raised her eyes and forced a smile.

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Will said energetically. “I’d like to see what my cousin has done.”

“We’re quite proud of what Adam’s accomplished,” Ben tossed in. “Besides, while Claire and Laura get acquainted, you can fill Adam and us in on what you’ve been doing and your business.”

“Who will I get acquainted with?” asked Peggy.

“Peggy,” said Laura almost as a reprimand.

“Oh you can get acquainted with your cousins, Shelley and Jared. They ain’t quite as old as you, but they’s a lot of fun,” chimed in Hoss.

Peggy was quiet for a moment but managed to pick up her glass and drink some of her milk. She looked at her mother who glanced away and asked Hoss to pass the rolls.

The door opened and Joe strolled in. Peggy turned around so quickly that she spilled her milk.

“Peggy. Look what you’ve done. Your being just plain careless this morning.”

All eyes turned to Laura. Without raising her eyes to anyone, Laura removed her napkin to help Peggy clean her dress.

“Peggy, let’s be a little more careful from now on OK?”

“OK mommy. I’m sorry Mr. Cartwright.”

Hoss laughed and said, “There’s a true Cartwright fer ya … manners and all.”

Will smiled as he stroked Peggy’s blonde hair. Laura did the same.

Joe greeted everyone and said, “Move over brother, I think I’ll have coffee with the family.”

Laura reached to pour Joe coffee. “I understand the plan is that we’ll visit at Adam’s today … that you’ve already hitched the buggy,” she queried.

“Laura if you and Will have made other plans, we don’t have to ride over today,” Ben added. “We can do it any time.” Besides, the buggy is for your convenience to do whatever you want.”

“We haven’t actually made any plans for today,” Laura admitted.

“No Ben we haven’t, but sometime during the week I’ll need to go into Virginia City to send some wires,” added Will as he leaned his arm on the back of the chair.

The sound of voices in the kitchen seemed to get louder – one in particular.

“Seems like Hop Sing hasn’t changed,” laughed Will.

“You know Hop Sing,” chuckled Ben. “Going to work this week and quit next week.”

“He’s still an excellent cook,” added Laura.

The sound of Hop Sings voice rose a bit more.

“Hop Sing! Hop Sing!” Ben called.

Peggy laughed because the sound of Ben’s voice was now also loud. She had no idea what was going on.

Quickly Hop Sing appeared with his nephew Chu behind him.

“Sorry for interruption. Just talking to humble nephew.”

“We’re you talking to him or yelling at him?” Will asked with a laugh.

“Just very excited to see him. Family business to take care of.”

“OK Hop Sing but could you do it a bit quieter?” requested Ben.

Joe just winked at Peggy, laughed a bit and drank some coffee.

“Hop Sing always quiet except when get excited.”

Hoss realized Laura, Will and Peggy had not met Chu. “Chu I want ya ta meet more of the Cartwrights. Hop Sing knows them already but this here’s our Cousin Will, his wife Laura and their daughter Peggy. They’s gonna be here for the week.”

“Highly honored to meet all of you. Mr. Adam and Missy Claire say you here. Nice to greet you,” Chu responded with a humble bow.

“Chu how are my grandchildren this morning?” queried Ben.

“Little Shelley fine. Little Jared not so fine. Get teeth. Have nice day. Have nice day!”

“Adam really has children daddy?”

“Yes, Peggy,” Will responded. “They’re your cousins just like I’m the cousin to Joe, Hoss and Adam.

Laura smiled. “Have you gotten it all straight now Peggy?”

“I think so.”

“Is that all? You think so?” teased Joe. “You know us Cartwrights are known for how smart we are. You can’t fool me. I’m positive you’ve got it.”

“I think I have, but if Adam is married to Claire, who is she?”

Laura graciously said, “Dear I’ll explain it all to you. Now since you’re finished with your breakfast why don’t you go and change into some clean clothes.”

“OK mommy. I want to visit with my cousins. I’ll bet they’re as nice as Adam’s wife.”

TEN

A family matter was the description both Chu and Hop Sing had used. How it was understood was different for the Cartwrights who thought it referred to something in Hop Sing and Chu’s immediate family. The opposite was the case.

The tone of Hop Sing had quieted as he spoke animatedly to his nephew in the kitchen. He’d arranged with Adam, after several discussions lauding the competencies of Chu and his wife, that they be considered for household help. When he received word that Claire was accepting of the idea he was very pleased and had promised Adam and Claire they’d be happy with their service.

The fact was Claire and Adam were happy with Ming Lu and Chu. Their working arrangement was still in the formative stages but was progressing well for all concerned in Adam’s home. The heated tones of the morning from Hop Sing toward Chu were spoken in Chinese with no one able to understand but Chu.

Although employed by Adam Cartwright, Hop Sing had involved himself to supervise the work and the manner in which it was to be carried out for Chu and Ming Lu. The rise in the tones came about when Chu disagreed with his uncle. He reminded him, politely, that he was not the person they worked for and therefore had no say in how work was performed for Adam, Claire and their children.

This lit the fuse and was the point at which Hop Sing exploded. He ranted that family was important – particularly their family honor. Care and attention given to the Cartwright family was most important and that no mistakes could be made when it came to their care and welfare.

Chu was very much like his uncle. He spoke his mind. He told his honorable uncle he did not have to be reminded of their honorable heritage. Further, he reminded his uncle that he and Ming Lu appreciated his interceding in getting the jobs for them but it was at this point that he needed to remove himself.

Hop Sing did not like the tone his nephew used. Chu did not like the insinuation his uncle made that work was not being performed satisfactorily. He further stated, as honorably as he could, he believed his uncle was trying to influence the manner in which they performed their duties while he was quite certain he had enough to take care of at the Ponderosa.

Hop Sing was not going to let his nephew’s words be the last words. He stood his ground and indicated he’d support his nephew but if there was word that anything was not as it should be, he would be heard from again. Adam and Claire were important and only the best and honorable performance would be acceptable.

Chu did get the last words in. He informed his uncle he had no need to worry about their ‘family’ honor. Using a twist of thinking to diffuse this conversation, Chu reminded Hop Sing of the lessons he’d taught him. There was no way with his teachings could dishonor be a worry.

Hop Sing settled for his ego being stroked. He gave a smile but maintained at sharp look in his eye. Chu bowed and bid farewell to his uncle. He departed the Ponderosa thinking about his uncle. He had to smile. He realized that of all the nephews, he was probably the only one that would give back what he received from his honorable uncle. He knew his uncle wanted to ensure that face was saved but also knew somewhere in him he was pleased with him – but would never say so. This act of interfering was his way of caring. More was sure to come and honorably he would deal with it and with his uncle.

* * * * * * * *

Peggy ran out of the house and met Hoss in the yard. She climbed up onto the corral rail and watched as he was shoeing a mare.

“Does that hurt?” she asked.

“Don’t hurt one bit. What would hurt is if she didn’t have this here shoe on. Sorta like you if you were ta walk over the ground with no shoes on yer feet.”

Peggy understood and watched. Hoss looked up and saw the look on her face. “What’cha thinking?”

Sheepishly she said, “Just that there are a lot of things that hurt.”

Hoss sensed there was something deep Peggy felt but decided to move away from the subject. She brought him back to it.

Getting better settled on the corral rail she asked, “Hoss have you ever been hurt?”

He stopped his work and said, “Why sure. We may not like it but in life there’s things that hurt us. ‘Jes the way it is – but the hurts go away – just like this here mare now, they get better.”

“Do they really Hoss?”

Hoss leaned on the corral rail and said, “Sure. They always git better when you understand.”

“What if you don’t understand and you’re the cause of the hurt?”

Stroking her cheek with his finger he said, “Ummm. I guess ya might have to find out. Might be kinda hard to ask the questions ya need to understand all of it. What I do know is that we ain’t the kind of people that cause hurt even though sometime it may seem that way.”

“Thanks Hoss.” Peggy jumped down and headed toward the house.

Hoss pushed back his hat. He had no idea what had happened over the years she was gone. One thing he felt deep inside was Peggy needed some help and some understanding.

ELEVEN

Chu made it back to Adam and Claire’s in short order. Ming Lu looked at him and he just rolled his eyes. She returned to the ironing she was busy with. She knew her husband and his actions spoke loudly. Often she thought how much Chu and Hop Sing were cut from the same cloth.

Adam had sent his hands off on the day’s tasks. He rolled up his sleeves and went about digging postholes for the second corral he was building. It was laborious but he loved the fact that he was working on something that was totally and completely his. As he labored he could see from the distance Jared was content on the porch and Shelley was digging in the dirt – helping her mother plant flowers.

* * * * *

A rider from town arrived at the Ponderosa. Ben was in the barn and heard the sound. He greeted Brian who advised he had a wire for a William Cartwright. Ben took the wire and assured him his nephew would get it. Ben flipped the young man a coin and headed to the house.

Will finished reading the wire.

“Is everything OK?” asked Laura.

“Yes. Everything’s just fine. But I think the visit to Adam’s will have to be delayed. I need to respond to this wire as soon as I can.” He smiled and turned to Laura. “It seems there are others interested in exporting goods and I need to confirm I can meet with them when we get to Denver.”

“Oh Will, that’s good news,” Laura said excitedly.

“What’s good news mommy?” Peggy asked.

“Your father may have more new business when he gets to Denver.”

“Really daddy? Maybe I can help.”

“You know Peggy; I think you might be able to do just that. Now I have to go to town and send a wire. Why don’t the two of you come with me?”

To Laura’s relief this would put her nervousness off – for at least a little while.

“If you can wait just a minute I’ll be ready to go,” Laura added as she headed up the stairs.

“Ready to go?” asked Joe.

“Ah Joe, I’ve got to go into Virginia City to send a wire. We aren’t going to be able to spend time with Adam and Claire.”

Ben heard the conversation as he came in from the kitchen. “Well Will, you may not have time to visit today, but you can at least stop by to say hello. His ranch is on the way to town.”

“Great! We’ll do that Ben. Peggy are you ready?”

“You bet daddy.”

“OK, you go get into the carriage and I’ll hurry your mother up.” Peggy dashed out the door.

There was a smug look on Joe’s face. Will looked at his younger cousin and asked, “I suppose I’ve forgotten something?”

“Just a minor thing,” responded Joe. “If you’re going to make a stop by Adam’s on your way to town I think it might be helpful if you knew where he lived.” The laughter from Ben and Joe was contagious. Will joined in.

“I’m heading in that direction and can show you the way. It’s not far,” Joe said as he slapped Will’s shoulder.

Laura’s being unsettled returned. The carriage moved along the beautiful Nevada skyline. The pines were welcoming and the air refreshing. Peggy talked non-stop and Will cajoled with her. He looked at Laura and asked, “Do you miss this country? Seems like there is something that could get under your skin here.”

Smiling she responded. “I guess there’s something to be missed about this land but there’s something to be said for San Francisco as well. When you think about it, we really have both.”

Joe took a turn off the main road to a road lined with beautiful trees that opened up to a view of granite hard mountains that lay beneath the blue sparkled sky. It was a gorgeous site to behold. Peggy was awestruck. Will let out a low whistle and Laura began to think. Of course, she thought. How could Adam finish the house he’d planned for us and move his family there? Something came over her. She leaned and kissed Will on the cheek and heard the chuckling sound Peggy made.

The entrance through the trees opened itself up to extend a gracious welcome to family and visitors. Before them lay a vision that was truly a labor of love.

Claire and Shelley had accomplished quite a lot of planting and in the process became covered with dirt, faces included. Jared was oblivious to what was going on. The air had caressed him into his morning nap.

Adam looked up and saw Joe followed by the carriage. He waved and headed to the house. Claire was finishing the watering when she heard Joe’s voice.

“Company mama,” Shelley pointed.

“Yes, I see.” She realized she must look a mess but there was nothing she could do about their appearance.

Laura looked at the house and the setting for it. It was something Adam would have constructed. Will helped Laura down and Joe hoisted Peggy onto the ground.

Adam caught up with them. “Good morning. I thought you might be heading over today but thought it might be this afternoon.”

“That was the plan but I’ve some business to take care of in town.” Will said.

“Always the businessman,” Adam said as he put his arm on Will. He then greeted Peggy warmly and Laura as well.

“We really can’t stay. We were passing and wanted to say hello,” Laura added. She was surprised to see the dirt on the faces of Claire and Shelley. She also noticed the soiled skirt and dirty hands.

“I’m sorry you caught us in this condition but when you’re working with nature getting dirty seems to be a part of it,” laughed Claire. “I’m glad you stopped by.”

“Peggy you look very perky this morning,” Laura added.

“I feel perky,” she said as she looked at the little girl.

Adam joined Claire and put his arm around her. “You three may be in a hurry but come in. You can’t be in that much of a hurry. Besides we need to make some introductions. The first one with a dirty face is Shelley,” he said as he poked her nose gently. Of course you know the second one with a dirty face and Jared is sleeping on the porch.”

Claire poked Adam in his side at the comment and he promptly extended his hand to usher them in.

Claire invited them to make themselves at home and excused herself for a minute to clean up. Ming Lu came into the great room and Laura didn’t miss Claire asking her to look after Jared.

“Adam I have to say you’ve really created something to be marveled,” Will said as he took stock of the house.

“We’re comfortable here besides we have more land than San Francisco to build on. Take a look around if you’d like.”

“It’s really quite lovely Adam. I would think you’re proud of it,” Laura said with a slight smile.

“We’re happy here,” Adam added.

“Look mommy! A piano,” Peggy said.

Laura looked back at the two cousins laughing and talking. She wandered around and took in the nooks and crannies. It wasn’t her taste, but it was furnished well. The view from the floor to ceiling double window behind the piano caught her breath.

“It’s a beautiful view isn’t it?” asked Claire. Her voice caught Laura off guard.

Laura didn’t get a chance to respond. Claire had moved too quickly to join Adam and check on Jared.

Laura noticed the piano was covered with photos. One in particular stood out – the wedding picture of Adam and Claire.

Adam was glad to have them there if only for a short time. “Now let’s get everyone properly introduced,” he said.

“Shelley I’d like you to meet your cousin Peggy. She’s a very special person and she lives in a large city called San Francisco. I think you’re really going to become good friends. Besides, Peggy is very smart and I’m sure there’s a lot she can teach you.”

Peggy’s eyes beamed when Adam said, “special person”. Shelley smiled at Peggy and went over and touched her hand.

“Hellyo,” Shelley said. “You pretty.”

Peggy was drawn to Shelley. She smiled and said, “Thank you.”

Taking Shelley’s hand, Adam proudly present Shelley to Will and Laura. “I’d like you to meet the second lady of the house. Shelley this is your cousin Will and cousin Laura.”

Will bent down to be on Shelley’s level. “I’ve heard a lot about you. You’re as pretty as your pictures.”

Peggy joined her father. “You may be a little confused Shelley, but this is my daughter Peggy. You two are the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen.” Smiles appeared on both of the girl’s faces.

Shelley’s eyes darted from Will to Peggy and back again.

“Confused sweetheart?” asked Claire. Shelley just shook her head.

Claire took hold of Laura’s arm. “Laura I’d like you to meet our Shelley.

Laura smiled graciously and knelt down. With a warm and gentle smile she said, “I’m very happy to meet you. You seem like you’re a great help to your mother. I bet you’re going to have a great garden.”

Shelley pointed her now clean hand toward the door and said, “We panted flowers.”

“I know you have to leave soon, but at least let me get some refreshment for you,” Claire ordered. Before she could get a response she was headed for the kitchen.

Laura realized how much Shelley looked like Adam and Claire. She was impressed with the house and felt more relaxed. Will continued his conversation and wondered where Joe had disappeared to. Adam informed him that he was outside with Ming Lu and Jared.

Peggy looked at the little girl in front of her and realized she liked her smile. Even though introductions had been made, she was still confused. Adam seemed happy to see her and with a smile and gleam in his eyes told her he wanted to know everything she’d done and have her spend as much time at his ranch as she could with Shelley and Jared before she had to leave. Quietly he whispered in her ear that he’d have to get permission from her mommy and daddy.

“That’s quite a piano,” commented Laura.

“It’s Claire’s. We had it shipped from St. Louis when the house was finished,” Adam said proudly.

“Does she play?” asked Laura.

“Does she play?” said Joe as he came into the room. “You should hear her. She’s an impresario. If she hadn’t been swept off her feet by Adam here she might be doing world tours. As a matter of fact … let me tell you about the concert she gave for Founder’s Day.”

Adam interrupted, “It’s best if we don’t let Joe get started. You’ll have to hear all about his emersion into the Comstock Arts Society and that could be painful.”

“Well painful or not it was an event to be remembered.”

Peggy and Shelley had made their way over to the windows and were sitting on the floor looking out together.

Will caught sight of two portraits. One was of Adam and the other was of Shelley. “Who’s the artist?” he asked.

Before Adam could open his mouth Joe volunteered the information. “It’s Claire. She not only plays piano but she also paints. The one of Adam she painted as a wedding gift and the one of Shelley was painted just before they adopted her.”

Joe had a way of providing sought information without knowing it.

So that’s the story behind Shelley thought Laura. Adam laughed at something Will said and then excused himself.

“I’m not sure what Claire is preparing as refreshments but I better see if I can give her a hand.” He headed toward the kitchen.

Will walked over to see what Peggy and Shelley were up to.

“This is a beautiful home they have here,” commented Laura.

Joe felt as if Laura was fishing but was going to be more careful in his responses. He realized too late he announced Shelley was adopted – something he felt should have come from Adam or Claire.

“Yeah. We’re all proud of Adam.”

Laura rose and said, “I’ll see if I can lend a hand. I hope Claire isn’t going to too much trouble.”

The sound of Jared waking caught Joe’s attention. “You do that Laura and let Claire know that Jared is waking up.” Each headed in a separate direction.

Laura approached the direction both Adam and Laura had headed. As she turned to enter the kitchen she stopped abruptly. Before her was Adam locked in a very passionate kiss with Claire. She blinked her eyes and slowly backed out of the door.

As she headed toward the seat she’d just gotten out of, Will saw a strange look on her face.

“Laura is everything OK?”

She didn’t hear him at first. “Oh yes Will. Everything is fine. I’m … I’m just anxious to meet little Adam … er … I mean Jared.”

* * * * * * * *

They enjoyed the refreshments but time was moving on. Jared was introduced to Will, Laura and Peggy. The dark hair and cleft in his chin was definitely Adam. Claire put him down on the floor and he immediately crawled to Laura.

“He’s really a lovely child. I guess you have your hands full,” Laura added.

“She did but we’ve adjusted that,” Adam said. “You may have met Hop Sing’s nephew this morning at the Ponderosa. Chu and his wife Ming Lu work for us. It helps with care of the house and Claire with the children.”

“It’s really fairly new, but it’s welcomed,” Claire said with a smile as she removed Jared from holding onto Laura. “It does get busy and I do have to thank Adam. He insisted and I’m not sorry. The house is too big and the children are a handful – not to mention Adam.”

Joe announced he had to get back to the Ponderosa and wondered if Will could find his way. Will assured him he could but added they needed to get going as well.

Before they left, Adam made sure they accepted an invitation for a barbecue the next afternoon.

As they walked out the door, Shelley walked to the carriage with Peggy. Laura watched. As she was leaving she thanked Claire for the hospitality. Looking directly into Claire’s eyes she said, “I imagine you and Adam are happy.”

Claire was shocked. She maintained a mild demeanor and with a half smile said, “I can only hope you and Will are as happy as we are.”

Claire hoped Laura got the message. They waved goodbye as the carriage drove off. Claire felt angry but was not going to let anyone know it. That’s twice she thought. She’s not going to get a third chance.

TWELVE

Will and family made the trek to town. Virginia City was bustling and had increased in size. A number of new businesses had sprung up and a new larger schoolhouse had been built. Laura noticed the changes and from the distance thought she recognized a few faces.

While Will went to send his wire, Laura and Peggy strolled down the main street. They’d agreed to meet at the International House for something cool to drink before heading back to the Ponderosa. Peggy looked at the sign announcing the Fourth of July Picnic and stopped. Laura continued to walk slowly not realizing Peggy wasn’t beside her.

She looked back and called, “Peggy.”

Peggy continued to look at the sign. She remembered.

“Peggy! Honestly if you’re not more careful we’ll lose each other.” Laura took hold of her hand and continued to slowly walk down the street.

Laura was rambling on about something but Peggy seemed oblivious to her words. After a little window shopping they were done. The International House was just across the street and they made their way.

There wasn’t much of a wait until Will arrived. He was as energetic as ever and smiled. He’d sent off the wire and expected a confirmation of new meetings before the end of the week. Laura was excited but Peggy just stared at her napkin.

“OK. Let’s see. What should we order?” asked Will. “Peggy?”

She looked at her father and said, “I don’t feel well. Can we go?”

“Peggy what’s wrong?” Laura asked as she felt her daughter’s head.

“I don’t know mommy. I just don’t feel well.”

A quiet look to Laura from Will spoke loudly. They were leaving.

* * * * * * * *

The only one at the Ponderosa when they arrived was Hop Sing. He heard them enter.

“Hello Mr. Will … Missy Laura … Missy Peggy. You back early. All out on range until later.

“That’s fine Hop Sing. Peggy wasn’t feeling too well so I want to get her settled. We’ll be fine,” Laura added.

Will looked at Peggy and said, “After you’re settled, I’ll be in to see you. With a little bit of rest you’ll be as good as new.” He hugged her but realized she didn’t look like herself. She and Laura disappeared upstairs.

Laura pulled back the spread on the bed and Peggy sat down to remove her shoes. Laura talked constantly and moved about, but Peggy just turned on her side. Her mind wandered.

Almost three and a half years ago I was supposed to attend the Fourth of July Picnic. It was a day I looked forward to and Adam was going to enter the sack race with me. He didn’t show up. Something about business that couldn’t wait Aunt Lil told me.

I was disappointed but Aunt Lil got the picnic tickets from Adam and we went. He was supposed to join us but he never did. I was disappointed but knew Adam would be there. Adam wasn’t but Will was. Things changed after that.

“Peggy dear,” Laura said as she sat on the side of the bed, “Let me feel your head. Are you feeling better dear?”

Peggy just shook her head yes.

“That’s fine. Guess just too much excitement for one day. You just rest a while.”

Turning to look at her mother she said, “Mommy. Are you glad to see Adam?”

Laura turned so quickly she knocked over a figurine.

“Of course I’m glad to see Adam. Why do you ask?”

“Do you ever think about him … I mean miss him?”

“Peggy! What kind of a question is that?”

“Do you mommy? I know you love Will and he loves you. But do you ever think of my real daddy or Adam?”

“Peggy I told you before. This is something that’s over and we don’t need to talk about it. Your behavior toward both Will and me when we got married was not easy for any of us. You know Will loves you don’t you? Now please rest so you’ll feel better when it’s time for dinner.”

“But ….,” said Peggy.

“No buts young lady.” Laura kissed Peggy and closed the door behind her as she left.

Peggy’s thoughts returned to the earlier time.

The night of the picnic I was worried about Adam. He always kept his word. Mommy said she was sure he was fine … I wasn’t so sure. I remember she was real mad at Adam because I heard her talking to Aunt Lil and then I heard Adam’s voice and Mommy slam the door. Why did she do that?

I thought things were better. Adam was around all the time and mommy was going to marry him. I was happy then.

A few watery drops began to fill Peggy’s eyes. She wiped them away. Even if her mother was still mad at Adam, she wasn’t. She wanted Adam to know that.

I wish I could understand from Mommy what happened … why she didn’t marry Adam. There are things I want to know.

A soft knock preceded his entry into the room. “Hi there. Just thought I’d keep my word and check on you. Feeling better?” Will asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Peggy said, “I feel better. I’m sorry about us having to leave Virginia City.”

Stroking her hair Will replied, “Nothing to be sorry about. I think this is really where we’re supposed to be today. After all it’s quiet and later we can go out and take a walk. How’s that sound?”

“That sounds fine.”

Will noticed pools in Peggy’s eyes. He wanted to know what the upset was and decided to just talk and try to find out.

“Do you have something in your eye?”

Peggy wiped her eyes and said, “No.”

“Then I guess you must be allergic to something. You know, when I was a youngster I was allergic to ragweed. I had the most awful time every year until I got older. Do you know what ragweed is?”

“No.”

“Well I think it’s just as well you don’t.” Will paused for a moment and gave Peggy a smile. “Sometimes it’s not allergies but other things that make our eyes water. Any idea what may be causing your problem?”

Peggy was quiet. She twisted her hands and Will took hold of them.

“Peggy I love you and I’m sure you know that. It took some time for us to work things out in our family but you worked real hard at it and so did I. I think we’re doing pretty well, don’t you?”

“I think so – but I ask mommy questions and she never answers me.”

The look on Will’s face changed as he said, “Oh?”

“I guess it’s because I’m a child,” Peggy said but quickly added, “I’m growing up real fast and I think sometimes questions should be answered.”

Will stroked her nose and responded, “You Little Miss Peggy are absolutely right. You can ask me anything and I’ll do my best to answer you. Maybe on our walk later we can answer some of the questions on you mind. Would that be OK with you?”

Peggy smiled and said, “Thank you daddy.”

They hugged. Peggy closed her eyes and Will closed the door.

* * * * * * * *

Laura heard Will’s footsteps coming down the stairs. She put her needlepoint down and asked, “Is she sleeping?”

“Laura we have to talk. Let’s go outside.”

She was surprised at his tone but followed him outside.

The air flowed a little cooler as the sun began sinking into the open arms of the horizon. The temperament of Will was warming and he needed to lean on a tree to collect himself.

“Will what do you want to talk about? Is something wrong with Peggy?”

Will turned and squarely faced Laura.

“Peggy’s fine. I brought you out here because I didn’t want her to hear what I had to say to you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Laura, we’ve been happy until we arrived here. I’m happy to see Ben and the boys. They’ve been warm and caring to all of us – and I do mean all of us! But you, you’re not yourself and I want to know what’s bothering you.”

“Will there’s nothing bothering me. I don’t know why you’d even think that.”

“Well that makes two of us.”

Laura looked at Will and asked, “What do you mean?”

“I mean me and Peggy. Laura I thought you’d spoken with her about our relationship, the reason we left, Adam and his life. She’s weighed down with things that she doesn’t understand and it’s making her miserable.”

“But …..”

“Laura this has to be resolved. She’s not a baby. She’s a bright and intelligent girl who is all of a sudden once again in the middle of something she doesn’t understand. Why won’t you answer the questions that she needs the answers to? Why?”

Laura heard the intensity of Will’s words and saw the look in his eyes. He wanted an answer.

“Will there’s nothing to answer. She’s just imagining things that aren’t there.”

Will took hold of her shoulders and said, “She’s resting but I’m wide awake. Whatever’s going through her mind needs to be cleared up and now!”

“But Will you ….. “

“Laura listen to me. You’ve been living in the past since we arrived. You haven’t said it but I think you feel guilty over us loving each other. Being in love is no crime. I know my pursuing you the way I did wasn’t right. You knew it too but the feelings were what they were. I’ve made amends with Adam and the family. You haven’t.”

“Will you’ve no reason to talk to me like this.”

“I’ve every reason to. I’m trying to hold our life together and give a loving and truthful life to our daughter.”

Laura walked a short distance away. “I can’t help but feel guilty,” she said.

“… And perhaps a little bit jealous? Let’s be honest Laura. You don’t feel guilty. You’re worried about yourself and what people think. You’re so concerned about yourself that it’s the only thing you’re thinking about. If it weren’t true, you’d see that Peggy needs a mother.”

“How dare you tell me about being a mother to Peggy.”

“I dare because I love you and Peggy.”

“Will I love Peggy too!”

“Do you Laura? Do you really? If you do then you need to know how to be a mother. Being honest and open and showing love, no matter how painful, is being a mother. That’s what Peggy needs.”

Anger had built up in Laura. She was taking a defensive stance. Will was not going to be moved.

“Will you don’t know what you’re talking about. Peggy is fine and I give her what she needs.”

“Laura forgive me for saying this but she needs you. She loves you enough to understand your feelings good and bad. She loves you enough to want the truth. She loves you enough to cry with you and understand anger – but only when it’s done with love and honestly.”

“This conversation is over Will.”

“It won’t be over until you admit the truth. I’d like to have an answer to my question from last night. What’s on your mind Laura? Is it Adam?”

“You’re grasping at straws and making a scene,” said Laura.

“We need to talk this out and do it now. If we can’t, we’ll be leaving in the morning.”

A look of surprise came over Laura’s face.

“You can’t be serious.”

“You’re right I can’t – because I AM!”

Laura’s eyes were filling with tears. They softened Will’s heart. He took her in his arms and held her. She embraced him.

“Laura, we’ve got some things to work out and I know it’s not easy but it has to be done … for you … for all of us.”

“Whatever your feelings about what people think of you isn’t important. It’s the way they treat you that counts. We’ve had our rough times and worked through them. Now that we’re here, it’s obvious you see how happy Adam is with his life and his family. You’re the center of my world not everyone else’s.”

Laura pushed herself away from Will and stopped short of slapping his face. She just turned on her heel and quickly walked back to the house.

*
THIRTEEN

Dinner at the Ponderosa was quiet. Whatever Peggy had earlier in the day now was affecting Laura. Although she was congenial and participated in the conversation, she ate very little and asked to be excused … she had a headache.

Will indicated he would come up with her but she declined his offer and asked that they continue with their dinner. With a consoling smile she indicated she’d be fine. His eyes followed her until she disappeared and heard the bedroom door close.

After dinner Will headed up the stairs only to be stopped by Hop Sing. He’d prepared a cup of herbal tea for Laura. Will thanked him, told Peggy he’d be back for their walk and went up to the bedroom.

Laura sat with her feet up looking out the window. Will sat the cup of tea on the table beside her and then sat on the bed. It was an awkward moment.

“Laura I know you’re upset, but what I said earlier wasn’t meant to hurt you. I’d like us to try to talk this out.”

“Well I am angry Will. You said some pretty hurtful things.”

“Laura, I was at my wit’s end I guess. I wanted this to be a pleasant trip for all of us. It’s not turning out that way for some reason.”

“Oh, let’s not kid ourselves Will. You’re enjoying yourself!”

“What happened to your excitement at coming along? It doesn’t matter what I’m feeling – I want to share it with you and Peggy.”

The tone of Will’s voice exhibited sincerity and floated to her ears. “I can’t apologize for what I said. I can only try to explain it.”

Laura looked at her husband waiting for the explanation. “Laura this is a pleasure trip for all of us. For some reason there seems to be something here that hasn’t been put to rest – for either you or Peggy. I’m trying to understand but you aren’t cooperating.”

“Understand? I would say just the opposite. You’ve called me self-centered and a poor mother. That’s a long way from cooperating.”

Will sighed. Laura wasn’t making this easy for him.

Will handed the cup of tea to her and she accepted it. “I’m trying to be honest with you and want you to be the same. Whatever is discussed is between us. Can we talk this out?” he asked with an earnest look in his eyes.

Laura walked across the room. Turning to Will she said, “Will I’m trying to be a good wife and mother. It seems that I’m being criticized for my efforts.”

“That’s not the case at all Laura.”

“What else can I think?”

“You’re thinking a lot I’d say. I’d like to know what that thinking is.” Will paused waiting for a response but none was forthcoming. He continued.

“Peggy asked me a question I couldn’t answer this afternoon. She wanted to know why when she asks you certain questions you don’t answer her. This can only leave her to her own imaginations. It’s hard to answer sometimes, but once we’re able to do it, it can free us … sorta liberate us.”

“Some things are hard for me to talk with her about. She’s very much her own person. I’m not sure it would make a difference.”

Will put his hands on Laura’s arms and said, “It will make a difference. I’m sure of that. You have to believe it and know you can do it.”

Tears began to well up in Laura’s eyes. “I’ve had trouble dealing with her. I’ve tried to make decisions I thought best for her. It hasn’t been easy.”

“I know. I also know you’ve faced a lot of challenges on your own you weren’t prepared for. You were brought up in a way that … well that … that allowed you privileges. That may not have been fair to you because eventually you were going to become a woman and would have to take care of those things by yourself.”

“Will I’ve tried. I was special in my family as I grew up. Some say I was spoiled.”

“Do you think you aren’t special now? You’re very special to me and special to Peggy. I want you to realize that. Our relationship hasn’t changed. There are pieces that together we can work on if you can admit what they are.”

Will paused and continued again, “I know I’m one of the pieces. I’m not going to pressure you any more now. I’ve said enough. But please think about what I’ve said and what we have together.”

Laura looked at Will and nodded. “I’m willing. I just need time and I need you. Can you understand that? I’m not as strong as you may think.”

A smile crossed Will’s face. He pulled her to him and they kissed. The passion had returned. Laura held him and finally said, “I love you.”

A soft knock on the door caught their attention. It was Peggy.

“Peggy dear come in,” said Laura.

“I just came up to see if you were feeling better.”

Will eyed Laura.

“I’m feeling much better now. I’m happy you came up.” Laura hugged her.

“Daddy and I were going to take a walk,” Peggy said. She looked questioningly at Will. “I wonder if you might want to come with us.”

Will smiled. “I think that’s a great idea.”

Peggy smiled.

“Well how about it Laura?” asked Will.

“Well if you two planned a walk already I don’t … “ Laura didn’t finish her sentence. What she saw was Will’s glance. “That’s sounds just fine. Let’s go.”

The three had not resolved their issues, but calmness had covered a situation that could have blown out of proportion. There was work to be done, but even greater, there was a need for maturity, honesty and letting go.

* * * * * * * *

Claire had settled the children in their beds. Tossing a book to Adam she indicated it was his turn to read the bedtime stories. She needed to see Ming Lu and Chu about the arrangements for the barbecue. She also reminded him she’d invited her aunt, uncle and Roy Coffee, if he could get away.

When Adam entered, Jared was standing and leaning on the side of his crib. He was tired but refused to lie down. Adam walked in and smiled at his son who was just about to fall asleep standing up.

Lifting Jared from the crib he quietly whispered into his ear, “When I was a kid, my father told me every day, you’re the most wonderful boy in the world, and you can do anything you want to.” He kissed Jared and carried him into Shelley’s room.

Shelley scooted over so her father’s long legs could stretch out. Jared rested against Adam’s chest. As Adam opened the book Shelley said, “Papa, I’m supposed to be sleeping and you’re late.”

“Oh? Are you saying you don’t want to hear a story tonight?”

She giggled as he tickled her side. “Nooooooooo,” she laughed. “Wanna hear about the man in the moon?”

“I don’t know that story. Maybe you can tell it to me and Jared.”

“OK,” she said and she propped herself up on her knees.

Adam smiled inside. She was a beautiful child both inside and out.”

Leaning against him, she said, “Mama wants me to sleep so I’m gonna whisper like you do sometimes.”

“OK, whispered Adam.”

“Once upon a time there was a little gopher. He lived in a gopher hole. He only came out at night.”

“Ummmm … only at night?”

“Shhhhhh,” said Shelley. “I’m not finished yet.”

“Oh.”

“He looked for the moon one day but it wasn’t there.”

Adam wanted to interrupt and say the moon only came out at night but this was Shelley’s story.

“He saw the sun and said Mr. Sun where is Mr. Moon? Mr. Sun said he only comes out at night. The gopher didn’t like the answer so he went to see his Uncle Joe. He asked him where the moon was. His uncle told him it only came out at night and if he wished hard enough and was good enough he’d be able to see it – but only at night. So the gopher was good just like me and Jared. When his mama and papa weren’t watching he sneaked out into the night and wished really hard.”

“And what happened?”

“The gopher found out who the man in the moon was.”

“Really?”

“Shhhhh …. really. The gopher’s Uncle Joe was gone. He never saw him again ‘cept at night. So if you want to know who the man in the moon is – it’s Uncle Joe.” Shelley laughed.

“I made that up. Did ya like it?”

“I think you have a tremendous knack for storytelling. Where’d you get the idea?

“From Uncle Hoss. He said Uncle Joe disappears so much he might as well be the man in the moon.”

Adam laughed so hard he disturbed Jared. “Shelley you need to tell stories more often. You’re excellent.”

She smiled and said, “I think I am too.”

Adam lowered her lamp and pulled up her covers. He kissed her goodnight. As he was leaving her room she said, “I love you papa. G’night.”

Adam put Jared down and then went to join Claire.

He was still laughing when he entered the kitchen. Claire looked up at him and before she could say anything he picked at some of the food she’d finished and she slapped his hand. He grabbed her and pulled her to him. “I’ve finished my assigned task sweetheart.” He kissed her. “Now is there anything else that I can do?”

She blushed a bit but said nothing. Tossing her apron onto the hook, Ming Lu came in and said she’d take care of the kitchen.

Adam walked Claire out into the night air. It was soothing and it was there’s for the moment.

“Do you think everything is alright between Will and Laura?”

“It seems so,” responded Adam. “Why?”

“Call it a woman’s intuition, but something seems odd.”

“Well I don’t put much stock in a woman’s intuition.”

“You should. I’m looking forward to entertaining tomorrow, but something tells me it might become a challenge.”

“Tomorrow is tomorrow. Our children are all tucked in for the night and I feel … shall we say … amorous.”

“Adam, you’ve been that way all day.”

It wasn’t long before the lamp was turned out in their bedroom.

* * * * * * * *

Laura was up early. She’d asked Will the night before if he would mind if she took an early morning ride. He thought it would be good if all three of them went after breakfast.

Unable to sleep, she walked across the hall and looked in on Peggy. Peggy was still sleeping. She sat quietly in a chair looking at her daughter. She did truly love her. The words Will had spoken in frustration came back to the forefront of her mind. Was he right? Why can’t I make decisions? Can I be honest?

Regardless of her parenting abilities, she did love Peggy with her whole being. She’d tried to understand what her daughter needed. Her fear was that she wouldn’t be able to provide it.

The still form moved and the eyes opened. “Mommy?”

“Yes dear.”

“Is it time to go riding?” asked Peggy.

Laura walked over to the bed and sat down. “No it’s still too early. I just love you and wanted to tell you.”

Peggy sensed something odd about Laura.

“Peggy,” Laura began quietly. “You’ve been very patient with me and asked a lot of questions. I was afraid to face the answers and avoided your questions. I’m sorry and want you to know it. I’m going to try to be better about what you need. So, if there’s anything you want to know, I’ll do my best to give you an answer … an honest answer.”

Peggy embraced Laura. They spoke no further words.

FOURTEEN

As the sun rose, beautiful colors of light flickered over the land. Each color distinct and stretching its flickering jewel like colors across the Ponderosa and as far as the eye could see. The morning view was a chest of precious gems about to adorn the three riders.

Will saddled horses that seemed to sense the importance of the ride. Gently the hooves touched the earth anticipating their rider’s needs. Laura and Peggy waited their arrival.

Each positioned themselves and faced the rising mountains in front of them – mountains that seemed to be waiting for the three riders to come to them. Strong and stately they stood as three figures leisurely moved in their direction. The clip clop of rhythmic movement beat out a tune of reconciliation. The need was more than evident.

Peggy took the lead. She marveled at the fact she’d not forgotten what Adam had taught her about riding. Her soft hair blew in the wind. It was a new day and she was glad to be a part of it.

The trio rode toward the lake allowing the wind to stroke their faces; the sun to warm their spirits; the fragrance of the grass and pines to fill their lungs; the water of the lake to wash away despair, worry and doubt. This mission was being orchestrated by the steeds each one straddled.

The ride was more than invigorating. Thoughts of the previous afternoon and evening were washed away as they made their way across the rich green carpet. They reached a point of return but dismounted to enjoy the surroundings. Peggy walked to pick some wild flowers. Will and Laura sat beneath a tree and watched her. Hearts beat with a hope of better tomorrows.

Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps; that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back.*

This was the prayer for two people who needed the taste of bitterness to be sweetened by their love, their daughter, their family, and the sense of security.

Breakfast was being placed on the table when Laura, Peggy and Will returned. They quickly washed to join the others.

Appetites were ravenous – perhaps due to the lack of appetites the previous day. Crow never tasted very good. Laura was animated and answered questions posed to her by Ben about the ride and took the kidding of Joe and Hoss in stride.

Peggy wanted to eat quickly so she could spend time with Hop Sing in his garden. Will filled Joe in on his business. The conversation between the two cousins drew the attention of the others. Will always was a free spirit and loved the ability to seek new endeavors. He talked about traveling and the part of him that he couldn’t quench … the need to roam and discover. The import and export business provided a good life for his family and filled his thirst.

Ben sensed some quietness in Laura as the conversation escalated. Being married was a partnership. He wondered if Laura had adapted to Will’s needs and if Will fully understood the needs of his wife and daughter. It was none of his business and the breakfast discussion changed.

Breakfast was finished. Laura offered to make herself useful by assisting Hop Sing, but was rushed out of the kitchen. Hop Sing reminded her that although she was family – she was also a guest. She easily gave up and announced she was going up to change her clothes and write a letter to her Aunt Lil.

Momentum of the Cartwright men was always present – even this morning. Will was going with Ben and Hoss to check on cattle gathered from the hills and be sure the Ponderosa hands hadn’t missed any.

Joe saw the look on Peggy’s face. He thought Hop Sing’s garden could wait a bit. Peggy might like to ride with him over to Adam’s. He wouldn’t be long, unless he got involved with the children, and Adam was expecting him to bring some new harnesses.

Joe announced quietly to Peggy where he was going and asked if she’d like to take the ride with him. A smile spread her lips. He said he’d have to get permission from Laura and Will first. She just shook her head OK and waited.

Will held up the departure of Ben and Hoss because he’d heard the discussion and was waiting to hear the approach Joe would take. Personally he thought it would be a good idea for Peggy to get better acquainted with her cousins and to see Adam and Claire. After all there wasn’t much for her to do alone.

Joe rushed to the staircase and caught Laura just before she reached the landing. He called her name. When she turned he explained where he was headed and wondered if she’d mind if Peggy rode with him. Her initial reaction was to say no. After all, Peggy would just get in the way and they’d see all of Adam’s family later that afternoon.

A glance at the eyes of Peggy brought back the thought of their early morning ride. She found it difficult, but agreed reluctantly with a forced smile on her face. Should she really let HER daughter go?

Will smiled at Laura and winked at Peggy. In just a few seconds all the Cartwrights were gone. Laura stood on the landing. She’d forgotten about the letter she was going to write.

FIFTEEN

Adam and Chu prepared the back side of the ranch for the barbecue. It was going to be a beautiful day. The canopy for the event was the blue sky that softly graced the glittering ripples of the lake. For an added touch, nature supplied the soft spun clouds of honesty and truth.

The barbecue pit was primed; the meat to be roasted had been carefully selected by Claire. The atmosphere of the Adam Cartwright home was laden with excitement as the morning breakfast was completed. Chu and Ming Lu had settled into their positions with the family as seamlessly as pen and ink. Honorable uncle Hop Sing would not need to give any more lectures to his nephew – at least his nephew was not going to accept any more.

Claire looked outside the window and after giving directions to Ming Lu decided to take the children outside for some morning air. Shelley was excited and took the hand of Jared trying to assist him to walk rather than crawl. Jared looked at his sister and wanted to comply. The balance he still maintained was wobbly at best and several times landed on his backside. Shelley laughed while Jared thought they were playing a game.

Ming Lu went to assist the situation but Claire indicated she’d take care of it. Adam smiled at the sight.

“Well how is your woman’s intuition today sweetheart?” asked Adam.

“Just as valid as last night,” Claire responded as she picked Jared up.

The two visitors approaching the ranch could see Claire gently pushing Shelley on the swing Hoss made. Peggy saw the sight and it transferred this day back to a time she remembered.

Adam called me ‘my girl’ and asked how I was. He and I were having fun that day. The swing was just something to have fun on but would come alive when he was around. He pushed me harder when I asked him to. I loved his laugh and we were able to share so many things. I don’t understand what happened. Mommy had some problems with taking care of the ranch and Adam offered to help. Mommy wouldn’t let him and when I asked why, I didn’t get an answer that made sense. He even helped me teach Traveler to shake hands.

I tried to be a help but something was changing. Mommy even got angry with Adam when the wolf pup was given to me. Adam was right. He always was. The wolf pup wasn’t really a pet to have around. He always explained the reason for things except why mommy and he didn’t get married.

What happened to those times? I thought he cared about me. He gave me a horse and helped me talk about so many things. He was always around and I loved it. He spent time with me and listened to me. I remember the laughing and games we played. My father was gone and he helped me to accept it. He was so easy to be around. My favorite times were when we’d go on picnics and he’d show me how to fish and catch butterflies.

What happened? I cried when he got hurt and couldn’t walk. I tried my best to help him. I wanted to show how much I cared for him. He was going to be my daddy. He was going to be around and that was special. He said a father didn’t have to be able to walk in order to be a father. He wiped my tears away and told me my smiles were the medicine he needed to help him walk again. He and I made plans.

I never knew if he could walk after we left. I wanted to understand what happened. Will tried to explain but I hated him. He came between me and Adam and Mommy. I wanted to see Adam and say goodbye but mommy said it wasn’t the best thing to do. So I cried and wasn’t nice to them. Everyone in my life made promises but never kept them. I couldn’t believe Adam would do that too. It had to be mommy and Will’s fault. Adam was going to be my new daddy. I was happy and they took that away from me.

