Summary: There are a few simple rules for growing up Cartwright: 1. Never underestimate your father. 2. Don’t forget the first rule.
Rating: K
Word Count: 1195
“Pa, Little Joe says he’s dyin’.”
Ben looked up from his newspaper, raising an eyebrow. “Is it really that serious?”
Hoss shrugged. “I dunno, hard to say. But he’s askin’ for you again.”
Ben stood up, yawned, and stretched before ambling toward the stairs. “Hold on son, I’m coming!” He called, ascending slowly with heavy steps and a sigh.
Little Joe was propped up among the pillows of his four-poster bed, his favorite Indian blanket tucked up around his chin so that only his cherubic face under a mass of unruly yet adorable curls was visible.
“How are you feeling, son?”
He looked plaintively at his Pa and spoke through trembling lips.
“Not too good, Pa. I feel as weak as a kitten.”
“It’s that bad, is it?” Ben placed a practiced hand on his son’s forehead, which was just as cool as the last time he checked.
“All I seem to be able to do is lie here and watch my life flash before my eyes.”
Ben sent him a tender fatherly gaze with all the sympathy he could muster in the moment. In other words, not so much.
“Now, now, let’s not get carried away. Did you take the special remedy Hop Sing prepared for you?”
A glance at the bedside table proved clearly that he did not.
“Yech. Heck no. I mean, no sir. Pa, I’ve tried, but it’s no use; my stomach just won’t take it. I’m sorry.”
“I see. Well, I guess there is nothing more we can do. Unless you think a spoonful of sugar might help it go down.”
“Or maybe some of that fine Irish whiskey Nellie Lynch sent over from the old country?”
“I’ve told you, that’s for special occasions,” Ben reminded him. “Maybe a little brandy would do?”
“Maybe. Pa, I’m so hot. I feel like I’m burning up.” Little Joe whimpered.
“I’m a little warm myself. I think I should open the window. And let’s get that blanket off of you… that’s better, isn’t it?”
“I guess so. Pa, we’ve had some good times, haven’t we? Remember?”
“Yes, it’s been quite a ride.” Ben sat down on the edge of the bed, thinking of Little Joe as a colicky baby, a precocious toddler, a rambunctious and clever boy, and finally, a stubborn, rebellious yet totally lovable young man who always found a way to be the center of attention.
“Have I ever disappointed you, Pa? If I have, I hope you’ll forgive me. I wouldn’t want that on my conscience.”
“Little Joe, I can’t say that you’ve ever really disappointed me, at least not until now. I am disappointed that you’ve given up so completely and won’t even try anymore. That’s not the Cartwright way, and certainly not how I raised my sons.”
A tiny tear trickled from one of Little Joe’s hazel-green eyes that he inherited from his beloved New Orleans mama, now his guardian angel forever.
“I’m sorry I let you down, Pa.”
“So am I, son.” Ben reached into the drawer of the side table and pulled out a pair of scissors.
Little Joe stopped sniffling, bewildered at first. “What are you doing?” Then his eyes widened as realization set in. “Pa, wait, don’t!”
“Hold still, Little Joe. Not that it will make any difference to you, but I don’t want to send you off looking like a riverboat gambler. I’m sure your mother would not approve.”
“All right, all right!” he squeaked. “I’ll take the remedy!”
“Fine,” said Ben. “Here, let me help you.”
“No! I’ll do it myself.” Little Joe picked up the cup and held it under his nose, contorting his face into a mask of disgust.
“Go on.”
“I’m trying!”
“Try harder.” Ben snipped the scissors in the air for emphasis.
Little Joe gulped, took a swallow, and grimaced.
“All of it. There, now that’s a good boy,” said Ben, helping him tip the cup to drain the last few drops. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Little Joe’s response was a gag and a shudder.
Ben set the cup back on the table. “You just rest easy for a bit. I’ll send Hoss up with some of that peach ice cream you like so much.” He smiled, giving his son’s