I loved the Ponderosa and all the Cartwrights. There was so much to do there. We were going to be a family just like my friends and their families. I would count the minutes until Adam would show up each day. It was always special and made me feel that way too. Although he never told me – I knew we were two special people to each other. I looked forward to calling him daddy. I wanted to believe I was going to be his daughter and we’d spend our lives together. What changed? Will said what happened had nothing to do with anything I’d done. I just didn’t want to hear anything he had to say to me. I always thought of Adam and what I dreamed of … a dream that disappeared once again.

I wanted to come back here and wanted to see Adam. He’s changed. He’s married like Will and mommy are but that should have been us. I’m trying to understand. I’m trying to understand how he feels about Claire. He has children. This could have been my family. Did I do something wrong? He doesn’t seem angry with me. He really seems happy to see me. Even if he is pretending, I’m happy to see him. He’s important to me and I wish I could change things … make them the way they were before.

I always believed that one day he would sit me down and tell me how much I meant to him. But that day never came. I hope that while we’re here, it will come. Maybe today!

They rode closer and Joe yelled out. Shelley jumped off the swing and ran to her uncle. Peggy climbed down and looked at the cousin running in their direction. She wasn’t sure how all of this happened. But she was going to be nice. It was hard for her not to like this little girl. Maybe if she was nice Adam would care for her once again.

“Good morning Short Stuff,” Joe said as he swung Shelley around and hugged her. “Where’s you papa?”

“He’s fixing something.”

Peggy felt pangs in her heart but offered a smile and said hello. She looked around hoping to see Adam. Claire greeted them with warmth which was always her way.

“Good morning Peggy. I’m glad to see you. I hope Joe isn’t giving you a hard time.”

Peggy found it easy to smile around her. “No, I think he’s just fine.”

Claire laughed and said, “Well that’s one of us at least. Have you eaten?”

“Yes ma’am. I have.”

“Where’s Adam?” asked Joe. “He wanted these harnesses this morning.”

“He’s around here somewhere. Why don’t you keep an eye on Jared while I find him,” offered Claire.

“I’ll help you watch Jared,” Shelley said with a smile.

“Sounds like a good idea Shelley. But I think you’ll need to keep an eye on Uncle Joe as well,” Claire added with a laugh. Shelley headed toward the swing with Joe following closely behind her.

Peggy looked at the swing and the children. Somehow she saw herself in that picture only years before.

Claire noticed the look on Peggy’s face and felt the child was wounded. Adam had not gone into deep detail about his concerns for Peggy but Claire knew they were there. She wasn’t going to pry but leave him to his own manner of handling this piece of life. Claire knew what it was like for a child to have promises broken – like china hitting the floor.

“Peggy, why don’t you and I go look for Adam?” Claire asked.

“Sure. It’s really nice here.”

“We like it Peggy. I’m sure it’s not at all like your home in San Francisco.”

“No it’s different but we did have a home here when I was younger. I always liked looking at the mountains.”

“I like looking at the mountains as well. I imagined myself climbing them,” laughed Claire. “Can you imagine me doing that?”

Claire took hold of Peggy’s hand. A chemistry seemed to build from the touch. Peggy looked at Claire in silence for a moment as their walking stopped.

“You’re very nice. I can imagine you climbing the mountains, at least part way.”

“You know, if you believe you can do something you have to try it,” Claire said warmly. She and Peggy continued to walk slowly but in a different direction from Adam.

SIXTEEN

“Ummmmm, I don’t see Adam in this direction,” Claire said. As a rouse to talk a little with Peggy she said, “I have to sit down for a minute … seems I have something in my shoe.”

Claire seated herself giving Peggy a sly glance. Peggy sat next to her. She watched as Claire removed her shoe. Claire wanted to know this child. She wanted to see her genuinely smile. She knew there was a past between Adam and Peggy that was intruded upon. Perhaps the intrusion was accidental but more likely intentional. Whatever it was, it left a void of misunderstanding and unresolved feelings for the two of them.

“So Peggy, what’s San Francisco like? I guess its a lot different than here.”

“Yes it is different. The city is big and very busy. I don’t often get to ride. I like to ride.”

“You know I like to ride as well. Seems like we have some things in common,” smiled Claire.

“In common?” asked Peggy. “I guess we do … maybe. You don’t sound like you’re from around here.”

“Well I’m not really. I’m from St. Louis. Ever been there?”

Peggy merely shook her head no. She found it easy to like Claire.

“One day I hope to see a lot of places,” Peggy said softly. I think it would be fun.”

“You’re right. Seeing something new and learning about new things is fun and makes me happy,” Claire offered as she put her shoe back on.

“For you? What kind of things do you think are fun?”

“Well Peggy, I think playing the piano is fun. I think painting is fun. I wasn’t very good when I started. I think being able to meet new people and make new friends is fun … like meeting you. I’m happy we’ve been able to meet. I hope we can become very good friends.”

Peggy looked at Claire and shyly focused her eyes downward. “You know having fun can make you laugh sometimes. I like to laugh.”

“Exactly Peggy. Laughing is what I call Nature’s medicine.”

“Nature’s medicine? Are you a doctor?” asked Peggy.

Claire stood up and reached for Peggy’s hand. “The only time I get to do any doctoring is when Shelley or Jared get sick or cut themselves. I don’t think I could do anything more than that. I’d actually probably make a well person sick.”

Claire and Peggy both looked at each other and started laughing. “Nature’s medicine is just my way of saying laughing can make a person feel better … besides it’s fun.”

Peggy was more relaxed and felt comfortable holding Claire’s hand as they headed in search of Adam. Peggy began talking more freely and laughed when Claire asked her if she knew how to tell when a dog was laughing. Peggy indicated she didn’t know. When Claire told her it was when dogs wagged their tails, laughter created a warmth and trust between two people.

* * * * * * * *

Joe was being overtaken by his niece and nephew. As he lay on the soft mound of grass, he pushed his hat back and greeted his older brother.

Adam inquired the whereabouts of Claire. Joe told him Claire had taken Peggy to look for him. Adam raised his eyebrow as Jared plopped himself on Joe’s chest and began bouncing up and down.

“Peggy’s here?”

Trying to get words out, Joe said, “Yeah. I brought her along with me to deliver the harnesses you needed. She likes to ride and there wasn’t much for her to do at the ranch what with Pa, Will and Hoss gone. I hope she and Claire get back soon. I need to be getting back.”

Adam seemed to be staring off into the distance when he said, “Hold off on getting back for a while will ya Joe?”

The stride across the field was smooth and intentional. Adam saw Claire and Peggy coming toward him. His heart rate increased but his pace slowed. As he neared the two of them his smile sent out a greeting. He looked at Claire and then at Peggy who had focused her eyes on him. He saw a question in her eyes.

“Peggy, I’m glad you’re here. You look like a ray of sunshine.”

Peggy looked at the man she remembered and had cried herself to sleep over. He looked the same in her eyes.

Claire said, “I need to leave you two for a bit. It seems Joe could use some help with the children.” Claire smile at Peggy and when she passed Adam she winked.

There wasn’t going to be a more perfect opportunity. They needed to talk.

“I need to check on the preparations for the barbecue. How about walking with me?” Adam asked.

“Sure Adam. Is there anything I can do?

“I think letting your appetite build for this afternoon would be a start.”

Peggy and Adam walked past the house toward the yard that faced the blue of the lake. Instead of stopping Adam continued the stroll. He was heading to the bank that was caressed by the lake. The soft rolling of the water invited them closer and he finally stopped.

Sitting down he patted a spot for Peggy to sit. She sat slowly but let her eyes wander away from him.

Pulling a reed of grass and twirling it between his fingers he said, “I could close my eyes and see the beauty of this view. It’s amazing what your mind can remember even when you’re not near something or someone.”

Peggy looked at him. His face was warm and gentle. “Try it. Close your eyes and try it.”

She complied and he was thankful for this time. She had grown over the last three plus years. She had many of her mother’s features and yet seemed so unlike her mother. Her skin was delicate. He remembered the lashes that caressed her eyes. Time had changed them both, but the memories of some things remained constant. He sensed this was the same for her.

“Well? Did it work?” he asked.

He noticed her eyelashes could not cover the hurt expression in her eyes. “Yes it worked,” she said quietly. The water before them had found a partner … the moisture forming in Peggy’s eyes.

“I’m very glad to see you Peggy. It’s been a long time and you’ve certainly grown into a beautiful young lady.”

As she replied a quiet, “Thank you,” Adam used his finger to wipe away some of the moisture that escaped from her eyes with his finger.

“That’s odd. It isn’t raining and your face is getting wet. Want to talk about it?”

Peggy shook her head no and tried to look away from him.

“That’s fine. You don’t have to but there are some things I’d like to say to you. As we grow up there are things that happen in life we don’t understand. I love you Peggy. That hasn’t changed for me. If I close my eyes I can remember our times together and you. Its as if it was yesterday all over again.”

He loves me? she thought. But what happened?

She remained quiet and in her nervousness reached to pull a blade of grass as well. Adam repositioned himself and continued.

“Maybe we can help each other Peggy. There are things you don’t understand and things I don’t understand. We’ve always been able to help each other and I’d like to think that hasn’t changed.”

Peggy turned to Adam and asked, “Do you really think so?”

“I’m certain of it.”

She was able to smile. “I’ve … I’ve … missed you Adam. I didn’t think I’d ever get to see you again. I was certain I’d done something to make you angry with me.”

“There were times you had tantrums that would have called for a tanning in my opinion, but you were much younger then. You’ve never done anything to make me angry and I know you never could.”

Before she could control her thoughts the words flowed, “Then what happened Adam? We were happy and going to be a family.”

He rubbed his chin with his finger and looked into her eyes. Truth was the rule of the day.

“Peggy I want you to not only listen to me but I want you to hear me. I’ve NEVER been angry with you!”

She blinked her eyes and as a single tear ran down her cheek, she looked to him for comfort.

“We were going to be a family. That’s true. Family is built on a number of things. The major one is love. A kind of love that I don’t know you understand. We can believe its there and we can also fool ourselves into thinking its there because of feelings, circumstances and things like that.”

Peggy was a little confused and Adam knew it. He’d try a different way of explaining.

“Your mother and I did love each other in our own ways … but my love for you was different and still exists. Peggy, love has its own time, its own season, its own reasons for coming and going. We can’t bribe it or coax it into staying. We can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when we realize it isn’t right for us.”

“Mommy didn’t try! You did! But mommy turned to Will and left you when you needed our help!”

Adam could finally hear the hurt and pain that had been welled up in Peggy for so long. He shared it to a point.

“Peggy your mother and Will were in love. When you’re older you’ll understand that it’s not always something you can control.”

Peggy’s face was becoming flush as her eyes filled. Adam reached for her and held her close.

“Peggy, what was a dream for us wasn’t supposed to be. What you and I have will always be no matter where we are or where we go. You must know that your mother and Will really love each other. I don’t know that your mother and I could have ever had that kind of love. It’s special and something to be cherished but can never separate the way I feel for you.”

“But how did it happen? Why Adam?”

“I don’t know really. I guess I figured out that in a relationship you can’t choose when you want to love one person or another … being in love or in a relationship is for a reason. The honest thing to do is to be able to admit when you need to give it up … that is not working … or that feelings have changed. Your mother and Will were honest and no matter how difficult, I accepted it. I’m only sorry that you and I weren’t able to talk about it.”

“I wanted to,” Peggy said through free flowing tears. “But mommy and Will got married and then we were gone. I was angry. I wanted to be here to help you walk again. I wanted to tell you how sad I was. If it weren’t for us you wouldn’t have fallen and been hurt. Everything happened so fast. I needed you.”

“I’m sorry for that Peggy. I didn’t know you were leaving until after you’d left for San Francisco. I needed to talk with you … to try to explain. It was a time we were both hurting. Me because my dream of a family with you and your mother wasn’t to be, and you, because you were left to figure things out for yourself. It wasn’t fair to either of us.”

“No it wasn’t. I was difficult and I know that now. But at the time, I didn’t like Will or mommy for what they did and for not being honest with me.”

Adam listened to Peggy speak from her heart. “And how are things now?”

“They’re better. I tried to think what you’d do and tried.”

Adam smiled slightly. “You do know that Will loves you and your mother don’t you?”

“Yes. I know it now.”

“Peggy you love your mother and Will. I can tell – no matter how hard it may have been for you to reach this point. Remember love is an act of endless forgiveness. False love can sometimes be magic as it was for you mother and me, but that magic can sometimes just be an illusion.”

“But you did love mommy. I know you did!”

“I did love your mother and I still care about her. You may not understand this but she is married to Will and that is something we can’t change. I’m married to Claire and love her more than I could have loved your mother. I’m not saying this to be cruel. I moved on with my life and there she was. Our life is good and I’m sure your being loved by two caring people makes your life good as well. ”

Peggy was hearing Adam. He had a way of making sense and circumstances better.

“My accident was just that – an accident. There’s no blame to be placed on anyone. Keep in mind that things happen for reasons we may never understand. I’m fine now and I’m even better since we’re able to talk today.”

Shyly a smile crossed Peggy’s face and she hugged Adam. He returned the embrace and kissed the top of her head.”

“Oh Adam, you’ve always been honest with me. I learn so much from you.”

“That’s because you’re a bright young lady,” he smiled. “I had hoped the letter I wrote you and your mother would have explained things after you left.”

Peggy looked puzzled. “What letter? Mommy never mentioned a letter from you. I hoped so much that I would hear from you. The only word I got was the letter you wrote Aunt Lil and asked her to share with me. The letters I wrote you were never answered.”

Something was wrong. What happened to the letters? “You know Peggy sometimes the mail has a way of getting lost. Who knows, our letters may arrive when we’re both old and gray.” He tried to laugh but his mind was working.

Out of nowhere came the words, “Adam I like Claire and I like your children too.”

He smiled and said, “I love Claire and your cousins. I love you too and the space that was in my heart for you will always be there. You can’t be replaced. I think we’re all going to get along just fine.”

They both smiled. Adam got up and helped Peggy to her feet. They wrapped their arms around each other and started walking toward the house.

“What kind of shape would you say we’re in?” Adam quizzed.

“I’d say fine Adam. Finally, real fine.”

“Just remember something Peggy. We won’t forget this time of wondering what happened. I realize we can’t expect the world to stand still and move forward at the same time. We can’t change and expect that things will stay the same. We have to find comfort in what has changed and what is new; keep the memories, but live in the present.”

“Adam you’re sounding like my school teacher,” laughed Peggy.

“I’ll take that as a complement.” Adam stopped walking and faced the newborn Peggy standing before him and embraced release in his own heart.

“Relationships and trust go hand in hand Peggy. I’m glad we have both.”

“So am I.”

They walked arms around each other. Adam recited a poem to be shared between them.

“And remember this.
Never say I love you, if you don’t really care,
Never talk about feelings, if they aren’t really there.
Never touch a life, if you mean to break a heart.
Never say you’re going to, if you don’t plan to start.
Never look someone in they eye, if you plan to lie.
Never say hello, if you really mean good-bye.”
“Yep Adam. You’re just like my teacher,” laughed Peggy.

“As your teacher my special friend, let me give you one last piece of advice for the day. If you only have one smile in you, give it to the people you love.”

They smiled at each other.

*
__________________
SEVENTEEN

Two hearts were lighter. Claire and Joe watched as Adam and Peggy strolled toward them. From the distance they could see the smiles and laughter being shared by a brother, husband and a cousin by marriage. Joe and Claire looked with understanding eyes. A bridge had been crossed and a battle had been won for Peggy and Adam.

Joe urged Peggy to get a move on. They’d been gone longer than expected and he had some work back at the ranch. Adam placed his arm around Claire as Joe and Peggy rode away.

Claire smiled and said she needed to get Jared down for his nap and then check on how Ming Lu and Chu were doing. Adam looked at the space left empty by the departure of Joe and Peggy. He acknowledged Claire’s remarks and added he needed to get the harnesses put away. Each went in separate directions.

* * * * * * * *

Joe and Peggy returned to the Ponderosa. They were laughing and singing as they entered. Laura turned in surprise at the off key sounds and the laughter.

“It seems you two are pretty happy,” Laura said putting down her needlework.

“Well maybe a little,” added Joe. “It’s always fun to see Jared and Shelley. I’m gonna grab something to drink then I have some outside work to do.” He left for the kitchen.

Peggy plopped herself on the settee. Laura noticed the color in her cheeks and her demeanor. Looking at her daughter she said, “It seems as if you had a good time for yourself.”

“Yes, I did. I think we’re really going to have a good time at the barbecue. You know Cousin Claire is going to let me help make the ice cream.”

Laura was silent for a moment and forced a smile. “That sounds perfect. It should be a nice afternoon.”

“It’s going to be for sure. Adam has everything ready.”

“How was Adam today?” I’m sure he must have been very busy and not able to spend too much time visiting with you … you know preparing for all of us.”

“Not really mommy. We had a nice visit … besides, Cousin Claire has help … you know Hop Sings relatives – Chu and Ming Lu.”

“You’re sure you didn’t get in the way?”

“Nope I didn’t and I was on my best behavior.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t behave any other way,” Laura said quietly.

“Peggy why don’t you wash up? I’m sure Hop Sing will have lunch ready in a little while.”

“OK mommy,” Peggy said planting a kiss on Laura’s face followed by a smile.

“Well thank you for the kiss and smile,” Laura said surprised. Her daughter left one person and seemed to have returned a different person. She was pleased to see Peggy happy and playful but wondered what had made the difference.

Peggy ran across the room and headed up the stairs. “You know mommy, Adam says if you only have one smile in you, give it to the people you love.” Peggy smiled at her mother again and disappeared up the stairs and down the hallway.

* * * * * * * *

The meat had been cooking for a few hours. Claire and Ming Lu tended to the tables and other food items while Adam and Chu discussed the proper way to cook the beef. No matter how it was being cooked, it smelled wonderful.

Walking over to inspect the two chefs, Claire said, “It looks wonderful. I hope it tastes as good as it looks.”

“Taste very fine. Best meat. Good eat,” said Chu. “Mista Adam and I do good job. All enjoy,” Chu smiled.

Adam placed his arm around Claire. “Barbecuing is one of my hidden talents.” Adam knew Claire sensed something but it was a family day and no matter what his feelings, he wasn’t going to vent them at the barbecue. He’d handle it later. There was no doubt about that.

Claire kissed him on the cheek as she heard the sound of a carriage. It was her Aunt Maggie and Uncle Hank. Shelley appeared in a bright yellow dress with dark curls adorning her shoulders. As she’d been instructed, she waited until the carriage had fully stopped before greeting them. Maggie and Hank wanted nothing more than to spoil their niece and nephew, and were about to get started.

Welcomes and hugs were given all around. Hank brought horseshoes and began to set them up. Maggie walked into the kitchen with her famous apple pies. Adam and Hank laughed together. It seemed Hank was starting his tall tales again. Claire looked out the kitchen window. Her aunt noticed the look on her face and just placed her hand on her shoulder. She wondered what the visitors had stirred up, but said nothing.

Looking at her aunt with a smile, Claire said, “Everything’s fine Aunt Maggie. Now it appears I need to change Jared’s clothes again. He can get dirty just sitting.”

Maggie stopped Claire and insisted she be allowed to do it.

It was shortly thereafter Roy Coffey rode up. Adam waved as he dismounted. Hank teased him about who was minding Virginia City since he was out for an afternoon of fun. Roy just waved him off and sniffed the barbecue.

The sound of another carriage and horses announced the Cartwrights. Everyone had finally arrived. Joe jumped down an untied the bag attached to his saddle horn. He’d brought a few balls and his mouth organ.

Ben greeted Hank, Maggie and Roy warmly. Claire welcomed them all and made a special effort to greet Laura and Will. Will was the typical Cartwright male, offering compliments to her. She smiled and told them to make themselves right at home. Everything was about ready.

Peggy found Shelley and the two of them walked hand-in-hand a short distance to the swing. Laura watched as Peggy helped Shelley onto it and started to push her. Will and Adam shared time and family tales. Adam’s eyes focused on Laura who was chatting with Roy. His adrenalin was flowing and needed to be controlled. The color of is eyes were dark. He’d said very little to her but needed to.

Hoss rubbed his hands together and said with a twinkle, “Don’t worry about me Adam. Just serve everybody else. Chu and I can take care of me.”

Joe heard the comment and chimed in, “With your appetite it would probably take both you and Chu to fix enough food for you. Just let us get ours first.”

The day was spirit-filled. Plenty of food and activities. The children worked hard with Ming Lu to churn ice cream while Joe and Roy teamed up against Ben and Will at horseshoes. Hoss and Hank started a game of ball playing with Claire and Adam. Claire encouraged Laura to join in. She did and seemed to relax – enjoying herself.

Maggie rocked Jared and monitored the ice cream making activity. She sensed something in her niece and Adam was a little different. Perhaps it was her imagination. She knew all the details of Adam and Laura although she never spoke of it.

A toss of the ball by Hank missed its mark and rolled down the hill at the same time Maggie announced the ice cream was ready and would go well with her pie.

Laura went to retrieve the ball and when she was making her way up the hill, she saw Adam’s shadow.

“Oh Adam, I didn’t see you. I found the ball.”

“I’m surprised – sometimes it’s not easy to see the obvious.”

She continued to move forward and said, “I’m really having a good time. This was such a nice idea.”

Control was something Adam did well. Right now he had to work hard not to create a scene.

“Laura I believe in being courteous to family and guests. I hope you can continue to enjoy the rest of the day.”

“I’m sure we all will.”

She noticed the serious look on his face. A sense of discomfort came over her.

“Adam is something wrong?”

“I wouldn’t say something is wrong,” Adam responded. “That’s an understatement. I think we need to join the others.” Adam turned and walking away from her said audibly, “We’re going to have to talk before you leave.”

Laura wondered about Adam’s comments. She wasn’t sure what he meant and it troubled her. The feeling of relaxation and peace seemed to fly away like the birds in the sky above.

Adam smiled and picked up Shelley as he headed to the house. Peggy joined them and said, “Adam we made the ice cream. It’s going to taste really good.”

The scene in front of Laura was not appreciated. What had Adam done? Peggy was acting like a different child and it caused her to wonder what happened earlier in the day. What she saw next from the distance started a low heat beginning to build within her. She continued to walk toward the house and stopped. Peggy kissed Claire on the cheek holding up the necklace given to her. Both Claire and Peggy smile broadly.

Laura tossed the ball to the ground and smiled as she approached Will.

“Enjoying yourself?” asked Will.

“Yes Will. I’m really having a good time. The Cartwrights are great hosts.” Laura’s words carried a tone of sarcasm Will did not pick up on.

They joined the others.

Eating was over for most with the exception of Hoss. Adam picked up his guitar and Joe retrieved his mouth organ. Joe tried to keep up with Adam but was off key and just added to the levity. Songs were being sung and everyone was thoroughly enjoying themselves …. almost everyone.

Claire left to get coffee and brandy. Maggie, still holding Jared, watched as Laura got up and left the group without notice.

“Can I help you?” asked Laura.

Looking up Claire responded, “Yes. Would you mind getting some cups down from the cupboard?”

Laura moved slowly to complete the task. When she turned she watched Claire. She thought Claire was attractive … but more than that … she seemed complete and happy.

Claire looked up and took the cups from Laura. “I’m glad to finally get a chance to meet you, Will and Peggy. I know you only have a couple of days left before you leave for Denver, but I think it might be nice if we could spend some time alone,” Claire added as she continued to put things in order.

“Why?” asked Laura.

The question caused Claire to stop as if a period at the end of a sentence.

“Why?” Claire responded. “We’re family and who knows when we’ll get another chance to get better acquainted – that’s why.”

Laura looked around the kitchen as Ming Lu took the tray of cups and coffee outside.

“It seems you’ve already made a strong attachment to my daughter,” Laura added.

Claire knew the meeting between Adam and Peggy was important to the both of them although she didn’t know what was said. She only knew that Adam seemed relieved.

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say,” Claire said in a controlled voice.

“I’m just saying that you seem to be interfering in my daughter’s life. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t indulge her so much,” Laura said critically.

Claire realized Laura had just crossed the line. Laura had made innuendos twice before, and true to her word, Claire was not going to allow there to be a third time.

“Is that what you think I’ve been doing?” asked Claire. “The truth is Adam and I both think you have a beautiful daughter and family.”

“Yes she is beautiful … and she is my daughter … not yours.”

The next words Claire couldn’t seem to control. “I don’t know what you’re implying but we’re not trying to compromise your relationship with Peggy or Will for that matter. You’re her parents.”

Laura’s insecurity was seeping freely now. “I’d just like you to remember that.”

“I’m not sure what’s causing you to speak to me in this way, but it seems you might want to consider what you just said … that she is your daughter and it might be appropriate for you to consider that rather than scorning the attention that’s being given to her.”

“How dare you ….” Laura was unable to finish her words.

“I dare because you’re a guest in this house and we’ve done nothing but try to be courteous and warm. Personally I don’t like what you’re insinuating. I think you need to say whatever’s on your mind.”

“I’ve said it!”

Claire threw down the gauntlet. The singing outside was gaining momentum. Maggie was wondering what was happening in the house.

“Laura, you haven’t said what’s on your mind. Maybe you can’t or maybe you don’t even know what it is. But let me tell you this, Adam and I are married. He’s told me about your engagement and it’s a thing of the past for him. He’s moved on with his life, although it wasn’t easy … but he has. Somehow it doesn’t seem that you’ve done the same.”

“How would you know I’ve not done the same?” asked Laura.

“I don’t know. I can only speculate. But you’ve been rude and hurtful and I’m not going to tolerate it.”

Laura started to walk away but Claire was standing between her and the door.

“Is that what you do, walk away from adversity?”

“I take care of things in my own way.”

“That’s obvious, but please excuse me if I say your way seems to leave confusion and lack of understanding. You should be happy with your life. After all it’s only a short time we have on earth.”

“Don’t preach to me Claire!” was Laura’s response.

“It seems you don’t want to be friends, however, I do tend to speak my mind and try to do it in a caring manner. I’m going to tell you this Laura, whatever your problem, it’s not going to be solved here – not in this house. It may never be solved because I’d venture to say you get in your own way.”

“You can keep your opinions to yourself,” Laura said angrily.

“That’s not an easy thing to do when you visibly show what you’re feeling. Will is your husband. You two married because you were in love and left Nevada. Adam is my husband and father of our children. We’re more in love with each other now than when we first married. That’s something we cherish.”

“You don’t have to tell me Adam is your husband,” Laura said in frustration.

“I do and I’ll say it again. Adam is my husband and we chose each other. You made your decision and left. I have nothing against Will but feel you need to deal with whatever you’ve not come to terms with.”

“I think I’ve heard enough,” Laura spouted.

“Oh no you haven’t Laura. You ran away to San Francisco. You didn’t have the courtesy to say goodbye or even allow Peggy the opportunity to say goodbye. That was selfish and wrong. It’s something you can’t change – but if you are the woman you portray yourself to be, you’d have faced things and moved on.”

Claire looked at the stare on Laura’s face and continued, “I think you feel guilty and are concerned more about yourself than those who love you. You couldn’t face the decision you made in my opinion. You took the easy way out. You left. Adam had to remain and face the healing process, take ridicule from the people in town, and try to understand how this affected Peggy.”

“Don’t you dare tell me what you think of me! You have no idea what the circumstances were or are.”

“Perhaps that’s partly true. But I think I know the type of woman you are. I love Adam and my family and believe that one does not choose their family, it’s a gift to us, and just like me, you’re a gift to them. You need to learn how to give that gift with openness and purity of heart. “

“I suppose you feel a sense of satisfaction ridiculing me in this way.”

“Laura I take no satisfaction in these words. You started this the very first night you arrived when you made inference at dinner that perhaps I was a tainted woman because I had a daughter and wasn’t married. You never saw beyond your own thoughts. Shelley is adopted and loved so very much.”

Laura turned away. She didn’t want to hear anything else from the other Mrs. Cartwright.

“You seem to have all the answers Claire. You seem to be perfect, with the perfect children, perfect home, perfect life,” Laura said.

“You forgot something Laura … Adam … the perfect husband for me.”

The color of red had risen to its peak in Laura’s face.

“I’m finished and there’s nothing more to be said. You’ve misunderstood my intentions and this conversation should never have taken place,” Laura added as she tried to breathe slowly.

“You’re right. We shouldn’t have had this conversation. All of us have survived because we’re a good family. I don’t want any one of us to dedicate one more tear, or continue to feel pain.”

Laura’s chest rose and fell.

“One last thing Laura. Don’t ever start something like this again with me. I can be a most sincere and dedicated friend but I will not allow anyone … anyone … to insult my integrity or bring sarcasm and rudeness into my home ever … family or not. As far as your daughter or my children, whatever they grow up to be, they will always be our children, and the most important of all things we can give them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.”

Laura reached an uncontrollable boiling point. From out of nowhere Claire felt a sharp pain on her cheek. The fury in Laura’s eyes wasn’t about to be diffused. Claire had touched a nerve Laura wasn’t able to escape from. Her only recourse was to slap the face of the woman who confronted her.

Laura tried to form words of apology but they wouldn’t come. She just turned and rushed past Claire into the great room.

Claire removed her hand from her face. Her anger turned to quiet tears. Perhaps she said too much. She wasn’t sure. One thing she did know was she would never accept rudeness and cattiness concerning her family from anyone – even if that person was family.

The hour was drawing near for Jared to get settled for bed. Maggie walked into the kitchen and saw her niece. Her intuition hadn’t fooled her. As Jared started to get cranky, Claire said, “I’ll take him. It’s time for a bath and bed.”

“Claire, are you alright?” Magie asked noticing the fingerprints on Claire’s face.

Claire took Jared and said, “I’m fine Aunt Maggie. We can talk later. Would you let Adam know that I’ll be out as soon as Jared is settled?”

“Yes dear. Did you win?”

“I don’t know if there were any winners. I may have pushed her too far. Sometimes it’s not easy to hear the truth.” Claire paused and saw the compassion in her aunt’s eyes.

Claire continued, “Sometimes it’s hard to live with the truth but we do have to face truths and move on. Let’s hope this is a lesson that can be learned.”

Maggie watched Claire leave the room with Jared. She’d deliver the message to Adam. This was not a time for Adam to see Claire.

*
EIGHTEEN

The evening was on the brink of havoc. Claire, who was now bathing Jared let the water sooth her as she slowly moved her hands in the tub. Jared splashed joyfully while Claire tried to understand what had taken place a short time earlier. She knew she wasn’t perfect but she’d also been defensive. She questioned if she’d let her feminine emotions control her words. No! Definitely not she thought. Perhaps I should have let Laura’s words flow and said nothing. No! She was accusatory and snobbish. Ever since she’s been here she’s done nothing but want to be the center of attention. She’s more concerned with herself and flighty at best.

Jared’s powerful splash hit Claire in the face and brought her back to reality. She finished the bathing and wrapped a towel around him. Sounds from outside were wafting through the shadows of the approaching evening.

Jared yawned and stretched as he was clothed for bed. Tears welled up in Claire’s eyes once again. How would she explain this to Adam without creating alienation in the family? She felt the tenderness in her cheek. There was no way to make this better without telling the truth.

Were apologies due? Perhaps … but she’d be hard pressed the way she was feeling to make the first move. There were too many truths spoken. Claire remembered something her adoptive mother once told her, “The angry people are those people who are most afraid.”

Laura returned to the festivities after collecting herself. She felt nervous as she stood in the doorway but managed a smile and joined the others. Will put his arm around her and kissed her cheek.

“Will please, not here,” she said.

“Why? We’re all family. By the way, where’s Claire? She’s missed out on quite a lot of fun.”

“I think she’s tending to Jared,” replied Laura. “After all, she is a mother and we do have our children to take care of.”

At that moment Hank walked up and slapped Will on the arm. He reminded him he was expectinga visit bright and early the next morning. Will left Laura and walked off with Hank. Both men were in a deep discussion.

Adam realized Claire had been gone longer than he anticipated. The afternoon’s festivities were winding down and he wanted her to enjoy the last moments of the evening. Ming Lu could take care of Jared.

He stepped over Joe’s legs and headed inside. “Claire! Claire!” he called as he scaled the steps two at a time. Claire saw the redness in her cheek and quickly picked Jared up.

“Sweetheart, you’re missing the fun. Pa and the others are getting ready to leave.”

“I’m sorry Adam, but it was time for Jared to be bathed and ready for bed.” She managed to foster up her normal tone facing the left side of her face away from him. “It’s past time for Shelley too …. but it’s a special occasion.

“They’ll sleep well tonight.” Adam reached for Jared and said, “Let me take him so he can say goodnight.”

He turned to leave and Claire said, “I’ll be right down.”

Adam left and Claire examined her face. It wasn’t swollen but it was red. Well at least its dark now she thought. She sighed and with every ounce of willpower, left to join the others.

Hearing a sound in the kitchen she thought it was Chu or Ming Lu. She entered only to find her brother-in-law Hoss making a sandwich.

“Hoss, I didn’t realize it was you I heard.”

“Claire, the barbecue was so dang good I had to make myself a sandwich before we headed home,” Hoss said as he took as bite.

“Well I’d suggest you make two sandwiches. You know it’s a short ride to the Ponderosa,” she laughed.

Claire tried to keep her face turned away from Hoss. The light was too bright in the kitchen. As she walked toward the door, it immediately opened. Thinking it was Adam; she turned her back and acted as if she was busy. It was Chu bringing in some items that needed to go into the pantry.

Hoss stopped chewing and swallowed. He put his sandwich down. Claire knew he saw her face. As he tried to turn her face to him she moved away.

Hoss looked at her. “Whadd’ya do Claire? Walk into a door or something?” he said as he gently touched her face.

“You know how clumsy I can be sometimes. I should have looked where I was going.”

Hoss didn’t like the tone of her voice. He was quiet for a while and then said, “You ain’t clumsy one bit Claire. What happened?”

Claire tried not to look at him but he lifted her chin so her eyes met his. He could see the pain in them. Looking out the kitchen door, in the evening light, he could see Laura talking to Ben. Hoss knew. “It was Laura wasn’t it?”

Claire didn’t respond.

Hoss asked her again. He finally said, “You ain’t got to tell me. I think I’ve got the answer.”

Claire stopped Hoss. “Hoss this is a sensitive situation. I want you to promise me you won’t mention this to anyone. Can you please do that for me?”

“You know I’ll do anything you want. Sure.”

Claire thanked Hoss and walked out to join the others.

Shelley saw her mother and ran to her. Claire sat down and put Shelley in her lap so that her head could rest on her left side. She joined in the conversation but wasn’t hearing what was really being said. Her eyes found Laura who was trying to keep her distance yet be social. Her feelings were distorted. How was she going to explain this to Adam?

Ming Lu came out of the house and said she would see Jared was put to bed. Claire thanked her and Adam retrieved his son from Ben. Walking over to Claire, he bent down to let Claire kiss Jared goodnight. He also stole a kiss and didn’t care who saw it. Laura didn’t miss it.

It was time to leave. Roy walked out of the kitchen with a small package Chu put together for him. Hoss also had a package, but slightly larger.

Claire stood but made sure her face was turned away from the light.

Will thanked Adam for his hospitality and told Claire what a wonderful hostess she’d been. He asked Shelley for a hug which she dutifully gave and rubbed her eyes.

“I think your little one is tired,” said Will.

“She is. It’s past her bedtime,” replied Claire.

Adam placed his arm around Claire and walked closer to the departing guests.

Laura forced a smile. “Thank you for a wonderful afternoon and evening. Peggy we need to get in the carriage.”

The exchange from Laura caused Hoss to look at her in disbelief. He caught Claire’s look and winked at her with sadness in his eyes.

All goodbyes were said with the final goodbyes coming from Hank and Maggie. Adam walked Hank to the carriage and Maggie remained behind.

“Claire, I’ve never been one to interfere … but you’re going to have some explaining to do. I’m here if you need me.”

“I know Aunt Maggie. I’m trying to figure out just how to do that explaining.”

Quiet settled in. Adam raced Shelley into the house and Claire followed slowly. How was she going to handle things?

Chu was finishing cleaning the kitchen. Ming Lu walked down the stairs and announced the Jared was sleeping soundly. She offered to prepare Shelley for bed and Claire accepted.

Claire bent down to kiss Shelley and Adam noticed something he’d not seen earlier.

Shelley headed toward the stairs saying, “Ming Lu! Ming Lu! Where are you?”

* * * * * * * *

Claire decided it was best to face the situation head on and now.

Gently Adam took hold of her and pulled her to him. He loved the smell of her hair and the softness of her frame against him. He kissed her and she held him.

Adam released her and asked, “Want to tell me what you did to your face?”

Claire backed away and stood facing him. “I was slapped.”

“Slapped?” Adam asked in disbelief.

“Yes.”

The look on Adam’s face changed from one of loving tenderness to an intense look of concern.

“By who and when?”

Claire focused directly at Adam’s eyes. “This evening by Laura.”

Earlier in the day Adam had reached the point of no return. Claire’s response had now put him over it. His anger was not only audible but visible.

“What do you mean she slapped you?”

Claire was losing her temper. “Are you hard of hearing? Laura and I had a discussion of sorts and it ended with her slapping me. Was it called for? I don’t know. I’m not inside her head … but it did happen.”

Adam heard a tone from Claire he’d never heard before. He’d never seen her truly angry … now she was furious.

“I want to know what happened.”

Not liking Adam’s tone she said, “Adam you can change your tone. I’ll tell you what happened.”

Adam said nothing but waited for Claire to continue. He was seething inside and Claire sensed it.

“We were in the kitchen. She said some things I didn’t like and I told her what I thought. Apparently she didn’t care for what I thought and it resulted in this,” Claire said as she placed her hand on her face.

Adam stared in disbelief. “Are you hurt?”

“That might be the question I should be asking you,” she responded.

“I asked you a simple question Claire. Are you hurt?”

“No.”

The sound of quiet footsteps coming down the stairs caused them to turn. It was Ming Lu. She smiled graciously and said, “Shelley bathed and now sleep soundly like son. I take my leave and say good night.” Ming Lu disappeared.

“Alright. I want to know the details,” demanded Adam.

“I told you before that she’d crossed the line with me twice and there would not be a third time. It started by my complimenting her on a beautiful daughter and she asked that we stop interfering in her relationship with Peggy.”

“She what?”

“You heard me Adam. She believes that you, me …. I don’t know, are trying to interfere with her relationship with Peggy.”

Adam had reached a boiling point and Claire was now simmering. Adam leaned against the hearth and was quiet for a moment. He sighed and turned around.

“What brought it to you getting your face slapped?”

“I told her what I thought. In essence that she needed to focus on her family and deal with whatever was bothering her. I told her she seemed to run away from adversity rather than face it. I said some other things but I did let her know that you were my husband and the father or my children. She has Will and Peggy and that’s what she needed to concern herself with.”

This surprised Adam. “There’s more,” Adam said as if he had been present.

“She said what she thought. Told me she didn’t like what I was saying. In essence to shut up and mind my own business. My words probably came across judgmental but I don’t care.”

Adam’s full wrath was now visible. “Why didn’t you get me?”

“What was the point? We had guests that were having a good time. There was no reason to spoil that.”

“Did you step out of line with her?”

“What are you asking? No I didn’t and I can’t imagine you asking me a question like that.”

Adam got Claire’s point. He was sorry he’d asked but still harbored his own anger.

“I didn’t mean it that way Claire. I know she can be deceitful and cause problems.”

“Well she caused one tonight. How it’ll be resolved I don’t know. What I do know is I don’t want this to create divisiveness in the Cartwright family. She has problems but she is not going to come into this house and be rude, obnoxious, accusatory and offensive. I won’t stand for it and she now knows it.”

“It seems you were pretty thorough in speaking your mind.”

“I could have said more … but I believe I spoke the truth. Someone had to tell her. Will may be a man, but he’s partly responsible for her attitudes and behavior. The one who is caught up in all of this is Peggy. Furthermore, I see your cousin Will as a part of the deception and pretending that seems to be going on all around her. It may not be talked about any longer, but in my opinion he bears part of the responsibility for your broken engagement. There is accountability in life Adam!”

Claire hit a sore spot Adam thought was healed but he was the one who told Claire about his relationship with Laura and what happened.

His anger was at a fever pitch and he poured himself a brandy.

“Sit down Claire,” he ordered. As she did he continued.

“There is no way I’m going to allow anyone to hurt you or our children. I’m not criticizing you for what you said but this is another thing that has to be addressed. I’ll take care of it tomorrow. You can be sure of that!”

“What do you mean by another thing that has to be addressed?” Claire wondered.

Adam sat down and talked to her about the conversation he’d had with Peggy. How a child can be abused when they’re deceived. He told about the letters written that were never received by either of them. He was certain Laura intercepted them at the detriment of Peggy’s development.

“To say I’m angry is too gentle a word,” Adam added. “But it matters less to me if Will or Laura become alienated from the family. There should be a way to work this out for Peggy’s sake … but I don’t know what it is. If Laura were a man she’d need a doctor about now.”

Claire looked at the man she married. He poured himself another brandy and downed it with one swallow.

They looked at each other but said nothing. For once they were not able to know what the other was thinking.

Adam loved family. His father had instilled the value of family in him and his brothers which included extended family. He now saw a side of Claire that wasn’t perfect in his immediate family. Was she justified? He didn’t know … but he did know that he loved her and was learning more about her. Was the incident caused because of a bit of jealousy on Claire’s part? He wondered.

Claire began to feel tired. She wasn’t sure what Adam was going to do. Would this rift separate the Cartwrights? How would Peggy be affected? Claire had ‘free will’ and exhibited it. She didn’t feel she needed to explain further.

Standing up Claire said, “Adam I’m tired and going to bed. Perhaps sleep can give us a different perspective. As for what I’ve told you – you should be able to understand it. To continue talking now isn’t going to benefit either of us. ”

Claire turned and headed toward the staircase. She turned back and looked at Adam.

“Adam?” she said quietly. “I’m not perfect. I have flaws – but I at least know it.”

“Claire I’ll be up as soon as I secure the house but I doubt my feelings will be any different in the morning. Deceit and abuse aren’t something I’m going to tolerate. I want you to know that.”

NINETEEN

Claire checked the children. They were the peace and harmony in her home at the moment. Her words to Adam might have sounded harsh but she said what she meant. It was his problem if he didn’t understand.

Claire dressed for bed quickly and was finishing brushing her hair when Adam entered. He was quiet when he entered. He started to unbutton his shirt and stopped. Claire headed to turn the covers of the bed back when Adam took hold of her arm.

He didn’t know how to start. Letting out a sigh he tried to lighten the moment by asking, “Are we having an argument?”

“I don’t know Adam. Are we?” she replied as she continued to prepare the bed. Her look wasn’t a pleasant one.

“Claire I’m sorry this whole thing happened tonight. I don’t hold you to blame and realize how hard it must have been for you to maintain your composure through it all.”

Adam was trying to find the right words but wasn’t succeeding.

“Why should I be to blame?” asked Claire. “Do you think I shouldn’t have let her know I’d had enough of her purely bad behavior? I wanted this to be a pleasant visit. If it’s turned out to be anything other than that it’s because she turned on me – on the Cartwright family.”

“OK. I understand what you’re saying. I don’t want this incident to cause friction between us. We have to settle this.”

Claire removed her robe and scooted into bed. She punched her pillow and laid back on it.

“Adam it’s not going to be pleasant … not for any of the family.”

Adam returned to buttoning his shirt and tucking it into his pants.

“Claire you can be a bit of a spitfire. Now hear me out before you say anything. You can be wrong just like the rest of us. I’m not saying you are, but I can see there are levels that a person shouldn’t cross with you – including me.”

Adam pulled his boots back on as the downstairs clocked chimed nine times.

“You’re right Adam. Some things can be carried just so far. I’m far from perfect and glad you realize that.”

“We’ll weather this together no matter what the consequences,” he added. “Did you really tell her “Adam and I are married?”

Looking at the ceiling Claire said, “You bet I did!”

Adam stood facing his wife and knew his children were settled for the night. He wasn’t going to sleep. He couldn’t until he settled something and tomorrow was too long to wait.

The stern tone of his voice and the carefully orchestrated words caused Claire to look at him. “I’ll be back Claire. There’s something that can’t wait until tomorrow.”

“Adam what are you going to do?”

“What I should have done half an hour ago. Ride to the Ponderosa and talk to Will. You’ll be fine. I’ll let Chu know where I’m going.”

“Adam in the mood you’re in don’t leave.”

“The mood I’m in is the reason I’m leaving.”

* * * * * * * *

The ride back to the Ponderosa seemed short. Hop Sing met everyone at the front door. “Hope you had good time. Rooms all ready for night. Fresh coffee on the stove and tea for Missy Laura.”

Will offered to help Hoss put the horses and carriage away for the night but Hoss declined. He tossed his food package to Will and asked him to take it into the house. He didn’t want time alone just yet with Will. Too many memories had crept back to remind him of the past. He wondered, what kind of man is Will? What are we in for tomorrow? Adam ain’t going to let this pass and I’ll stand right behind him.

Laura seemed agitated which did not go unnoticed by Ben. “Something wrong Laura?” Ben asked.

Nervously Laura responded. “Not really. It’s getting late and I want to get Peggy settled in for the night.”

“Mommy I can do it myself. You and daddy can come up later to say goodnight.”

“Sure Laura,” Will added. “She’s quite capable. You go ahead sweetheart.”

Peggy said goodnight and rushed up the stairs. Ben brought fresh coffee from the kitchen while Laura stood staring into the fire biting on a finger. Her mind was elsewhere and a sense of fear overwhelmed her.

Joe brought out the checker board and baited Will into playing. Ben laughed as he warned Will to keep an eye on the board. Joe just grimaced.

Laura excused herself to check on Peggy. She needed time to think … time to collect herself. She wished they’d now actually stayed in Virginia City.

What was I thinking when I slapped Claire? There’s no way I can run away from this. She … she …. Laura could not get her thoughts together. Quietly she looked at herself in the mirror. Was Claire right? Do I not know what I want? Am I threatened? She quickly tried to erase her thoughts and decided to go check on Peggy.

Ben, Will and Joe were laughing and having a slightly boisterous conversation. Joe set up the checker board again. They never heard the sound of the urgent arrival.

Seeing the light in the barn Adam walked in. Hoss was finishing up the last of the tack. Adam quietly walked in and looked at his brother. Sensing someone was there Hoss turned around.

“Adam you ought not sneak up on a person like that. ‘Sides, whad’ya you doing here?”

Hoss knew the reason and also knew what the look on Adam’s face meant.

“There’s something I need to take care of. Is Will in the house?”

“Yeah they’re all in there,” Hoss replied. “Is somethin’ wrong? You ain’t lookin too happy.”

“It’s personal Hoss,” Adam said as he turned to head to the house. His anger propelled him to move quickly.

As Adam was leaving the barn Hoss yelled, “It ain’t personal Adam.”

Adam stopped and turned to his brother. Hoss could barely see the eyes beneath the black hat, but knew they had to be as black as that hat. Adam was angry and he didn’t have to admit that fact. Hoss knew him to well.

“Meaning?” asked Adam.

Hoss walked over to Adam. “Meaning if’n you’re in this kind of mood it ain’t personal. It’s family and we’re all in this together.”

The dark eyes just focused on his brother.

“Adam it ain’t none of my business – but in a way it is.”

“Spit it out Hoss,” Adam said curtly.

“You’re plum mad about something and that’s plain. How you handle it is something diff’rent. I’m mad too but I’m trying to deal with it in my way.”

Hearing Hoss admit he was angry spoke volumes. “Then you know Laura slapped Claire?”

Hanging his head slightly, Hoss said, “Yep. Claire made me promise not to say anything.”

Adam just looked at Hoss and touched his arm. He then disappeared.

“Set’em up again Will,” laughed Joe. “Best two out of three.”

The door opened and thinking it was Hoss Joe said, “Hoss your snack is on the table.”

“I’ve already eaten.” The voice caused heads to turn.

“Adam, did we take something we shouldn’t have and you came to get it,” teased Joe.

Ben realized this was not a laughing matter. He knew his son too well. Instinct told him to remain focused on his oldest son.

Ignoring Joe’s teasing, Adam looked directly at his cousin Will. “Will would you mind stepping outside? I need to talk to you.”

The coldness in Adam’s voice was not an invitation. Will was puzzled but stood up and said, “Why sure Adam. Is there something wrong?”

“I’ll be outside,” was all Adam said as he walked out the door leaving it open. He passed Hoss on the way out and headed toward the barn.

Joe and Ben were concerned. “Wonder who put a burr in Adam’s saddle,” Joe wondered out loud.

“I don’t know,” added Ben, “But it must be serious if he rode over here.”

“You think Will did something to get on Adam’s wrong side?”

Hoss couldn’t keep the promise. It wouldn’t be long before everyone would know anyway. “It has to do with Laura.”

“Laura?” asked Ben. “Hoss you can’t be serious.”

“I’m as sure as the color of them pines is green. I don’t know all the details, but sometime during the barbecue I guess Laura and Claire had words. Seems like … no it don’t seem like because I saw her face first hand … Laura slapped Claire and I’d say pretty hard too. Claire made me promise not to say anything.”

The look on the faces was one of disbelief. “Where does it end pa?” asked Joe. “I wonder if Will knew anything about it.”

“Will can be oblivious to some things, but I don’t think he knew. He wouldn’t let this type of thing go,” Ben said with assuredness.

“What do you thinks gonna happen now?” asked Joe.

“It’s fer sure I don’t know,” added Hoss, “But I’d say we need to keep our eyes and ears open.”

Ben appeared somber. He loved his brother’s son and he loved his eldest son. This turn of events caused him deep concern and worry.

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs had become familiar. As Laura entered the great room she said, “Well, that’s taken care of. Peggy is finally asleep. Now I think I’ll pour a cup of Hop Sings herb tea.”

Joe was reliving three years earlier and his sarcasm spilled out. “You’re gonna need it.”

“Joseph!” Ben scolded.

Laura turned and noticed Will was missing. “Where’s Will?”

Joe turned and looked angrily at Laura. “He’s outside with Adam.”

The only sound heard was the shattering of china against the floor.

*
TWENTY

Eyes focused on Laura. The look on her face comprised the recipe for disaster; a teaspoon of shame; a tablespoon of dishonesty; a cup of fear; and a pound of guilt. She quickly grabbed her skirt and headed for the stairs.

“Laura,” called Ben. He tried to maintain a calm tone. “There’s no need to be upset over the breaking of a cup and saucer.” He walked closer to the woman about to place her foot on a step. Placing his hand on her arm he could feel the tremors sourcing through her.

“Is something wrong?” Ben asked.

She faced Ben and then looked at Joe and Hoss. “I … I … well not really. I’ve just got some things I need to take care of. I’m positive none of you would understand.”

“Why don’t you try us,” Joe said stepping forward. “After all the Cartwrights do help their own.”

Ben cast a critical glow at Joe for his cynical tone. Hoss sat down and never removed his eyes from the look on Laura’s face.

Laura realized she was outnumbered by Cartwrights and was sure she’d have to get through this night without their support and perhaps that of Will.

“Excuse me,” she said and hurried up the stairs. The sound of the bedroom door closing made quite a statement to the three pair of eyes peering at each other. What type of statement was being made outside by Adam?

Will briskly walked toward his cousin who was leaning against the corral rail. His hands were interlocked as he looked out into the dark night … a night that matched his mood.

“OK Adam, I’m here. Now what’s on your mind?”

Adam tried to contain his anger. He slowly stood up and faced his cousin.

“We have a situation that needs to be addressed. I wanted to share it with you first before I talk with Laura … and I will talk with her.”

The half smile on Will’s face disappeared. He knew Adam was more than serious.

“Alright then, tell me what the situation is that seems to have you in this mood and why you need to speak with Laura.”

Adam leaned against the corral. “You know it really wasn’t a very long time ago I spoke to you in that barn over there about understanding and not holding any ill feelings toward you for loving Laura.”

Will took a defensive stance. “I remember and I told you I was leaving the Ponderosa and that’s what I intended to do.”

“You left the Ponderosa but you didn’t leave alone,” Adam said between clenched teeth.

“This can’t be about Laura after all this time. You’re married with a family. You’ve moved on. So have we.”

Hear me clearly Will,” Adam said pointing his finger. “I meant what I said then because I realized I didn’t love Laura enough for marriage whether I was in a wheelchair or not.”

Will shifted his weight and looked directly at the man talking.

“What I did was fool myself by not addressing something I should have. Call it being noble or whatever you want. Regardless of my not marrying Laura or not, you Will, spoke to me of not doing anything behind my back. I accepted that but knew it was a lie.”

“Now wait a minute Adam.”

“No! You wait Will. I came here for a reason and you’re going to hear it. For you and Laura to be as much in love as you were didn’t just happen. It had to be brewing for some time. Your words were a lie but I accepted that and wished you both well. I meant that at the time. I’d forgotten about it and was glad to see you when you arrived.”

“Well I’m glad to hear that. I was glad to see you, Ben and the boys as well. It seems now that stopping here was a mistake … a huge mistake.”

“I’d have to agree with you. What you and Laura did was purely selfish on your parts. There was another person in this and that was Peggy. To not consider the relationship she and I had without the possibility of me explaining things was wrong. Leaving the way you did was what a coward does.”

Will had heard enough and was ready to deck Adam. He clenched his fists but Adam didn’t care.

“Now that you’ve told me what you think of me I’ll call it a night,” Will said as he turned away from Adam.

“That’s not the reason I came,” Adam continued.

“Well if that’s not the reason you came you’re making a darn good start. Knowing you, if there’s more, and regardless what you think of me, I’m man enough to hear it.”

“Two things I need answers to Will and I’m pretty sure they can’t come from you.”

“You’re on a roll cousin. Why don’t you just lay it out for me? The way you look and sound I guess I should be glad I don’t have the answers.”

“After you, Laura and Peggy left I wrote several letters.”

“I know. We received your letter,” Will added. “I thought it made things pretty clear and appreciated your gesture.”

Anger was welling up in Adam to a fever pitch. “I said ‘letters’ … not letter!”

Will’s look changed to a look of confusion. Adam realized it.

“Look Adam, I’m a Cartwright just like you. I’ll go to whatever lengths necessary to put things to rest – even if that means going through you. So you better start talking plain or this conversation is over.”

“Alright. I’ll make it as plain as I can,” Adam said with anger controlled words. “Have either you or Laura thought about Peggy? I mean really thought about her and what she needs? I wrote more than one letter and Peggy wrote me letters. Neither one of us received them. I want to know why!”

Will didn’t like Adam’s tone but his question was more puzzling.

“I don’t now what you’re talking about. There were never any more letters.”

“There were Will,” Adam said looking through steel hard eyes. “When Peggy and I visited yesterday we had a conversation. That’s when she told me she thought I was angry with her because I never answered any of her letters. She also told me she never received the letters I’d written.”

Will was taken aback by what he was hearing. He didn’t want to believe what seemed to be quickly becoming obvious.

“Now how do you explain to a little girl in the midst of being uprooted from what she knew that she was still cared about and not at fault for changes in her life? Thinking no response to her letters had only been a vain attempt on her part to reach out for me and never getting a response. What do you think that can do to a child especially when she needs the care and support of a male figure in her life?”

Will was quickly trying to make sense of what Adam was saying. He didn’t want to believe the obvious. Laura?

* * * * * * * *

The three remaining male Cartwrights were wondering what was going on outside and wondering what Laura was doing upstairs.

“Pa you don’t suppose Adam and Will are gonna get into a fight do ya?” posed Hoss.

“I hope they’re adult enough to settle this matter without it coming to that. Adam is protective of Claire and I’m sure Will is the same as far as Laura is concerned, but this turn of events is serious.”

Joe threw his hands up. “Pa, no one here has said one word about what happened to Adam when Laura and Will left. We nursed him back to health and were the ones who lived the pain he felt. Right now it’s as if it was yesterday. Laura and Will … bringing misery with them.”

“Shhhhhh Joe,” urged Ben. “Remember Peggy’s upstairs.”

“Joe’s right pa. Will may be one of us but he’s different. I ain’t sayin’ that’s bad, but the situation right now couldn’t be worse and it’s all tied up in Laura.”

“I know. I know,” was Ben’s reply.

“Think we ought to go out and see about them?” Joe asked.

“No. We’ll sit here and wait. For one thing, we’re not going to bed until we see they’re both alright,” Ben scowled.

“Pa you can’t say you ain’t been thinking about Adam and what happened. I can’t help but feel Laura is a person who attracts misery … or better yet causes it. I have some choice words for her,” Hoss chimed in.

“I’ve heard both of you. None of us are happy about things, least of all Adam, but we’re going to try to be as cordial as we can under the circumstances. Is that understood?”

Joe looked at his father. “Under the circumstances, I can’t be cordial.”

Ben looked at his two sons. He heard Joe but asked, “Hoss, do you really feel the same way?”

“Yep I do pa. I’ll be polite as I can be but you taught us to be honest. If’n there’s a time I need to be honest, I ain’t gonna hold my tongue.”

Ben walked to the window and looked out. He didn’t see either Adam or Will. He did see Adam’s horse.

“The one I feel sorry for is Peggy,” added Joe. “She’s a wonderful child and doesn’t need to be in the middle of this mess. I’ll do my best to keep this from her but with Laura for her mother, I can only …..”

Ben interrupted Joe’s words. “We all feel love and compassion for Peggy. We’ll just have to do our best to be there for her, and Will.”

Hoss looked at his father. “And Laura pa?”

“I’m trying hard son, but to be honest, right now I don’t really know – I’m not even sure about Will.”

Quiet settled in as the three went back to waiting.

* * * * * * * *

Will hadn’t returned and Laura wondered what was going on. She looked out the window but wasn’t able to see Will or Adam. She knew Adam had a temper and was certain he’d found out about the incident. Will loved her she thought and would come to her defense and protect her as he always did. The Cartwrights wouldn’t understand but Will would. At least she hoped.

“I wasn’t supposed to be her father and I know that now,” Adam added. “But Peggy didn’t and we both thought of me as her father. Did you consider that or were you so blinded by your love for Laura that you forgot about Peggy? You’re her father and she needs honest support and love from both her parents.”

“Don’t judge me Adam,” Will said coldly. “I love Peggy and have tried to make sure she knows that. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

“Now you know how I felt when you left Nevada,” spewed Adam. “I’d suggest if there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for Peggy you need to stop wearing blinders and do it now.”

Will was ready to throw a punch but stopped himself. “So now who’s this about Adam? I can’t believe that thick skin of yours hasn’t covered your upset over Peggy.”

“If you think it’s about me and Peggy you’re right. You or maybe Laura created the unhappiness Peggy’s felt for the last few years. I care about how she’s doing and what she may have been through. Those letters would have been a way to help her. She was only a child.”

Will was taking the venom and anger Adam was leveling at him. He had no idea about the letters but was going to make a point of finding out.

“There’s more Will,” Adam said breaking a twig.

“I doubt there’s a reasonable explanation for the letters,” Will added hopefully. In his heart he knew there wasn’t. He was beginning to feel the heat of anger and more so, disappointment. What had he not seen as related to Peggy? What did he miss in Laura’s actions? Had he been so caught up in his love for Laura that he was shielded against others and most especially his family?

Adam could see Will was thinking. “I want answers Will. I’m not leaving without them, particularly when they effect my family.”

Will cut his eyes sharply at Adam. Both men were tall, strong and steadfast in their commitment to their wives.

“Adam I didn’t know about the letters but I’ll get to the bottom of it.”

“I’m being respectful of you as Laura’s husband by telling you these things. But I intend to talk with her about what I think and feel – with or without your approval. I just want you to understand that. There’s not going to be any third party intervention in this. Above all Peggy has to be protected and I have no idea how that can happen.”

“Adam I didn’t know. I’m not offering an excuse. I didn’t know,” Will said in an upset tone.

“Well there’s one other piece that I won’t tolerate and that’s Claire being abused.”

It was clear on Will’s face he didn’t know what Adam was talking about.

“I’m going to tell you what I told Claire. If Laura was a man, she’d need a doctor right about now.”

“Now that’s a pretty harsh statement Adam. You better explain yourself,” Will retorted.

“I don’t need to explain myself but Laura does. I want to know why she felt it necessary to slap Claire this afternoon! I want to know now.”

The shock of Adam’s last statement caught Will off guard. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Transference of Adam’s anger was now residing in Will.

“But when? Why? Laura hasn’t mentioned it.”

“I’m not surprised Will but I intend to find out. Now you know and the answers can only come from her.”

“Adam I’m truly sorry. I hope you believe me.”

“For some strange reason I do, but my anger is still raw and I want to speak to Laura. Now do you want to get her or shall I?”

Will was completely engulfed in Adam’s anger and his own personal rage was making its way to the surface.

Between clenched teeth Will said, “I’ll get her. Come with me.”

The two men headed toward the house. The clock in the great room chimed ten times.

The door opened and Will’s eyes were no longer kind and gentle. He looked toward the stairs and without saying a word to anyone took deliberate steps and disappeared.

“Adam?” Ben queried.

“It’s not settled but I think Will understands … maybe more than he wants to.” Adam tossed his hat on the credenza. The darkness of his eyes was clearly revealed. He stood with his hands on his hips staring at the stairs. Joe slouched in his chair and Hoss just stared from the floor to his older brother. No one said anything.

TWENTY-ONE

Quiet permeated the great room of the Ponderosa. The silence was broken by a simple question.

“Adam you alright?” asked Hoss.

Eyes and ears were awaiting the response.

“I will be,” was all he said.

“Why don’t you have a seat Adam? You’re not going to grow any taller standing there,” Joe chortled trying to lighten the mood.

Adam merely cast a lukewarm glance at his brother and walked to the settee. He sat leaning forward on his knees with his hands clasped. The look on his face wasn’t one of worry like it had been when Claire was giving birth to Jared. This time it was a look of wanting to settle a matter he felt strongly about.

He was upset but found himself locked into a space and time he’d lived through. His family continued to talk to him but their words were not heard.

Memories of disclosure from Laura years before weaved a web back into the forefront of his mind. It was a time she’d shared her feelings about her relationship with her first husband – Frank. Did that have something to do with her behavior? Had she led such a sheltered life that caused her to be unable to make appropriate decisions? Was her escape to run away from problems rather than face them? What caused her immaturity?

Adam shook that day and time from his memory and tossed his questions aside. She was an adult and had to be held accountable for her actions. Did she think what she’d done would not come out of the darkness into the light?

No one knew what was taking place upstairs but they were certain of the reason.

“Son,” said Ben. “We know what happened today and it’s disturbing. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I already talked to Will. I’m waiting for Laura,” was his curt response.

* * * * * * * *

The conversation between Will and Laura was not as quiet as it could have been. Fortunately Peggy’s bedroom was at the other end of the house.

“Laura I love you and I want to understand. What were you thinking?” Will asked. “You and I both know how difficult it was for me to be accepted by Peggy that first year. She moped and was very unhappy. There were times I thought she hated me for marrying you and there was the anger that she hurled at you. I know that hurt.”

“But she got over it Will and she loves you now.”

“Laura wake up! It could have been made easier. You could have helped rather than deceiving her and me. Why didn’t you give her Adam’s letters? Why didn’t you mail her letters to him? I need an answer.”

“Will I’m not going to answer you … I can’t answer you when you’re this upset,” she said defensively.

“I have a right to be upset and I know you understand that. Now I want answers and not excuses!”

Laura could see Will was not going to budge and his stance made her nervous.

“She was just a child at the time and she wouldn’t have understood.”

“Cut it out Laura. I have tried my hardest to gain her trust and love. Because I love you and want to help you I have to ask who the child is here – you or Peggy.”

Will had pushed Laura’s button. She quickly turned to him with a glaring look.

Will sensed something deeply troubling Laura. Although he was angry with her, there was a piece of him that wanted to reach out and help her. Perhaps he’d helped her and made life simple too often he thought.

“Will, what do you expect? You want simple answers to things that aren’t simple. I’m tired and I’m going to bed.”

“Don’t even consider it,” he said frustrated. “Adam is waiting downstairs to talk to you. Let’s go.”

“I’m not going downstairs to be accosted by Adam,” she replied.

“My dear you don’t have a choice. You made your bed and you’re going to have to lie in it. My plan was to continue to mend relationships with the family and it seems we’ve only started a war between me, you and my family.”

“That’s right! You’re family. I’m not a part of it. I’ve never been a part of it ever since Adam’s accident.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It was my fault for Adam’s accident. Had I not put him off and spent time with you maybe we would have gotten married. I wasn’t honest with him. I pretended all the time I loved him but it was you I loved.”

Will stood back and listened to Laura’s confession. “I … I … didn’t know how to handle that situation and after we married I felt even more guilty about what I’d done … about our being in love and not telling him.”

Laura turned and continued. “You felt it too. You told me so – so don’t act as if you’ve no part in this.”

“I don’t Laura. There’s a difference. I owned up to what I’d done. I faced it. You didn’t.”

Laura turned her back and walked to the window. “Coming back here made me nervous. I was hoping things would be like they were before. I was mistaken when I thought we were happy – all of us.”

“Well it seems to me you haven’t let go of the past and you haven’t grown up. You’re not on a pedestal. Adam is a man. He hurts like a man and he loves like a man … yes I said loves like a man. I suspect your behavior this whole time has had to do with worrying about what people thought of you rather than accepting their warmth.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Will.”

“I think I do. When I asked about Adam you never answered me.”

Laura turned with fury in her movements. “I love you Will. I married you.”

“Yes you did marry me. When Ben wrote Adam was married I guess your childishness came out. You loved me and still love me, I know that … but you’re not a queen that everyone should fall under some ridiculous and imaginary spell you think you cast. You’re spoiled Laura and I have not helped.”

“I don’t want to argue and I don’t want Peggy upset.”

“That’s always the excuse isn’t it Laura. You don’t want Peggy to be upset. Well she isn’t a baby Laura. She can deal with the truth. What you’ve done is put a wall between the two of you. What you really don’t want is to hear the truth from me right now.”

“Stop it Will! You don’t know what you’re talking about. I have done nothing but try to give her the best and to see that she was loved – that she knew she was loved. You can’t find fault with that.”

The tone of Will’s voice changed. “I know you love her and I believe that without a doubt. But the one thing you have not given her is the honesty she deserves. I just don’t think you can handle that.”

“I think you have said enough Will. Perhaps at some point you’ll understand.”

“Perhaps. I want to believe that. Right now you’re going to talk with Adam, hear what he has to say and explain your actions.”

The look in Laura’s eyes was shock. “I’m not going to deal with this now. It’s been a trying day and it’ll have to wait.”

“You don’t have a choice. Let’s go Laura. Get yourself together because this night is far from over.”

* * * * * * * *

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs and the ticking of the clock were the only sounds heard. Ben, Joe and Hoss stood as Laura entered followed by Will. She was aware of the looks on their faces. The one face she didn’t want to look at was Adam’s.

Speculation was creeping through all the Cartwrights. None knew what was going to happen.

Adam stood and his dark eyes sliced through Laura like a knife. Nervously she looked around at the faces and finally let her eyes fall on Adam.

“Laura we have to talk,” Adam said calmly.

“Adam surely this can wait until the morning. It’s getting late,” she responded in a voice that was almost a whisper.

“I know the hour but this won’t take long.”

Ben offered to excuse himself and take Joe and Hoss with him.

Adam responded never taking his eyes off Laura, “That’s not necessary pa. It’s a nice evening out and this won’t take long.”

Adam looked at Will and asked, “With your permission?”

The hurt expression on Will’s face was evident as he nodded his head in the affirmative.

Adam opened the door but this time waited. Laura looked at Will and saw the upset in his eyes.

“Adam’s waiting,” was all Will said.

Laura slowly walked across the room. As she neared the door she tossed her head back as if she was confident and walked out. The door closed quietly.

Will stared at the closed door. He bit his lower lip. Ben sensed a suffering soul in his nephew. He offered him a brandy which he accepted and slowly sat down looking at the door.

Joe and Hoss looked at their cousin. “Ah … Will if you want to be alone me and the boys can go up to bed. It is getting late.”

“You know Ben, I sometimes think it’s already too late. There’s no need for you to leave. I feel like I need to talk and want to share some honesty with … all of you.”

Hoss noticed Will’s tone had changed to a more gentle sound. If Will was still angry it wasn’t showing. What Hoss thought he saw was a hurt and a deep love for Laura.

“Ben, I think it would be best if we left in the morning and took rooms in town.”

“Ummm if that’s what you want but you know you’re all welcome to stay here.”

Will could only muster, “Thank you but it may be difficult.”

Hoss and Joe looked at each other and as if synchronized, both stood and announced they were going to bed. Ben watched as they headed up the stairs.

The wait was painful. Painful for Will who was battling emotions of upset, anger, hurt and love.

The wait was painful for Ben because two men he cared deeply for were caught in an abyss from which no one knew if either of them would return.

Putting his glass down, Ben said, “I’m going up to bed but before I do I want you to listen to me.”

Will rolled the brandy glass between his hands.

“I’m not going to tell you I’m not disturbed. I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I said that. One thing I do know is that truth is the only road to happiness no matter how hard and bumpy the road is.”

Will looked at his uncle. He knew the pain he’d caused him, and now with Laura yet again. But his uncle was giving of himself.

“I don’t know how this is going to turn out but I want to tell you something,” Ben said.

“Forgiveness doesn’t mean we suppress anger; forgiveness means we have asked for a sort of miracle; the ability to see through mistakes that someone has made to the truth that lies in our hearts …. all of our hearts. Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered than to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there’s no peace without forgiveness. To be wronged is nothing unless you honestly address it, and then, and only then, it becomes nothing unless you continue to remember it.”

Ben placed his hand on his nephew’s shoulder and slowly walked up the stairs. His heart was heavy and he knew he’d have to work hard to try to forgive Laura her actions. Claire was his daughter and he couldn’t accept the fact that family would attack another member of the family … not his family. As he passed the door to Peggy’s bedroom, he thought …. “and then there’s Peggy.”

* * * * * * * *

Adam pulled out a chair for Laura to sit down.

“Thank you Adam,” she said with a curt tone, “But I’d rather stand.”

“Fine then I’ll sit.”

Laura looked at him as he removed his hat and tossed it on the table. The outside lamps showed the handsomeness she’d always admired. He looked particularly striking to her in the light because of the contrast of his skin tone against the white shirt he was still wearing. A hint of needing a shave was beginning to appear but she could still see the cleft in his chin. His dimple was deep but not from smiling. It was from the tightness set in his jaw. She noticed the gold band on his left hand.

“This might be easier on you if you would take a seat.”

Laura sighed, sat down across from him and said, “You haven’t changed. Always giving orders.”

Adam let the comment go.

“Laura, I want to get to the point. There’s no reason not to. I’m not sure what you and Will discussed but I have some questions I want answers on.” He was trying to control his temper as he spoke.

“Alright Adam. You were always right about things as I remember no matter what the real circumstances may have been,” she said rudely.

“I’m angry Laura. You need to hear that from me. You played games for quite a while now and it seems that you’re continuing to do so.”

“Are you going to insult me as well as ridicule me Adam? Why not just get to whatever it is you have to say?” Laura questioned.

“Oh I plan to do just that.”

“I see. Is that why you had to talk to my husband instead of me?”

“Laura I spoke with Will because he needed to know what I’m angry about and he needed to hear it from me. Further, it would not make the situation any better disregarding him and going directly to you. You are his wife.”

“Always the gentleman aren’t you Adam?” Laura asked sarcastically.

The comments Laura was making were causing his controlled ire to rise.

“I put behind me the fact that you and Will were in love and didn’t tell me. That you allowed me to think you still cared when you didn’t.”

“Oh so it’s my fault?”

“You can’t control who you love or how you love. What you can be is honest. Neither of you were. You knew how I felt about Peggy and how close we were. She’d gone through a painful period after Frank died in the horse accident and you didn’t tell her until four moths later that he wasn’t really on a business trip. You didn’t face it but she knew he was dead.”

“I told you then and I’ll say it again, I did what I thought was best at the time.”

“Did you really or are you still deceiving yourself?” Adam asked. “If you recall, you couldn’t tell her the truth then and asked me to do it. Now you’ve done the same thing to her. You know I wrote letters to her to try to explain why we were not married. She never got those letters. She also wrote letters to me … reaching out in her pain and I never received them.” Adam continued to control his anger but Laura could see it in his eyes.

“Why was that Laura?”

“I don’t expect you to understand,” she replied.

“Well why don’t you try to explain it to me?”

Laura’s eyes widened as she fidgeted in her seat. Adam looked directly at her and waited.

“It was over for us and I didn’t see any point to it,” she offered. “No good could have come from the exchange of those letters. Will and I were trying to build a life and ….”

“…and you thought of yourselves and not the effect on Peggy,” Adam finished the sentence.

“That’s not true.”

Adam leaned forward on the table. “It’s most certainly the truth. There was no intent on my part to come between you, Will and Peggy. I didn’t love you the way he did, but I cared deeply for Peggy and her happiness. You took that away from her and until this very moment she has no idea what you’ve done. How do you live with yourself? Can you answer that?”

“Adam what I did was for all of us. She was going through an adjustment and I didn’t think it was in her best interest.”

A slight smile crept across Adam’s face. The lamps of the house shown on his face. “You were afraid Laura. You were threatened and you were dishonest. You didn’t even share the fact that letters were being written with Will. What way is that to build a relationship and a life? Didn’t you ever think of the harm you were causing Peggy? I don’t think so. It was all about you and the fact that I’d written to her trying to ease her conscious didn’t sit well with you.”

“You have no idea why I did what I did. Don’t judge me now or ever.”

“I don’t have to do that. You’ve set yourself up to be judged by others – most especially Will and Peggy.”

“Peggy? She doesn’t have any idea. It’s only by accident that the two of you found out about the letters.”

“You’re going to tell her,” he said in a matter of fact way.

Laura’s eyes became cold. “Are you threatening me?”

“On the contrary. You cheated and deceived me and you did the same to Peggy. She’s the one that’s important here – not you! She’s the one that needs a mother and not another childish playmate. She’s growing up but it seems you’re not.”

“I’m not going to sit here and listen to this,” she said as she started to get up.

Adam took hold of her arm and said, “Yes you are.”

Laura realized that she had no choice. She just wanted this to be over.

“You took away something that was needed by both Peggy and me at a critical time in our lives. We were both hurting in our own ways but you didn’t have the compassion to understand that then and you don’t have the compassion and nerve to deal with it now that it’s out in the open.”

Laura wanted to be anywhere else but in Nevada. She’d always had Will to take care of things and now she wasn’t even sure of that any longer.

Almost as if Adam was reading her mind he said, “When I’m finished saying what I came here to say, what do you think Will and Peggy are going to feel? BLAME is a five letter word Laura. You need to ask yourself who’s to blame for this situation.”

Laura was furious. Adam could see the crimson in her cheeks but he was sharing his honesty regardless of the discomfort it may be causing.

“You won’t have to worry about it Adam. I plan for Peggy, Will and I to leave first thing in the morning. You Cartwrights have a way of making a person not feel welcome and as far as I can see, the welcome mat has been removed.”

“That may be because of you. Remember one thing, Will is a Cartwright too!”

Laura realized she was not gaining ground.

Adam sat back in his chair. “There’s something special about family Laura. We protect our family and those we love. I love Claire and my children and any harm that comes to them has to be dealt with.”

Laura’s eyes widened. Her heart started beating faster.

“I’m not sure what caused it, but I want to know why you slapped my wife. There can’t be any explanation good enough for your actions.”

Leaning forward Adam continued without blinking an eye. ”Claire is NOT a person who goes out of her way to make problems. She can take only so much before she expresses herself.”

Snidely Laura said, “I suppose your precious Claire doesn’t have any faults. She’s perfect in every way.”

“You’re right. She’s perfect in every way for me and the children. I’m not threatening you, but that action seems totally out of character for you and it will NEVER happen again. It was hard for me to believe until I saw her face – but you will apologize!”

“She deserved it. She was criticizing me and telling me how I should be a better mother to Peggy. No one does that – EVER! I suppose she’s the epitome of motherhood.”

Adam’s eyes closed slightly as he looked at the lost woman across from him. He was sure Will was going to have his hands full.

“She has her flaws just as I do. What overcomes them is that we’re open and honest. I’m still waiting for an answer. Why did you slap her?

Laura realized there was no escape. Adam was facing her and Will was waiting for her inside.

Tears began to fill Laura’s eyes. Adams words had been cutting and he was defending a child he cared about and a woman he loved.

“It’s because I want the kind of happiness you have. From the moment I arrived it was evident that you and she were more than happy. Everyone loved her.”

“And you didn’t think we’d gotten over the past and cared just as much for you, Will and Peggy?”

“I don’t know. You seemed to have so much together – and then I saw you kiss her and knew something was missing for Will and me.”

“So you’re saying because she spoke her mind and you felt something was missing in your life it gave you the right to slap her?”

Laura had no response.

The coldness returned to Adam’s voice. “Listen to me Laura. This will most assuredly never happen again. What Claire and I have is because of the people we are. No secrets. No games. We look forward to our future. We make our life what it is. I’d venture Will has been trying to do that with you. What have you done?”

A tear rolled down Laura’s cheek but Adam felt no sympathy. Whatever her emotions were – they were of her own making.

“You can run away Laura but you can’t run away from yourself. Only you can turn things around. You have a beautiful daughter that needs a mother. I think it’s time you started acting like one.”

Adam stood up and Laura’s eyes followed him. “I’m not sorry for what I’ve said because it’s what I felt and I don’t mince words. Now it’s up to you to do what’s right and not what you mold into being right.”

Laura could only listen. Her voice had left her. She watched as Adam put his hat on and looked at her not with compassion or warmth … but a look of disgust.

“I’m going home to my wife and children. I’ll sleep better tonight having done what I came here to do. What are you going to do so that you can sleep?”

Laura’s mouth dropped open as she watched Adam stroll away and ride off into the darkness.

TWENTY-TWO

Sleep was optional at the Ponderosa with the exception of Peggy. She had no awareness of what had taken place and that her dear friend and confidant Adam Cartwright had paid a visit.

Ben lay in his bed tossing and wondering how to handle things. He opened the Bible and read. When finished he tried to reshape his thoughts and think of ways to quell his upset and that of his family. Thoughts turned to the enjoyment had earlier in the day. How could he help establish that again?

Hoss tossed not because he wasn’t tired but because a sensitive piece inside kept nagging at him. He, too, was trying to sort out his feelings. The tug of war was difficult when his brother and cousin both hurt – a hurt there was no medicine for.

Joe lay on his side with his pillow twisted between his arms. He’d not share with anyone his thoughts of the moment, but he was feeling empathy for his cousin. However he viewed the current situation, there was an internal battle he fought to reach forgiveness for Laura.

Will heard Adam leave and waited. The clocked clicked away the minutes but Laura didn’t come inside. Impatience brought him to his feet and he headed out. Standing in the shadow of the lamp lit porch was Laura. She stood motionless.

Will watched her for a moment and then called her name, “Laura.”

She didn’t respond. She merely dropped her head. Will walked over to her. He turned her around and said her name again, “Laura.”

Through a tearful and emotional voice she said, “How can you speak to me when you feel the way Adam feels?”

“I’m speaking to you because you’re my wife. Regardless of what’s happened that fact remains. As for feeling the way Adam feels you can’t put me into that category.”

She wiped her eyes and sat down. “You mean you aren’t angry?”

“I merely said you can’t compare my feelings with those of Adam, Ben, Hoss or Joe. I tried to think through what happened today and what may have caused your behavior. I don’t have the answer but I do know one thing for certain – you have to understand what you’ve done and admit to yourself why.”

Laura looked directly at Will and said, “I acted the way I always have when I’m attacked.”

Will realized he wasn’t going to get far with Laura and the hour was late.

“You do understand don’t you Will?

“No Laura I don’t.” Will could not subdue his hurt and anger as he said those words.

“Why would I think you would?” Laura asked. “It’s obvious you’ve never experienced hurt and had to protect what’s yours. Life hasn’t been easy and then you graciously allow Adam to berate me for standing up for myself and the actions I thought were appropriate as far as Peggy was concerned.”

Will looked at Laura in disbelief. He was trying to digest what he just heard. “Didn’t you hear anything I said to you earlier? Anything Adam said to you? This has become an incident with consequences that you don’t even understand.”

“It’s very clear to me that you don’t want to try to understand my actions.”

“Laura I can’t. There’s no way for me to understand when you are secretive, don’t share what you feel, and then act out in ways that are inappropriate. Life is not a game and there are realities for our actions.”

“You made that clear earlier this evening. I suppose Ben and the boys feel the same as well.”

“I’m not thinking of them. Right now I’m thinking of the three of us and that includes Peggy. How we make this right and move on from here. We have work to do Laura, and it’s gotta start with you!” The body language of Will displayed the anger and frustration he contained.

Laura sighed and folded her arms. “I’m not going to get into another argument with you tonight Will.”

“Laura the argument we had earlier never ended. Now tomorrow we have quite a few apologies that have to be made. The one thing that you will do is make it as comfortable for Peggy as possible. Whatever I tell you to do you will do.”

Laura looked coldly at Will. “I have my own mind Will and …”

“Yes,” Will said. “You may have your own mind, but it’s ruled by your insecurity among other things and I can’t trust that. Whatever you need for happiness I have tried to give you but it suddenly seems it hasn’t been enough. There are some things you have to come to terms with. I’m willing to try to help you, but I won’t continue to allow Peggy or myself be excuses for what is missing in your life. It’s past the time for you to become a woman.”

“You’re being cruel and hurtful Will. I can’t handle any more of this today.”

Will grabbed her shoulders and wanted to shake her but didn’t. He merely said, “I love you Laura but Peggy and I cannot and will not live the way we have – you pretending the world is yours and functions according to your rules. We live in the world with other people and if you want respect, you need to learn what it means to give it.”

Will stared at Laura in hopes that she was hearing his words. He wasn’t sorry for expressing himself … deep down he wanted the Laura back he originally fell in love with – the one he still loved but had strayed.

“Well, it seems I’ve got my work cut out for me according to you Cartwright men! Aunt Lil would understand.”

“She’s part of the problem Laura. When we return to San Francisco, I’m going to have a talk with her.”

“She’s my aunt Will. I adore her and she adores Peggy and me. We’re the only family she has.”

“She’s also part of your problem – there’s no mistaking that.”

“How dare you say that,” Laura cut in.

“Because she was the manipulator when this whole scenario between you, me and Adam seemed to get twisted. Or don’t you recall that?”

Will released Laura’s shoulders and looked into her eyes. They were cold and stern.

“I’m going to bed Laura. We’ll pack in the morning. I don’t see how we can stay here under the circumstances. I’ll find an excuse. You’re going to have to help me explain it to Peggy and it’s going to have to be the truth.”

Laura’s eyes shot Will a glancing blow. “She doesn’t need to be involved in this.”

“That’s the problem Laura. She already is and thanks to you she may be confused more than ever now.”

Suddenly Laura looked as if the words were hitting their mark. Will hoped they had or at least started to. He released her shoulders and said, “It’s late and I’m going to bed.”

* * * * * * * *

After Adam left Claire found it hard to sleep. Often times when she was upset by something she would paint or play the piano. She wasn’t able to focus on painting and it was too late to play the piano. She put her robe on, checked the children and then picked up her journal and headed down the stairs. She’d wait for Adam.

Her thoughts moved to the appropriateness of her own words spoken in anger and partially spoken in jealousy. She realized she didn’t understand Laura while Laura’s behavior seemed to indicate a sense of jealousy on her part as well. Was it really jealousy emanating from Laura or a sense of insecurity? For whatever reason Claire had felt a sense of protecting what was hers. Perhaps she was too forceful. Perhaps in some way she didn’t realize she was partially to blame.

It was more than obvious to Claire how much Will loved Peggy and Laura. What was it that made Laura the person she was? Claire mulled this over for a while and then opened her journal and began to write.

She started with – “Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on. Without forgiveness there’s no future.”

The quiet of the great room seemed to provide a sanctuary for her and her ruminations. The glow from the moon that shown through the window seemed almost to whisper to her, “You can help her. You can understand her. You can show her the way.”

Claire began to write.*

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

Claire paused for a moment and put the pen down. She looked across the room to the window. Something in her caused her to wonder – not about Adam, Will or Peggy, but about Laura. What was Laura feeling? Was she feeling alone? Did she have the capacity to know true happiness and share it with others? Claire felt something but was unsure what it was. Perhaps guilt for being so forceful with Laura. She continued with her writing as the clock struck eleven.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen.

Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. Most importantly, if you LOVE someone tell them and show them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.

The sound of Adam’s horse roused Claire from her writing. She had no idea what to expect. She knew Adam was getting the animal settled for the night and waited. She expected he thought he’d find her sleeping. Finally the door opened.

Claire stood up and saw the man who’s eyes were earlier filled with the dark of night. Adam noticed the concerned look on her face.

Removing is gun and hat he approached the face seeking answers. They embraced each other for quite a while and said nothing.

“I thought you’d be asleep,” Adam said quietly.

“I couldn’t,” Claire replied. “You left here so angry I was worried.”

“I spoke with both Laura and Will. I hope it made a difference. I know Will understood but I’m not certain about Laura.”

“What about Peggy?” asked Claire.

“I don’t know. What I do know is that when they leave this time, it won’t be without me being able to see her.”

“Are you OK?” Claire asked searching a face she loved.

“I’m fine.” Adam replied with a twinkle in his eye. He turned down the lamps for the evening and drew Claire to him. He kissed her from his soul.

“I see you’ve been occupying yourself,” he added spying her journal.

“Just some reflections on my part,” Claire added.

Before she knew it, Adam swept her off her feet into his arms. His eyes were no longer dark but warm and loving. They adjourned to their bedroom. Sleep would eventually come and there would be joy for the two of them in the morning.

*
TWENTY-THREE

Laura faced the morning as if it were a threat. Sleep for her had merely been tossing and turning. Her mind was still reverberating from words that had been adressed at her the previous evening – as if the persons speaking them were actually present.

Ability to liberate herself was her desire but kept company with her consciousness, She knew she loved Will and Peggy. Of that she had no doubt. She’d been unsure of what Adam and the Cartwrights would think of her upon their initial arrival and that had unnerved her. To her comfort however, they’d been gracious and cordial.

Refusing to revisit thoughts of her marriage to Will and their departure for San Francisco, she drifted into the murky waters of what she feared. She didn’t want to admit to herself moving on was something people did. Why couldn’t she?

When she saw Adam and his family and the completeness of their lives, she wondered … were there any thoughts of the broken engagement? It was evident happiness abounded for Adam and Claire, and the past involvement between she and Adam seemed something that never existed. How could he not feel it? A simple matter of embracing what Adam and Claire had would provide the same for her, Will and Peggy as Claire so bluntly had pointed out.

The face of Claire appeared in her mind’s eye and she could hear the words Claire had spoken. Was she allowing pieces of herself to block that same feeling of joy and wholeness? Was Claire trying to help her see what existed for her but she was unable to see and believe it? Laura tried to understand and remembered what frustrated and disturbed her. For longer than she cared to remember, she’d been treated as if a child, criticized for her decisions, and not understood by others.

I’m human and have feelings. I hurt. I feel pain. I feel happiness. I deserve the joy of life … but I’m constantly being condemned and criticized for being who I am rather than being accepted for who I am. The last straw had been Claire’s words which caused more frustration and her anger to reach a fever pitch. Then her hand finding Claire’s face – something that even surprised her.

Will breathed heavily next to her. She allowed her eyes to look at her husband. She thought about Peggy sleeping down the hall. She felt a sense of discomfort in her stomach. Again, the situation she would have to face was not going to be pleasant. I’m not understood. No matter how I try to explain myself and actions it’s always the same … why do I constantly have to defend myself?

She exhaled and realized her sense of indignation was alive and well. In a short time they’d be leaving the Ponderosa. Will made that clear. He’d also made it clear she would apologize for her actions. Bringing problems into the Cartwright home did warrant an apology. That much she believed.

Will was angry as was Adam. They’d both made clear their feelings but not without what she felt a personal attack. Now she’d have to tell Peggy they would be leaving earlier than was planned. How could Will force her to tell Peggy the real reason? She wouldn’t do it. She wasn’t going to cause Peggy any pain or upset – not now or ever. Aunt Lil would understand she thought. Why had this visit turned into a series of confrontations? Will moved and she realized his eyes were open.

Laura’s eyes widened as she saw him looking at her. He reached for her hand and held it. She wondered about the gesture. Was this his way of trying to say he was sorry – to comfort her – to say he understood? She didn’t know but the look on her face answered all the questions on Will’s mind.

He quietly sat up and faced her. “Laura, I love you. That has always been since I met you and always will be,” he said affectionately.

Her eyes just wandered over the face of her husband.

Stroking the fingers of the hand he held he continued. “We’ve had our share of adjustments. We’ve had our share of misunderstandings but we’ve always been able to work through them. I believe our life in San Francisco is a happy one and I want that to continue.”

Laura sat up and answered. “I want the same Will, and yes, it is a good life.”

“I’m glad you agree. What we need to remember is our life is not just you and me. Our life includes Peggy. What our life becomes has to always include Peggy in the good and the bad. Protecting her, as you describe it, is not preparing her for real life.”

Laura started to take offense at his words but realized he was speaking softly and gently – caringly. “Will I am who I am. I want to be accepted for that. I’m a person with emotions like you and everyone else. Sometimes I think you and others forget that and that’s what makes me so angry.”

“I hear what you’re saying and I do understand. What we have to do is understand the reasons for our actions – that includes me and Peggy as well. We have work to do. It can be done and each of us can grow. The basis is already in place and that’s the love we share. Sometimes that love can become a barrier to our moving on – particularly where Peggy is concerned. I can only say that I want us to be able to rid our life of barriers. As I said last night, we can’t have a life based on secrets and the lack of trust. It won’t work for me.”

“Will what is it you’re trying to say?” queried Laura. “Are you saying we have to change – to become something other than what we are?”

“That’s not what I’m really saying. We’ll always be who we are, but we can grow the person we are. We can help each other. Worries and insecurities don’t just settle on certain individuals. Our fears don’t just settle on certain individuals. Our inability to be in control of everything in our lives doesn’t settle on certain individuals. If our family has fears and concerns, we have to share them. We have to be able to talk about what makes us happy and what doesn’t. We also have to be able to accept criticism given in love even if it comes in the form of anger.”

“You’re talking about your anger last night aren’t you?”

“Yes Laura, I am. Talking like this is so much easier. I was angry. I’m still upset but want to be able to understand and help you … help us. Whatever needs to be done to turn things around I want to do. I also want you to tell me without being defensive the things I need to hear. It’s OK for us to have disagreements. I’d be hard pressed to say there are any married people who don’t have disagreements,” Will laughed.

Laura listened and began to feel a sense of warmth. It wasn’t coming from the sun beginning to rise outside their bedroom window. She was hearing her husband tell her he was there for her – for their family.

“Will, I want to make you and Peggy happy. I really do. If you think my actions were hurtful please believe me when I say that wasn’t my intention. I’m just tired of not being understood or given credit for who I am.”

“I hear you Laura. But being open and sharing makes the difference. The situation with the letters between Adam and Peggy was important. I believe you feel in you heart what you did was the right thing. What you didn’t do was share the information with me – your husband and Peggy’s father. I know we could have talked it through and come to a parental decision that would have made this matter better. Instead, what happened is that two people we both care about were hurt.”

Laura turned her face away from Will and sat quietly.

“That wasn’t my intention,” she said almost apologetically.

Will placed his hand on her shoulder. “I know that. But actions always have consequences. We both know that now.”

Laura turned back and faced Will. “Do you think if we’d talked about it that would have changed things? Truly made a difference?”

Will’s eyes were serene. “I’m positive.”

“I hear what you’re saying. I guess I have made some poor decisions without thinking of the consequences.”

“You’re not alone in this Laura. Poor decisions are a part of my life as well.”

“I thought about what you said. Maybe I can even say I’m beginning to understand what you were trying to tell me in your anger last night. I guess that could have been avoided.”

Will looked directly at Laura and said, “Yes. It could have been. And then there’s Adam and Claire.”

A spurt of nervousness spun through Laura. She wanted to block out the vision of Adam and Claire. Will could see the worry in her eyes.

“Adam said some pretty direct and curt words to me,” Laura added.

“I’m certain he did but you did the same – at least toward me. If we think about it, he didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done if I were in the same situation.”

Laura’s eyes widened hearing Will say he’d do the same.

“Adam told me I needed to grow up among other things. He never tried to understand the reasons for my actions.”

“Why would he?” asked Will. “You, my dear, set up a situation that had a deep emotional impact on him and his relationship with Peggy.” Will paused for Laura to digest what he’d just said. He continued.

“Whatever the reason for the differences between you and Claire resulted in an outcome that was less than acceptable.” Will waited again as Laura digested his words.

“No Cartwright, me included, will ever tolerate that. You had to know you’d be confronted.”

Laura faced Will. “I am sorry about that Will. I really am. No matter how hard it may be, I will apologize to Claire and Adam. Right now I’m apologizing to you. I’m really sorry. Can you forgive me?”

“I can forgive you Laura but we need to learn how to not have these actions happen again. I think there’s a lesson to be learned from all of this and we have to accept the consequences.”

Laura’s demeanor changed to one of self-searching. Will believed he was reaching Laura if only on the surface.

“You said some fairly harsh words to me as well,” Laura said as if expecting an apology.

“That’s true. I did. But I’m not going to take them back Laura. The words may have been spoken in anger, but they were words I felt and meant and still feel. The difference this morning is that I can say them to you in a way that isn’t filled with anger. I lack understanding your actions, thoughts and inability for us to talk through this.”

“So you see me as needing to change?”

“I see all of us needing to change Laura. Now, that change can only come with some degree of pain, embarrassment and a willingness to move on and leave the past where it belongs. It’s something we have to do together and with honesty. Are you willing?”

“It’s … it’s … well it’s not easy Will.”

“I never said it would be.”

Laura’s eyes followed Will as he got out of bed and opened the wardrobe. He removed their bags. Her look had returned to nervousness. She knew she’d have to be confronted by Ben and the boys. Further she knew she’d have to explain things to Peggy and didn’t know how to do it.

* * * * * * * *

Hop Sing was busy preparing breakfast. He knew something was wrong and had his own suspicions. He tried to go about his duties but he wondered what the morning would evolve into.

Both Laura and Will dressed. Adrenalin flowed and Laura believed the sooner they left the better.

Will turned to Laura and asked, “You about ready? We need to wake Peggy and tell her about our leaving.”

The color drained from Laura’s face as concern settled in. Will saw it but decided to look past it. “I hear sounds downstairs so I’m sure Ben is probably up. You get Peggy ready and I’ll join you.”

Laura could not find words. She looked at Will as he left the bedroom. What will Peggy think? I can’t do this. She’ll hate me because she won’t understand my reasons. Even if I explain them to her, she’s bound to be upset.

Crossing the great room, Will saw the front door was ajar. He suspected Ben was outside enjoying the morning’s welcome. He stood tall and walked out the door. Indeed his uncle was standing outside with a cup of coffee in his hand.

Hearing a sound, Ben turned and managed a smile. “Good morning Will. It’s going to be a beautiful day. Just smell that fresh air.”

Will remembered the last time he left the Ponderosa. Ben had said then, “Always remember this is your home.”

Pouring a cup of coffee Ben offered it to Will.

It was clear something was on Will’s mind. “Feeling any better this morning? If I’m being too personal just tell me so,” Ben added.

“We’ll be leaving shortly. We’ll stay at the hotel in town until we leave for Denver.”

Ben understood Will’s decision but pulled on his reserve strength. “Will, there’s no reason for any of you to leave.”

“Thanks Ben but it would be an uncomfortable situation if we stayed. We’ve caused enough upset.”

Ben put his cup down and said, “Will, I want all of you to stay. Running away, and that’s what this is, isn’t going to change what’s happened and it’s not going to help any of us resolve this and move on.”

“Ben, I know you’re probably right but I have to think of Laura. I can’t change what she’s done and I know she’d feel uncomfortable staying here. We talked this morning and there’s growth that needs to take place. She’s not a bad person. She needs to be held accountable but at the same time be able to see the error of her ways, so to speak. We ….”

Ben interrupted. “Will I’m not going to say that any of us are happy with what happened. We don’t know all the details and it’s not our business. I’m sure Joe and Hoss have their opinions and perhaps even Hop Sing for that matter. But neither you or Laura are children. There is responsibility and accountability.”

“I know Ben. For Laura to face all of us is going to be hard. I don’t know if she can do it.”

“I’m going to tell you something straight out Will. I feel concern for you. I’m not implying Laura is a bad person in any way – but I do feel that you’re burdened in a way that has made your life difficult. I’m also pretty sure you’re embarrassed and concerned over her actions and how we might feel about them. Perhaps you want to get away from our feelings and thoughts as well.”

Will looked at Ben with eyes that were filled with surprise. “I do feel that way. I didn’t come enisioning our visit ending this way. It was exactly the opposite. I can’t undo what Laura has done. I can only say that I’m sorry.”

Ben placed his hand on Will’s shoulder. “I know Will. But don’t you think if you want to help her and yourself, it would be better for all of us if you remained and we tried to work this out?”

“That might be a way to go, but I don’t know if that can work. I saw the look on both Joe and Hoss’s faces last night. Those unspoken feelings won’t be easy to change.”

“Will I won’t deny it’s something that’s unpleasant and regrettable. We’re family and that’s fact. The only way to resolve the mending of what’s happened is to face it. You’re doing that and I have to be honest. The boys aren’t upset with you.”

Will listened but didn’t like what his uncle was implying. Laura was his wife.

Ben read his nephews eyes.

“Thanks Ben, but I think it would be better if we left.” Will put his cup of coffee down and said, “I need to see how Laura is coming along with Peggy.”

Ben watched his nephew head toward the front door. His heart was heavy.

The knock on the door was soft. “Come in.”

“Good morning Peggy,” Will said. “You look pretty this morning.”

Peggy smiled and said, “Thank you.”

Laura appeared uncomfortable. Will focused his eyes on her. Nervously she took his hint and said reluctantly, “Peggy, your father and I want to talk to you for a minute.”

“OK,” Peggy said as she flopped on the bed without knowledge or thought of what she was going to be told.

“Peggy dear, I want you to listen carefully to what I’m going to say. Before you respond, I want you to hear what we have to tell you.”

Laura sat on one side of Peggy and Will pulled up a chair in front of her.

Laura stuttered at first. Will took her hand. He felt a pain in his heart and wished this talk didn’t have to be. Honesty was the only way to try to establish trust.

“Peggy some things have happened,” Laura started. “Things that aren’t settled yet but will be. So for now we’re going to move into the hotel in town until it’s time for us to leave for Denver.”

“But why mommy? It’s great here and everyone is really nice … a real family time just like daddy promised. I want to stay.”

Laura hesitated. “Peggy, I’m trying to tell you something and it’s very hard for me.”

Peggy’s eyes widened as she looked from Laura to Will.

Suddenly Laura stood up. Turning she faced Will and shook her head. She couldn’t do it. Will’s look was stern.

“Peggy, your father has to be in town so that he can send and get messages from Denver. He’s going to need to be able to respond immediately so that’s where we need to be – all of us. So we need to pack your things so that we can leave.”

Peggy sensed something.

Will took Peggy’s hands and then turned to Laura. “Laura, she has to know the truth and it has to be now!”

Uncertainty flowed through Peggy as she waited. She removed her hands from Will’s.

“Laura,” Will said.

Laura closed her eyes for a moment as if trying to summon her strength.

“Peggy, I may have made a mistake or used poor judgment. After we left Virginia City, Adam wrote letters which you didn’t get.” Laura felt tightness in her throat. Seeing Will’s look she knew she had to continue.

“You also wrote letters to Adam that he didn’t get either,” Laura continued.

“I know mommy. Me and Adam talked about it yesterday. Adam just figured the mail sorta got mixed up but we talked it all out and everything is fine now. He still cares about me and says he’s my friend and I’ll always have a place in his heart. Remember I told you he said if you have one smile in you; give it to those you love.”

Almost a whisper Laura said, “Yes I know.”

“Peggy the truth is I thought it would be better for all of us to get settled with our new life in San Francisco if you didn’t receive Adam’s letters. When they arrived I took them. The letters you wrote I never mailed to him. I did it because I thought it was the best thing to do.”

Peggy’s eyes were beginning to fill. Laura’s eyes were beginning to fill as well.

“Peggy we make mistakes in our lives and sometimes they hurt the very people we love,” Will added.

Peggy just shook her head in disbelief. This couldn’t be happening.

“How could you do that to me? You don’t love me if you could do something like that,” Peggy yelled. at her mother.

“Peggy please listen to me,” pleaded Laura. “I’m trying to change and trying to be honest with you. There’s more I need to tell you and it’s really hard. Please listen to me,” she pleaded.

Peggy stood up and backed away. Reflections of the day they left Virginia City returned. Her hurt and pain took over her ability to listen.

“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. Adam was my friend and you knew it.”

In anger she turned to face Will. “I tried to accept you as my father – but a father wouldn’t let his child be hurt. You’re mean – both of you and I don’t want to be around you. I’m not leaving and going to Virginia City and you can’t make me.”

“Peggy you need to listen to your mother. She knows what she did wasn’t the best thing to do, but she’s trying to admit the fact and start fresh with you by telling the truth. You need to give her that chance,” Will said with a seriousness Laura had never heard before.

The venom in Peggy’s eyes prohibited her from seeing the people she had come to trust.

“You can’t make what you did right! I’m not listening to either one of you. You hurt me before and now you’ve done it again,” she cried. “I don’t want either of you in my life. You married each other. I didn’t. There’s nothing I want to hear from you … not now or ever.” The tears rolled down Peggy’s cheeks.

Laura tried to touch Peggy but her hand was pushed away.

“Peggy your mother and I only want……” Will tried to say something but was interrupted.

As tears continued to flow down the cheeks of the blond child, through her tears she yelled at the top of her voice, “I can’t trust you! I can’t love you! You think only of yourselves and you’ll never change … either of you. I don’t want anything to do with you … either of you.”

Peggy opened the bedroom door and ran out. The noise of her footsteps rushing down the stairs disrupted breakfast that was being served to Ben, Hoss and Joe. Peggy ran across the great room and out the door.

The look on the faces of Ben, Joe and Hoss was worry and concern. They heard the muffled yelling from upstairs but had no idea the reason. Now they witnessed an upset child they’d come to care for.

Hoss got up to go after Peggy but heard more footsteps. This time it was Will followed by Laura. Seeing the open door, Will realized Peggy had run outside. He had to go after her and bring her back.

The Cartwrights would not be eating breakfast this morning.

TWENTY-FOUR

Her breath was hard to catch as her pace slowed. She found herself on the other side of the knoll beneath the pines. Peggy had run as hard as she could. She tried her best to run from the scene just played out. Her sobs ended and she sat down beneath a tree and placed her head on her knees.

As her ease of breathing returned, she sought comfort and understanding. The sound of a bird chirping caused her to raise her head. She reflected on the bird as it went about finding its morning nourishment. The movements were erratic but the bird finally succeeded. Peggy’s eyes followed the bird as it took flight and flitted from tree to tree. The bird finally came to rest on a branch and seemed content to enjoy the beauty of the morning.

Somehow Peggy saw herself in the bird. Searching for something, finding it, becoming unsettled, and finally feeling comforted in a space where the sun was shining. She wondered if birds cried.

Laura ran out behind Will with fear in her heart. Ben, Hoss and Joe rushed to join them. They asked no questions but knew they needed to find Peggy. Each son headed in a different direction while Ben tried to comfort Laura.

Will ran from the barn. Peggy wasn’t there and he looked as far as his eyes could see. He rushed back to Laura before continuing to search for Peggy. Ben left them alone.

“Oh Will, we have to find her. She’s upset and it’s my fault. Please find her! Please!”

Will pulled Laura to him and calmly said, “We’ll find her Laura. You can be sure of that. She’s going to be fine. I don’t want you to worry. I’ll bring her back. I promise. Hoss and Joe are helping so it shouldn’t be long.” He saw the anguish in her eyes and softly kissed her.

“She said some awful things Will. She’s hurting and she’s angry,” recounted Laura. “I’ve got to make it right. She’s got to be found and she’s got to be alright.”

“We’ll find her. She just needs to sort things out. Wait here with Ben in case she comes back.” He kissed her again, cast a look at his uncle and headed to meet Joe and Hoss. Joe had saddled a horse for Will and handed him the reins. Quickly they decided the directions they’d head and each departed.

Ben walked Laura back into the house and quietly closed the door. Laura seated herself on the settee. Her worry was obvious. Quietly he requested Hop Sing prepare some tea and then took the seat across from her.

Ben wasn’t sure what to say. He saw a mother that obvious loved her child and perhaps didn’t know how to exhibit the love in a way that could be understood. Further he saw a woman he felt was uncertain of her own attributes, her own qualities and lacked self-confidence. He couldn’t help but wonder where or when this had begun, but believed for any of them to have a happy and joyful life, it would have to end. The question was how.

Laura sat on the edge of the settee twisting the lace covering that adorned the armrest with her fingers. She said nothing.

“Laura, I’m sure they’ll find her and she’ll be just fine. Children tend to get upset and act out their emotions.” Ben finally said to break the silence. He watched to see Laura’s reaction.

“Thank you for your kindness. I just can’t help worrying about her,” Laura confided.

“No thanks needed. We’re your family and here whenever and however you need us.”

Ben’s words jolted Laura. She looked at him and believed he meant what he was saying.

“Surprised?” asked Ben.

“Well yes. Sort of … I mean …”

Ben smiled as Hop Sing brought the tea. Ben poured a cup and handed it to her saying, “Here drink this. I’m sure it will make the waiting easier.”

The liquid warmed Laura and eased her worry. The face of Ben Cartwright added a sense of security that all would be fine.

“I’m afraid I owe you and the rest of the family an apology. My behavior hasn’t been very lady-like and we’ve disrupted your household. On top of all of that there’s the problem now with Peggy.”

Ben raised his eyebrows as he placed his cup into the saucer. “Oh is that all? Seems to me you’ve kind of made up your mind about what you thought was a problem and the way in which it should be handled.”

Laura wasn’t sure what Ben was getting at but had never known him to make a statement without a meaning behind it.

“I really made a mess of things,” she confessed.

“If I learned one thing in life,” Ben added, “Messes can be cleaned up so that you’d never know they existed.”

The words continued to resonate with Laura. “I suppose you know what happened between me and Claire?”

The sheepish look on her face didn’t change the fact Ben felt the action was wrong.

“Yes I know. I can’t say I understand it or want to. Claire’s my daughter whom I love deeply. It’s regrettable for all of us that happened.”

Laura lost her ability to speak and lowered her eyes.

Ben realized his need to be honest and continued. “Whatever caused the problem I hope can be resolved for the both of you.” He paused and watched her reaction and then continued. “I see you as my niece and I care very much for you as well.”

Surprise engulfed Laura as she looked at Ben. “But how could you? I haven’t exactly made your lives the easiest.”

“Look Laura. No one ever said life was an easy road. Sure there are disappointments but one thing I know for a fact – disappointments don’t last for ever. They can only last if we hold onto them, and if we do, we lose the joy and happiness that’s in store for us.”

“I have made so many mistakes. I just don’t know how to let go,” Laura added.

“You’ve got Will. He’s your partner and the other half of the strength you need – when you need it. Letting him in might be a start.”

She heard the words and they hit their mark. “Life’s teachings can be hard and have always been that way for me. Whatever I try to do seems to have just the opposite outcome,” she admitted.

“Because I care about you I’m going to say something you may not want to hear. What do you think of yourself Laura? Honestly.”

She looked at Ben. Not sure how to answer she thought for quite a while. “I’m not sure. My life growing up was easy and decisions were made for me. I guess I’m afraid sometimes and insecure.”

Ben just nodded and leaned forward. “Insecurity is simply and clearly the fear that you don’t have value.”

Laura blinked her eyes. There was no anger but a need that cried from within for help.

Ben continued, “I think insecurity can rule a person’s actions – actions that seek evidence to prove a point. The point could be that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. But there is an alternative Laura.”

Laura’s eyes focused on the kind and gentle face. Ben could see she was looking for the alternative.

“The alternative Laura is self-value. If you cannot love yourself you can’t believe that you’re loved. There will always be an element of thinking being loved is just … well just a mistake or some kind of luck.”

“I don’t see myself as doing that or being that way,” she said sadly. “I want to believe what you’re telling me but I just don’t know. I do know I love Peggy and Will.”

“Then you have a start. You have to allow it to be the most important part of who you are. Don’t look at others and what they have … look at what you have and what lives within you. Try to find the root of your insecurities if they exist and get rid of past experiences. Put all your energy into building personal and emotional security with the help of Peggy and Will. I believe then, and only then, will you be someone others envy and you’ll be able to remember your life’s pain in a way that you’ll be able to reach out to others.”

Laura smiled and said, “Like Claire?”

Ben smiled and shook his head proudly, “Like Claire.”

Laura walked to Ben and hugged him. “Thank you.”

Ben accepted her thank you and continued to smile.

* * * * * * * *

Life can be one big disappointment. Peggy realized sorting through her feelings was not something that could be done quickly. Too much had resided in her for too long. She was older now and had to make decisions. She thought about her actions of the morning and just wanted space to work things out in her mind. She lay back against the tree feeling its support. The branches covered her and provided a peaceful shelter from the sun. She was tired and wanted rest. The bird she’d been watching began to sing a song that lulled her to close her eyes and feel peace. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep in her protected environment.

The three riders rode slowly and carefully examining the area carefully. Will saw the direction Peggy headed and knew she couldn’t get far on foot. His mind was clear and focused. He was going to find his daughter and make sure his family became whole no matter what it took – but he didn’t see her.

Joe and Hoss met up with each other.

Pushing his hat back Hoss asked, “Ya see her Joe?”

“No, but the mood she was in she could be hiding anywhere.”

“Yeah I guess yer right. Wonder what caused all of this.”

Joe looked at his brother. Hoss knew the look on Joe’s face and said, “Don’t say it Joe. Ya don’t know fer a fact that it was Laura.”

“C’mon Hoss,” Joe countered, “It had to be. She probably hasn’t been happy since she got here. For all we know Peggy might just have found out about yesterday’s incident. You know, I bet that’s it. Peggy was getting friendly with Claire and Laura probably couldn’t stand it.”

“Joe you’re guessing. We don’t know nothin’ fer sure.”

“Maybe not brother, but she might have headed to Adam’s for all we know.”

Hoss had to agree with Joe. “She might have at that. Maybe one of us should check and I think that one should be me. Your temper ain’t what this situation needs right now.”

Joe grimaced as Hoss rode to Adam’s.

From the distance Will saw Joe and approached. Pulling his horse up he asked, “Any sign of her?”

“No Will. She’s probably hiding somewhere. She probably wants to be by herself for a while and calm down. We’ll find her,” Joe said. Regardless of what he felt toward Laura, he did feel compassion toward his cousin and the situation he was in.

“Thanks Joe.” Will knew there was more Joe could have said but appreciated the fact that he just tried to remain supportive and didn’t say more.

“Hoss rode over to Adam’s just in case.”

Will acknowledged Joe’s statement and they decided to cross the ground they’d covered once more.

* * * * * * * *

Hoss pulled up and was greeted by Chu.

“Good see you Mista Hoss. Missy Claire in house.”

Hoss thanked him and let himself in. He saw his sister-in-law engrossed in her music. He knew she tried to practice each day. Hoss guessed Shelley and Jared were with Ming Lu. He ran his hands around the brim of his hat and decided to walk further.

Claire stopped when she saw him.

“Good morning Hoss. I didn’t expect to see you this morning. How about some coffee?”

“Thanks Claire but I’m fine. Is Adam around?”

Claire sensed something but couldn’t put her finger on it.

“No Hoss. He went into town to settle some business. Anything I can do?”

“Well ya see … there’s sought of a problem.”

Concern showed on Claire’s face. “What sort of a problem Hoss? Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t think so Claire. Ya see, Peggy’s run off and we’re tryin’ to find her.”

“What do you mean run off?”

“Well all I know is that there was some sort of discussion early this morning between her, Will and Laura. Before we knew anything, she came running down the stairs and out the door. We been lookin’ fer her ever since. We ain’t found her yet and thought maybe she might have come over here.”

“That poor child,” Claire said. “She’s hasn’t come here.”

“OK thanks. Just thought I’d check.”

“Hoss,” Claire said quietly, “How’s Laura?”

“She’s pretty upset. Pa’s with her.”

He watched as Claire started writing a note.

“Hoss, I’m going over to the Ponderosa. There may be something I can do to comfort Laura. I’m just leaving this note for Adam so he’ll know. Ming Lu can watch the children.

Hoss smiled and loved her more.

TWENTY-FIVE

It had been almost two hours and Peggy hadn’t returned to the Ponderosa. Laura’s calmness was beginning to wane no matter how hard Ben tried to reassure her. She paced and walked out the door looking with optimism as if she were going to see Peggy running to her.

Her thoughts turned to the reason Peggy left. She didn’t want to believe once again her intentions for the wellbeing of her child could have caused such anger and upset. A headache was beginning to form and she closed her eyes to the rays of the sun.

Hoss headed toward the south pasture where the lake wound its way through the trees like a ribbon seeking the package it would adorn. If it were not for the hunt and find mission he was on, he’d stop for a while to enjoy the serenity of this spot. He felt sorry for Peggy and wondered how confused and hurt she must be.

Will felt his angst building. Certain Peggy would be found, he could not imagine what finding her would mean. He thought back to the days he lived on the Ponderosa … days he’d spent with her and helped Laura while Adam had been busy. She seemed like a happy child and called him Uncle Will. All of that had changed for the worse when he and Laura married.

Peggy became sullen, angry and withdrawn when they first left Virginia City. Will had disagreed with Laura over not saying final goodbyes to all the Cartwrights but finally conceded. He felt she knew her own daughter and agreed to her decision. His last act was to leave a letter in town for Ben – after all he was his uncle.

He and Laura were more than happy with their new life and found a home they both felt attached to. Aunt Lil lived only a short distance from them and Will had become involved in the import and export business. It was something that thrived and provided them a comfortable living – so much so that Peggy was placed into a nearby private girl’s school.

What hadn’t thrived was his relationship with Peggy. He’d tried to talk to Peggy being as truthful as he felt she would be able to understand, but it took over a year before she seemed to warm up to him. This put a strain on the marriage and caused upset for Laura. Eventually their relationship grew, trust was established and they became close. She started to refer to him as her father.

Looking ahead of him, he wondered if Peggy had begun writing letters to Adam at that time. He could understand her need to hear from him because there was a strong attachment between them. That would explain her behavior. Realizing now that letters had been written and not shared, he could understand her anger and wondered if she would ever trust him or Laura again.

He let out a sigh. This was a situation he didn’t need. He urged his horse on hoping that this wrong could be righted. He had to find Peggy.

* * * * * * * *

The last thing she did was inform Ming Lu and Chu that if Peggy should arrive, they were to keep her there and Chu was to ride to the Ponderosa. She’d return as quickly as she could. Claire settled the children with Ming Lu while Chu hitched up the buggy. After kissing Shelley and Jared, she drove off.

The air was warm as the sun rose higher in the sky. Her thoughts were of what Laura must be going through and not of the previous day’s events. She wasn’t sure why she was nervous but she was. She drove the buggy carefully toward the Ponderosa.

As birds seemed to be guiding her toward her destination, she recalled something she’d read while in school.

Seeing with better eyes “We can recognize that the offender
is a valuable human being who struggles with the same needs,
pressures, and confusions that we struggle with. We will recognize
that the incident really may not have been about us in the first place.
Instead it was about the wrongdoer’s misguided attempt to meet his
or her own needs.

As we regard offenders from this point of view
(regardless of whether they repent and regardless of what
they have done or suffered),
we will be in a position to forgive them.

– Holmgren

The sound of the carriage announced Claire’s arrival. The door swung open and Laura rushed out. Both women looked at each other. Claire said hello to Ben but her eyes were on Laura. Laura was disappointed it wasn’t Peggy being brought home.

“Laura, I’ve just heard about Peggy missing,” Claire said compassionately. “I came to see if there’s anything I can do.”

Laura was amazed at the expression of concern and responded. “I appreciate the gesture but I don’t know. Will, Joe and Hoss are looking for her. I just have to wait I guess.”

Claire placed her hand on Laura’s shoulder and moved her toward the house. “Then we’ll wait together.”

Ben’s heart was warmed by Claire’s appearance and felt perhaps his prayers were being answered.

Claire assisted Laura to the settee and then settled herself. Hop Sing quietly greeted Claire and brought lemonade. Ben eyed the two women and then quietly left the room.

It was obvious to Claire Laura was very worried. She didn’t want their disagreement to become part of this current scenario and offered, “I hope you don’t mind my coming. Hoss stopped by to see if Peggy might have made her way to my house. He told me of her leaving. She hasn’t shown up, but I did instruct Ming Lu and Chu what to do if she does. Now, I’m only here because I care and want to be supportive. I’m sure she’ll be found soon and will be just fine.”

The confidence in Claire’s voice caused Laura to hear her words. Laura was able to muster a sincere, “Thank you.”

“No thanks are needed,” Claire smiled. “What time did this happen?”

“It was about seven o’clock this morning.” Laura stopped speaking and wondered if she should continue. Her words didn’t continue but her tears spoke loudly. Claire sat next to her and tried to comfort her.

“Laura, whatever may have caused this I’m sure can be corrected. She’s probably just hiding trying to sort things out.”

Wiping her eyes Laura looked at Claire. “Do you really think so? She was so angry when she left. We’re usually able to settle things between us but this time was so different.”

Claire stroked Laura’s arm and handed her the lemonade.

“I think sometimes we have to remember how we behaved when we were that age. How some of the smallest things could upset us – things we understood but others couldn’t. I can remember when I was so angry I wasn’t able to even find the words to express my anger.” Claire wasn’t telling the truth but wanted to allay some of the reasons for Peggy’s actions and Laura’s fears.

“Yes I guess you’re right. I wasn’t the best behaved when I was that age. My parents had a time with me as well.”

Claire realized the ice was being broken and was able to settle her own concerns.

“Do you really think they’ll find her?” Laura asked.

With a smile and the blueness of her eyes shining, Claire said assuredly, “I’ve never known a Cartwright that hasn’t gotten their man … er, child.”

Laura seemed more relaxed and sipped her drink. “I suppose you’re right. They are a determined group.”

Ben peered out from the kitchen to see how things were going. He was satisfied and decided to go outside via the kitchen door.

“Claire I’m glad you came. It’s just so hard waiting.” Laura rose and started pacing. “She was just so angry with me and Will. I’m not sure how to handle things when she gets back.”

Claire listened but expected Laura was seeking her thoughts.

“She hasn’t shown this kind of upset since she was a little girl. I’m just so sorry for all of this. It’s my fault. She said some terrible things.”

Laura looked at Claire. Her eyes spoke of needing understanding. Her heart was spilling over with the need to share what happened and get advice. Her decisions were the cause of this.

Finally Claire looked directly at Laura and asked, “Do you want to tell me about it? I don’t want to pry.”

Puzzled and worried eyes focused on Claire.

“I can’t.”

“Then there’s no need to,” replied Claire. “Why don’t we get outside and walk a little. It’s kind of stuffy in here and perhaps it’ll take our mind off things while we wait,” suggested Claire.

Nodding her head yes, Laura followed Claire outside. From the corral Ben watched the two women as they strolled about the yard. As he continued to watch, he saw Laura begin to cry and place her head on Claire’s shoulder. Claire tried to console her.

* * * * * * * *

Hoss was heading back to the Ponderosa when he watched a bird float effortlessly in the sky. The bird had a song it was singing and Hoss decided to accompany the bird’s song by whistling. Slowly his eyes left the area he was searching and focused on the bird. The bird lit in a tree and something caught his eye. He pulled up Chubb and stood in the stirrups.

Slowly he moved through the trees and saw the boots, jeans and then the shirt. The blond hair was shining like gold under the sun’s rays. His heart started to race. “Oh Lordy,” Hoss thought to himself and he rushed to her.

TWENTY-SIX

The giant of a man kneeled down next to the small petite figure. He pushed his hat back on his head and watched as her chest rose and fell. The bird settled in the tree above and continued to chirp and sing.

Whatever the situation, Hoss knew worry was not going to be the answer for all involved. Slowly he touched her and gave a gentle nudge. She moved her hand across her face. From his vantage point he looked to make sure she wasn’t hurt. He couldn’t see any signs of injury but suspected there was some emotional injury.

“Peggy,” he called gently. He nudged her again and repeated her name.

Almost as if shocked into awakening, Peggy opened her eyes and quickly sat up. She pushed herself back against the tree trunk. The breeze blew her soft hair as she waited for Hoss to speak.

“Are you alright?”

She nodded yes.

“Peggy we been lookin’ all over for ya. There’s a lot of people worried. I’m sure you had your reasons for ah …. getting away for a while but don’t ya think it’s time we let them know yer alright?”

She blinked her eyes. “No. I don’t want to go back and see my mother and Will.”

Hoss settled himself next to Peggy and leaned back against the tree. “Are ya sayin’ you don’t wanna go back just yet? I’m sure when you think about things you’ll change yer mind.”

“I don’t want to see them. They lied to me and treat me like I don’t exist. They say they love me but don’t really show love. Even before Will married mommy, she was always pretending that everything was so easy even when it wasn’t. She’d make up stories and try to believe them. When I thought things were going along fine, she’d always do or say something that made a lie out of what she said. Sometimes they hurt too much … like now. I don’t want any part of it of her.”

Hoss realized there was something deep in Peggy that needed to be settled. He wasn’t the one to facilitate that.

“I hear what you’re sayin’ Peggy but parents ain’t always right. Sometimes they try to protect the ones they love because they do love them. They make mistakes. You can’t really mean what you just said.”

Peggy stared straight ahead and listened to Hoss’s words.

“Do they ever learn and stop making mistakes? Do they know what they do can hurt? If they love you they should try not to hurt you.” Peggy started to shed tears.

Hoss realized the pain Peggy felt. He wasn’t sure what to respond but found a few words.

“Peggy, I know you’re upset right now and pretty mad too. But I don’t see how your running away makes it better.”

“I wasn’t trying to make it better for them. I just needed to get away and be by myself.”

“Well I’d say you pretty much managed that but you set a lot of folks to worryin’. I can’t see where that makes things any better. Seems to me that sooner or later all of this has to be figured out.”

Peggy wiped her eyes. “We’ve worked this out before but no one has ever really included me. I have never been asked what I think or feel. They pretend they’re doing it for me when all the time it’s for them … especially mommy. She won’t face up to things. Now she’s lied to me again and it really hurts. She’ll just have to face up to that. She needs to know what it’s like to hurt.”

“I suppose you don’t think your ma is hurtin’ right now … that Will isn’t hurtin’. None of us would be out lookin for ya if we didn’t care … if we didn’t love ya as much as we do.”

Peggy looked at Hoss. “But Hoss, when you love someone you don’t set about hurting them on purpose. That’s what mommy does over and over again and Will goes along with it. How do you explain that?”

“I don’t know I can rightly explain it.”

“I’m sorry for causing worry. I know my running away wasn’t right. But I’m eleven years old and know a lot of things. I kept trying to give mommy another chance but she hasn’t changed. If she did, she wouldn’t have kept Adam’s letters from me and she would have mailed all of my letters to Adam. She knew how close we were. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye or even know if Adam was ever able to walk again. I thought he was mad at me all this time.”

Peggy’s words shocked Hoss. He had no idea what caused the morning ruckus but another piece had been added to the puzzle. He thought it might have had something to do with the encounter Laura had with Claire. He was wrong. Inside, an element of anger was brewing, but to lay blame now wasn’t the answer.

“Peggy I’d like to help you. I guess things ain’t been exactly they way you wanted ‘em but they are what they are. One thing you can’t change is who yer mother is and who yer father is.”

“I know Hoss, but Adam was supposed to be my father and to this day mommy hasn’t even explained to me what happened. She has never even answered any of my questions.”

Peggy turned to face Hoss. Her eyes were questioning. “You know, the only one who explained what happened to me was Adam. He’s always been truthful and honest. That’s something you can trust and know you’re loved. Why couldn’t mommy and Will be the same? Can you explain that to me?”

Hoss found it to be a hard question. He placed his arm around Peggy and she placed her head on his shoulder.

“Seems like we got us mystery,” Hoss said.

They sat is quietness as the bird that seemed to be watching over the two of them continued to chirp as if sending a message.

Finally Hoss spoke. “You know Peggy I jes got ta thinkin’. Now I may be wrong, but I want you to hear me out. You needed some space and time this mornin’. So you ran off. We all need that time, space and way to let out our anger, frustration and unhappiness with the world. Sometimes them’s that’s closest to us get the brunt of our feelings. Sometimes parents don’t always know how to express their feelings without hurting someone. In this case it was you. I don’t think it was done because they didn’t love you. Sometimes they love you too much and are afraid.”

“But that doesn’t make it right Hoss,” Peggy countered.

“No, it don’t make it right. But not talkin’ about it ain’t gonna help either. My guess is that you being out here havin’ time to think, ain’t really made no difference.”

Peggy didn’t answer right away.

“I don’t know what to do. You’re being helpful but Adam would know what I should do.”

“Peggy I know you and Adam were really close. I reckon you still are and I’m glad about that. But you’re pretty smart like you said. I think you can figure out what to do. Forgive me for sayin’ this … but Adam is your friend and not your father.”

“It’s hard Hoss. But I’m not ready just now. I can’t talk to Will or mommy right now and I won’t. I have to work things out.”

“Then what should we do then?” Hoss inquired. “We can’t stay out here.”

“I want to talk to Adam and Claire. I want to go to Adam’s house.”

Hoss didn’t agree this was the best thing.

“Peggy I don’t think that’s the wisest thing to do just now. I mean … well … all of this really involves Will and your mother. I think it best be settled between the three of you.”

“I thought you understood,” Peggy said rather unsettled. “I don’t want to see them and I’m not going back to the Ponderosa!”

Hoss rubbed his chin trying to think quickly.

“Peggy think about this. You can run away again because that’s what you’d be doin’ by going to Adam’s. Now maybe Adam and even Claire would provide you a place to be but is it fair of you to ask them to settle something that’s really between you, your ma and pa? You have a voice and I think the people that need to hear what you have to say outta be the first ones you talk to. Now, are you strong enough to demand that? If it doesn’t work out for you, then you can consider Adam and Claire giving you some help. I just think you outta be settling this with the people involved. Lettin’ them know what you feel and being downright honest about it.”

Peggy thought for a moment and let her eyes drift toward the sky. The bird was still there and seemed to be nodding its head yes.

“Hoss if it doesn’t work out you promise to take me to see Adam and Claire?”

“If it doesn’t work out, I promise but you gotta give it a chance. You can’t keep running.”

“Will you be there with me?”

“Yep. You can count on that,” Hoss responded.

“OK then. I’ll go back and try.”

Hoss stood up and tossed his hat on. “Well daggummit, let’s get going. Remember, I’ll be there with you the whole time. Ain’t no need to worry ‘bout that.”

The bird departed toward the sky and Hoss and Peggy headed toward the Ponderosa. Hoss rolled his eyes. He hoped he’d done the right thing. At least the worry of Peggy missing would at least be over.

* * * * * * * *

The Ponderosa lay before them. Peggy took a deep breath and continued.

“Peggy I got an idea. How about I settle you in the bunkhouse before I let your ma and pay know where you are? I think this way you’ll be able to get your thoughts together and I can let them know you’ve been found. Besides, the hands are all out on the range and you can talk to them in private.”

“If you think that’s best.”

Hoss responded, “I think its best. You’ll have privacy and no one will bother any of you. I’ll sit over on the porch and if you need me you only have to call. How’s that?”

“That’s fine. Thank you Hoss.”

“Don’t thank me. Let’s just hope they keep their mouths shut and their ears open.”

Peggy laughed.

Hoss used the back way to reach the ranch and helped Peggy into the bunkhouse. He advised her he’d get her something to eat and then alert the others she’d been found. He asked her not to be frightened when he fired his gun three times. It was a standard Cartwright way of alerting others.

Hoss left and Peggy looked around her surroundings. She lifted back the curtain that covered the open window, peeked out and watched Hoss walk toward the house. She also saw the carriage and wondered who it belonged to but didn’t have to wait long to find out. She saw Claire and her mother walking back toward the house.

Something softened her feelings a bit as she watched the two women. How different they are passed through her mind. She sat on the empty bunk and waited with no idea what would be the outcome – but needed to empty her overflowing reservoir of feelings and emotions.

Peggy closed her eyes and found herself thinking about herself and what she thought her parents out to be.

Mommy and daddy ought to understand I can think for myself. They may have experience but that doesn’t give them any right to think I don’t. Why don’t they understand the difference in protecting me and lying to me? Just because I don’t see things the same way they do doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

Just because I’m growing up does that scare mommy? She had to grow up too didn’t she? How can I understand her when she whines and doesn’t encourage my dreams?

TWENTY-SEVEN

Hoss snuck into the kitchen and asked Hop Sing to prepare something for Peggy. With a flourish Hop Sing prepared the meal and delivered it by an alternate route. He assured Peggy that Hoss would wait until she had time to finish eating before letting the others know she was found. He smiled gently at her as he left and took a seat on a log behind the bunkhouse. Hoss wanted to be sure Peggy didn’t leave again and had asked Hop Sing to keep watch.

Three shots were fired into the air. The sounds shocked Laura but raised the hope that Peggy had been found safe. Will turned his horse around and headed toward the sounds. Joe did the same, the front door of the Ponderosa swung open with Ben, Laura and Claire rushing out. Peggy watched her family.

“Hoss where is she? Is she alright? Please I have to know,” Laura said urgently.

Ben’s eyes focused on his middle son and waited.

“She’s fine. Now there’s some talkin’ I need to do before you see her.”

“Hoss if she’s alright I want to see her now. I want you to take me to her,” demanded Laura.

“Please Laura, let’s go inside and wait for Will to get here. She’s fine, but what I have to say I want to say with the two of you together. Please, let’s go inside,” urged Hoss.

Laura gave Hoss a look of not understanding. Claire touched Laura’s arm and helped usher her into the house.

Ben stopped his son and said, “I hope you know what you’re doing. Is she really alright?”

“She’s fine pa but she’s real upset. I managed to bring her back but we can’t settle this.”

“Bring her back?” asked Ben. “Where is she?”

“She’s in the bunkhouse. I got her to agree to come back and talk with Will and Laura. I hope I did the right thing. Hop Sing took her some food and he’s watching to be sure she don’t take off again.”

Ben just nodded his head and the two men went into the house.

Laura was getting angry. “Hoss I want to know where she is. I need to see her … talk to her … you can’t keep me from her … can you imagine what I’m going through?” Laura spouted.

“Yes’m I understand and you’re gonna get to see her. I just think we should wait until Will gets here so the two of you can talk to her together.”

“You’re making a decision for me Hoss! I’m her mother and have been worried sick over this!”

“I apologize,” Hoss offered. “But I made a promise to her and I aim to keep it. Now Will should be getting here real soon and then the two of you can talk to her.”

Claire realized what Hoss was doing and thought it must be a Cartwright trait. She watched Laura and was able to understand her upset. She wondered if her presence was still needed. Her mind wandered as she watched Laura fidget while pacing the floor. Claire looked at Ben who motioned she join him in the kitchen. She complied.

Ben rested his hand on Claire’s shoulder. “I think when Will gets back Hoss needs to talk to them alone.”

“You’re right Ben,” added Claire. “I’m so sorry all of this has happened.”

“You’re a wonderful daughter Claire. You didn’t have to come and try to comfort Laura through all of this.” He kissed her forehead.

“I can only hope they can mend whatever seems to be at the core of it all. When Will gets here, I’ll leave. This is something for them to work out. I don’t want to add to it by being here longer than I should.”

“I understand,” Ben added. He was thinking of the previous day’s happenings.

* * * * * * * *

The sound of horses racing came to an abrupt halt. The door was thrust open and Will rushed in followed by Joe.

The look on Will’s face was of urgency and concern. He placed his arm around Laura and asked, “Where is she? Is she …..”

“She’s fine Will according to Hoss,” Laura responded. “I’m glad you got here as quickly as you did because Hoss is the only one who knows where she is and he won’t tell me.”

The look on Will’s face turned from concern to anger.

“You can get rid of that look Will.” Turning to Joe, Hoss suggested he make himself scarce. He found himself in the kitchen with his pa and Claire.

“Now I made a promise to Peggy. She’s not hurt. I don’t know what caused things to get out of hand this morning but you all need to talk this out.”

“Hoss where is she?” demanded Will.

“Just hear me out. I promised I wouldn’t be far if she needed me. You need to understand that. But what I think she needs more than me being here for her is the two of you being there for her. I’m sorry to say that – but that’s the only way I can put it.”

The looks on faces was changing and not for the better.

“Now she has a lot to say and I can only suggest you listen to her. I can’t seem to think of any other way for you to mend what’s wrong. I ain’t got no right to tell you what I think, but I ain’t concerned as much about the two of you as I am about her. She needs to be able to feel comfortable with you as her ma and pa and not the rest of us Cartwrights as her family. I’m sure sorry to put it that way.”

“Hoss we hear what you said. Now where is she?”

“I hope you did hear what I said Will, because she needs you both. You gotta promise me that you’ll hear her out.”

Laura looked at Will with searching eyes. It wasn’t something Will couldn’t agree to.

“We hear you Hoss and agree. Now please, where is she?” asked Will.

Hoss walked to the door and opened it. “She’s in the bunkhouse waiting for the two of you.”

* * * * * * *

The door opened and Peggy watched as her mother and father rushed in.

“Oh Peggy, we were so worried about you. I’m so glad you’re safe,” spurted Laura. She looked Peggy over to be sure she wasn’t hurt. She then pulled Peggy to her and hugged her. The hug wasn’t returned. Laura was taken aback by Peggy’s lack of response. She turned and looked at Will puzzled. Will understood and felt saddened Peggy hadn’t responded to her mother. Laura’s eyes focused on Peggy.

Will approached both mother and daughter. He put his hands on Laura’s shoulders and spoke. “Peggy, I think I can understand what may have caused all of this and I’m sorry. Truly sorry. Can we talk to each other no matter how much it may hurt? I mean really talk honestly and listen to each other? We love you,” added Will.

Peggy looked from one parent to the other. She waited a while before she mustered the courage to answer. It was her turn. She looked out the open window and saw Hoss seated where he said he’d be – whittling on a piece of wood. He told the truth.

Peggy looked at her parents and sat down. She found it hard but managed to say quietly, “I’m sorry I left like I did this morning. Can I really say what I feel?”

“Why certainly dear,” responded Laura.

“Even if you don’t like what it is I have to say?”

Laura looked a bit unsettled but said, “Yes of course.”

Will focused his eyes on Laura unsure if she could accept what Peggy would say. Both Will and Laura sat on a bunk across from Peggy.

“Peggy,” Will started, “This is probably the hardest thing any of us will ever do. But because we’re a family with some difficulties we need to work this out. I know I’ve been part of our problem.”

“Will!” Laura interrupted.

He didn’t pay her any attention but continued to speak directly to Peggy who was now seated on a bunk across from them. The air from the open window caressed her back.

“I can’t undo what’s been done,” Will continued, “But I do believe if we’re honest with each other, no matter what, we can turn things around for all of us. That’s what I want.”

Peggy’s eyes grew larger. She said, “No matter what?”

Will and Laura both answered, “Yes.”

To gain her courage Peggy looked out the window. Hoss was still there.

“I … I … well I’m mad because you kept me from getting letters from Adam. He was my friend and I wanted to hear from him. It wasn’t right and I didn’t know if he was OK.”

“Peggy, I’m sorry for what I did. I know now it was wrong,” apologized Laura.

“You’re my mother. You’re supposed to know right from wrong,” Peggy said with a bit of anger in her voice. “How could you do that to me?”

“Well … ah … so many things happened so quickly and I knew you were upset that I thought getting letters and sending letters would just make matters worse,” Laura said in defense.

Will sat and listened.

“You didn’t think at all! You were thinking about yourself and Will. You never even included me.”

“That’s not true Peggy,” Laura said once again in defense.

“Peggy, I know there was a problem when I married your mother. But we married because we loved each other and still do. You were never unloved and I love you very much,” Will added.

The gaze from Peggy was a questioning one.

“Why didn’t you explain things to me? Why do you always leave me out of things? You never answer my questions and I don’t know what to think. I’m older now and I understand more than you think,” Peggy said pointedly to Laura.

Slowly Laura tried to form the words to say. “I have always looked at you as if you were a little girl. I didn’t think you could understand a lot of things and I wanted to keep you from being hurt.”

“You said something I think is important,” added Will. “You talk as if you’re left out of things. That’s not what should happen, not now … not ever. Maybe you can help your mother and me understand what you mean.”

Peggy was being fed with the adrenalin of all that was pent up inside her. No matter what the outcome, she was going to let them know what she thought.

“Mommy have you ever thought of the number of times I needed to talk to you or ask you a question and you told me not now or we’ll talk about it later – but never did? Or you’d explain things to me when I got older but when that time came you always found another excuse?

“Peggy!” Laura said trying to interrupt what she was hearing.

“Whenever you and Will were together you were more focused on yourselves than me. I could be in the same room and was ignored. That hurt!”

“Peggy, listen to me,” Laura added. “Will and I had just gotten married and were just getting to know each other better. We never intended to leave you out of anything.”

“Peggy, I hear what you’re saying and I appreciate your being honest. If there were times we ignored you or excluded you, I’m terribly sorry. I would never do that intentionally. If only I had known how you felt.”

“There’s was no way you could know how I felt because mommy said I shouldn’t bother you with silly little girl things.”

Will turned to Laura and asked, “Is that true Laura?”

“Well yes Will. You had a lot on your mind with our getting settled and starting your business I didn’t see the point of it all at the time.”

“Nothing should ever have come to separate the needs of Peggy of you for that matter. I’d make sure we have a roof over out heads and the business could have waited.” Will was feeling some sense of guilt but more so realizing some of the unknown factors that had been kept from him.

Tears started to well in Peggy’s eyes. “It was as if I had become invisible. I got real tired of hearing you say when you’re older and when you can understand. Mommy you made it seem like when I got older you would then pay attention me. I wanted you to pay attention to me then and now – and I wanted you to be honest!”

Laura’s eyes were beginning to mist. Will realized this was not going to be settled in the short term. Years of buried feelings were being dug up. Not until they were completely out in the open could they begin to meld as a loving family. The heart of his daughter was being exposed and he hoped Laura could see it.

Hoss looked at the small frame house and wondered what was taking place.

* * * * * * * *

In the kitchen Ben, Joe and Claire were wondering also what was taking place.

“I’m ashamed to say this,” Ben said. “But I feel most hurt for Peggy and Will. I’m trying to understand Laura but I think she may need help that we aren’t able to give her. Perhaps their talk will help.”

Ben eyed Claire but she said nothing.

“Pa whatever is going on seems to be because of Laura. Now Adam did say she married young and then had Peggy, but shouldn’t a mother’s instinct kick in or something?”

“Joe sometimes children have children,” Claire added.

Both Ben and Joe looked at her.

“I just mean that because a girl grows into a woman doesn’t necessarily mean she’s matured, especially if during her formative years she’s been sheltered or had decisions made for her during that time.”

“Claire that does make sense I suppose,” added Ben.

Joe laughed. “Pa I thought you were going to say, I told you reading all those books ruins your mind.”

Claire was puzzled by the comment but Ben grinned and tossed a towel at Joe. It seemed that some sort of lightness was needed and Joe provided it as usual.

“I need to be getting home. I don’t think there is anything more I can do here,” Claire added. “I need to relieve Ming Lu from her charges and I want to be home when Adam gets back from town.”

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your generosity and kindness,” Ben said.

Claire turned and stared out the kitchen window. She looked past Hoss to the bunkhouse. Quietly she said, “Children are people we should be spending a lot of time talking to, listening to and helping because they’re new here.”

Joe raised his eyebrows at the comment trying to understand what Claire meant. He finally realized he’d gotten it – but even more – he realized how much Claire was like his older brother.

Ben eyed Claire with admiration. As Claire began to collect her things she added, “Children who are listened to as equals listen to others as equals. Children whose opinions are valued value others’ opinions. A family where parents and children are allies is a peaceful family. I hope that can be true for the Will Cartwrights.”

Ben, Joe and Claire left the kitchen and stopped to talk to Hoss. The wood shavings were gathering around his feet as if feathers falling from a pillow one by one.

“Anything come from over there?” asked Ben.

“No pa. I’m just doing what I told Peggy I would. She’s kinda spunky I think. I hope she gets through and they can move on. I would sure be sad if they can’t work this out.”

Joe folded his arms while Ben commented, “I would too son … I would too.”

Claire was assisted into the carriage and advised if she was needed, she wanted them to extend her willingness to help in any way she could. They waved as she headed home. Passing the structure that concealed three people she cared about, she hoped a new relationship and understanding was being forged for all inside.

Claire reached home and made herself busy in the kitchen. Adam had not arrived and the children were napping.

“Everything OK at Ponderosa?” asked Chu.

‘Things could be better Chu. Let’s hope they will be.”

“Wisdom of honorable uncle may help. He very smart but I no tell him so,” laughed Chu. “Excuse please, I go help Ming Lu.” He quietly departed.

“Alone in the kitchen, Claire imagined her two children growing up, and felt the ache she thought every parent must feel at one time or another, the desire to snatch up each moment of your child’s presence and never let go – to preserve every gesture, to lock in for all eternity the sight of their curls or the feel of their fingers clasped around yours.”

She then remembered something her adoptive parents had told her when she was younger. “It is usually assumed that children who aren’t made to obey their parents will grow to be unruly, disrespectful, and ‘out of control’. Nothing could be further from the truth. Children who are treated with respect are respectful of others.”

TWENTY-EIGHT

The afternoon heat framed every nook and cranny of the Nevada countryside. It was inevitable that days would become long and lazy. Today was especially warm for Will, Laura and Peggy.

The mending of tensions and misunderstandings would need more than needle and thread. Peggy finished expressing her feelings in a quiet and controlled manner. She’d shed tears but mustered the courage to be honest and forthright. Her words lacked luster and polish – they were just plain and simple – the sum total of what seeped from her lips hit their mark. After all, what did she have to lose at this point?

It wasn’t the heat of the day that caused Laura to feel uncomfortable. It was seeing her daughter shed tears that matched her own as she was reminded of the need for her to be a mother that wasn’t afraid to be honest, set examples, encouraged, showed that life could be filled with happiness as well as pain, and the list went on. Peggy wanted to feel she was part of a family she could trust and, although she couldn’t find the word, she wanted to feel included. At the moment all these things had become foreign to her and she was in her own boat adrift in a sea of misery.

Will understood and swallowed hard as the exchange took place. He saw the strength in his daughter he never doubted was there. Although torn between his love for Laura and Peggy, perhaps the turn of events was what was needed to mend the tear in their lives. If anything, their becoming one family was what he desired most and would do whatever necessary for that to become a lasting reality.

He shared his feelings with Laura and Peggy as part of the exchange. It couldn’t be one-sided for there to be resolve and hope for their future. What he saw in Peggy’s eyes and what concerned him was the need for Laura to hear the words and be willing to accept them as a cry for help – help that only she could give – but supported by him and Peggy.

Laura explained her actions as being in the best interest of all concerned. She was offended when made to face the fact honesty had not always been a part of her decisions. Her feelings had deteriorated from worry over Peggy’s running away in anger to a personal attack on her ability to be mother, wife and a woman satisfied with life.

She further became offended at the prospect her husband and daughter saw her as needing them to help unleash the ties that held her immobile. Although she accepted what was said and they all hugged each other, she still maintained her façade. Pieces of the past floated through her mind and she saw Peggy as being closer to Will and the Cartwrights rather than her. She’d missed the point entirely.

Before leaving the bunkhouse they discussed remaining at the Ponderosa for the next two days. Laura agreed reluctantly. She’d have to face all the Cartwrights and eat humble pie, but Will assured her that it was a step in the right direction for all of them.

The stress of the morning had now begun to lift as they emerged from their site of negotiation and reconciliation. Hoss stopped whittling and watched as Will approached with his arms around both Laura and Peggy.

“Well seems like everything is back to normal I’d say,” Hoss smiled.

“Well almost Hoss. We have some things to still work out but the hardest part is behind us,” Laura said with a slight smile.

The redness of two sets of eyes and the look of stress on Will’s face told Hoss it hadn’t been easy.

“Hoss do you think if we got some fishin’ gear together Hop Sing would pack us a lunch? I think my family and I should have a little afternoon outing.” Will was trying to start a clean slate.

“Fishing?” exclaimed Laura.

“Yes fishing,” was Will’s response. “If you don’t want to fish we can at least have a peaceful time – just the three of us.”

“I have never been fishing,” added Peggy.

“Well there’s always a first time for everything. Sometimes we just have to try. Now how about you and your mother changing your clothes? With any luck, we might be able to catch enough to go along with dinner,” suggested Will.

Hoss placed his hand on Will’s shoulder but only said, “The fishin poles are where they always were. I’ll get hop Sing started on a picnic lunch. Ya never know whatch’a might catch.”

With a less stressed look on his face Will smiled and said, “Thanks for understanding and all you did. You’re right; one doesn’t know what you might catch or for that matter what might be catching.”

* * * * * * * *

Adam returned from Virginia City much earlier than was expected. He’d accomplished what he set out to do in short order and now wondered where his family was. Chu explained Aunt Maggie and Uncle Hank had come by and taken them to their ranch for lunch.

Adam just gave a nod of his head with a half smile. He could use the quiet time to review the deals he’d just transacted. As he was heading out to speak to a hired hand Chu interrupted him.

“Mista Adam. While you away lot happen.”

Adam turned to face Chu as Ming Lu walked in with the fresh laundry. She kept her eyes lowered as the men talked.

Chu told Adam of the morning’s events as best he could recount. It was clear Peggy was unhurt from Claire’s report when she returned home.

Ming Lu gave Adam a glass of lemonade and he turned and headed toward his study. Standing before the window and his world, he was unaware he’d finished the drink. Unsettledness came over him. Too much had happened in too short a time. Now this.

His better judgment told him not to ride over to the Ponderosa. That would come but for now it was better he keep his distance. He realized the puzzle pieces had not been put together. Interfering was not the answer. Whatever was taking place at the Ponderosa would have to unfold for now without his presence. He’d made his feelings known. What he would do is find time to spend with Peggy hopefully with Will and Laura’s approval. He wasn’t sure both parties would agree.

Life seemed to be almost de ja veau. He remembered how the trio had come unraveled, seemed to come together during this visit, and now unraveled again. Whatever was to be had to be cleared up once and for all between Will, Laura, Peggy and him. Scratching the back of his neck, Adam finally turned to the papers he’d placed on the desk and decided to get to work.

* * * * * * * *

The fishing party started out quietly. Neither Laura nor Peggy wanted to touch the worms. Will baited their hooks and under the quiet Nevada sky they tossed their poles into the lake.

Covered from the rays of the sun by the sweeping canopy of pine, the tranquility of the setting seemed to have a soothing effect. It wasn’t long before conversation started. Each remembered the morning but this was the afternoon. Will hoped it would be a start.

The eyes that should have been focused on the world before them seemed to be darting secretly at one another. When Peggy’s pole started to bend in her hands, the tone changed from guarded quietness to excitement. Mother and father assisted their daughter in pulling in the first catch of the afternoon.

Adam finished his review of paperwork and decided to stretch out in his study while waiting for his family to return. He closed his eyes. Taking a nap in the middle of the day was unheard of – but today he felt he was entitled. As he became more relaxed, he closed his eyes and felt his chest rise and fall to the cadence of his inhaling and exhaling. He placed one hand on his chest and the other behind his head.

Disturbed wasn’t the word he felt should be associated with Claire’s actions of the morning. Resolution needed to grow. Fertile ground and seed were key to starting the growth of a healthy crop. The water and sun were key pieces which Adam saw as analogous to life and its movement.

Adam wasn’t sure how he felt at this moment but was glad to know Peggy was safe. The dark lashes finally rested softly on the tanned skin. As he was drifting off to sleep, he knew he would talk with Peggy. He couldn’t deny the need for this. His chest rose and fell in accompaniment to the rhythm of his heartbeat as the blanket of quietness caressed him to sleep

TWENTY-NINE

The sound of feet running woke Adam. Before he knew it Shelley found him lying on the leather settee in his study. She leaned over him and poked his nose. Adam pretended to be sleeping. He felt another poke.

Shelley continued to lean over him and look closely at her father. He could feel her breath on his face. Without notice, Adam loudly said, “Boo!” which caused Shelley to jump back and scream followed by the two of them laughing. Adam reached for her and hugged her.

“You sick?” she asked since he was lying down.

“Not now. I was missing you,” he said sitting up. “Now I feel much better.”

“Me too. Gotta go.” Shelley ran off. She was a whirlwind of energy and always looking for something to do, often with her inquisitiveness causing her to get a strong talking to.

Without putting his boots on, Adam strolled out of the study and saw Claire changing Jared.

“Well the family returns,” Adam said.

Jared made sounds of contentment since his lower half was now dry. Claire put him down and Adam watched as Jared pulled himself up and started to explore his familiar surroundings. It wasn’t going to be long before he was walking.

“Yes we’re back and I’m glad. I guess the heat has gotten to me today,” was Claire’s response. “I thought we might eat outside tonight if you don’t mind. It would be cooler by then and almost like having a picnic.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.”

Claire noticed Adam wasn’t wearing his boots but decided not to comment. She pulled her hair back and wrapped it in a knot to get it off her neck. As she started picking up the children’s belongings she asked, “How’d things go today? Were you able to settle everything?”

Adam leaned against the stairway and filled Claire in on the details. “Things went better than I hoped. Another fifty head will arrive next week and the contract for the timber is between Ross Collins and me. I was also able to hire the extra hands we’ll need.”

“Adam that seems like quite a lot. You know, this ranch is becoming busier than I expected. Can I do something?”

“You’re already doing it,” he said looking at Jared and Shelley.

Realizing he was looking at her as she sent Shelley off to deliver some small items to Ming Lu, the question she expected was posed. “So, how was your day Mrs. Cartwright?”

Claire realized Adam knew the details of the morning. Finishing her task she sat quietly in a chair and laid her head back. “Why don’t you tell me Mr. Cartwright?”

“I only know limited details, but it appears you were at the Ponderosa earlier today. Peggy was found and I guess they’re trying to put the pieces back together,” Adam recounted.

Claire’s wasn’t surprised Adam knew what took place. She was waiting for his next question. He picked up Jared and tousled is hair. “Where you able to help? I assume that’s the reason you went.”

Adam’s tone was quiet and controlled. Claire understood his concern.

“I don’t know really. I thought how I might feel in a situation like that with no support and went to try to be a help to Laura,” was her response.

“And were you … able to be a support to her?”

Claire’s look changed. “Adam what are you really asking? Just say it plainly please.”

“From my vantage point she had support. Will, pa, Joe and Hoss were there. That’s four people and five if you count Hop Sing.”

Claire remained silent for a moment and asked, “Are you thinking I shouldn’t have done what I did?”

“Claire, I never tell you what to do. I might ask but never tell,” he smiled. “I’m wondering how serious this situation may be and from my experience, what you did could work the reverse. Your intentions weren’t selfish, but as things settle down, I’m not quite sure if ….. well ….”

“Finish what you were going to say Adam.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and said, “I just don’t know considering what happened yesterday between the two of you, my comments to her last night, and the way Laura may view all of this. She may just realize she wished you hadn’t come when she has time to think about it now that Peggy’s been found.”

“I don’t understand. How could she misunderstand my actions?”

Adam raised his eyebrows and looked at Claire. “Laura has a different way of looking at things when she feels others are stronger than her, even if she needs them. I just don’t want any more confrontation on any fronts. What you did was because of the person you are.”

“Adam, I’m trying to understand. I don’t like the situation as it is either. My concern is for Peggy and … and … you.”

Adam looked with confusion. “Me?”

“Adam, you and Peggy were very close. I think you two have been able to restore the closeness … err … friendship. Even though you aren’t saying it, I’m certain that you’re worried and concerned about what happened today and what will become of Peggy, Will and Laura.”

“She’s a child that deserves happiness. I can’t interfere in a private family matter. This visit seems to have created an unsettling situation which I believe has to do with my former relationship with Laura and Peggy as the starting point.”

“So what are you going to do? Your concerns are obvious.”

“I’m going to try to remain on the fringes but not at the expense of Peggy. I do have to remember my place in all of this.”

“You’ve made up your mind Adam even though you haven’t said so. I sense how important putting closure to this matter is for you and you’re not going to be able to stay out of it. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m here if you need support as you work through this. I’m sorry if I made a mistake today. You know Laura better than I do and what you have to do.”

Adam tried to lighten the mood. He knew Claire now understood reconciling family relationships at this time would have to be done on a personal note and not a Claire note.

Claire’s last words had found their mark.

Jared was headed for the stairs with a look of determination. Hearing his name called by Adam, he looked at his father with a smile and turned to climb.

As Adam went to retrieve the little person he asked, “Did Laura apologize to you?”

Claire’s silence was the answer.

* * * * * * * *

Will, Peggy and Laura returned with the fresh catch. Their afternoon together was a respite on their road to building lasting and loving relationships. As they approached the Ponderosa, the weight of the early part of the day seemed to find it’s way back to each of them. Will could only hope.

“Are we really going to move into Virginia City?” asked Peggy.

Laura took a deep breath and looked at Will. Placing her hands on Peggy’s shoulders she finally said, “No dear. We have two days left and I think Will can manage to receive and send his wires without being in town. It’s very beautiful here and it’s probably the best place for us right now. ”

Peggy smiled and relaxed. Will looked lovingly at Laura and hoped she recognized his feelings. He further hoped she meant what she’d just said.

“You mean for us to … ah … work things out? All of us?” quizzed Peggy.

Will said nothing. He wanted to see the manner in which Laura would handle this.

Laura was a bit dumfounded because she had to answer and support her decision.

“Yes Peggy. We have some things still to resolve. Perhaps here is the best place to do it,” was her nervous reply.

Will finally spoke up. “I have to agree. I think we still feel uncomfortable but we’re on the way to mending fences. We can be ourselves here and have whatever time we need alone.”

Peggy looked from one to the other. She put her head down and quietly said, “I hope we really can. It shouldn’t be that hard.”

“No sweetheart,” added Will. “The three of us trying together will make it easier for all of us,” he ended with a smile.

“Now little miss, you need to take these fish in to Hop Sing,” Will said as he handed Peggy the fish he and Laura had caught.

Again quietly she said, “OK daddy. I’ll take them right away.”

She’s trying Will thought, I’m daddy again.

“Mommy do you think Hop Sing will be surprised to see how many fish we caught?”

“There’s no question Peggy. I’m sure he’ll be quite surprised.”

Peggy headed toward the door to the kitchen. Will’s eyes focused on Laura who was watching Peggy.

“Are you feeling better Laura?”

“I’ll feel better when I can get cleaned up and not smell like fish.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant Will. The afternoon was pleasant and I want to thank you for thinking of it. However, any concerns you have should be put to rest. Peggy told me what she thinks of me and I’m going to have to live with that.” A hint of bitterness was lacing Laura’s words.

Will ushered Laura to the porch and had her sit down. “Laura, you really didn’t hear what Peggy was saying. She was talking about the past. She was talking to me as well. We all talked openly and honestly in hopes of moving along and learning from each other. We’re trying to let go of what was, or at least fix it, and move on. All three of us have made mistakes. Sometimes it’s hard to hear the truth – but if we don’t hear it there’s no way we can fix it.”

Laura looked at Will and answered. “She’s never been close to me. No matter what I do there’s a distance between us.”

“Is that really true or is it something that perhaps you just imagine. It’s so obvious how much she loves you and wants to be close to you.”

Laura’s eyes were doubtful. “Do you really believe that? I mean that we can work all of this out?”

“We started today and continued with our fishing outing. I know what I believe. What’s important is what you believe. Today was emotional for all of us. It wouldn’t have been if there was no hope for us and if there was no love.”

Laura rested her head against the pillar. “I sometimes feel as if I make a mess out of everything I try. I know what I want but am constantly judged for my decisions.”

Will curbed his tongue. He realized Laura was putting herself back into the center of things again. “Laura, we aren’t going to agree on everything because in life people don’t – even married people.”

“What does that mean?” was Laura’s question.

“It simply means this. I love you. I love Peggy. We aren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination but we do have each other. That’s where we start. You agreed just as I did. The past is the past whether it includes Frank or Adam. WE are going to be happy and share in the good and the bad … all three of us. Those earlier times are over.”

“OK I’m willing to try but remember this, both Frank and Adam were a part of my life and Peggy’s. That’s something that cannot be denied.”

“Granted. I never knew Frank. Adam I do know – he’s my cousin and he’s still alive. He has his life just like we do if you allow it.” The last words Will hadn’t meant to say, if you allow it.

The look Will was on the receiving end of was a cold one. “For someone who doesn’t judge, I think you just made a pretty judgmental statement about me. I am who I am Will.”

Frustration was settling in for Will. Laura let me ask you something. “How much do you love me? Do you trust me to be supportive of you and Peggy? Do you believe in yourself? I believe in you.”

“Of course I love you Will. Why would you even ask that question? And yes, you’re always there for both Peggy and me.”

“I’m going to be honest Laura. If you feel you have difficulties or insecurities in your life you’re not the only person. The difference is that you have two people that love you and we want to help you to help yourself and us.”

“I’m sorry Will.” Laura paused. “I don’t know what came over me when we arrived here. It was as if I was a different person. I was filled with anger and upset and I don’t know why. I took it out on everyone.”

“Laura, please don’t misunderstand what I’m going to say. Before we leave here we need to understand and make it perfectly clear to Peggy the reason for the actions you took regarding the letters between she and Adam.” He waited to see her reaction.

Nervousness seemed to have taken over and Laura started to fidget. “I explained that earlier today to you and Peggy.”

“You did to a certain extent … but the question that still needs to be answered has to come from deep within you … and that is … why did you really do it? Another piece that we need to be able to understand together is why you slapped Claire. That has to be addressed as well.”

Laura closed her eyes as if trying to erase the incident.

“We’re guests in my uncle’s home. No matter how difficult getting through the rest of this day and evening might be, we have to.”

“You were so angry with me for what I did. Adam was absolutely livid. Both of you said harsh and unkind words.”

“Yes you’re right Laura. Anger is a human emotion. Don’t forget I was also on the receiving end of Adam’s anger but I know we’ll be able to work it out. For you to work it out, you need to make the appropriate apologies which I know you are aware of. The rest we’ll work out together. What we must not and cannot ever forget is Peggy and our love for her. She is a part of us. She’s important to Adam as well and there has to be some resolve on that score.”

Laura appeared to be in another place.

“Laura did you hear me?” Will leaned forward when he asked the question.

“I heard you and I thank you for being here for me. Right now I want to get cleaned up.”

Laura walked toward the front door. Will sat wondering. As he gazed out at the sun lowering itself in the sky, he realized he needed to talk to Adam and believed Adam would understand. Adam was a person to say what he thought and then move on.

Will only had two days to put his family on the right path. Part of that had to be Adam and Peggy having time together. He sat back and thought about his own personal relationship with Peggy – his daughter and smiled.

THIRTY

Work for the day was done. The three Cartwrights strolled toward the house longing for Hop Sing’s cooking.

Ben stopped, turned to his sons and said, “Just a word of advice. This has been a day I want all of us to get through and that includes dinner.”

The looks on two faces seemed confused.

“What I’m saying is the evening needs to be as normal as possible. What happened this morning needs to be settled by the parties involved – not us. I’m sure there’s going to be some embarrassment and uneasiness on our guest’s part … I don’t want us to add to it. Is that understood?”

“Pa, it’s plum hard to forgit what happened since we were all involved in looking for Peggy,” added Hoss.

“I know Hoss, but try to act as normal as possible.”

“That may be easier said than done,” added Joe.

“Joseph! We’ve had problems of all kinds in this family at one time or another. Let’s just try to make sure tonight isn’t a reminder of what happened today.”

“Yes sir,” responded Joe. He looked at Hoss who merely rolled his eyes.

Will was cleaning his gun when his family walked in. He seemed in a contemplative mood. Each stroke against the grain of the gun’s barrel seemed to be a thought.

“How’d your afternoon go?” he questioned.

“Tiresome. Just downright tiresome. That dad blasted new bull pa bought found a way to get loose and we had a devil of a time catching it,” Hoss said with a grimace.

Before he knew it Hoss asked, “How’d your afternoon …..”

Ben looked at Joe. Will finished the question.

“Go?” he said. He turned to look at the stairs making sure Laura and Peggy weren’t in earshot.

“Let’s just say it went.”

Slapping Will on the arm and then flopping on the settee Joe added, “I’m sure everything’s going to work out. This is probably just …. well I don’t know what … but as far as I’m concerned it’s over. I want all of you to enjoy the time you have left here. After all, how often is it we get to see our tycoon import and export cousin?”

Will managed a smile at Joe’s comments.

“Thanks for that Joe. I do apologize to all of you for what’s happened. I hope you’ll accept it.”

Hoss sauntered over with his hands in his pockets. “Look, we ain’t thinking one way or another and we ain’t judging any of you. Ain’t no need to apologize.”

Will realized the comments were sincere but his concern was still evident even thought he tried to hide it. He replaced the clean gun in its holster. Ben recognized the look in his nephew’s eyes. It was best he follow the advice he gave his sons unless asked for his thoughts.

Sighing heavily Will faced all three. “I’m trying to live with Laura and Peggy in the present. The past is what it was – the past. You’ve made us feel welcome just as Adam and Claire have. That means a lot.”

“I’ve always told you, you have a home here and that goes for Peggy and Laura too,” Ben managed to say in a caring voice.

“Thanks Ben. I really appreciate it. You’re my family and the family of Laura and Peggy. I want to be honest and say something I won’t say again. We did have a time that was hard at first particularly with Peggy. Our life has been good and I believe it can continue to get better. There are adjustments we need to make and I think the trip here has caused us to realize that and deal with it. Sort of putting the past away. As a family we love each other. We just have to work through the difficult situations with openness and honesty.”

Ben, Hoss and Joe realized this wasn’t easy for Will to say, but understood his need to do so.

“Will we don’t want to pry and never will,” Ben said as he sat down.

“I know that Ben. Thanks.”

“Will is there anything we can do?” asked Joe.

Will smiled at Joe because he saw the look Ben gave him.

“Not that I can think of. The first step in clearing the air for us is not leaving here and moving into town with everything that’s happened. I hope you don’t mind that decision. Sometimes we have to face up to things – not run from them.”

Ben nodded his head and saw the determination in his nephew’s eyes. “I wouldn’t allow it to be any other way.”

* * * * * * *

Peggy was sitting in her room waiting for dinner to be announced when there was a soft knock on the door. She looked up and saw her mother.

“Do you mind if I come in for a minute?”

Peggy looked at her mother as she entered closing the door behind her.

“You look much cleaner than this afternoon. I guess we both do. Hop Sing is cooking the fish for dinner,” Laura said.

Talk was awkward between mother and daughter.

“They should taste good,” added Laura.

“I suppose.” Peggy smiled slightly and continued. “I’ve never been fishing before and it was fun except for the worms. I’m glad we got to do it.”

Laura laughed nervously. “I was glad we were able to have fun after this morning.” She began to stroke Peggy’s hair.

“Mommy, I’m really sorry about what I did and said to you today.”

“I know you are and I’m sorry too. But Will pointed out that we all have work to do and he’s right. I’ve made a lot of mistakes I can’t change … I wish I could especially with you.”

Peggy looked at her mother hoping the words she was speaking were the truth.

“I wish you could too.” Peggy paused trying to form her next words. “I shouldn’t have run off like that. I didn’t know where to go and …..” Peggy’s eyes began to get moist. “I was so angry at you and hurt.”

Laura continued to stroke Peggy’s hair realizing the agony she caused her daughter. She was able to find her voice and spoke. “Peggy dear, I love you very much. I promise I’ll never keep secrets from you ever again, and if you’ll help me, I’m sure you’ll be able to feel you can trust me again. I never wanted to hurt you. Please believe me because I love you.”

“I’ll try mommy. I want us to be a family … a happy family.”

“So do I dear. You know Will loves us very much and that’s what counts.”

“Do you think we can ever be like my friend’s families in San Francisco or like Adam and his family?”

The question shocked Laura but she tried to keep her composure. “Why Peggy, if you think about it we really are in many ways. There have just been different adjustments we’ve had to make. In some cases we didn’t make them in the right way. But things are definitely going to be different. Each family is different Peggy. Things will be different from now on … you’ll see … I promise you that.”

Peggy stood up and walked to the window. “Mommy, I have some questions. If I ask them will you give me the answers no matter how hard it might be?”

Laura blinked her eyes. “Yes Peggy. I’ll do the best I can.”

“I promise too mommy. I want things better. Everything was good when we were in San Francisco. What happened when we got here?”

Ben’s voice was booming announcing dinner. Laura looked toward the door and then back at Peggy.

“Peggy dinner is ready and I guess they’re waiting for us. I’ll make you a promise though, I’m not sure what really changed when we arrived back here, but I will talk to you about it after dinner and try to answer you as honestly as I can. Will that be alright?”

Peggy responded, “OK.” Slowly the two of them walked down the stairs. Neither knew what they were walking into, but they’d find a way to get through it.

Will’s eyes turned serious as he watched the two women in his life join the family. He surmised there had been some conversation between the two and only hoped it was positive.

Hop Sing hurried in with a platter full of freshly cooked fish. Hoss licked his lips and said, “Now this is a meal fit fer a king. Hot dog! Fried fish, corn bread and all the trimmings.”

They sat down but before they began to eat, Laura interrupted and said somewhat shamefully, “I’d like to offer an apology to all of you for disrupting this family. I’m very happy to be a part of it and to be here.”

Will smiled. He realized this had to be hard for Laura. Peggy looked at her mother and thought maybe things just might be changing.

Ben just said, “Thank you Laura. All of you are welcome here anytime. Now let’s just put all of that aside and enjoy this fish you caught this afternoon.”

Joe smiled to himself and caught Peggy looking at him. She smiled too. Dinner progressed with ease and was more comfortable than any of them had thought.

The sun hadn’t disappeared from the Nevada sky before Laura indicated she and Peggy were going to get some air. A short while later Will said he was going to take a ride and wouldn’t be long.

The hope for all that watched them leave was that a new part of their lives was beginning to take form.

* * * * * * * *

Adam walked to the edge of the lake and placed his hands into the water. Shelley did the same. The heat was less unbearable now and the water was refreshing. Claire asked Adam to keep an eye on Jared as she cleared their dinner plates and took them into the house. Ming Lu took the dishes and went out with Claire to finish cleaning up the remaining items.

When Claire reappeared, Adam had removed his boots and rolled up his pant legs. Shelley had tossed her shoes and stockings aside and Adam was swishing Jared back and forth so his feet could feel the coolness of the water. Everyone was getting wet and having a good time.

Chu finished feeding the stock and walked from the barn up to Claire.

“Missy Claire, family having fun. Water must feel good. Maybe you try?” he chuckled.

A look came across Claire’s face. “Chu I might just do that.” Instead she walked into the house and retrieved her sketch pad. She sat on the back porch and began to capture the scene in front of her. She could hear voices of the ranch hands coming from the bunkhouse and thought it interesting they could muster so much energy after the work Adam laid out for them each day.

She refocused on the laughter of her family between the splashes. Adam’s laughter floated through the air and Shelley was having the time of her life. Jared just sputtered and spurted each time Adam held his arms and dipped his little feet into the water.

The fun came to an end but Adam promised Shelley they would do it again and often. With a slight scowl on her face, she picked up her shoes and stockings and ran toward Claire.

“Mama, the water was really cold. You should try it next time.”

“You’re right, next time for sure.”

Shelley leaned over the arm of the chair and saw what had been sketched. “That’s us mama. And that’s the lake.”

“Now I wonder how you figured that out. I guess you’re just very smart.”

The sound of Will’s arrival wasn’t heard. Adam was placing Jared on the porch when he heard the voice, “I didn’t think you were here for a minute. Chu told me you were out back.”

Adam smiled and said, “It’s good to see you Will. You just missed the fun but there’s still plenty of water.”

Will wasn’t sure what Adam was talking about but said hello to Claire and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Her eyes were warm and he was thankful for that.

“It seems there are three children in this house. They were just wading in the lake,” Claire added.

“Oh, I see. Then that explains it.”

“Explains what Cousin Will?” asked Shelley.

“Why you’re barefoot. I thought maybe you’d lost your shoes.”

With a laugh Claire got up. “It’s time for these two to get ready for bed.” She disappeared for a quick moment but returned with two glasses and a picture of cold lemonade. She quietly placed the items down and took the children in tow.

“Will I’d like to stay and talk with you but if I don’t get them ready for bed now, they’ll never go to sleep.”

Adam understood Claire’s unspoken gesture.

Will looked out at the lake. “This sure is a beautiful view you’ve got here Adam. You’ve done a lot of work.”

“Thanks,” Adam said as he poured the cold drinks and handed one to Will. “We like it.”

There was a silence between them. Adam knew Will was there for a reason and Will knew Adam was waiting. All the admiring of the view couldn’t change the fact they were going to have a conversation.

Rolling his glass between the palms of his hands Will spoke. “Adam I rode over here on purpose. I want to clear the air between us before we leave.”

The dark eyes listened. There was no negative sign being given by Adam. He was comfortable relaxing in the chair with his wet pants and his bare feet stretched out in front of him. “You know, it’s really going to be a hot summer,” he said prophetically.

Adam had a way of making a person comfortable. In this case it was Will. The door was now open for conversation.

“I guess you’re right about that. I’m not looking forward to the hot ride to Denver.”

Adam turned his head toward Will and poured more lemonade.

“Will, as far as I’m concerned there’s no air to be cleared. We both said what we felt and now need to forget it.”

“You’re usually right Adam but this time I don’t think so. I want to leave here knowing we’ve reached an understanding.”

“An understanding or an acceptance?” asked Adam.

“Perhaps both. I can’t explain the reasons for what’s happened. I can only hope they’ll change. After Peggy ran off this morning it was time for me to wake up.”

Adam’s eyebrows raised as he heard these words.

Will continued. “I love Laura very much and perhaps was too blinded by that love to realize there were things I needed to help her through … and Peggy.”

Adam felt as if he were hearing a confession. “Will you don’t have to explain. After all you’re entitled to privacy.”

“No Adam. I need to say what I came here for. When Laura and I married we hadn’t known each other very long. We knew and loved what we saw on the surface – but that has grown over time into more. I was so wrapped up in getting the business expanded I think I may have neglected her and Peggy more than I should have. It was a hard lesson to learn but now I have. I can see their needs and am going to do whatever necessary to make sure they are happy and cared for.”

Adam mulled over Will’s words. “You know sometimes love has to grow over time. Then there’s love that seems to come from out of the blue. Who’s to say how long you knew Laura would have made a difference?”

“I’ve made mistakes Adam. I’ve always been a wanderer … traveling here and there … never really settling down … always being a loner of sorts.”

“Are you saying that’s what you want to be again?”

“No. Not at all. But I know that Laura and Peggy have needs that should have been addressed all along. I didn’t do that and now I’m afraid it may be too late. When Peggy ran off this morning it woke me up.”

“I heard about it. Is she alright?”

“I think so or at least I hope she’s on the road to being alright. We spent a lot of time this afternoon being open and honest. Laura and I listened to Peggy. Some of what was said was painful for both me and Laura – but the important person now is Peggy and we realize that.”

“Sounds to me like you have some things to handle cousin.”

“I do. I know it now more than ever.”

Adam remained quiet.

“I need to help Laura grow more and face life rather than providing comfort whenever she seeks it. And Peggy, she wants fairness and honesty which she rightly deserves. Our relationship was rocky at first but I believe she came to trust me and we were getting on well – at least I thought.”

Adam mulled over what he was hearing. “It sounds like you know what you want to do. Peggy is really a special child with so much to give. All of you can have a wonderful life together. It’s right there for the taking.”

“I see that more clearly now,” Will added. “Part of my recognizing it was watching you and Claire. I’m not saying our life should be the same as yours – but it’s obvious that you take life as it comes and don’t spare the truth about things.”

Adam continued to remain silent rubbing his forefinger around the rim of the class. He finally spoke.

“I was worried when I heard what happened today. Peggy and I shared a special relationship and it still exists. I’m not going to apologize for that and it’s not to take your place as her father. We experienced a lot together that formed a bond … a relationship that still remains and I ave a deep affection for her.”

“I realize that and know it’s important to both of you. I recall the relationship you had.”

Adam knew the reference Will was making. “I’m not a threat to you or Laura – never have been and never will be. As for Peggy, I’ll never do anything without permission from either of you but I do care about her.” Adam stopped there.

“I understand more than you probably think I do. And believe me; I know your intentions are above board.”

“Then we understand each other,” Adam added.

“Yes cousin, we do. Laura is another matter but I believe she’s seen the light. Actually she and Peggy left for a walk before I rode over here.”

“Laura’s a good person. The three of you will work things out.”

“I believe we will but I think there’s something you can do.”

Adam cast a slight grin at Will. “And what might that be?”

“I think you and Peggy should have some time together before we leave. You think you can break away from this ranch long enough for that?” asked Will.

“I suppose that can be arranged. What about Laura?” smiled Adam.

“I don’t see any problem there.” It was a moment before Will continued. “I’m sorry about our conversation last night. I was upset and defensive. It won’t happen again,” Will added as he stood up.

Adam stood and faced Will. “We’re Cartwrights and you never know about things like that. Now you can do something for me.”

“Alright,” Will agreed, “Just name it.”

“Claire is owed an apology. Not a forced apology from Laura but one that’s sincere. Do you think she can handle that?”

Will looked Adam in the eyes and nodded his head. He extended his hand to Adam and they shook hands.

“Friends?” asked Will.

“Cousins,” replied Adam.

Will realized what had just taken place. Adam was his stubborn self but in a kind and caring way. Will appreciated it. Adam was also his direct and to the point self, using few words but clearly getting his message across – a knack no one could do better.

Adam walked Will to the front of the house and managed to step on a stone. He winced in pain from its sharp edge and Will laughed.

“Thanks Adam. Be sure to say goodnight to Claire and the children for me. We’re lucky to have you.”

Adam appreciated the parting comment but didn’t respond. He hobbled back to the house and turned in time to see the dust clouds from the horse’s gait. He looked at his foot which was beginning to swell and pained him. He wondered how much pain Will was in. No matter what was going on in the Will Cartwright household, Adam truly hoped they were happy and would continue to be.

THIRTY-ONE

Laura and Peggy hadn’t walked too far from the house. Just far enough to reach a small knoll that faced open land as far as the eye could see. Ironically, this was the path on which Peggy had fled earlier that morning.

The time for truth and rebuilding of trust was circling both mother and daughter. Neither was aware Will had ridden to see Adam.

Both sat down. What should have been comfortable was uncomfortable. The soft kiss of the early evening air didn’t make a difference. The question asked earlier raced through Laura’s mind.

Nervously Laura looked at Peggy. She closed her eyes and tried to muster the courage to answer her daughter. Facing the obvious was something she’d been accustomed to shirking away from. It had become part of who she was although she couldn’t pinpoint when it took hold of her.

She opened her eyes and looked at Peggy. In that instant, years of life came rushing from dark recesses and she trembled. Alone with Peggy, she had only herself to lean on.

“Mommy?”

Peggy’s voice jolted Laura back to the moment.

“Peggy, there’s so much to say to you and I don’t know how.”

“Adam always told me to start from the beginning.”

“Yes I’m sure Adam would say something like that,” responded Laura.

“So why don’t you?”

“It’s just not easy for me. I … I … don’t know how to explain things to you. I want to but I want you to understand whatever I did was because I thought it was best.”

Peggy’s eyes widened. “Maybe you can start with my question. Why did things change when we came back here?”

Peggy hurled the challenge. It was now up to Laura to face it.

“I’m not really sure. It was my intention to behave differently. It’s as if something mysterious came over me.”

“Mysterious?”

“Well what I mean is I think I tried to put some things out of my mind and coming back here seemed to bring them all back.”

“What kind of things?”

“Memories Peggy. Some good and some not so good. Do you remember a few years ago when you and Adam were riding and you didn’t want to pass the cemetery?”

Peggy did remember and replied quietly, “Yes.”

“Well I guess I feel the same way now about a lot of things. You were afraid because you didn’t want to face the truth that your father was dead and I was afraid to be honest enough to tell you the truth. It was something that was hard to accept.”

“But we have mommy. I know he’s not coming back and even though I remember some things, I’m not as sad and hurt as I was then.”

Laura offered a small smile as she listened. “Well I guess I was as frightened as you were then to face the truth and pretended not dealing with it would be best for the both of us. I know now that wasn’t the right thing to do. I think from that point on I’ve tried not to deal with painful things.”

“But when I get hurt you take care of it. When Will hurt his hand on the loading dock you took care of that.”

“Yes, but it’s not the same. This is hard to explain Peggy.” Laura paused and looked at her daughter and then looked out over the land that lay before her.

“I’ll try to understand mommy. Really I will. I just want you to try to explain things.”

“I know but I’m afraid all the things you said this afternoon and what I tell you now will cause you not to love me.”

Peggy blinked her eyes. She wondered what could have been so bad to make her mother feel that way.

“Mommy, I said a lot of things this afternoon because I was angry, but I do love you. Will said we have things to work out and I guess that means me too. I’m sorry but we can try – can’t we?”

“You’re right. I felt I couldn’t find a way to get close to you when you were younger. You seemed to be very close to your father and later Adam. I wanted you to feel the same way about me. I didn’t think you did. I’m ashamed of that.”

Peggy blinked her eyes as she listened. She began to wonder what she’d done to make her mother feel that way. She also began to feel something odd – it was guilt. Guilt that perhaps she was the cause of whatever her mother faced.

“I’m sorry mommy. I didn’t know what I was doing to you. But things did get better for us.”

“Yes they did and I was very happy about that. You were my life then and you are now. The times we shared will always be special.”

“But what changed?”

“I guess I wanted to be able to make the right decisions about everything. I wanted acceptance for making right decisions on my own without help from others. I felt as if I was being judged and whatever I did was questioned.”

“But you did make decisions … a lot of them.”

“I may have Peggy, but Adam was the one who seemed to challenge me and then put things in place. There was a time I resented him for that.”

“I don’t understand. You were going to marry Adam.”

“What I learned from Adam is that he was sincere and cared. He wasn’t criticizing me but wanted to help us. I didn’t see it that way at first. As time passed, just as you and he grew closer, he and I did. We thought we loved each other and were going to be married.”

“Weren’t you happy then? I was and I thought Adam was too.”

“As I think back on it now, Adam was the one who was honest. I think I knew I didn’t feel the same way for him as I did for Will.”

“Did you tell Adam?” asked Peggy.

“No I couldn’t do it.”

“You didn’t tell me either and I thought he was going to be my father.” A hint of the earlier anger was mixed in Peggy’s words.

“Peggy, please try to understand. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t tell you and at the time I couldn’t tell Adam. I tried to believe my feelings hadn’t changed and continued to sort of pretend because … because … I couldn’t face the truth. I couldn’t tell Adam until it was too late and I couldn’t tell you because I was sure it would hurt you.”

“What you did then is what you’ve done now. Maybe I wouldn’t have understood you not loving Adam but I could at least have trusted you and know you cared enough about me to try to explain. I needed to know.”

Shame was covering Laura like a shawl. Her child had asked for answers and she’d promised. Whatever came of this conversation she knew she deserved.

“This is difficult Peggy, “ Laura said as she looked away and twisted her fingers nervously. “I’m going to tell you things and hope you’ll listen so that I can get the words out. It’s … it’s not something I want to do but know you deserve. However you feel when you hear what I have to say I’ll have to accept.”

Peggy now began to feel uneasy. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear her mother’s story. She was in the same place as her mother, frozen with an uneasiness of what she was going to be told.

“OK mommy.”

“I guess if I tell the truth, decisions were made for me all my life. When I was on my own I had to make them. Deep down I think I’m most comfortable when I don’t have to face them and would rather find ways to avoid them which is what I’ve been doing with you. I did love Adam. He was a support I needed and knew I could count on. I truly cared for him but when I met Will, something was different. I was wrong in not admitting it to myself. I pretended it would go away but it didn’t. I couldn’t find the courage to accept it at first and I couldn’t tell Adam or you. That was wrong.”

“But what about when Adam got hurt? You loved him then didn’t you?”

“Peggy please. This is hard enough for me.”

Laura resettled herself and continued. She found the words to answer. “I didn’t love Adam the way I loved Will. When Will and I found out how we felt about each other, neither of us told the other at first. Will tried to do the honorable thing knowing Adam and I were engaged, but out of nowhere we found out the truth we’d been hiding and couldn’t deny it. We couldn’t live a lie.”

“But that’s what you did! That’s what you’ve been doing!” Peggy couldn’t contain her feelings.

Laura decided to give up on Peggy’s interruptions. She would just tell the rest and let it be over.

“It took some time Peggy, but Will and I were going to tell Adam and then he had his accident. I couldn’t tell Adam then because we were uncertain what the outcome of his accident would be. It would have been adding to an already serious situation. I felt we needed to move to the Ponderosa and try to help him.”

Peggy’s eyes seemed to change color. Her mother’s tale was hitting close to home for her.

“I … I … didn’t know what to do at first. Adam was getting better and I was happy about that. I prayed he’d be able to walk and he has.”

“You prayed because you wanted to leave him and marry Will. I don’t know the word for it but it has something to do with acting one way but feeling another. That’s what you did. Didn’t you think it was wrong? Didn’t you?”

“I did what I thought was best at the time. Adam was facing a crisis in his life. Don’t you understand that I cared enough about him not to want to hurt him more?

“But you must have hurt him. You hurt me. When you and Will told me you were going to get married and we were going to move all you said was that Adam told you the marriage was not going to work out. Was that a lie too? The way Adam explained it to me was that sometimes what a person thinks is love really isn’t. When they know this for a fact, they have to be honest with the other person. He’s been honest with me.”

“Peggy, Will and I were going to tell Adam but the accident happened. Surely you can understand what I’ve just said about that. I should have tried to explain the situation to you and I was very wrong not letting you visit with Adam before we left. I can never undo the hurt I caused both of you. I’m so sorry now. I thought getting away from here quickly was the best thing for all involved. I thought it would make things easier.”

“Well it didn’t. It’s taken a long time but I’m finally hearing what I guess is the truth. Is it the truth or another of your mysteries?”

“Peggy, how dare you speak to me that way. I’m being truthful. It may not be what you want to hear right now, but you asked for honesty and I’m giving it to you … no matter how hard it is for me to admit.”

Peggy remained quiet. “The letters. I guess you thought that was the right thing to do too. You said this afternoon you thought it was best not to deliver the letters from Adam. I thought he hated me. I never even knew if he could walk.”

“That was wrong. I know more than ever it was the wrong thing to do but I can’t change it.”

“You didn’t want to come here did you? You thought Will was going to make everything OK but you were scared weren’t you? Scared of what you did leaving the way you did and scared of what people would think. You were thinking of yourself.”

“That’s not exactly true. I had some concerns but the way Ben and the family treated us was as if nothing had happened at all. I thought we were enjoying ourselves.”

“So what happened? You saw Adam married someone else and he had a family. He was happy and he didn’t need you. Is that what changed things?”

Laura started to cry but Peggy didn’t have sympathy for her mother.

Collecting herself Laura spoke. “I was jealous and it turned to anger. I was jealous that the woman Adam married had many of the qualities I wanted to have. I was ashamed of what I’d done. I became angry – not with Adam or Claire, but with myself. I couldn’t face the fact I was dependent upon others. I saw the closeness you were able to establish with Adam again and with Claire. I … I … became jealous and couldn’t let go of it. That’s what happened and it’s the truth. I’m terribly ashamed,” Laura added as she sobbed uncontrollably.

“But what about Will? He love us and I know that. Do you love him?”

“Oh yes Peggy. Very much, just as I love you.”

“Has he asked you to be a different person? He’s there for me and I’m glad of it now. Why can’t you see there’s a lot of good in you? You’re a person that can be loved, but like Will’s tried to teach me, what we want in life isn’t a gift – it has to be earned.”

“I know dear. I’m hoping this will be the beginning,” Laura said searching Peggy’s face.

The truth was out. Peggy listened to her mother’s sobs. For whatever reason she didn’t approach Laura. She sat quietly rethinking what she’d been told. Finally she stood up.

“Mommy I think it’s time we went back.” Peggy extended her hand.

Laura stood up but was unable to say anything more. Feelings could not be explained. Laura was drained like a dry well that needed water. She needed Will because she wasn’t sure what was going through Peggy’s mind. Peggy held her mother’s hand as they walked back to the Ponderosa.

“Mommy. I’m going to be honest. I don’t know how I feel right now but I’m going to try to sort things out. You’ve made a start. I hope you continue.”

Hand in hand they quietly walked back to the Ponderosa. Peggy felt a weight she could never have imagined. Laura felt a weight lifted that she’d carried for quite some time. She now had to wait.

Roles had changed. Laura now had the questions needing answers. Peggy held the answers.

THIRTY-TWO

Laura and Peggy continued to walk slowly toward the house saying nothing. Each was experiencing a life changing event that needed time to be internalized, understood and dealt with.

They crested the knoll headed toward the house as Will was returning. The gait of his horse was slow on his return because he was reliving in his mind the conversation he’d just had with Adam. He was certain any fences needing mending between them had been.

When he saw Laura and Peggy he dismounted and approached. They heard him call and waited for him to catch up to them. Will saw the redness in Laura’s eyes and a slight lack of expression on Peggy’s face.

“Well I don’t think the two of you have been fishing. You don’t have any poles or fish,” he said trying to lighten whatever had happened.

Laura tried to smile and said, “Not this time. We just took and walk and had some time together.”

“Umm sounds like it was important woman stuff I’d guess,” cajoled Will.

“We did talk about a few things,” added Laura. She turned and looked at Peggy. “I tried to explain some things to Peggy. I guess we both need time to let everything settle in.”

Will’s look turned to one of seriousness. Taking his eyes off Laura he looked at Peggy.

“Is that so Peggy? You need some time?

“I guess so … just a lot to think about.”

“You know,” Will added, “Sometimes thinking is hard when you do it by yourself. If someone listens to you when you think out loud, it can make it easier. I’m willing to listen if you think it would help.”

Laura looked appreciatively at Will. He had a way of helping make things better. Right now she was worried about what her relationship with Peggy was and would become.

“I don’t really know. Maybe. I’m not sure,” was Peggy’s response.

“Well I’m here for you anytime,” he added as they began the walk. The walk was a quiet one with the exception of the horse loping along.

Inside the Ponderosa a heated game of checkers was taking place between Ben and Joe. Hoss was eating some fruit while reading a book and trying to ignore Joe’s ranting that his father must be having a run of luck.

“Luck? Hah!” Ben responded. “Just plain old fashioned skill and concentration. Something you might want to try sometime.”

Ben laughed and Hoss joined in. Joe cast his eyes at Hoss and challenged Ben to another game.

“One more game pa. You may not call it luck but that’s exactly what it is,” he said as he set up the playing pieces with urgency.

“Well just remember what I said. Your move Joe.”

As the new game got underway the door opened and three additional Cartwrights entered.

Peggy walked over to the fruit bowl. “May I have a piece of fruit?”

“Of course Peggy,” Ben added.

Hop Sing came in to see if there was anything needed. When he saw Peggy remove a bright red apple, he had an idea.

Missy Peggy, ‘cuse me. If you come with me I show you something special with that apple.”

The glint in his eye enticed her and with a smile of curiosity on her face she left and entered the kitchen with him.

Joe was getting agitated. His checker pieces were being removed one by one by his father.

“Ah is this a friendly game or can anyone take on the winner?” Will quizzed.

“It’s a very friendly game,” Ben said with a laugh as he took another of Joe’s checker pieces.

“It seems like a rather serious game,” Laura added.

“Not really,” Hoss added. “It’s only serious because pa is beatin’ the pants off Joe.”

Laura walked over and stood next to Joe. She watched with interest.

“I’m going to settle the horse for the night. Shouldn’t take long.” Will turned and went out the door.

Joe was about to move one of his checker pieces when Laura secretly poked him. The move Joe was about to make would have set him up to lose another piece. He stopped realizing what she was trying to tell him. He rethought his move putting himself out of harm’s way.

Hoss realized what had taken place. He thought Joe’s at it again … cheatin’. With a smile on his face he returned to his book.

Laura didn’t know what to do so quietly excused herself. She wasn’t heard because Joe was making a ruckus. She headed toward the barn seeking comfort to rid her of the sadness she was feeling and reassurance she’d done the appropriate thing.

Thoughts of the past came back to Laura. The last time she and Will had been in this barn alone had been when Adam was recovering from his accident. It was the time Will announced he was leaving the Ponderosa despite how much he loved her.

Laura closed the door quietly as Will groomed the horse.

“Will?” Laura called softly.

He stopped what he was doing and turned to her. “Laura, I thought you were in the house. Just wanted to finish this up and was going to join you and the others.”

“Oh everyone seems involved in something or other. I wanted to talk to you. I had a conversation with Peggy.”

He quickly put the brush down realizing if Laura was honest, this had been a strain for her. He now knew the real reason her eyes were red.”

“How did it go?” Approaching her and assisting her to sit on some bales of hay his eyes searched for an answer.

“I don’t really know. I tried to be as honest as I could. It wasn’t something I’d want to go through again.”

Understanding the difficulty of the day and now the conversation Laura had with Peggy, he offered, “We know it had to be done. For you … for us … the questions had to be answered and the story told. You didn’t have any other choice.”

“No I guess I didn’t. I think I may have pushed her further away from me,” Laura said sadly.

“It didn’t look like that when I rode up on the two of you. You were holding hands.”

“It was only a gesture. When Peggy has time to think about what I said, she may never want anything to do with me again.”

“Listen to me Laura. You’re making more of this than you should. Yes, what you told her was hard for her to hear or even understand for that matter. But we know it had to be told if there’s to be any future for any of us. The mistakes made had to be owned up to and put in the past.”

Laura lay her head against the strong shoulder of the man that changed her life.

“I’m just afraid. I don’t think I could stand it if we were separated by the poor judgment and decisions I made. It would be no one’s fault but mine.”

It wasn’t without thought that Will responded to Laura by saying, “It would be mostly your fault Laura but fault has a way of teaching us things. I can’t say I haven’t made my share mistakes, whether planned or not. What I did have to accept was the outcomes of the choices I made.”

The words were not what Laura wanted to hear. She pushed herself back from Will and looked directly at him. The solace she was seeking was not being given. This hadn’t happened to her before.

Will understood what his words had done. He couldn’t tell Laura that all she’d done was OK. He was living up to his promise as well … to be open and try to make the changes necessary in order to regain trust and wholeness of family.

“I don’t believe you just said that Will. I may be losing my daughter and you tell me I’m the reason.”

“That’s not what I said Laura. You’re not hearing my words.”

With tears in her eyes Laura knew what Will said was true. “I’m sorry. I was at fault. I need you Will. I need you to help me through this and to learn.”

“I’m willing to help all of us Laura. I told you that, but not at the extent we kid ourselves. You don’t need help to learn. You’re a grown woman.” He gently shook her shoulders.

“Just be yourself. Don’t be afraid to take a risk. You made a start just a little while ago. Everything in life isn’t easy and no one can make it easy for you. Do you hear me Laura? Not one can make it easy for you – not even me!”

“Then you do think what I did with Peggy was the right thing? That things will turn out OK?”

“Laura, I’m not going to answer that question. It’s time you live with your decisions and believe in your actions. You can do it.” He removed his hands from her shoulders and sat back.

Laura searched his face for any sign he supported her actions.

“We can live together and share. But I can’t and no longer will help you to avoid things. It’s not fair to you, and more than that, not fair to our family. You made a start now Laura. It’s up to you how it ends.”

Laura remained quiet. She breathed deeply and looked at him. Very simply she uttered the words, “Thank you.”

* * * * * * * *

In the kitchen Hop Sing was entertaining Peggy with his craftiness. As she ate one apple, he was carving apples into different shapes and forms. Each one seemed to be more creative than the previous one.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Peggy asked as she chewed.

“Family pass down this art for generations. Nothing new to Hop Sing. Fun yes?” There was a twinkle in his eye and he started another creation.

Hoss walked into the kitchen and saw the table being filled with a variety of creations. He quietly poured a glass of milk and left the kitchen. He at least knew what tomorrow’s dessert was going to be.

“Missy Peggy, you very pretty. Sorry to see you unhappy.”

“You can tell?”

“I can tell something wrong but not know what.”

Putting her remaining apple down she looked at him. “What do you do when someone you love hurts you Hop Sing?”

“Hurt come in many forms and in many ways. Hop Sing always try to understand reason for hurt. Sometime it not meant to hurt person. Sometime it is. Main thing is to be like bird looking down from tree. See with eyes and heart reason for hurt. Then you will know what to do. Understand?”

“I don’t know. It isn’t easy.”

“Hop Sing not say it easy. Look inside and you will know the person you are. You not able to keep truth from yourself Missy. You also see other people in different way.”

He managed to finish talking just as he finished crafting a flower from an apple. He handed it to her with a smile on is face. She matched his smile with one of her own as she held the fruit flower.

* * * * * * * *

Will and Laura started walking toward the house. Darkness had settled in for the night, it was time to check on Peggy and continue to rebuild.

“Where were you coming from when you saw us?”

Will stopped walking and said very matter of factly, “From Adam’s.”

The look on Laura’s face wasn’t surprise as much as it was curiosity.

“I needed to put closure between me and Adam.”

“And did you?”

“As a matter of fact we did. You know Adam is a very understanding person … and so is Claire.”

Laura understood what Will had not said. Everything was closing in all too fast for her. First Peggy and now Claire. She wondered how she could have done such a horrible thing.

“I owe her an apology.”

Will stood with his hands on his hips and looked at her saying nothing.

“I need to speak to her and hope she’ll forgive me. Do you thi….?” She didn’t finish the question. She had to make her own decisions.

The day had been long and stress filled. Being a Cartwright should have been an easy task for Laura. Realization set in. The difficulty she was facing was of her own doing.

* * * * * * * *

Adam hobbled up the stairs to spend time with Shelley and Jared. They had been bathed and were in their beds. Each night time was spent with them. Although his foot ached, he couldn’t miss this special time.

Claire closed the book she was reading to Shelley when she heard Adam approach. She rose and kissed Shelley goodnight as Adam took his customary seat next to his little girl. He watched Claire leave the room giving father and daughter time to themselves.

Jared was still bouncing and seemed wide awake. Claire was amazed how quickly he was growing and how much he was beginning to look more like Adam. She removed him from his crib and sat in the rocking chair. She rocked him trying to settle him down but found she herself was falling asleep. She wasn’t sure how long she sat with Jared when she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Adam.

Jared had fallen asleep and Adam placed him in the crib. He stroked his dark hair and said a quiet, “Good night son.”

Managing to get herself up, Claire joined Adam and they left the room. It was then she realized Adam was hobbling.

“You hurt your foot.”

“It’s nothing.”

The color of the skin was now bluish and swollen.

“Nothing increases in size and changes color,” Claire added. “I’ll get some ice for you.”

“Maybe you’re right. I do have to wear boots tomorrow. I was trying to be like you.”

“I may like to remove my shoes, but I do know how to look where I’m walking.” She was gone in a flash to get the ice and Adam started to remove his clothes.

He was in a space he didn’t want to be. The last thing he ever enjoyed was friction within the family. The heat caused by the friction caused pain and left scars if not taken care of properly.

He was pleased he and Will had been able to address their issues. A weight like heavy stone had been lifted and become light as clouds. He was still focused on the relationship of Will, Laura and Peggy. It was really none of his business, but he hoped their lives would be happy.

He finished removing his pants and realized his foot did appear worse now than earlier. He should have looked where he was going. Claire returned with ice and wrapped is foot.

“Ouch! That hurt.”

“Now you sound like one of the children,” Claire added as she continued to adjust the wrapping. She wasn’t going to ask how the discussion went. Whatever was going to be revealed would become apparent when it was time.

As she washed and changed for bed thoughts returned to Adam. He wanted the same lightness he felt to be lifted from Claire as well. She’d not asked anything about the conversation but, like second sight, believed he knew all too well what she was thinking and quite possibly what she was feeling.

Adam closed his eyes as he reclined and felt the coolness on his foot. He began to think of lessons he’d learned through his life … so many times the offender doesn’t even realize they have offended. To keep the offended from becoming the prisoner, it’s best to forgive. Sometimes the offender wouldn’t appreciate being confronted about their offense … but it must happen … forgive them in your heart, and move on.

The morning would come soon. Claire made a final check on the children and then on Adam. His foot should be almost good as new in the morning. She sat on the bed and brushed her hair. Curiosity pulsed through her but she asked no questions.

The Ponderosa was getting quieter as one by one the inhabitants were making their way to bed.

Laura and Will knocked on Peggy’s door. She wasn’t asleep.

“We just came to say goodnight,” Laura offer shyly.

“Do you need anything?” asked Will.

Peggy’s eyes darted from one to the other. “I don’t like the way I feel.”

“Are you feeling ill?” Laura asked as she sat on the side of the bed.

Will placed his hand on Peggy’s head to see if she had a temperature.

“I’m not sick that way. I just don’t like feeling I’m the reason for your problems mommy.”

Will was shocked with what he heard. What had Laura said to Peggy to make her think such a thing?

“Peggy you haven’t any reason to feel guilty or even think such a thing. You have done nothing to cause me any problems. I’m so sorry if that’s what you thought after our conversation. Whatever I have had to face has had nothing to do with you being a cause of it. You have got to believe that. That’s the truth!”

Peggy’s eyes searched her mother’s face. “Is that really true?”

“It’s really true. There has never been anything you were the cause of. I need you to believe that.”

“Peggy, your mother is telling the truth. Now get rid of that idea and sleep. You don’t need to worry about anything like that. We love you.”

Peggy seemed to believe what they told her. Although kisses were given and received, a strain between them existed like a blanket covering them. Laura and Will remained until she’d fallen asleep.

With their bedroom door closed Will asked, “What did you tell her Laura? Why would she feel guilty about what you faced or are going through now?”

Laura just looked at Will.

“I … I … really don’t know.” Laura sat down and recounted every word she’d spoken to Peggy earlier that evening.

Will now understood. He merely sighed.

THIRTY-THREE

The morning was busy with the bustling of people moving about all getting ready to descend for breakfast. Laura knocked on Peggy’s door and inquired if she was up.

The door opened and Peggy said, “I’m just about ready.”

“Sounds fine. Do you need any help?” Laura inquired as she searched her daughter’s face for signs of what she might be thinking or feeling.

“No,” Peggy offered lightly. “I won’t be long.”

Laura closed the door and hoped her daughter’s tone was an indicator they were walking the path together she longed for. She thought Peggy seemed to sound like her old self. She could only hope that was the case.

Laura turned toward the stairs as Will exited their bedroom. He smiled at her and together they headed down the stairs. The conversation they’d had during the night was another footstep in the right direction. They were communicating and little pieces of the torn tapestry that seemed to have come apart in their lives was being mended with Will being the thread and Laura the needle.

One by one they made their way toward the enticing aroma coming from the downstairs. Ben was the first to set his eyes on his family. Today was a beautiful day and it was filled with the energy of family and challenges. Yesterday was just that – yesterday.

As they finished the meal Ben wiped his mouth and asked, “Well, I know what you two have to do today,” referring to Joe and Hoss, “But what are your plans?” he asked Will and Laura.

“I have to go into town,” Will offered. “I need to send some wires and check on our travel to Denver. Thought I might take Peggy with me if she wants to go,” he said looking at her.

“But daddy, I was hoping I could visit at Adam’s with Shelley and Jared. It might be my last chance.”

The smile on Will’s face faded slightly as he looked at Laura. The Cartwright eyes were focusing on the decision about to be made.

“Dear that might be something we can do together this morning. I do need to speak with Claire,” Laura added.

“Well it appears as if my family is deserting me,” Will added.

“It’s a great day out there,” Hoss added helping himself to another biscuit as Ben grimaced at this action. “’Sides, Peggy here is right. Ain’t no idea when you’re gonna get back this way.”

“Let’s just not hope it won’t be that long,” Joe added.

Laura felt comfortable and was inwardly pleased with the pleasantries being offered.

“Well just remember they haven’t left yet. Let’s just make the most of the today and tomorrow,” was Ben’s comment as he stood up. He was pleased with the way both Joe and Hoss were extending their kindness.

“Ben would you mind if I borrowed your carriage?”

“Of course Laura. Joe can get it ready for you.”

Peggy smiled at the prospect of visiting her cousins. Laura continued to imagine what she’d say to Claire. Will realized the road Laura was traveling might be rough and bumpy but he was pleased with her efforts. The Cartwrights hoped the outcome would be positive for all concerned and merely exchanged questioning looks.

* * * * * * * *

Adam was preparing to leave with a few ranch hands to start the day’s labors. The swelling in his foot had gone down but discomfort was his companion inside the boot he was wearing. He’d have to deal with it.

He kissed his family as he headed out the door.

“You are coming back for lunch aren’t you?” asked Claire.

Swinging Shelley high into the air he said, “That’s my plan. Besides I can’t stay away from any of you too long. Isn’t that right Shelley?” he asked tickling her and then giving her a hug.

Claire watched the exchange. As if he knew he was being ignored, Jared started jabbering. Claire walked over to Adam who now straddled his horse so he could give the same attention to Jared. Adam lifted his son from Claire and placed him in front of him. There was a bond between father and son. Family.

In short order Adam was off. The coolness of the morning masked the heat that would be felt later in the day. As was her routine, Claire helped Ming Lu with the chores while keeping an eye on two little Cartwrights. When the chores were completed, Claire would settle herself at the piano and practice while Ming Lu took care of the children.

“Ming Lu, Ming Lu where are you?” called Shelley.

“I here Miss Shelley. We get Jared and go.”

Today would change a little from the everyday norm.

Music was heard as they approached the house. “I guess Cousin Claire is playing,” Peggy said.

“I suppose so. She is an accomplished pianist.”

The carriage moved a little slower as it reached the front of the house. Laura put the reins aside and took a deep breath. The sound of laughter could be heard a short distance away.

“That must be Shelley and Jared,” Peggy said as she jumped down. She was about to dash in the direction of the sounds when she was stopped.

“Peggy. Remember your manners. You need to say hello to Claire before you go play.”

Almost embarrassed for her actions, Peggy turned and said, “I’m sorry.”

They stood before the door for what seemed quite a long time. The music flowed.

“Aren’t you going to knock?” inquired Peggy.

Laura stood slightly frozen. She’d come this far and would have to go the entire distance. Smoothing her skirt she said, “Of course.”

Claire heard the knock on the door and expected to find someone looking for Adam. She opened it and without realizing it, her mouth opened as well.

Mustering a smile Claire said, “Laura. Peggy. Hello. It’s such a nice surprise to see you. Please come in. I thought it might have been someone looking for Adam.”

Mother and daughter entered. “Hello Cousin Claire. I’m glad to see you again. I was hoping to visit with Shelley and Jared,” Peggy said using her best manners.

“I’m sorry if we’re interrupting you, but I thought we might be able to visit for a few minutes,” Laura stated quietly.

“You’re not interrupting anything. Please have a seat. Can I offer you something?”

“No thank you Claire. We can’t stay very long.”

“Ahh mommy. I wanted to play with Shelley and Jared.”

Claire leaned over and said, “If you want to play with them they’re outside with Ming Lu. I think you know where.”

Peggy looked at Laura who gave her approval and she was out the door in a flash.

Claire seated herself across from Laura. Although neither admitted it, they both felt uncomfortable.

Laura looked at Claire and saw warmth in her eyes but also a question.

“Claire,” Laura started. “I came here for a couple of reasons.”

“Oh?”

Fidgeting with the fringe on a pillow Laura replied. “Yes. I came here to thank you for your support yesterday. I … I … I’m glad you came. I was very worried about Peggy and ….”

Claire interrupted. “From what I just saw, it seems you’ve worked things out. I’m glad she’s well. I need to apologize also.”

Laura was surprised by Claire’s words.

“I just acted when I heard the news about Peggy having run off and didn’t think whether my presence would have been an intrusion on a private matter. I’m sorry.”

“You?” Laura inquired. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I was distressed and you helped me through it.”

“Good,” added Claire. “I was concerned about my actions.”

The quiet settled in once again between the two of them. Finally Claire broke the silence.

“You said there were two things.”

“Yes I did. I don’t know how to say this other than to say it right out. I’m sorry for my poor behavior and for … slapping you.” Laura’s eyes were facing the floor fearing Claire’s response.

“Your apology is accepted. I know this must have been hard for you but let’s just put it in the past. I was at fault as well. I should have kept my thoughts to myself. It wasn’t my place to give you advice. I know that now.”

“Your wrong Claire. My slapping you had nothing to do with your giving advice. You were sharing thoughts with me. I was caught up in things I wasn’t able to cope with at the time and I just took my frustrations out on you. I felt so overwhelmed I needed to strike out at something at that moment and you were there. Can you really forgive me?”

“There’s no need to ask. It’s over. Now I think we should start acting like relatives,” was Claire’s response. She was being congenial toward Laura but the fact that she was slapped had made an impact.

Laura felt the sense of relief she needed and was able to smile at Claire.

Claire politely excused herself for a moment to check on Ming Lu and the children. As she was returning to the house, she wondered if Laura had settled what overwhelmed her. Her instincts told her no. Her worries over any feelings remaining on Laura’s part toward Adam were embarrassing. She realized Laura seemed to be trying to change, but Claire couldn’t help but feel there was still a piece of Laura that would always be what it was – Laura. Hoping she was wrong, but not thinking so, she dismissed it and decided to take the new beginning as a gift no matter how it was wrapped.

* * * * * * * *

Laura accomplished what she’d come to do. She made amends and believed she’d made another step in the right direction. How she felt about this was something she’d live with.

Claire walked Laura out and waited as she called Peggy. From the play area Ming Lu walked toward the house with Jared, Shelley and Peggy.

“Claire the children are beautiful. Jared looks so much like Adam.”

“We love them. Are you sure you won’t stay with us for lunch?”

The entourage was getting closer to the house.

“Hello Ming Lu,” Laura offered.

“Greetings Missy Cartwright,” Ming Lu said as she put Jared down.

“Hello Shelley,” Laura said as she bent down to be on eye level with her. “I was hoping I’d get a chance to say hello to you. I bet your energy keeps your mommy busy.”

Shielding the sun from her eyes, Shelley greeted Laura with a cheery hello. Jared tried to imitate his sister.

“Yes, Jared does look like Adam,” Laura said as she picked him up. She ran her fingers through his dark hair – an action Peggy didn’t miss.

Claire lifted Jared from Laura’s arms and handed him to Ming Lu. Laura then reached and placed her arm around Peggy’s shoulder. Peggy settled down.

“I’m sorry Laura but Jared and Shelley need to get cleaned up for lunch. Are you certain you and Peggy can’t stay?” Claire asked as Ming Lu took the children and headed into the house to get them washed.

“No really. We have to get back to the Ponderosa. We’re leaving and I need to start getting our things together.”

“I understand. Packing can be a chore.” Claire wanted to offer Peggy the opportunity to remain for the afternoon but chose not to tread into that area.

“Yes it can be and I do believe Peggy and I have taken enough of your time. I’m sure we’ll see each other before we leave.”

Peggy tugged on Laura’s arm. In a whisper she asked, “Mommy, if it’s alright with Cousin Claire, do you think I could stay for a while longer?”

Although it was whispered, Claire made out what Peggy asked. She said nothing but translated the look Laura gave her as a question needing an answer.

“Is there something else?” asked Claire.

“Well Peggy was wondering if she could stay for a while longer.”

“Our home is open and of course you’re both welcome to stay.” Claire was trying to choose the right words which were something she never had to do before. Heaven forbid she thought to herself, she didn’t want to say the wrong thing again.

Laura thought about building bridges, not only with her daughter but with herself. She needed to step into territory that would help her with confidence.

“I won’t have any way to get you back to the Ponderosa,” replied Laura.

The look on Peggy’s face went from a smile of anticipation to a frown of disappointment.

“Peggy, please understand. I’d like to let you stay but I just don’t know when I could get back to get you and your father is in town.”

“Laura, if you approve, Peggy can have lunch with us and when the children are settled for their nap, I can have Chu drive her back.” Claire opened her mouth and the words just came flowing out.

Peggy smiled waiting the response. With a reassuring smile, Laura consented.

* * * * * * * *

The field before him bore the greenness of the Nevada summer. He’d rode with a flourish heading back to the house. Although the sun was settling directly above and dispensing its heat, he didn’t feel it.

The air circulating around him felt good. He loved these moments when he was headed home to his family. He turned the horse to take a shortcut toward the road. As he was approaching he saw a carriage in the distance. The carriage was getting closer as he was getting closer to the road.

He slowed his mount to a trot and then saw her. Laura was driving the carriage and Adam stopped. He pushed his hat back on his head and from beneath the shade of the trees watched her. He knew the only home in the direction she was coming from was his.

Readjusting his hat, he slowly moved in her direction.

THIRTY-FOUR

The meeting of Laura and Adam was more than a surprise to each of them. Neither had anticipated this encounter. Each had their minds on other things – things they were pleased about.

Laura pulled the carriage to a halt as she watched Adam gracefully approach her. She feigned a smile and said, “Hello Adam.”

He leaned on the horn of his saddle, looked at the direction she came from and replied. “Hello Laura. I didn’t expect to run into you.”

Nervously she spoke. “Well I guess you could say that makes two of us.”

Adam had a way of using his eyes in a questioning way. He again glanced at the direction she came from and back at her. The sun’s rays were beating down and the heat of the day could not be shielded by Laura’s parasol.

“I was just leaving your house.”

“Oh?” As Adam said the word his horse moved as if impatient … as if intuitively he was aware there was going to be a conversation … so why not get it over and done with.

Adam could be intimidating without trying.

“Yes, I thought it was important I saw Claire and apologize.”

“I see.” The embarrassment on Laura’s face was evident.

“Well I don’t want to keep you from heading home. I guess that’s where you were going and I really have to get back to the Ponderosa.”

Adam remained quiet and looked intently from beneath the brim of his hat. “What’s bothering you Laura?” he asked.

“Why should anything be bothering me? I did what I came to do and feel much better now.”

Adam reached for the harnessed horse and with a simple turn moved the carriage from the center of the road to a cool place beneath trees. He dismounted and approached the carriage.

“Adam what’s this all about? I’ve already said I need to get back to the Ponderosa. There’s packing to start and …. “

“And what Laura?” he said softly. “Avoid talking to me?” He looked her squarely in the eyes and extended his hand. Reluctantly she accepted it and stepped down from the carriage. Adam watched as Laura walked to a log and sat down. Touching the brim of his hat he walked over to her placing his foot on the log and rested his arm on his knee.

“Laura I think it’s important we talk.”

“Oh, like the way you berated me the other night? I don’t think so Adam.”

Sighing Adam said, “No. Not like the other night. That’s past now.”

“How convenient for you. It’s still fresh in my mind.”

Adam did what he could to control the upset beginning to surface. He straddled the log and sat down.

“Look Laura. I said what I said because it’s what I meant. I’m not going to apologize for that. I’d be a hypocrite if I said anything different under the circumstances.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything different from you – you are known to be stubborn.”

Laura wasn’t making this easy. Adam collected himself and started over.

“What’s changed?” he paused and pulled at his ear. “We knew each other quite well and if my memory serves me right you were happier then. It may not be my business, but I’d like to see you that way again.”

“I appreciate your concern Adam but I don’t have an answer for you. Now I really must be going.” She started to stand when Adam took her hand.

“You’re doing it again Laura.”

“Doing what?”

“Not facing what you feel. Walking away without resolving what’s on your mind and won’t talk about. I may be stubborn as you put it but I’m a good listener. I’m also your friend.”

Laura was surprised by Adam’s usage of the word ‘friend’ and also knew everything he was saying to be true.

His eyes were reading her silence as she turned away from him. Finally Adam stood, placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him.

“I won’t press you Laura,” Adam said. He released her shoulders and walked toward his horse. Before mounting his horse he turned to her and said, “Thank you for apologizing to Claire. I know you meant it.”

Laura searched his face and called to him. “Adam, you’re right. Did you really mean what you said – that you’re my friend?”

Slowly dismounting he walked back to where she stood. “Yes. I meant it.”

Sighing and needing to vent she said, “My behavior has been like a silly schoolgirl since I arrived here. I didn’t know what I expected. At first it was shame for the way I left you. Then it became more twisted.”

“Go on,” Adam encouraged.

“Don’t misunderstand – Will and I have a wonderful marriage. He’s built up the business, and well, his energy is more than I can keep up with. We have a lovely home and he takes care of everything.”

“So what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s you Adam. You, Claire, your children, your life, your family … your everything,” she said exasperated.

Laura’s words were honest and direct. For the first time she was admitting without hesitation what she felt.

“When I arrived here I didn’t know what to expect. I’m thankful for the generosity and kindness extended by your father and brothers.”

Adam leaned against a tree and folded his arms. He said nothing. The stage was Laura’s and he wasn’t going to interrupt her performance.

“You were able to rekindle your relationship with Peggy after what I did to the two of you. I see you with Claire … the home you built for the two of you … the children you have … your life together and the intense love you share. I want the same things Adam. I held Jared today and he is so much like you. I … I …”

Laura was baring her soul and Adam realized there had to be more.

Adam realized Laura was hurting and that hurt had turned into an ugly reality which she harbored in her life.

“Laura,” he said caringly. “You aren’t saying you love me are you?”

Her eyes flashed at him. “No, Adam I’m not. I do love Will and he loves me, but I can’t help thinking …”

“Thinking what?”

“If we’d married perhaps Jared would be our son.”

Shock ricocheted down Adam’s spine. He wanted to hear what she was dealing with but this was more than he expected.

“Laura you’re not making sense. If you and Will love each other as you say, why would you even think of Jared in that way?”

“Because Will and I cannot have children!” she replied as her tears began to fall.

Adam swallowed hard and then asked, “Are you certain?”

“I’ve been to the best doctors in San Francisco. We can’t. Will and I both want children. It’s not me. He doesn’t know the problem is with him and I haven’t been able to tell him … and I never will. I love him too much to hurt him so I’ll go on letting him think there’s something wrong with me.”

Adam was shocked. “I’m sorry Laura.”

Trying to laugh through her tears she offered, “So am I. I feel as if I’ve made so many mistakes with Peggy that she gravitates away from me. I need her and don’t know how to make that happen. When I saw how you moved on with your life, it was more than I could bear. When Claire and I talked in the kitchen I couldn’t deal with what you had … everything I wanted and needed … it was too much and that’s when I …. slapped her. It was an unforgiveable act.”

Adam understood and held Laura as she emptied her reservoir of tears. He gave her his handkerchief. The heat of the day seemed miles away as these two friends shared truth.

Adam helped Laura sit down again and asked, “What can I do?”

Wiping her eyes and offering a smile she said, “I don’t know. You’re listening to me has helped.”

Adam rubbed his chin and looked at the sadness that filled her eyes. “Tell Will. Tell him. He’ll understand.”

“I can’t tell him. It’s impossible.”

“Laura listen to me. I know Will. Sure he’s proud, but he also has a right to know. He also has your love and that of Peggy.”

Her eyes searched his face. “Adam tell me the truth. What if you were Will? How would you feel?”

“I can’t say for sure. I don’t know. A man has his pride and how it’s channeled in situations is hard for me to speculate on. I do believe if it were me though, with Claire’s love, no matter how difficult, I would be able to move on … we’d be able to move on.”

“I guess a piece of me closed itself off from facing life’s realities. Peggy has suffered the most and I’m trying to change all she’s missed from me as a mother.”

“She loves you,” Adam said softly. “She’s just at a stage in her life where she needs the real you. No pretense, no games, just your love and you.”

“Adam you make things seem so clear. Thank you for listening and understanding. It doesn’t make my actions appropriate, but it has allowed me to breathe. I needed to be able to share this with someone.”

“I know you’re getting ready to leave but I’m here to help you and Peggy in any way that I can. I care about the two of you.”

“Thank you Adam.”

“No thanks are necessary – not now – not ever.” Pausing and reflecting on the news just shared with him he looked at Laura to give her one piece of his perspective.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Think about the longer impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It’s more important than the past, education, money, circumstances, failure, successes, more important than what other people think or say or do. It’s more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a person … a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we’ll embrace for that day. We can’t change our past… we can’t change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We can’t change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that’s our attitude.

I am convinced that life is ten percent of what happens to us and ninety percent of how we react to it. And so just like it is with me, Claire and our family so it is with you, Will and Peggy … we’re in charge of our attitudes.”

“Oh Adam if I could just face life that way. Do you really believe what you just said?”

Adam smiled at Laura. “I live it every day. It’s … ah … well, life is sort of a mirror. What you see out there, you must first see inside yourself. Besides, have you ever known me to say something I didn’t believe?”

For the first time in a long time Laura was able to smile with freedom. Adam gave Laura a hug and assisted her into the carriage. She smiled and thanked him again.

The sound of the carriage heading for the Ponderosa had long since become silent to Adam’s ears. He felt heavy with the weight of the news he’d be given. He mounted his horse and headed for home. Life had a way of continuing on no matter how difficult things seemed to be. His family was waiting. He smiled.

THIRTY-FIVE

Adam pulled up to the house and dismounted. He was greeted by Chu who quickly took the horse for feed and water.

“Hot day today. Maybe when work done you go into lake. Lake good for hurt foot too.”

Adam merely touched Chu on the shoulder and walked painfully into the house. Removing his hat and gun he thought of removing his boot but feared not being able to get it back on. He’d bare the discomfort.

Claire heard the door close and walked out of the kitchen. She looked at Adam as she wiped the perspiration from her forehead. She knew his foot pained him but there was more. Replacing the sudden frown on her face with a smile she said, “So it is you. I thought you’d be here before now.”

“Does that mean I don’t get fed?” Adam asked.

“Of course not. We’re all in the kitchen and we have a guest today.”

Adam entered the kitchen to see Peggy sitting at the table eating lunch. He took his seat after tweaking Shelley’s nose and patting Jared’s head. Ming Lu placed his food in front of him.

“This is a real surprise Peggy,” Adam said with a broad grin on his face. His thoughts returned to her mother. “Somehow I had the feeling I might be seeing you today.”

“Oh Adam, there’s no way you could have felt that,” Peggy said with a smile. “Mommy left a little while ago and Cousin Claire said I could stay and visit with Shelley and Jared until it was time for their nap. Chu’s going to take me back to the Ponderosa.”

“Well I guess I arrived just in the knick of time.”

Claire sensed something different about Adam but tried to ignore it. His look said he knew she’d received an apology from Laura.

Lunch was animated and the visit provided more bonding time and family togetherness.

Ming Lu entered and said, “All set Missy Cartwright. Everything in place.”

“Thank you Ming Lu,” responded Claire.

“Peggy, you’ll have to excuse us for a while. It’s time to get these two settled down for their nap.”

“Gee, I wish I didn’t have to go just yet but mommy expects me back.”

“I know Peggy but I’m sure you’ll see us again before you leave for Denver.”

“I’d like that Cousin Claire.”

Shelley hopped down from her chair and ran to give her father a kiss. In the midst of her rushing she stepped on his foot. Claire saw the pain on his face and commented, “Can I get you more ice?”

“No. That won’t be necessary,” was Adam’s response as he tried not to grimace.

The heat in the upstairs bedrooms was too much for Jared and Shelley to take their afternoon naps. Claire arranged for Ming Lu to place blankets under a grouping of trees outside for them to sleep. She led the children out leaving Adam and Peggy alone. Her final action was to look at the two people she was leaving behind.

* * * * * * * *

Adam looked at Peggy. She did have her mother’s features but he knew she had her own issues.

“How about taking a walk before you leave?”

“But what about your foot?” Peggy asked.

“You know, Chu gave me an idea that might make it feel better.”

Their shoes removed caused them to laugh.

“My that feels good,” Adam said as he planted his feet into the lake. “Just what the doctor ordered.”

Noticing Peggy was a little hesitant to venture into the blueness of the lake he teased her. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to try this after I picked out just the right spot under these trees.”

He swirled his feet in the water which seemed a further invitation. Finally Peggy sat down next to him and placed her feet in. She smiled.

“Feels good doesn’t it?” Adam asked as he looked at her.

“This is great. The water is cold though,” Peggy commented.

“Just leave them in there for a while and you won’t notice the chill. Jared and Shelley really like it.”

Peggy asked, “Are we going to have a talk?”

“I would say so. There are two of us sitting her with our feet in the water. Wouldn’t seem friendly if we didn’t.”

“You know the kind of talk I mean Adam. Where I tell you things and you give advice.”

“No. We can talk about anything. Anything at all.”

From the corner of his eye his glanced at Peggy who was focused on the blueness before her.

“Adam, may I ask you some questions?”

“Of course. I’m not sure I’ll have all the answers. After all, you’re very smart.”

Peggy repositioned herself.

“I know why you married Claire … I think … but what makes all of you so happy all the time? Don’t you have any disagreements?”

Adam cleared his throat and with a half smile said, “That’s some question.” He cleared his throat again and spoke. “Love and yes.”

“What?” asked Peggy.

“You asked two questions and I answered both of them.”

The confusion on Peggy’s face was evident.

“You asked why we’re happy. The answer is love. You asked if we have any disagreements and the answer is yes. Simple as that.”

“Is it really that simple? It doesn’t seem that way to me.”

“OK Peggy,” Adam said as he repositioned himself and let his feet dangle in the water, “It does appear it’s going to be one of those kind of conversations.”

“I’m sorry Adam but I’m confused about so many things and it’s easier to talk to you than mommy or daddy. It always has been.”

Adam chuckled and nodded his head. “Thank you for that. I guess that’s one reason we’re friends but you should never leave your mommy and daddy out out of things.”

Claire watched the two from the window. She’d come back into the house to get Jared something cool to drink. What she felt at that moment she wanted to deny … the element of jealousy had slowly been seeping through her since the arrival of the Will Cartwrights.

“Maybe you should give them another chance Peggy. Sometimes adults aren’t as smart or wise as their children.”

“I don’t know. I suppose you know I ran off yesterday morning.”

“I did hear something about it,” Adam answered as he removed his hat.

“I was so angry I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I wanted to be by myself and not hear anything from anyone.”

“So what caused it and what’s different now?”

Peggy ignored Adam’s question but asked one of her own. “How do you forgive a person?”

“Is there someone that needs to be forgiven?”

Quietly she offered, “Yes. I need to forgive mommy and daddy but even though I’m trying it’s hard. I also need to be forgiven.”

“I see. So we have a twofold problem it seems. Let’s see if I can give you something to think about. Now mind you, I can’t solve anything for you.”

“I know. I don’t want to be angry with them but I couldn’t help it. I said all kinds of awful things to them and can’t take it back.”

“What you said, was it what you honestly felt or were you trying to hurt them because you were angry?”

Shyly she said, “It’s what I honestly felt.”

“Do you think you had a real reason to feel the way you did?”

“Yes I did. Mommy hasn’t been honest with me and treats me as if I’m a little girl. Daddy’s always working and when he’s not he and mommy seem to act like I’m not around when I’m home. I have to attend that private school they have me in and I only get to come home every other weekend and the summer. I really don’t like it.”

This was a piece of news Adam didn’t know – a private school. He pulled a blade of grass as he thought.

“Peggy, listen to me,” Adam said quietly. “Parents aren’t perfect. Some decisions they make are based upon their experiences and don’t always fit the situation.”

“I understand that. I’m older now and I understand a lot more than when we lived here. I keep trying to show them who I am but they don’t see me for the person I am now. I want to feel included. I know they’re trying to do what they think I need but why don’t they need me? We’re supposed to be a family and I don’t feel that way.”

Adam felt his heart strings being tugged at by this special person who would always have a place in his heart.

“I’m not a bad person but I sometimes feel like I’m in the way. I look at mommy when she doesn’t know it and think maybe she’s unhappy. Daddy is always cheerful and doing things with me and for me. He teaches me stuff and is just real different from mommy. I’m so confused sometimes. I never know what to expect or how to behave.”

“So it came to a head yesterday?”

“It did. I really said some things I wish I could take back. But daddy said we needed to talk and to say exactly what we felt even if it hurt. He said it was the only way we could try to know each other’s hurts, fix them and be a family.”

“Sounds like a smart decision. Seems to me you’re trying.”

“I am. But I’m afraid when we leave here it’ll be the same as before … pretending to act like a family and nothing more.” Peggy hung her head.

Tossing aside the blade of grass Adam said, “You’re a smart young lady. Don’t let it be.”

“Huh?”

“You heard me. Don’t let it be. You’re loved and I know that for a fact. If you want something enough then you have to go after it. Let them know you want to feel needed. Tell them what that means to you.”

“Do you think they’ll listen?”

“I can’t say. But it’s up to you to change things. It’s your life and your life does include two other people. That’s what we call a family and that’s what I hear you saying you want to be a part of.”

“So running away doesn’t work I guess.”

“I wouldn’t think so,” Adam responded coyly, “Unless you plan on doing it for the rest of your life.”

Peggy started to cry in unbelievable sobs. She tried to speak as she cried but her words were muffled. First Laura and now Peggy he thought. He let her wash away what she’d kept pent up inside for so long. He hoped her tears flowing like rain would bring forth a rainbow.

Her sobs ceased as she wiped her eyes.

“Feel better?”

Peggy just shook her head.

“I’m your friend but I can’t change everything. And you know I figured out? That no one or no thing is really ever what it might appear to be. We can change. We can help others change. Life is something we might think we have all figured out, but little by little we learn more about people and circumstances. That’s called growing and accepting. In the end, the people we know and the circumstances we thought we’d figured out somehow, almost with certainty, are different. Often times someone or something we thought they’d never be.”

“You’re telling me all of this can be worked out with mommy and daddy?”

“Peggy I’m not telling you anything. If you can ask that question it means you know what you can do. It’s your decision what you actually do.”

She smiled broadly at Adam. “Adam why are you so smart?”

“Me? I’m not smart. You’re a good listener.”

Peggy removed her feet from the lake and stood up. “I just thought of something.”

“Oh? Well what is that Miss Cartwright?”

“Sometimes I think we’re all afraid of something. But like daddy said, if we face it then we can move on. I love my parents and whether they like it or not, they need me.”

Adam’s eyes twinkled as he said quietly, “And you need them.”

Adam removed his feet from the lake and stood up. When they turned toward the house they saw Chu sitting on the porch. “I guess it’s time for you to get back to the Ponderosa.”

“Yes, but you promise I’ll see all of you before we leave.”

“That’s a promise.”

She hugged Adam and he swung her around to the sound of their laughter. With a kiss on the cheek she ran to meet Chu. Turning, and still barefoot, she waved goodbye to Adam with a smile on her face.

In a flash she was gone. There wasn’t much work he could accomplish now so returned to his spot, placed his feet into the water and lay back. The clouds overhead moved serenely.

He tried to put the pressures of family out of his mind. As he drifted off for his own nap, he thought “Children are a wonderful gift . . . They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose them for what they really are.”

THIRTY-SIX

Circumstances surrounding the visit and meeting between all the Cartwrights had started out as a reunion which traveled a rough and rocky road during the week. None of the family could have envisioned the path that road would have taken. There were moments of happiness, laughter, family recollections, teasing, music, discovery, sharing, apprehension, worry, heartache, upset, tears, hope, and now reconciliation and acceptance.

Ben wiped the perspiration from his face and neck as he approached the house. It was certainly hot and he began to think perhaps his age was catching up with him. He could remember days when heat like this didn’t affect him and take his energy away. Such was life.

“Hello Laura. Sure is a scorcher.”

“I agree Ben,” she replied fanning herself. “I can’t seem to remember heat like this when I lived here.”

“That’s because you’ve been living close to the sea,” he laughed. “There’s a lot to be said about the sea.”

Laura noticed the wistful look on his face and remembered Adam telling her his father had been a seaman.

Ben sat down and said, “Ahh, this feels better. I guess age is catching up with me.”

Laura smiled. “I can’t imagine anything catching up with you.”

“Thank you but these bones would disagree with you.”

“I’m waiting for Peggy. She stayed on with Claire and the children. Chu is going to bring her home. I suspect they’ll be arriving soon.”

“Ahh, that’s nice. I’m sure Peggy has a lot to share with those two characters.” Ben paused and placed his hand on hers.

“I’m really glad all of you are here. We now have so much more ahead of us. What could be better than that?”

Laura smiled and squeezed Ben’s hand. It was her thank you and he grinned back at her.

It wasn’t long before Chu drove up with Peggy. Both Ben and Laura were surprised to see her barefoot but asked no questions. She jumped down from the carriage, and after looking at Laura, ran to her and hugged her.

“Mommy, I love you. I’m sorry for the way I behaved.”

Laura hugged her back and quietly said to herself, “Thank you.”

Ben smiled believing his prayers were being answered. Forgetting the heat, he quietly rose and walked into the house.

“Know what else?” Peggy asked.

“No, what?” Laura queried.

“No matter what you or daddy say, you both need me!”

Laura hugged her tightly and said, “Yes we do. You don’t know how much we need you.”

Stepping back Peggy asked, “Do you think there’s a reason for everything?”

“Well I don’t really know. I suppose it could be true. Why are you asking?”

Thoughtfully Peggy paused a moment before she spoke. “I was thinking. If we hadn’t stopped here for a visit we might not be where we are today.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.”

“Ummm, I’m not sure how to explain it,” Peggy continued, “But since being here I think we learned something … we’re a special family and I think … no, I know, we’re going to get better. We’re also doing things different. I like it. I like it a lot.”

Laura smiled. She was sure that somewhere in Peggy was a little piece of Adam’s wisdom. She was thankful and believed the road ahead would be steep and rocky – but if they stayed true to what each wanted in their individual ways, they’d find the comfort of their family by blending together.

Their trip started out with apprehension on Laura’s part, but even after the heat of his anger was thrust at her, and rightfully so, she too had managed to understand the significance and subtlety of Adam Cartwright.

Will rode up and quickly dismounted. His look at Laura was one of curiosity. How’d her day go? he wondered. Tying to think of what to say he merely smiled at the sight of his two women. A chill flowed through Laura as she looked at him.

“So how was your day little miss?” as he asked Peggy the question he looked at Laura. He wanted to know how both their days had gone.

“It was good daddy. I really had a good time. I wish I could go back before we leave.”

Peggy’s words resounded in his ears. He wondered if she’d talked to Adam or if Adam had talked to her. She was a different child. He felt closure and friendship … actions necessary for the four of them … Laura, Peggy, Adam and himself.

Adam was more than his cousin … he was also a path to their future committed to all the values of family. Will was thankful for that. Ben, Joe and Hoss were his family and although different in how they exhibited their feelings, when all was said and done, they could be counted on.

Will had long before admitted to himself there was a piece of Adam that would always remain with Peggy and knew that was his reason for becoming so angry over Laura’s actions.

He’d overcome his own insecurities surrounding Peggy’s relationship with Adam. The Ponderosa was where it had all started, and like his Uncle Ben, he hoped it would end here with a new beginning on the horizon for all of them.

The bare dusty feet stuck out beneath her jeans. Laura watched the interaction between her husband and daughter. They seemed to have started the healing process and she listened to their laughter. She was not going to be an observer. She was going to try her best to be a participant. No matter her secret, she believed she was a changed person …. one that would try to face life with joy, give as well as receive, and be able to not only hear but listen to the voices of the ones she loved without feeling judged or threatened.

Peggy looked at her feet and realized she needed to get cleaned up. “I’ll be back,” she said as she picked up her shoes and dashed into the house.

Will walked to Laura and looked at her for a brief moment. “How was your day?”

She could feel the ache in her heart as she looked at the man she loved. He was more than a husband to her and a father to Peggy. Perhaps he needed to know the truth but it would come later. Now was not the time she thought because the ground had just been tilled and seeds planted. There needed to be growth before the sharing could take place – the growth included her ability to face the truth with Will.

Her eyes spoke before her voice. “I had a nice visit with Claire. I made my apologies and feel so much better now. She was gracious and receptive. I think we’ve cleared the air between us. As a matter of fact, I’ve learned something and know that she has as well. She’s really a caring person.”

The small smile on his face grew. He reached for her and hugged her. “We’re going to be fine Laura. All of us … without a doubt.”

The afternoon was passing lazily as Hoss strolled into the house. “I can’t think of a better day for my chores to be over,” he said as he flopped into the closest chair. “Whew, that heat out there is sure a humdinger.”

“Well just sit still and I’ll get something cool for you,” Laura said heading to the kitchen.

Wiping the sweat from his face, Hoss continued, ”Sure be glad when the rain gets here. Ought ta cool things right quick.”

Ben looked up from his desk and realized he wasn’t the only one being affected by the heat. Hoss was right. The rain would cool things down but he needed to ensure the cattle were attended to in case of thunder and lightening. A stampede was the last thing they needed. He knew his ranchhands were busy, but left to check.

“Hoss, how do you know it’s going to rain?” Peggy asked.

“Darlin’ if you look far off in the distance you can see dark clouds heading this way. That’s a sure sign of rain and after a hot spell like this things usually get cooler.”

“When will it get here?” Peggy asked.

“I can’t rightly say, but its fer sure it’s coming,” Hoss replied as he accepted his drink from Laura.

The atmosphere in the Ponderosa was once again harmonious and peaceful as Ben returned.

It wasn’t long before Joe arrived.

“Wow,” Joe said as he walked in the door.

“I was wondering if you’d ever get back,” Ben said.

“It’s a ride from the upper crest to get back here. Besides there was more work there than I thought, but I guess you knew that.”

Hoss smiled at his brother’s comments.

“The wind is rising,” continued Joe, “And the rain’s not far behind it. It’s going to be a real storm.”

The Ponderosa was preparing for dinner and an evening of rain with the promise of cooler weather. All were settled in.

* * * * * * * *

The curtains in the kitchen were being blown about by the wind. Claire pulled them almost shut as she continued to get dinner on the table. This was a refreshing change from the heat of the day and she welcomed it.

Adam sat on the floor of the main room playing a game with Shelley as Jared babbled to his mother. He was actually beginning to form the very simplest of words and had managed to produce two teeth he loved to experiment with.

Hearing the announcement dinner was ready, Adam and Shelley washed and sat down at the table. Claire looked at Adam and wondered what he was thinking. She knew something had taken place but wasn’t sure what it was or how it was affecting him. He hadn’t shared anything with her which she thought was unusual.

The wind blew harder announcing the weather would be changing shortly. Dinner conversation was less animated than usual. Ming Lu started to clear the table and Claire removed a rather messy Jared from his seat.

“I better get these two bathed and ready for bed,” Claire said as she collected the children.

Shelley was hopping on one foot waiting for her mother.

“Papa is your foot better?” she asked.

“Shelley, I’m waiting for you,” called Claire.

“It’s just about good as new. Now your mother is calling you. I think you better see what she wants don’t you?”

“OK.”

The sound of thunder rumbling in the not too far distance caused Jared to squeal. Unlike his sister, he was frightened by the sound. It wasn’t long before the thunder burst its loud pronouncement of rain with the accompanying exclamation of lightening. Jared grabbed hold of Claire’s blouse and started to cry. His grip on her was tight and she tried to reassure her son.

Adam watched the scene playing out and went about lighting the lamps in the house. Darkness accompanied the storm and when he finished lighting the last of the lamps, he looked at Claire and sensed the weather and Jared wasn’t the only thing on her mind.

“Sweetheart, why don’t I get Shelley bathed first while you settle Jared? I don’t think there’s any way I’m going to be able to pry him loose from you.”

“Fine. Shelley’s night clothes are already laid out for her,” was the response as she continued to try to assure Jared that everything was fine.

“Claire,” Adam said softly as Shelley sat on the floor removing her shoes and stocking, “Is everything alright?”

“Of course. It’s just been a hot day and I’m feeling tired.”

Adam tweaked Jared’s cheek and grabbed Shelley’s hand. “You think we can get you bathed before the storm hits?” he asked her.

“Papa, I can wash all by myself.”

“That may be the case Shelley, but for tonight, I’m going to help you. Now let’s hurry.”

Claire sat down with Jared on the settee. Cuddling him in her arms she began to run her hands through his dark curls. Her thoughts turned to earlier in the day when Laura had done the same thing.

THIRTY-SEVEN

As Shelley emerged from her bath, the darkness of the storm was passing over taking with it the thunder and lightening. The light fall of the rain continued to shower the arid earth which accepted it with an abandon.

“Well you are as clean as a whistle,” Adam said with a grin.

“I have the whistle Uncle Joe gave me,” was Shelley’s cheerful response. “Maybe I can give you a bath papa and you could play the whistle.”

“Ummm, I think I’m a little too big for you to give me a bath.”

“But you gave me one. We’re family and supposed to help each other. You helped me and now I should help you.”

“Ahh, Shelley, it would be too hard for you to give me a bath. I’m too big – but there are a lot of other things you can do for me.”

“OK papa. Like what?”

Thinking quickly Adam said, “Well in a little while you can check my foot and see if it’s getting better. How’s that.”

“You mean I could be your foot doctor?”

Lifting the sweet smelling child into his arms he replied, “That’s exactly what I mean. Now let’s go see how your mama is making out with you brother.”

Shelley got down and in a flash was headed toward the stairs. Adam smiled as he saw traces of her dark tresses float behind her as she rushed out. He shook his head and smiled. What would Shelley think of next?

Claire looked out at the lake with Jared sitting on her lap. She hummed a tune during the storm that calmed him. Now she marveled at the manner in which he discovered things. The newest was the fact he was able to lie back and pull his feet up to his mouth. Each time he did it Claire would push his feet back down. His bright eyes looked at her as he lifted them again. Again she’d push his feet down. He laughed along with her showing his new teeth. It had become a game.

The sound of Shelley bouncing down the stairs interrupted Jared’s game. He pushed himself up and stood on his mother’s lap in order to look over her shoulder at his sister who was coming in his direction. His two tooth grin was welcomed.

“I’m all clean mama. See?”

“You certainly are,” she replied stroking Shelley’s cheek. “I guess it’s Jared’s turn.”

Adam walked over to the three of them and noticed Claire seemed unlike herself. He didn’t want to acknowledge to her what he sensed. He’d been preoccupied with thoughts of the day – Will, Peggy and Laura. He was certain he needed to speak with Claire about all of it.

“Well Jared,” Adam said as he took him from Claire, “The storm is past now and I guess it’s something we’ll just have to work on.”

“What are we going to work on papa?” Shelley asked.

“Oh just trying to help Jared not be frightened when we have storms.”

Claire stood up and said, “Well one down and one to go. I’ll go get Jared’s bath ready.”

As she started to turn away Adam asked, “Claire. Are you alright? I can give Jared his bath for you or I can have Ming Lu do it.”

“I can handle it Adam. It’ll only take me a minute to get it ready.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m just fatigued from the heat of the day.”

As she turned to head up the stairs Ming Lu came into the room. “Mister Adam. I have fruit and milk ready for Missy Shelley. Yes? Ok?”

Adam heard Ming Lu and without taking his eyes off Claire responded, “Ah yes. That’s a good idea.”

Shelley bounded off again to the kitchen for her snack. Jared poked his father and smiled. There was something special about this boy. Adam loved talking to him and wanted to believe Jared knew what he was saying. It really doesn’t matter he thought, there’s a bond between us that will never be broken.

Bouncing him in his arms and garnering laughter from his son, he started up the stairs when there was a knock on the door. Claire was headed back to get Jared and took him from Adam’s arms.

“I wonder who that could be,” wondered Adam as he gave Jared to Claire and headed toward the door.

Claire waited to see who it was.

“Sorry to bother you Mr. Cartwright,” said Chester, one of Adam’s ranch hands.

“What it is?”

“Well sir, I wanted to let you know with the storm and all, the new cattle in the east pasture started to stampede. The men just about have all of them but … well I just wanted you to know.”

Adam felt her eyes. Turning back to Chester he said, “I’ll be ready to go in a minute.”

“Laura,” he said. “I shouldn’t be too long.”

The look on Claire’s face said quite a lot. Adam realized his mistake and it was a big one. How could I call my wife Laura?

Claire forced a smile and pretended he’d not called her Laura. “Be careful Adam,” were the last words she said calmly as she turned with Jared for the task at hand.

Adam realized he didn’t have one problem but now two. Geeez he thought … settle the relationship issue that occurred before I really fell in love and married Claire and now this. Can I explain it or did she really not realize I used Laura’s name? He shook his head as he closed the door behind him. She heard me!

* * * * * * * *

Claire wasn’t sure if she was furious or hurt. She tried to focus on bathing Jared but her mind returned to her feelings. She felt left out. Adam had never done this before. Even under the most adverse circumstances they were able to share .. to talk. Why not this time? Was there more to it that she was imagining?

She tried to shake off her feelings and focused on the dark locks of her son as she dressed him for bed. The rain had stopped and the cool dry air was filtering through the now open window in Jared’s room. Sleep would be comfortable tonight.

Shelley bounced up the stairs with Ming Lu behind her.

“All finished with you fruit and milk?

“All finished mama.”

“Missy Claire, would like for me to take children and get them into bed for you?”

Smiling Claire thanked Ming Lu but declined. The day was coming quickly to an end. Claire thanked Ming Lu for her assistance and suggested she retire for the night. She’d be fine and it wouldn’t be long before the children would be sleeping. She would probably wait up for Adam.

Ming Lu excused herself and suggested Claire get some rest. “Mister Cartwright be fine if you worry ‘bout him. Chu is with him.”

“Thank you but I’ll be fine.”

“Excuse please if I say you look worried. I here to help you.”

Claire changed her mind. “Please stay with Jared while I get Shelley into bed.”

Ming Lu sat down with Jared and sang a quiet Chinese lullaby. Claire smiled and hand in hand she and Shelley departed.

“Mama when will papa be back?” Shelley asked as Claire pulled up the light covering over her.

“I really don’t know. But I hope it won’t be long. He’s out seeing about the new cattle. The thunder and lightening frightened them and they ran off. He now has to go and find them.”

“But it’s dark. How’s papa going to find them in the dark?

“You know Shelley that’s a good question. I’m not sure but your papa is a really smart man and besides, he has help. So let’s not worry about him and I’ll read you a story tonight. OK?”

“Are you worried mama? Ming Lu thinks you are. Is she right?”

“Ming Lu sometimes worries unnecessarily. I’m fine.”

“I want you to feel better so I will read to you. Maybe then you can go to sleep.” Shelley reached and pulled a book from the small table next to her bed. In no short order she reminded her mother that she had to put her feet up and lean back for the story. Claire complied. Shelley read the story by half remembering it and half making it up. When she was finished she said her prayers and kissed Claire goodnight.

“I love you mama, and papa, and Jared, and Ming Lu, and Chu, and Uncle Joe, and Uncle Hoss, and Grandpa Ben, and Cousin Will, and Cousin Peggy and Cousin Laura.”

Claire kissed Shelley as she lowered the lamp. “You’re a loving person.” She kissed her good night again and waited until Shelley had snuggled with her teddy bear and fell asleep.

She walked quietly into Jared’s room. Ming Lu said, “Shhhh. Little one almost sleep.”

Whispering Claire said, “I’ll take him. Thank you.”

Goodnights were exchanged. Claire placed Jared in his crib and stroking his back hummed the tune she hummed earlier. His hand formed a small fist next to his mouth. He moved slightly and was fast asleep.

Claire tried to wait up for Adam by reading. She wasn’t concentrating on the book. What she heard was the clock in the main room strike ten times. She finally closed the book and decided it was time for her to go to bed. Adam would get back when he got back.

She lowered the lamps and then checked the children. As she entered her bedroom, from out of nowhere tears began to flow silently down her cheeks like the rain that had fallen hours before. She was able to get dressed for bed and brushed her hair.

What am I allowing to happen to me? I’m trading places with Laura. I’m not an insecure person. What am I worried about? Surely Adam and I can talk about this.

She opened the doors to the porch outside their bedroom and walked out. The sound was quiet as she listened. The night was dark as she looked. In front of her in the distance was the lake. Tonight she couldn’t see it but could sense its nearness.

The air was refreshing and worth the storm experienced earlier. Her thin nightgown was caressed by the gentle cooling breeze and she was thankful.

Tomorrow was another day and she’d be over whatever had taken hold of her. Calmly she thought of Adam and what he might be doing. He’d worked hard to provide a home and grow the ranch. She prayed he wasn’t facing a setback. Again, she’d just have to wait to find out. Thankfully, he wasn’t alone. His hands were with him and then there was dependable Chu.

She pulled the doors closed but reopened the bedroom windows. Reaching into a drawer she removed paper and pencil. She wrote a note to Adam and placed it on his pillow.

Lowering the lamp she snuggled into bed. She’d wait for him to get back. The flickering of the lamp appeared as if a dance. The movements were joyful as the outline of the dance reflected on the ceiling. She realized their life was the same. Again, as she made herself comfortable and turned on her side, rain started to fall from her eyes once again.

The hour was late when Adam returned. He thanked the hands for their hard work and for taking care of his horse. The cattle had all been rounded up and the fence repaired.

Realizing the clock chimed twelve times, he knew his family was sleeping or so he thought. He removed his gun and hat and went to the washroom to clean up. As he was passing through the main room headed for the stairs, he stopped and sat down. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. Days like this would come and go. Right now he wished they were gone.

Claire had not been able to sleep and wondered what was taking Adam so long to come up to bed. She reached over and took the slip of paper off his pillow on which she’d written “I love you” and balled it up. She turned on her side away from his side of the bed and waited.

Using one of Hoss’s words she said to herself, “Dadburnit,” and threw back the covers. Quietly she walked to the top of the stairs and looked down. Adam was sitting with his hands folded as if he was thinking.

She walked down the stairs and over to Adam. He hadn’t heard her until she placed her hand on his arm and asked, “Is everything alright?”

The look of caring from her eyes was what he’d come to know was another sign of her love for him.

Adam’s appearance in the shadows of the low lamp light was striking. He pulled her into his lap and kissed her fiercely. She placed her head on his shoulder and his arms engulfed her. She realized her teary choruses to the storm that passed over were unnecessary. In the arms of this man – the rainbow was shining.

They kissed tenderly and Adam said, “Now everything is alright sweetheart.”

There was still the need for a conversation, but for now, they both knew there was another need. Adam lifted her and as he’d done before and carried her up the stairs.

THIRTY-EIGHT

Twenty-four hours had been packed with enough emotions and events to last beyond a lifetime.

Early morning was always quiet but for some odd reason a loudness resonated in Adam as he turned over. Reaching for her, he felt the coolness of the linens but the space was empty.

He adjusted his eyes to the light between night and day. Realizing she wasn’t next to him, he called her name, “Claire.”

There was no response. Tossing the covers back he wiped the sleep from his eyes, pulled on his pants and grabbed his shirt. Sounds from the kitchen echoed throughout the main room as Adam strode across it. Whatever intimacy he shared with Claire wasn’t everything he needed to share. He’d made a mistake and he was determined to correct it.

When he entered the kitchen, he quickly pulled his shirt together and started to button it. The sounds were being made by Ming Lu and Chu – but no Claire.

“Morning Mista Adam,” said Chu. “Today you rise early like Missy Claire. Must be busy day.”

Ming Lu just smiled and continued to mix dough for the breakfast biscuits.

“Where’s Claire?” he questioned.

“She go outside for water garden. Be back soon,” smiled Ming Lu.

Adam knew what he needed to do and part of it would be to admit the errors he made. Although day was not fully rising to the occasion, he needed to have time with Claire and now was that time.

He asked Ming Lu to check on the children. He and Claire had something to take care of. She nodded and smiled.

The fresh cool air filled his chest and cleared his head. This was the time of day his father enjoyed most and he could understand why. Not sure how to approach things, he hung his head in thought for a moment, and with the urging of the early morning sounds of birds, he moved toward her.

“Claire!”

She turned toward his voice. Taking the watering can from her hand, he placed it on the ground, took her hand and started walking with her in tow.

“Adam?”

“We have to talk Claire.”

His tone was serious yet caring … and within herself she agreed they did need to talk. “What about Jared and Shelley?”

“That’s all taken care of.”

They walked in silence a short distance from the house. The mist over the distant mountains lazily rested over the mixed hues of the early morning. There was a peace in the air and Adam was going to use it just for that purpose – to secure peace once again in his home and in their lives.

They stopped next to a log and Claire sat down. She felt unsettled and wasn’t sure where their talk would go. Another bumpy road was not what she needed or wanted. Adam leaned against the tree and looked at her for a moment. He finally joined her.

“So?” What now?” was Claire’s question.

“I know I haven’t been as forthcoming as I should have been. I thought I was taking the right position in handling things with Will, Laura and Peggy – what I did was push you away and leave you out.”

Claire knew Adam was speaking from his heart. She also knew what he was saying was true. She was watching as he uncomfortably formed his words.

“I thought this whole situation was settled and never saw the warning signs.”

“I told you I wasn’t pleased with the manner in which Laura made assumptions about me and blatantly stated her thoughts when she first arrived. After the second time, I told you there would not be a third.”

The small smile that curved his lips marked his remembering that conversation. She could be spunky and assertive in her way – something he loved about her.

“Yes I do remember.” The morning light was beginning to highlight her hair and the blueness of her eyes – eyes that showed her feelings.

“I’ve hurt you Claire. I asked you to stay out of this situation because I felt it was something that didn’t concern you. It started with the four of us some years ago and I thought it needed to end that way.”

“That’s where you were wrong Adam, but I did try to honor your request. You never heard another word from me about whatever you were dealing with. I certainly never said another word to Laura after you nicely criticized me for butting in when I went to befriend her after Peggy ran away,” she said as she crossed her arms.

“I was wrong.”

“I’d have to agree with you. I tried not add to the tension that was building this week, but it was obvious from the time of their arrival, there were things that needed to be resolved. It wasn’t my intention to let you know I’d been slapped but you found out and left to take care of the matter. I could have handled it myself and in my own way.”

“You were going to do what I just did. Not get me involved and keep it to yourself. Now why was that?”

Claire clearly knew the reason and it was playing a tune against her chords of discontent. She hadn’t wanted him to become angered or worried.

“So it’s over and she’s apologized for it.” Claire’s demeanor changed. “Adam, I can’t change who you are and I don’t want to, but sometimes I felt as if there was something still between the two of you and wasn’t sure how to handle it.”

His look turned to concern. “There’s no need for worry on that.”

“I know. I guess I’ve always known it. But you didn’t make it easy and you have to know that. You may not have realized it, but I know there was a special relationship between you and Peggy and tried to support it. There still is and I hope it will continue. I’m not intimidated by it. I just hope that Larua ….” Claire let her words drop.

Adam had started this conversation but Claire seemed to be in control.

“Claire I said I was wrong. I mean it. I just want to put this behind us and move on.”

“Move on to where Adam? Can’t you see it’s not over? We love each other and there’s no question about that. But tell me something, what happened to our ability to share with each other? We shared some of the most deep seeded parts of who we are with each other. What happened to that?”

“That’s why we’re out here now. I want to get it back. It’s something that’s bothered me and I want to correct it. I shut you out and that was the worst thing I could have ever done.”

“We haven’t lost it Adam. You only try to get something back that’s lost. It’s not lost.”

“I love you Claire. You have to know that without question. This is a case of poor judgment on my part.” He scratched the side of his head and looked toward the mountains. “There was a part of me that was trying to protect you … to keep you safe and free of worry. It was not meant ….”

‘Meant to hurt me? Cause me worry? Well let me say this as nicely as I can Adam. You failed on that count. What should have been a friendly family visit turned into Adam Cartwright settling problems that should have been settled long before by Will and not you.”

Adam turned to face her. The words were direct and blunt. He sensed her need to say all that filled her being.

“You’re right again. For whatever reason, we all seemed to get off on the wrong foot. I can’t explain it, but things just started to escalate out of control. My involvement was merely to try to put the pieces where they belonged and bring camaraderie back to the family. I should have talked to you about what was going on. If I had we wouldn’t be having this conversation now.”

“That’s true. I can’t be anyone other than I who I am. I don’t mean to sound harsh, I really don’t, but I began to worry about how much this week was going to affect you after they left.” Her eyes began to mist over in place of the morning mist that had lifted.

He realized his wanting to be protective of her had its limits. Their lives were intertwined and sharing was a major component.

“I’m going to say this once … probably should have said it earlier but didn’t think it mattered. Whatever existed between Laura and me is merely that – it existed. I can’t erase that part of my life. What is true is I never really loved her then or now.”

“Adam I don’t want to go through anything like this again … knowing something is going on but not being included. We’re in this together and …” Slowly the mist in her eyes began to form pools.

Taking her hands in his he fingered her wedding ring. Quietly he said, “Please forgive me for last night. My calling you Laura was purely an accident.”

“It hurt me Adam. I wasn’t sure if I was more hurt or more angry.”

“And how are you now?”

“This talk has helped. I know you had a lot on your mind around Laura and Peggy. That’s been obvious. I’m ashamed to say it, but that’s what’s been bothering me. You weren’t able to share that part of you with me. I was becoming jealous and not liking it.”

“When you had to leave last night, I think everything you were dealing with came to a head and you called me by the wrong name.”

“So am I forgiven?” he asked with a smile.

“Yes. I forgave you last might.”

Adam smiled and added, “And I accepted.”

The two of them laughed as the sun began to rise into what promised to be a new and beautiful day.

He stood up and pulled her to her feet. He did something he hadn’t done for a long time. He held her close and spoke softly in her ear. The memories of St. Louis, his being with her through the ordeals she’d faced when she moved to Nevada, the loss of her mother, her illness … he was always there and always speaking softly and caringly into her ear.

She held him tighter and smiled as her head rested against him. He stroked her back. She knew she was right. Nothing was lost … if anything this time in their lives was needed by both of them.

They learned more about relationships – especially their own. They learned more about each other – how they were growing more as one. They knew today was a new beginning for them and their children. They realized they were human and made mistakes – but the difference between where they had been and where they were now was quite simple and would lie before them every moment … communication with love.

“I love you Claire,” he whispered. “Don’t ever doubt it for a moment. Take me to task whenever I need it, but just remember I’m a Cartwright and may be a bit stubborn.”

Claire held him tighter and said, “Remember this – I’m a Cartwright too!”

Arms around each they headed home to start their day and tend the children. There was a guest in their house. The pinto was his signature.

They walked in to find Joe seated at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee and chatting with Ming Lu.

“Good morning brother,” Adam said with his arm still around Claire’s waist.

“Hi’ya Adam. Just got here. Ming Lu and I were just talking while I waited for you. The way you two are acting you’d think you were still newlyweds.”

Claire released her hold on Adam and passing Joe kissed him on the cheek and said, “Good morning Joe … we are.”

Joe turned a little red and Adam smiled. Claire had a way of making her point and both Joe and Adam knew it.

Ming Lu was ready to serve breakfast. Shelley and Jared were dressed and in the main room playing.

“So why are you here at the crack of dawn?” Adam asked as he poured some coffee.

“Oh yeah. Pa sent me. With Will leaving tomorrow, he wanted to invite all of you to a gathering this afternoon. I’ve already been over to Hank and Maggie’s to extend the invitation.”

Claire positioned Jared in his seat and Shelley plopped herself next to Joe.

“Did I hear you mention my aunt and uncle?”

“Yeah. Pa is having a small family gathering and he asked me to invite them as well as all of you.”

“That seems like a nice idea.” Looking at Adam Claire asked, “Adam, can we make it.”

Pausing for a moment he offered, “I can arrange it sweetheart, how about you?”

“Fine with me, as long as its after the children take their naps. Let me check.”

“Shelley, do you think you’re available to go Grandpa Ben’s house this afternoon?”

Joe was wondering what was going on. He couldn’t believe each member of Adam’s family was going to have a say in accepting the invitation.

Ming Lu placed a piping hot plate of food in front of a puzzled looking Joe.

“Yes mama. I want to go,” Shelley replied with excitement. “Love Grandpa Ben!”

Joe couldn’t believe his eyes as he lifted a forkful of food to his mouth.

“Jared, wanna go to Grandpa Ben’s house today?” asked Shelley.

Jared shared a grin and clapped his hands. Joe looked at Adam and then Claire who were both smiling.

“I don’t believe this,” Joe piped up. “I’d hate to know how the big decisions are made.”

Shelley turned and faced Joe. “Uncle Joe. We’re family. You wanna got to Grandpa Ben’s house this afternoon?”

The was no escape for Joe. He responded, “Sure, why not!”

* *
__________________
THIRTY-NINE

Mumbling from the kitchen had been going on for at least half an hour. Hop Sing was preparing for the guests arriving that afternoon. His upset was caused because he’d been given no time to plan for this gathering.

Ben looked up when he heard a loud clanging sound from the kitchen followed by several incoherent words. He smiled and continued to work on his books. Hop Sing had tantrums before so Ben was not affected by this one.

Hoss entered and asked, “Pa, ain’t you gonna do something ‘bout Hop Sing? He’s been carrying on like that since I left.”

Chuckling he looked up from the heavy bound books. “No.”

Hoss was surprised at his father’s response. “No? Pa, you and me know Hop Sing. If we don’t do something to settle him down now, we’ll be plum sorry later.”

“Hoss don’t worry. Hop Sing loves being involved in family events. As much as he complains, he’s really enjoying the idea of creating a pleasant afternoon. He’s just letting off a little steam right now. It’ll pass.”

“Well I sure hope you’re right. But just to be on the safe side, I’m staying away from the kitchen.”

Returning his concentration to the books, Ben added, “That might be a good idea for now.”

The door opened and Peggy entered followed by Joe. They’d taken a last ride around the Ponderosa.

“Have a good ride?” asked Hoss.

“We sure did!” exclaimed Peggy. Joe took me over to Saunder’s Creek. We raced back and even though I won, I know he let me win.”

“Now that’s not quite true. You’re smaller and lighter than I am and that’s what made the difference. Besides you’re a great little rider,” Joe chided.

“I really like riding. Thanks for taking me Joe.”

At that moment Laura came down the stairs. She’d been packing for their morning departure. “How was the ride?”

“It was great mommy. I’m sorry we don’t have as many chances to ride like this in San Francisco. Do you suppose we could do some riding in Denver?”

“Well I don’t know dear. I suppose it’s something we could arrange. We’ll check with your father.”

Ben’s eyes lit up when he heard Laura refer to ‘your father’.

The strain all had gone through in their own ways seemed to have been managed by some sort of an outside force. Whatever it was, he was glad matters had taken a turn for the better and was looking forward to the afternoon.

Will arrived back from town where he’d gone to purchase their passage to Denver. Upon entering there was another loud crash from the kitchen followed by noisy chatter. All eyes turned toward the kitchen.

“What wrong?” Will asked. “Don’t tell me packing and getting ready to leave tomorrow is what’s causing these looks.”

“No, I don’t think that’s it,” responded Laura. “I believe Hop Sing is having a little trouble in the kitchen. If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go and see if I can help him.”

Will laughed because he knew the temperament of Hop Sing.

“I’d be careful Laura if I were you,” Joe quipped. “You may be walking into unsafe territory.”

“That’s a chance I’ll just have to take. Besides when I left for Adam’s this morning I told Hop Sing I’d help him when I returned.”

“Can I help too mommy?”

“Peggy, I think the best way you can help right now is to get cleaned up and start to pack some of your things. I laid them out for you on the bed.”

Peggy offered a dejected look but headed toward the stairs. Assured Peggy was on her way, Laura headed to the kitchen.

“So cousin,” Joe said, “All set?”

“All set. The stage leaves at eleven o’clock in the morning.”

Ben looked up as his nephew announced the time of the departure. He felt a tingle of sadness but at the same time found a warm smile building up inside. He missed his deceased brother and saw quite a lot of him in Will. Each had their dreams and the need to follow them. Wanderlust flowed through their veins and neither conformed to the norm.

“It’s sure not gonna be the same around here with ya’ll leaving,” Hoss chimed.

“I’m sure it’s not, but I do need to say something before Adam and his family get here.”

No surprises crossed the faces of Ben and his sons. They just looked at Will and waited for his next words.

“Regardless of how this visit has been, I’m glad we were welcomed as warmly as we were. I can’t say I knew what to expect and each day was certainly a lesson. I want to say thank you. Thank you to each of you.”

Joe sort of hung his head and remembered his feelings when they first arrived. Time spent had made a difference even with the difficulties they’d all found themselves involved in. He appreciated his cousin more and understood the transitions he faced.

He’d forgiven Will for the hurt Adam experienced when he married Laura and left. He hoped his feelings toward Laura would continue to grow warmer. There were just too many pieces for him to feel totally comfortable.

Joe remember words his father had spoken many times, “Don’t judge another unless you can walk their path.” He appreciated is cousin but knew it would take more than this visit for him to feel Will was an integral part of the family. There were just pieces of Will so very different from him and his brothers.

Joe looked at Will and said, “You just make sure to keep in touch. You’re the only cousin I have.”

“Ahem,” Hoss grunted. “Don’t lay a personal claim on Will, we’re all Cartwrights Joe.”

Ben realized this seemed to be turning into a farewell scene and he wasn’t about to let that happen.

“Look we’re going to have a pleasant afternoon,” he said as he clapped his hands. “Now since its quiet in the kitchen, I would guess Laura has calmed Hop Sing down. I think maybe we should be getting cleaned up and offer to help.”

Will looked at the faces and appreciated what he saw in their eyes. He knew without speaking what each held in the hearts and minds. His appreciation of their lack of comments over his family tribulations meant quite a lot.

“I think Ben has a point. Now I’m going to put these tickets away and get cleaned up. Besides, I want to see how Peggy is making out.”

Hoss placed his strong arm around Will’s shoulder and they both left laughing as they headed up the stairs.

Joe looked at Ben. “Pa, you think everything is going to work out for Laura and Will?”

“I can’t say Joe … I can’t say. But I do think a new start has been made. Now how about you and me getting cleaned up as well? Adam and Claire will be getting here soon.”

“Yeah I know. Pa, do you think Laura has changed?”

“Joe do me a favor – stop asking these questions and try to enjoy the afternoon.”

“I hope Claire can enjoy the afternoon,” Joe said quietly as he moved slowly across the great room.

Ben couldn’t let the comment pass. He walked over to Joe and asked, “You can’t mean you think the same scenario will happen here that happened at Adam’s.” Ben kept his voice down so ears of others wouldn’t hear.

“Naw pa. I just mean I don’t know if things are alright between Adam and Claire.”

“Of course they are. Why would you say something like that?”

“No reason pa. Just forget what I said.”

“Joe if there’s something you know, I think you better tell me,” Ben said almost as an order.

“It’s probably nothing, but when I went to invite Adam and Claire here this morning they were out having a talk. According to Ming Lu, Claire’s been unhappy most of the week and last night Ming Lu heard her crying.”

“Are you certain?”

“Ming Lu said it – so I guess it’s true. In case you haven’t noticed pa, Adam has a way of shutting others out and we all know what this visit has done to him and his feelings. Maybe he left Claire out. Just think about it.”

“But you said they were out talking this morning.”

“Pa I’m just telling you what Ming Lu said she noticed and made her sad. I suspect they were out talking because something was wrong. If I had to bet, I’d say it had to do with Adam’s stubbornness and Laura.”

Ben was hoping his youngest son’s words were taken out of context.

“I’m sure things are fine with Adam and Claire. He’d never do anything to hurt her Joe.”

Joe turned and faced his father squarely. In his whispered voice, he continued. “He wouldn’t do it intentionally and Claire is very much like older brother. She wouldn’t let me see if she was upset. It may be none of my business, but if Adam’s done anything to hurt Claire he’s gonna hear from me.”

“Joe you keep out of Adam’s affairs! Now drop this and I don’t want to hear another word on the subject. Is that understood?”

Joe looked at the intensity of his father’s eyes. “Understood pa,” he said as he walked away and headed toward the wash room.

Ben wondered if there was any basis for Joe to be concerned. He knew Adam tried to handle things in his own way. But he also wondered if Adam had helped Will, Laura and Peggy at the expense of Claire. He hoped not.

FORTY

Afternoon highlights had risen to the occasion. It was a beautiful day marked by the presence of clear air, bright sunshine, and a beauty that spread as far as the eye could see. Adam marveled at the surroundings built by the blood, sweat and tears of his father and now maintained by the blood, sweat and tears of the Cartwright men.

Resting on his saddle horn, he took in the vast expanse dotted with the serenity he knew as home. He now was the master of his own domain – one that spread across fields, mountains and streams. Yes, he’d received his inheritance as a wedding gift, but even if that were not the case, he knew he and his brothers could not love this place any more than they did. They gave their all each and every day. They were blessed by so much and as such had a responsibility.

For a subtle moment, Adam watched his hired hands moving cattle in the distance. They were good men and earnest about their work. He sat erect on his horse and repositioned his Stetson. Responsibility, he thought, came with a price tag. He knew he was not always understood but that was who he was and he was able to live with it. He had taken on a responsibility of family and it was time to address the fact. He’d finished his chores for the day and needed to head home and meet the responsibilities to his wife and family. This thought provided a smile as he turned and headed in that direction.

* * * * * * * *

Claire had taken the liberty of resting while the children were sleeping and now finished getting them dressed. She hadn’t realized the extent her energy had been drained by the self-imposed strain she’d placed on herself this week … her defending herself, speaking her mind, wondering if she’d behaved in an appropriate manner, realizing she had a trait of jealousy, and finally respecting her husband’s wishes to remove herself from what he would deal with, and lastly feeling left out. The early morning conversation with Adam and her short respite had helped her somewhat. The bump in the road she believed had been somewhat smoothed out.

Ming Lu took the children outside while Claire finished getting herself dressed. Adam had made his presence known and was now clean shaven and getting ready to head to the Ponderosa.

As he was buttoning his fresh shirt, he wondered about the afternoon. The swishing sound of Claire’s skirt brought his thoughts back to the present. She gave him a pleasant smile.

As he finished buttoning the shirt Ming Lu had carefully laundered and impeccably ironed he said, “I guess I’m the last to be ready.”

Claire moved to retrieve a handkerchief from the bureau. In doing so Adam caught the soft scent of her sweet fragrance that remained with him even if she were not near. “Yes you are so I’d suggest you get a move on.”

“I’m just about ready Mrs. Cartwright.” He finished tucking his shirt in and brushed his hair. His intent was to hold her in his arms for a moment but she’d already left the bedroom. Strange?

The ride to the Ponderosa wasn’t long but it was always exciting for the children.

“Papa, can you go faster? I want to get there.”

“You don’t think I’m going fast enough eh Shelley?”

“No papa. Grandpa Ben is waiting for us and I can still see our house.”

Claire smiled sensing the urgency in Shelley. Jared was singing in his own way to the sound of his father’s whistling and tried to reach his father’s hands.

“Shelley, we’ll be there shortly.” Looking back at his daughter who was sitting as instructed he added, “Did mama speak to you about how to behave?”

“Yes sir. But I know how to behave. I think Jared is the one you need to talk to. He gets into everything and when he’s not happy he cries. When is he going to stop crying?”

Smiling at the comments of the oldest child, Adam turned to Claire and asked, “Do you want to answer that one?”

* * * * * * * *

The arrival was expected. Ben was outside waiting and half heartedly helping the now quieted Hop Sing. The time Laura spent in the kitchen with Hop Sing was a time she stroked his ego by asking about him, his family and complimented him on his well orchestrated care of the Cartwrights and her family. This defused the explosive gentle man and he quietly allowed Laura to assist him. His ego had definitely been stroked.

“Grandpa Ben!” shouted Shelley.

Ben smiled as the carriage stopped and lifted Shelley down. “How’s my favorite granddaughter today? You look very pretty.”

“Oh I’m fine. You look pretty too.”

Ben smiled and said, “Ah Shelley, men don’t look pretty. They look handsome.”

She shrugged her shoulders and headed for the door. “Well you look handsome and pretty anyway.”

Adam took Jared from Claire and assisted her down. Ben always went through a ritual when greeting Claire, even if he hadn’t noticed. He’d hug Claire, give her a kiss on the cheek and then holding her shoulders at arms length, would say his hello.

Adam saw a curious look on his father’s face and smiled, “Hi pa. Remember me?”

They laughed and headed to the house. Inside Peggy had already said her hello to Shelley. Laura stood up as Adam, Ben and Claire entered.

Hoss hopped out of his comfortable chair and adding his hellos went and took his nephew into his arms and they were off to their own private world.

Joe and Will walked in with broad smiles. Backslapping each other on their achievement of roasting the main course. They were exuberant.

“Hiya Claire … Adam,” Joe said as he wiped his hands.

“Hello. I guess we’re in for a treat,” Claire kidded.

“If you mean the meat we’re roasting out back, I had to teach Joe a thing or two,” Will said offering a bright and toothy grin.

“Nah, don’t pay him any mind. You’re going to really be in for some great eating,” Joe said as kissed Claire’s cheek and coyly looked into her eyes. She smiled.

Adam assisted Claire to the settee and joined her. Certain his family was settled he asked his youngest brother in his usual understated manner, “Some great eating ummm … do we eat or do we get eaten? Remember the cake you tried to make for Hoss’s birthday.”

Ben brought refreshments. His excitement was evident as he cast a smile at whomever he looked at or talked to. Having all the Cartwrights together under the same roof and sharing camaraderie with each other is what he wanted.

Hoss had taken Jared outside and was bouncing him on his knee. Jared tried to mimic Hoss’s words when Roy showed up followed by Claire’s Aunt Maggie and Uncle Hank.

“Hey Roy, Hank, Maggie,” Hoss said as a cheerful greeting. “Little Bits here and me were wondering when ya’ll were gonna git here.”

“Had to make sure law and order were in place before I could leave. I hope we’re having chocolate cake.”

“No need to worry about that. There’s plenty.”

Hank and Maggie stopped to speak to Jared who gleefully accepted the attention.

Idle chatter expanded into boisterous laughter and activities seemed to gain momentum.

Claire was pleased to see her aunt and uncle. Hank readily accepted the beverage Ben handed him and immediately started his tall tale telling.

The men folk took stock of the meat cooking while Peggy played big sister to Shelley. Adam scrutinized Joe and Will’s culinary skills with a critical eye. As Will was basting the meat he caught Adam’s look.

He stopped his contribution to the meal and asked, “What Adam? Am I not doing this right?”

“Will just ignore Adam. He always has something floating through that educated mind of his,” spouted Joe as he turned the meat.

“Looks like the two of you are doing a great job. Just wondering if I can help in some way.”

“Sure big brother, just make sure the knives to slice this meat are nice and sharp. This meat will melt in your mouth.”

Adam rolled his eyes as he remembered the last time Joe had said something to that effect. Will noticed and broke out into such laughter he almost dropped the sauce he was basting the meat with.

Joe realized they were having a good time and the enjoyment seemed to be permeating through the air. Perhaps his half hearted concern over Adam and Claire was nothing. He let go of it.

Maggie had moved right into the kitchen and was ushering Hop Sing around. He didn’t mind and said, “Miss Maggie, you have skill. Taste and tell what missing,” he said as he presented a ladle for her to taste.

Smacking her lips together she said, “I don’t think it’s missing anything. It’s quite good.”

His response was, “Thank you. Stir pot too much make for bad result. Already thought it was good. Now to get outside.”

Maggie smiled. Hop Sing was a character who just wanted praise for his cooking skills.

Claire and Laura carried out the tablecloths and dishes. Together they started to spread the tablecloth when Laura said, “You’ve got a wonderful family and husband. Adam has done quite a lot to help us this week.”

Claire felt a strange emotion having heard Laura’s words. “Thank you Laura. You have a lovely daughter and family also.” She continued to adjust the tablecloth. “I imagine your life is quite different in San Francisco. It’s a beautiful city and I would love to visit it again some day.”

“Yes it is a beautiful city. There’s quite a lot to do. Perhaps when Adam gets everything in place, you two might be able to take a break from the children and spend some time alone there.”

Claire bit her tongue and started to place the dinner plates on the table while Laura folded the napkins and starting placing the silverware. Claire wanted to say some things but she thought of Adam. She’d watch her step which went against her grain.

“There, that’s done,” Laura spoke as she looked at Claire. The locking of their eyes seemed to draw words from Laura. “Claire, I want to thank you for being a wonderful person and a friend to me, Will and Peggy. I know we got off to a rocky start and I’m sorry for that. You’ve made a difference for all three of us and I can understand why Adam married you.”

Claire just smiled and was thankful that her aunt was heading in their direction.

“There’s plenty more food inside,” Maggie said as she placed the first of many dishes on the table.

Finding it as an excuse to digest the conversation, Claire excused herself to help Hop Sing. As she headed in, she called to her aunt, “Aunt Maggie, I’ll be back but would you check on both Shelley and Jared?”

The request was honored with a smile. “So Laura, you’ve quite a trip ahead of you. Denver is quite a pleasant city.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that. It’ll be a different pace for all of us.”

“Well I certainly hope you all enjoy the trip.”

“I’m sure we will. Your niece is quite an energetic person and really talented. Ummm, how did she and Adam meet? I never saw her when I lived here.”

Maggie looked around and saw Peggy and Shelley playing. Her only comment was, “He met her when she visited with us … after you moved.”

* *
FORTY-ONE

All gathered outside and feasted on foods that tantalized the pallets. The surroundings embellished the atmosphere as the tall stately mountains loomed in the distance seemingly smiling as the light reflected on them.

Hoss took the lead starting games for Shelley and Peggy with Claire joining in. Ben held Jared’s two hands, and lifting him to his feet, tried to help him take small steps.

“Jay’s going to be walking before you know it,” Ben touted.

“When he does and gets into everything can we call you?” heckled Claire in response.

Will and Adam were involved in a close game of horseshoes, while Hank and Roy helped themselves to more of Ben’s special punch and swapped stories. Maggie, Joe, and Laura were spectators of the events going on around them as they relaxed and enjoyed the afternoon.

Ben thought the gathering had turned into a reunion – an afternoon of good food, fellowship, fun, and enjoyment. He deeply breathed in the clean air, stood tall and proud with his hands on his hips and enjoyed the scene. Worries were the farthest thing from his mind. He wanted to savor this time as a memory.

Joe jumped up almost knocking over his chair. He caught the expressions on Maggie’s and Laura’s faces. “Oh, I’m just a bit clumsy. I got something you’ll really enjoy. Don’t go away.”

“Where do you suppose he’s going?” quizzed Laura.

Maggie just smiled. “If I know Joe, he’s going to do something we wouldn’t expect. It’ll be a surprise for sure. I think he enjoys showing off at times when he has an audience.”

Laura’s look was easy. “I had a chance to hear Claire play the piano while I was here. She’s quite accomplished.”

“My dear we’re all gifted in different ways. I can’t play an instrument or carry a tune, but there’s no one in these parts that can make a finer apple pie.”

Maggie and Laura laughed. Fidgeting a bit Laura looked at Will and then at Peggy. She remembered how she felt when Peggy was born as if it were yesterday. She looked at Will and remembered the moment they’d professed their love for each other. She realized their happiness had evolved through struggle … a struggle that had begun in Virginia City, followed them to San Francisco and now back to Virginia City. She was blessed and the simple comment by Maggie, “…. We’re all gifted in different ways …” took on a new meaning for her.

These memories were something she’d packed away long ago as she reverted to living with a state of mind that had defined who she was – a woman who had no gifts, no talents, nothing to contribute to others, confusion about how to handle the future, and uncertainty she was able to dwell outside her self-imposed fantasy world.

She’d allowed herself to wallow in her own self-pity. Perhaps that’s what Will and Peggy needed her to emerge from. Perhaps the turmoil she’d created was necessary in order for her to finally realize – really realize- that she was a gifted person – one that could rise above the murky waters of self-inflicted incompetence and rise to the mountains of independence, self-assuredness, openness and joy. Maggie’s words, as simple as they were, made an impact.

“Laura? Laura?” Maggie was trying to get her attention but realized she was elsewhere.

Bashfully Laura looked at Maggie. “I’m sorry. I was just thinking.”

“That’s obvious, but I meant what I said in a kindly way. We’re all given gifts. It’s just knowing what they are and using them. What about you?”

“You mean what can I do besides make wrong decisions, hurt those that I love, create a scene this week, and marvel at what others have?”

Maggie sensed a need in Laura and couldn’t help but continue the conversation. “That’s a long list of gifts if you can call them that. If that’s all you can think of, I’d say you’re a lost person.”

Laura’s eyes darted at Maggie.

“I’m sure you didn’t want to hear that but let me tell you something. You’re a young and beautiful person. You just have to realize that. I’m not unlike my niece, I speak my mind too. Both of us say what we think. It’s not to be negative but rather to be of help. All you need do is look in the mirror.”

“In the mirror?”

“Yes Laura in the mirror. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and look in the mirror. Get angry with the person you see and decide to make a change. You’re loved quite a lot. You need to learn to accept it; stop putting up excuses as walls, and love yourself is my guess.”

Laura’s buttons were being pushed. She only allowed Maggie to continue out of respect for her age but deep inside she realized her words were accurate. She smiled with a warmth and a hint of embarrassment. Maggie just patted her hand and changed the subject as if there hadn’t been a subject at all. Laura knew this woman was a senstive and caring woman. Her voice bespoke that.

From his vantage point, Will could see Laura and Maggie talking. He felt comfortable at the sight and watched as Peggy tried to fly the kite Hoss made for her. Yes, he was home and he knew it was a beginning. He felt at peace – a peace he needed to have before leaving his family for Denver – before embracing Laura and Peggy and moving forward to a life with yet unidentified joys.

Claire seated herself on a blanket with Jared. She turned to see how Ben and Adam were making out in their game of horseshoes but was distracted. Her eyes caught sight of her aunt and Laura talking and wondered what the conversation was about. Plopping down on the blanket, Shelley broke her mother’s thoughts. She had an apple in the shape of a duck that Hop Sing had cut for her.

Shelley didn’t get the same jovial response from her mother she usually did when she was excited and had something to show her.

“Mama, you don’t like the duck?” Getting no immediate response, she queried once again. “Mama, the duck! Don’t you like it?”

This time Claire was responsive but Shelley felt something was bothering her mother. She rolled onto her side and began to eat the apple letting Jared crawl over her. She laughed and her mother’s responses became history for her.

Roy looked around at the fun and commented, “You know Ben I don’t think it can get any better than this. Nice home, good food, friends and family, peace from the craziness of town.”

“I keep telling you to come out more often.”

“I know. I’m gettin’ older and just might take you up on that one of these days. Yes sir, right relaxing.”

Hank added his input lifting his glass, “Relaxing for sure. I’d say this Ponderosa punch has something to do with it.” The three men laughed and helped themselves to a little more.

The day was passing as if one had blinked their eye. Images of past experiences had faded like changing colors of the setting sun. Life was a mysterious journey and those involved in it were challenged with accepting the good and not so good.

Each was an individual piece to the puzzle of life. The shapes and forms which when separate were nothing more than the sky without the sun or moon, or a lake that lay dormant without ripples of life, or a fire without a flame. The pieces were put together now, and if nothing more was the reward, the coming to terms with life’s gifts and inadequacies of each puzzle piece was completed. The result was the Cartwrights.

The sun was growing lower in the sky as Joe played his mouth organ. His tunes were off key and his repertoire was limited – but it was fun for all. Adam talked with Peggy and they laughed heartily. Their friendship was in tact and Peggy was proud of the man who was her father – Will Cartwright.

Will joined the two of them and the three joined in singing the songs Joe so proudly played off key. Hoss teased his younger brother but it made no difference.

Roy commented, “If Joe played that thing everyday I’m afraid I’d be forced to arrest him.”

Laughter was the common thread that was pulling all the pieces together and created a warm path toward the goodbyes that would soon be exchanged.

“Hey Joe, why don’t you rest your mouth for a while?” Hoss chimed in. “I think you already provided enough fun for one evening.” He couldn’t contain his laughter and was turning the color of the sunset.

“Leave him alone Hoss,” Adam said as he joined Claire and the others on the porch.

“Thanks brother,” was Joe’s response, “They just can’t seem to appreciate this instrument.”

“Maybe that’s because each song you play sounds the same except in a different key,” Adam said as he helped himself to a drink.

“Thanks a lot Adam. You just wish you could play this thing.”

Picking Jared up Adam turned to Joe and said coyly and in his soft voice, “Let’s just hope I keep wishing.”

* * * * * * * *

Will and Laura had finished most of their packing. They took time to walk with Peggy around the Ponderosa for a last look before their departure. While the family moved indoors, Joe thought Claire had been a bit more quiet than usual. Hoss assured him he was just imagining things. Claire was the sister they knew and loved.

Hoss teased Joe and told him he was worrying over nothing. Usually Joe and Claire would have one of their fun discussions where Claire always seemed to outwit Joe. Today that didn’t happen. Joe thought maybe Hoss was right and remembered the words of instruction his father gave about staying out of Adam and Claire’s business. Another slice of cake took care of that but dessert was never able to curb is temper. Joe was just Joe. His personality was integral to the family.

Bonding was central to Will, Laura and Peggy. Their time together today and now their walk was warm, loving and sealing.

“Daddy do you think we’ll ever move back here?” Peggy asked.

“I don’t know Peggy. It really is great country.”

“Yes it is. I guess I like the idea of being with family. I like San Francisco but it’s so different.”

“Peggy they are two different places after all,” Laura added as she saw the glint in Will’s eyes.

“Do you think we’ll be able to come back for a visit?”

Placing his arm around Laura’s shoulder, he pulled Peggy to him and kissed the top of her head. “We’ll do more than come back for a visit. We’ll make many visits and that’s a promise.”

Will turned to Laura and gave her a light kiss. Peggy blushed and looked at the ground. Finally she looked up and said, “I love you. I’m glad we were able to visit. We really have family and we’re leaving with more than we came with.”

Laura’s eye widened and Will smiled. “We have a very bright daughter. We are leaving with more than we came with.”

Laura hugged Peggy to her and stroking her hair added, “It’s something that can’t be taken away. Not now or ever.”

With arms around each other they walked toward the house in silence. Each reveling in their own thoughts of joy, happiness and the promise of more for the three of them.

* * * * * * * *

The sun was setting when the three wanderers returned. Hop Sing had now joined the family gathering and was teaching all of them a little Chinese ditty. He sang the words, and the rest joined in. A smile graced his face as he led the Ponderosa guests in choir rehearsal.

The teasing due to the mispronunciation of the words and Hoss’s off key offerings made for a joyful time. When they were able to get the ditty right, there was a rousing round of applause and a bow by the director.

“Encore! Encore!” Ben insisted.

There wasn’t a need for much encouragement as the little maestro selected another ditty for them to work on. As Joe picked up his mouth organ to try to accompany the next selection Hop Sing halted the instruction. He walked over to Joe and sharply removed the ‘instrument’ from Joe’s hands.

Joe was shocked but Hop Sing explained, “Noise of whining cat not part of Chinese song.”

Maggie laughed so hard she had to wipe the tears from her eyes. Claire and Hank tried to hide their laughter but weren’t able to. Will just covered his face with his hand while Peggy and Shelly sat at Hop Sing’s feet waiting for the next piece to begin. Hop Sing had given them wooded whistles to play.

Joe bemoaned his loss and said he’d return after he fed the stock. He headed out to the barn – his departure hardly being noticed.

As the choir started again, Claire asked Adam if he would get the bag from their carriage that contained clean clothes for Jared. He was off in a flash smiling as he departed. The sounds wafting through the great room and the dynamic leadership of the director was more than humorous to him.

The air was cooling the day in preparation for the evening’s arrival. As Adam reached the carriage he heard, “Adam.”

Turning to the sound of the voice he realized it was Laura.

“Laura, are you enjoying yourself?”

“Yes. I can really say I’m enjoying myself. I just wanted to come outside and view the night one more time before we leave.”

Adam’s smile was warm. Laura approached him.

His eyes focused on her and he waited.

“Will and I talked and there’s one thing I haven’t done. I haven’t thanked you for helping us – all of us. You’ve given of yourself in ways that have made a real difference for Peggy, Will and me. Thank you Adam. Thank you for that.”

Joe was exiting the barn when he suddenly stopped. Claire wondered what was taking Adam so long to retrieve Jared’s clean clothes. She put Jared down to find Adam.

What both Joe and Claire found was Laura placing a kiss of thanks on Adam’s cheek followed by a hug.

Smiling Adam added, “No thanks were ever necessary.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and continued. “I’m just happy things are working out the way they should for all of you.”

“That wouldn’t have been possible without your help.”

Neither Joe nor Claire could hear what was said between the two. Joe saw Claire move slowly back into the house and the door close. His anger was moving up through his body as he watched Adam escort Laura back into the house.

* *

FORTY-TWO

Family time was drawing to an end as evening approached in small shadowy increments. The laughter and harmonious festivities of the afternoon had created a spirit of reconciliation for all – all with the exception of a Cartwright that was torn with emotions of what he’d seen.

Joe returned to the house but his thoughts of what he’d witnessed placed him somewhere else. He looked at Claire seeking upset he felt was certain to be a part of her. It was as if looking for a needle in a haystack. She was sharing her smiles and laughter with the others. He was unable to understand her behavior. The more he watched her the more his mind began to work. Claire was too much like his brother – able to hide the deepest hurts and concerns from others.

Hoss wandered over to Joe. “Hey brother. Ya still mad because we took your toy away?”

“Nah … it’s our older brother.”

“Adam? What about him?”

“Nothing,” Joe added as he tossed a hand in the air. “He can be real inconsiderate sometimes and just gets my gall.”

Hoss looked across the room to where Adam, Will and Ben were talking and seemingly having a good time.

“Inconsiderate? Now Joe, Adam does have some peculiarities about him but I ain’t known being inconsiderate to be one of ‘em. What’s set you off so?”

Pulling Hoss closer to him Joe said, “I just saw Laura kiss Adam and them hugging each other outside. What’s worse, I’m sure something’s been going on between Claire and Adam this week.”

“Joe you’re making something out of nothin’. Ain’t nothin’ between Adam and Laura.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you were me and saw what I saw. Besides, when I came out of the barn I saw Claire closing the door. She saw exactly what I saw. Adam has no right to behave this way and I’m going to let him know it.”

Hoss was surprised with Joes recounting of what he’d witnessed. “Now hold on Joe. Whatever goes on between Adam and Claire ain’t none of our business. One sure way to get a fat lip is to get into something that ain’t none of your business, especially with Adam.”

“Yeah that’s what pa said. But look at Adam … acting like nothing happened.”

Hoss turned and looked at his brother and then moved his eyes in another direction. “Joe, I think you better look at Claire. If’n she was hurt I’m sure she’d let Adam know. Their life is private and like I said, ain’t none of our business.”

“I don’t want our brother hurting her.”

“You don’t know he’s done anything of the sort. Now drop it … and drop it now!”

Joe started to move across the room toward Adam when Hoss placed a large hand on his chest.

“Hold on. Now we done had a great afternoon and it don’t need to be spoiled by you starting something with Adam … especially when you ain’t sure what you seen is what you think you seen.”

“Hoss, Adam has no business treating Claire the way he has.”

“What are you talkin’ about Joe? If there’s any two people more in love with each other I ain’t seen ‘em. Keep your nose out.” Pointing his finger into Joe’s chest he continued, “It ain’t none of our business and you ain’t gonna spoil this things.”

Joe placed his hands on his hips and sighed. His eyes were still filled with suspicion. “Claire deserves better.”

“You keep up the way you’re going and you’re gonna to be the one hurt. Adam ain’t gonna take you buttin’ into his life. He has his faults, but hurtin’ the woman he loves ain’t one of ‘em. Now I’m telling you like pa told you, mind you own business because you don’t know all the facts. Jumping to conclusions can cause more trouble than any of us need. Now use your head! Go enjoy the rest of the evening!”

* * * * * * * *

Laura and Will sat side by side as if they were the only two people in the room. Their comfort in the moment was something they’d not lived in this way for some time.

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m glad we came. I’m thinking we needed to be here to clear the air for all of us,” Laura added as she stroked Will’s hand. “I’m so sorry for all I’ve put you and Peggy through. I just hope you can forgive my faults and we can enjoy the rest of our lives like we’re enjoying this day.”

Will leaned over and quickly kissed Laura on the side of her head. “We’re going to be fine. It’s been hard,” Will added as he looked her directly in the eyes, “But we’ve grown a lot this week … all of us.” He finished with a smile.

Returning his smile, Laura turned her head toward Peggy. “Look at her,” she said. “She’s having a good time, and for the first time, I’m able to look at her and see that she’s really an extension of me and I owe her so much.”

“Umm, that she is. She’s also taught us quite a lot and we’re the better for it.” Will was quiet for a moment and then added, “You know, we’d better be on our best behavior, she just might lecture us again.” The parents laughed as they looked at a daughter who cast away the hurts and pains she’d harbored and was willing to weather the storm of a new life’s beginning. That beginning was being played out in the midst of her family and her home away from home – the Cartwrights and the Ponderosa.

Jared was beginning to get restless. He half crawled and half walked toward his sister who was sharing special moments with Uncle Hank. Peggy made her way over to Adam who handed her an apple. They sat and the two of them spoke as true friends with Adam subtly imparting his goodbye to her. Peggy understood what taking place and felt no sadness – at least not the extent it had been at one time. What she felt now was an affinity toward a person that she’d reconciled with and knew would always be a friend and important part of her life. She was pleased as was the man with the striking look and warm heart.

“You know Adam, I’m going to miss all of this but we’re going to keep in touch aren’t we?”

“You can count on that,” he said as he tweaked her nose. “There’s something I want you to remember. Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the simple things, the small things, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Neither Will nor Laura missed the interaction between Adam and Peggy.

“Adam’s a genuine person,” Laura added. “I think Claire’s a good match for him and he’s been a real help to Peggy.”

“I’d have to agree there’s something special about us Cartwright men,” laughed Will without any feeling of jealousy of the friendship between Adam and Peggy. He knew Peggy was his daughter; after all she’d made it known to him and told him how much she loved him. Yes, this was an evening to be remembered, not only by the Cartwrights but most especially by Laura.

Family made an impact on her and she was included. Instead of reaching out her hands to continue pushing those she cared about away from her, she’d learned to turn her hands palm up and receive the gifts and love those she cared about had tried to give her – and was now successful.

Both Adam and Peggy realized their conversation was a temporary way of saying goodbye and it too was received as if a gift. Their conversation was interrupted by Shelley who whispered into her father’s ear her need to relieve herself.

Claire thought she knew the look on Shelley’s face and as she started to get up, Adam just raised his hand to indicate she should stay in place. He took his daughter by the hand, and without being noticed, the two of them quietly left the house. Claire just smiled to herself.

* * * * * * * *

By most standards it was still early, but the afternoon had been long and fun filled. The signs of dusk were making their way across the sky ushering the guests to tend to matters at hand.

There was still some packing and attention to details that needed to be taken care of for the Will Cartwright’s departure. In addition, the hour had arrived for both Jared and Shelley to start getting ready for their evening rest. Jared was still active but as he sat on Roy’s lap and played with him, he couldn’t contain the yawns that were finding their way.

Roy hadn’t known Adam at this age but there could be no doubt this was his son. “Claire I thought I was one of Jared’s favorite play partners. Seems I’m boring him tonight.”

“Don’t take it personally Roy, he’s had a full day and he’s getting tired,” Claire offered.

“Well I don’t rightly think he has the corner on getting tired. I’m getting a might bit tired too.” Roy tried to hide it but he couldn’t contain his own yawn. Jared saw it and began to play again by opening his mouth. He waited and Roy got the hint. Roy opened his mouth again and Jared took the opportunity to stand on his lap and try to look inside.

Claire reached for Jared and apologized to Roy, “He’s always exploring.”

“Well I think you’ve got a dentist in the making the way he looked into my mouth. Glad I still have my own teeth!” The levity was still fresh.

Joe approached Claire and teased, “Where’s that brother of mine? He has a way of slipping off without anyone noticing.”

“Oh he and Shelley took a walk. They should be back soon. Don’t tell me you miss my husband.”

Joe wasn’t sure what to say next. The light in Claire’s eyes denied any anger or upset. These were not the emotions Joe felt.

“Everything alright Claire? I mean … ah … ah … well you seem a little tired and I was wondering if there is anything I can do for you or the children.”

Claire’s look changed slightly. “I do feel a little tired but that does come with the territory brother. Shelley and Jared can be a handful and Adam, well …..”

Claire started to show a slight tinge of red and decided she was entering into a territory that she needed to shy away from.

“You’re sure everything is alright?”

“Yes Joe. I’m quite sure. You’re worrying me. I think the better question may be are you alright?”

Joe smiled and assured her he was fine. Just as unobtrusively as Adam and Shelley left the house, Joe did the same. He milled around the porch and finally saw Adam and Shelley making their way back. This was his opportunity.

“Uncle Joe,” called Shelley. “Daddy says we’ll be leaving soon but I’m having a lot of fun. I want to stay.”

Joe stooped down to Shelley’s level. “I can understand wanting to stay, but sometimes we have to do the right thing even if it’s hard.”

“Do you do the right thing even if it’s hard?”

Adam smiled as his daughter posed the question to Joe and waited with his arms crossed for an answer.

Joe didn’t have the words to answer. He merely said, “How about you letting me think of a good answer? Now why don’t you go into the house while I talk to your papa for a minute?” He kissed her cheek.

With a quick look at Adam for his approval she turned and ran to the house.

Joe stood up and faced his older brother. “Adam, you and I have to talk.”

Adam heard to tone of Joe’s voice and said, “Sounds serious.”

“Believe me, Adam. It’s more than serious and we need to talk somewhere else other than in front of the house.”

Joe walked toward the corral. Adam looked at Joe and slowly followed him.

* *

FORTY-THREE

The words “more than serious” resonated in Adam’s mind. He knew from Joe’s demeanor something was bothering him and it wasn’t something he seemed calm about. Adam was used to Joe’s short temper and occasionally poor judgment.

As a child growing up Adam recalled Joe’s tantrums and impetuous actions that often called for discipline. As he matured discipline was not always levied in the same way. He and Adam often had disagreements at the expense of tempers raging and doors being slammed. Ben often intervened to settle differences as the patriarch of the family. Both Adam and Joe respected their father but they were who they were, and Ben could not deny the fact.

One fact that had always remained in tact, outside their differences, was their unspoken brotherly and familial respect for each other. This did not negate their differences. They’d grown into adulthood during different times and under different circumstances. They were now men and the early years supported who they were.

Adam returned to the present. Joe was waiting and he knew it. If there was anything Adam had little trouble understanding about Joe was his demeanor when anger was part of it.

“OK, what do we need to talk about?” Adam asked with hands placed on his hips and a look of curiosity on his face.

Joe squarely faced his brother. He let out a sigh, looked toward the house and then back at Adam with a scowl on his face. “About you Adam! About your holier than thou attitude and your arrogance!”

With a half chuckle that belied the upset beginning to rise within him Adam countered, “What’s this about Joe? It’s more than obvious that something’s bothering you so why don’t you just spit it out?”

“Look at you. Always in control aren’t you?” Joe started to pace as the twilight set in and the redness of the sunset flushed his face. “You have no idea what this is about do you? You have no idea what this week’s been like for Claire.”

Adam looked deeply at his brother and spoke in a controlled voice. He wasn’t going to discuss Claire nor have her name portrayed as something synonymous with anger. With a smile on his face he answered Joe. “I would think I’m the one who’d know what this week’s been like. So why don’t we just drop this and go back to joining the others?” Adam turned his back to head toward the house and ward off any confrontation.

Joe grabbed Adam’s shoulder and knew it was a mistake he wasn’t going to be able to recover from.

“It’s obvious something’s eating at you and has to do with Claire.” Adam brushed Joe’s hand from his shoulder. “I’m not going to stand here and argue with you. Now if you’ve got something to say – say it plain out.”

“I saw you and Laura a little while ago when I was coming out of the barn. The two of you seemed more than a little friendly.”

Adam laughed and placed his hand on his forehead and then back to his hips. “And so?”

Joe couldn’t believe the calmness Adam used in asking his question. “What’s wrong with you Adam? Claire saw you too!”

Adam crossed his arms as he often did and stared at his brother. “I’m only going to say this once Joe; what goes on between me and Claire is our business, not yours, not pa’s, not Hoss’s … ours … unless there’s something we want to share.”

“Adam, I care about Claire, we all do,” Joe said as he waved his hand in the air. “Since the meeting with Will and Laura there’s been nothing but hurt and humiliation hurled her way. You could have taken care of that or didn’t you notice. Maybe you were too busy trying to put together Laura’s life instead of taking care of your own.”

Adam could have beaten Joe to within an inch of his life but remained silent and stared at his brother. In the midst of his upset he realized what he already knew … how much Joe and the family loved his wife. He loved her too, and if Joe couldn’t recognize that fact, he wasn’t about to explain it to him.

“Joe you’re looking for a fight over something you don’t understand. You’re my brother and I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of answering you.”

As Adam turned and started to walk away Joe couldn’t contain himself. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say? Adam I thought I knew you. I want to think I still do. You’ve always been a man of honor. What happened?”

Adam stopped and faced Joe. “I’m no different than I’ve ever been. You should know that. Claire and I love each other unconditionally.” He paused for a moment and then quietly and calmly said, “Close your eyes and imagine me. Understand me.”

Joe stood speechless as he watched his brother stroll slowly away from him.

Adam would address his brother at another time, but for now he thought when dealing with people, particularly Joe, I need to remember I’m not always dealing with a person of logic. I’m dealing with an emotional brother … one with his own prejudices and motivated by his own personal pride and vanity.

* *
FORTY-FOUR

Those gathered were finishing the last remnants of dessert. Laura and Peggy were laughing heartily to a story Hoss was telling as Adam came through the door. The rest of the family and guests were winding down. It wouldn’t be long before each departed for their separate abodes.

Adam looked around but didn’t see Claire. He walked over to Maggie and asked, “Where’s Claire?”

Maggie was astute and with a half gleam in her eye told Adam Claire had gone into the kitchen. She knew Adam had something on his mind.

Adam stopped at the door and watched as Claire dutifully placed items together as she prepared for their departure home … a place of love, harmony, laughter, serenity, a haven when necessary and a place of privacy … their life.

Adam watched the careful and deliberate moves of the woman who looked the same as the day he married her. The difference now was he knew more about her and her of him. He took several strides toward her and without saying a word, turned her to him and kissed her passionately.

* * * * * * *

Joe had joined the gathering and watched as Adam and Claire entered from the kitchen with arms around each other. He swallowed hard and felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Hoss. “You just missed the last of the dessert.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ve had my fill. I guess I’ll be eating crow.”

Hoss followed Joe’s eyes and saw they were focused on Adam. “Dad blame it! You went and did it didn’t ya?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know dang well what I’m talkin’ about. You spoke to Adam didn’tcha?”

“Let’s just say I tried.”

“Little brother you ain’t never gonna learn. One mess gits cleared up and you start another one.”

“Forget it Hoss. Just forget it.” Joe remembered Adam’s words … close your eyes and imagine me … remember me. He knew he’d made a mistake without anyone telling him. He’d now have to accept the consequences.

A tapping on a glass gained everyone’s attention. It was Will who stood with an arm around Peggy and was reaching out to Laura. She joined him and he started to speak. “I’m not good at this but if you bear with me for a minute I have something to say.”

Jared, who was sitting on the floor near Ben, clapped his hands and then half crawled and half walked to his Uncle Joe. Shelley plopped into Adam’s lap and placed her head against his chest. She was tired.

Ben smiled and turned to his nephew.

“Well I guess I have an audience,” smiled Will. His mood turned to a serious one … a sincere one. “This has been a very special time for me, Peggy and Laura. A lot’s taken place but I know what we found ourselves in had a purpose. That purpose has, I think, brought us closer together and allowed us to be more of a complete family.”

Will continued to speak while his eyes touched each person in the great room. As he continued his eyes stopped, focusing on Adam. “Family, I used to think of some years ago as just a word. But family is more than that when they can understand, provide encouragement and become your friend when you think it’s impossible.”

The quietness in the room was noticeable. “We’re leaving tomorrow and I couldn’t think of a better way for us to go on to Denver than having had this time with all of you.”

“Ah shucks,” muttered Hoss. “You ain’t gotta leave for us to get together like this. But I do agree it has been a week full of surprises – and some good ones at that.”

Laughter couldn’t be contained. Ben slapped his knee. Will knew what Hoss meant but hadn’t said. Claire looked at Adam who was deep in thought as he held their daughter and stroked her hair.

“I can’t let Will embarrass himself alone,” added Laura. “I’m sorry to leave also. I know we all had to make some adjustments but the way everything has turned out couldn’t be better.” The smile on her face as she looked at Peggy and Will spoke loudly.

“I came back here a little shyer than I had hoped but I’m leaving a lot wiser than I could imagine.” This time her eyes were on Claire. “Being a part of this family is something that surpasses boundaries – and one thing I know for certain, there’s a lot of love here. Love of the kind that won’t let you get away with anything but helps you find out who you really are.”

“Let’s not get so maudlin,” Ben stood up and added. “It’s not like you’re leaving and we’ll never see each other again. You’re going to have a great time in Denver with Will’s business growing, and after all, San Francisco isn’t that far away. Maybe on your way back from Denver you can stop again for a visit before heading home to San Francisco.”

“Thanks Ben. We’ll think about,” added Will.

“Daddy can we stop on the way back? Please!” asked Peggy.

“Peggy dear, we’ll have to talk about that,” Laura said quietly. “But right now I think we just need to thank all of you for being open and warm to us and for truly making a difference … a difference for all of us.”

From behind the settee another voice was heard. “I think it’s a great idea if you could stop on your way back. After all, you do have to pass through Nevada to get home to San Francisco and we’d sure like to have you.” It was Joe.

The statement he made was a simple one as he tousled the dark curls on Jared’s head. Slowly Joe placed his hand on Adam’s shoulder. The energy Joe was sharing wasn’t self-indulgent but rather his digesting the crow he’d have to eat. Adam didn’t look at his brother, but slowly touched his hand. In his minds eye Adam could see Joe and imagine him.

Conclusion

FORTY-FIVE

The afternoon gathering drew to an end. Early evening had arrived and brought with it the reminders of things past and things yet to be done.

Roy rode away with Maggie and Hank. A short distance down the road they would go their separate ways.

“Always enjoy a good meal and spending time at the Ponderosa,” chided Roy. “Besides, where else can I get some of that secret punch and share tall tales with you Hank?”

“Well I hope I told enough of ‘em today to hold you until we get together again,” laughed Hank as Maggie suggested he concentrate on the road.

“You sure did. I’ll be laughing to myself for a month of Sundays – especially the one about the man that lost his memory.”

Maggie smiled to herself because it was a very funny story. They neared the turnoff that would separate the three of them.

“Travel safely Roy,” Maggie said as she waved to Roy.

For a short distance Hank and Maggie rode quietly – each in their own worlds surrounded by sky, tall pines, and the low hazy glow of a sun ready to set. Maggie put her arm around Hank’s as he managed the reins of their steed that was leisurely taking them home.

“Whatcha thinking?” quizzed Hank with a cheery look on his face.

“Just how much an old geezer like you means to me after all these years.” Maggie adjusted her shawl and continued as she eyed the land where they began their life together. “Our years have been our years. When I look at Claire and Adam – just like this here view in front of us – I can only hope their years will stretch out like ours have.”

Hank knew his wife was a special woman. The years showed but she wore them well. Her hair was now mixed with swirls of silver and the lines that caressed her face were from the smiles and joy that was always a part of her. She was wise and knowing.

Hank patted Maggie’s hand and nodded in agreement. “Yep. We got a lot to be thankful for. Just hope Will and his family can find it as well.”

They continued to ride quietly home. Maggie knew the man she was married to. His strength had been built on adversity but one wouldn’t know it. He lived with a zest and joy for life. His almost white hair had now thinned somewhat and complimented his bronze although somewhat leathery sun baked skin. Maggie understood his comment regarding Will. Although he hadn’t said it, she also knew the joy he wrapped himself in with Claire, Adam and their family … another beginning.

* * * * *

Those yet remaining at the Ponderosa were saying their goodnights with the exception of Adam, Claire and the children who were saying their goodbye.

Will placed his arm on Claire’s shoulder. For the first time she saw a resemblance between he and Adam. She smiled and they hugged. “We’re going to miss all of you around here. I do hope you stop on your way back.”

Joe noticed the embrace between the two and realized it was a friendly exhibit of caring.

Will’s bright smile was the prelude to his words. “I’m planning on it. We have to know each other better. Besides, I have to know if that hard headed cousin of mine is taking good care of you.”

Will looked toward the door were Ben and Hoss were readying Jared and Shelley for their ride home. He saw the happiness that came in small packages and realized it was not what a man held in his hands that gave the greatest pleasure, but rather the simple and humble gifts that came with giving and receiving from each other. Yes, for him this week was an awakening.

Claire turned and was met by Laura. Quietly Laura took hold of her hand. “I’m sorry this day has come to an end. I really had such a great time. You may find this rather strange to hear, but I’m going to miss you.”

Claire embraced Laura, which once again Joe noticed, and said caringly, “I don’t find it strange at all. You’re always welcome in our home. I’ll miss you as well and hope that your trip tomorrow will be a safe one.”

“Thank you Claire. You’re a fine person and I can see how important you are to Adam and this family.”

Arm in arm the two women walked toward the door. “You’ve taught me some things this week about myself Laura. That’s going to be my memory.”

Adam joined the two of them and placed his arm around Claire. “Sharing secrets?” he asked.

“It wouldn’t be a secret if we told you what we were talking about now would it?” Claire teased as she remembered their unspoken moment in the kitchen. Adam could read her well and realized she was saying more than the words she’d spoken.

Hop Sing rushed out of the house with a small package for the children. He always had something sweet for them to take home.

Adam assisted his family into the carriage and turned to his cousin and Laura. With a simple look he exchanged a firm handshake with Will. There was a hint of déjà vu in this moment but now Adam was standing tall. The remembrance of the physical and emotional pain had passed. “You take care cousin,” he spoke in his deep voice.

“You don’t have to worry about that. We’re fine and we’re going to continue to be fine,” Will said as he held Laura with his free arm. “Thanks. Thanks for everything.”

“Yes Adam, you’ve been wonderful and understanding.”

Adam believed their words to be true. Finally he said his goodnight to is pa, Hoss and Joe. When he reached Joe he placed his hand around the back of his neck and pulled him aside as the others talked.

Joe’s eyes were big as saucers. He swallowed hard and didn’t want to look his older brother in the eyes.

“Joe, do me a favor.”

Joe was a little surprised at Adam’s remark.

“Adam … I …. I … ummm, well I made a big mistake.” His eyes found the soft Ponderosa soil that surrounded his feet. Sorrowfully he raised his head to look at his brother.

“I’m glad you realize that. I’m also glad to know the extent you care for my wife and her well being.”

“Well Adam ….. I …”

“But hear this little brother. If you want to reach your next birthday or any others without being maimed, I’d suggest you not pull anything like you did today with me ever again.” The tone Adam used could not be mistaken. Adam knew his brother meant what he said.

“You can be sure that won’t happen. I should have known better.”

“That’s what I thought … but common sense doesn’t seem to be common sometimes where you’re concerned. You’re lucky to still be standing.”

Joe swallowed hard once again. He’d learned a lesson about life and had gotten a reminder of the person he’d forgotten his brother to be.

Adam sighed and his countenance softened. “Let’s join the others,” he said as he placed his arm around Joe’s shoulder as if nothing had happened. Joe breathed a sigh of relief and was thankful. He knew his brother.

* * * * * * * *

Adam urged the horse to begin his trek homeward. Shelley was weaving as sleep stroked her. Jared sat comfortably in Claire’s lap looking ahead as if he was the navigator for his father.

From the corner of his eye, Adam looked at her. She seemed comfortable and complete holding their son. Internally he was pleased the week was over and with what appeared to be a harmonious building of three lives. His mind turned to part of his conversation he’d had just a short time earlier with Peggy. It was important they have a private talk and enforce their friendship and family connection.

“Adam I’m going to miss you and your family. I think they’re grand.”

“Ummm … well that’s because they are. Just like your mother and father.”

Peggy looked at him and knew the look in his eye. “You know I wasn’t very nice this week but I couldn’t help it. I had to get away from so much I didn’t understand.”

“I know – but what’s important is you now know who you are and that what you feel is important. You’ve also been able to finally let go of what you held inside yourself.”

Peggy’s cheeks began to turn a shade of crimson. “I acted poorly and hurt mommy and daddy.”

“Yes you did, but did you learn anything from it?”

Peggy paused before speaking. “I did – and Hoss was a part of it. He’s big but he’s really soft hearted. He helped me see things differently and speak my mind.”

“I would imagine you spoke your mind quite well,” Adam said with a grin.

“Yes I did,” she smiled back. “But we’re different now … all of us. I think mommy and I are closer and can help each other. Daddy has set some rules for all of us and now it’s almost as if none of this happened. I just know things will be different now … and you helped a lot too. You’ve always been there for mommy and me.”

“That’s because we’re friends who care! But remember, you have friends in your mother and father simply because they care about you.”

Peggy had hugged Adam and looked at him in earnest. There would always be a specialness between them but not one that could separate the specialness between him and his children. He felt her departure would be one with a predetermined future. He was pleased.

His thoughts returned to the present. They’d arrived home. The children were settled and in bed when Adam placed his arm around Claire and they walked down the stairs. Instead of letting her sit in a chair in front of the fireplace, he said nothing and gently pulled her into his lap. He held her softly and neither spoke for quite a while. The silence was soothing and their closeness to each other was what they needed. They were able to release tensions into the quietness of this space and time.

Adam spoke first. “My love for you is unconditional. I made a poor judgment with our personal life. I know that now.”

Claire nuzzled closer and felt a weight being lifted as her head lie on his shoulder. “I agree,” she said very quietly. “I know I love you. I was … was … doubting your ability to share any longer, started judging and was fearing the unknown.

His arms tightened around her, he closed his eyes clearly saw what he’d done to her this week. Déjà vu was all around. Adam and Claire had rediscovered what Claire thought might have been lost – their ability to share quiet time and their innermost thoughts and feelings.

Adam kissed Claire’s head as her fingers found their way through the dark hair that caressed his neck.

Like he’d done so many times before, Adam spoke quietly into her ear. “I never want you to change. I want for you what you want for yourself. I know love can make us feel vulnerable but that’s okay. Never again try to hide your feelings or try to change them because you think that’s what I want or need … never question what you feel.”

Adam lifted her chin so they faced each other and placed a gentle kiss on her lips as if a nervous schoolchild.

Claire felt content and loved. “I want to share everything with you. Someone once told me love is free. I can’t remember who … perhaps my mother when I was a little child. If a person’s quest is to own, control, hold onto, protect, or take care of someone, they cannot be free and you are not in love. Love is never wrong, seldom right. It just is.”

Claire sat up and Adam smiled. He features were accentuated by the glow in his eyes. Both touched each other’s face gently. “Mrs. Cartwright, you’ve become quite a philosopher.”

“And you Mr. Cartwright have become quite a husband, father and friend.”

Their kiss was healing and they remained wrapped in each others arms, not speaking, but drinking in the tenderness of their love as night set in and stars dotted the sky as if only for them.

* * * * * * * *

Will, Laura and Peggy had remained in the great room talking with Ben, Hoss and Joe – but the time had come … time for them to finish preparing for their morning departure and get a good night’s rest.

Ben relaxed in his leather chair and looked into the fireplace. He bid goodnight to both Joe and Hoss.

“Ain’t you comin’ to bed pa?”

“I’ll be up shortly Hoss. Just want to sit here for a bit.”

Joe and Hoss disappeared while Ben lingered in the great room. He laid his head back against the soft leather and stretched his legs out in front of him. He was a content and happy man although he was feeling tired. As he often did, he remembered conversations at this hour of the night with his sons. He remembered all the differences between them … differences which provided the strength of the Cartwrights. His inner spirit started to spiral into his own personal thoughts.

“How long are you going to stay mad? That was a question asked over a thousand times by his family. Most people believe that when you forgive someone, you’re doing something for them. The truth is, when you forgive, you are doing it for yourself. We have to give up what we don’t want in order to make room for what we do want.

We have to give up pain, anger, resentment, and fear in order to experience goodness, joy, peace and love. Offering another the forgiveness they need strengthens our nature. It is this nature and our consciousness of this nature that reaps us the benefits of life. When we withhold forgiveness or love from anyone, for any reason, it diminishes our awareness of the abundance of the good in life. We’re stuck – the good we withhold from others is then withheld from us.

There isn’t a person who doesn’t make mistakes. Mistakes are a way of life. We mistake what we see for the truth. Sometimes we don’t realize there is more to life than we can see and that the truth is not always visible to the naked eye. We sometimes mistake what we know for all there is. When we don’t know the whole story, almost any conclusion we draw will be a mistaken conclusion.

We mistake our experiences, particularly bad experiences, to be indications of who we are and what we deserve. Even when we know we deserve better, we mistake our experiences as obstacles that can keep us from experiencing more. It’s our beliefs, mistaken and otherwise, that ultimately determine what we will do or be in life, not another person.

No matter what is taking place in our lives there is someone, somewhere we need to forgive. I know it starts with me … the ability to forgive any person that can alter the truth about who I am. I know this for a fact, and have tried to teach it to my heirs … once we’ve done that, it will be easy to forgive anyone for anything, particularly if you are holding them hostage for making human errors.

Ben opened his eyes and looked around the room. Tomorrow would be a new day for all the Cartwrights. He placed his random thoughts away and secured the house and turned down the lamps.

Slowly walking across the great room and beginning to climb the stairs he stopped and turned. He looked across the space he just left and smiled. It was a family space. Taking in a deep breath he half grinned and started to finish the climb toward rest. He thought to himself, “It’s been some week … quite a meeting.”

~ ~The End ~ ~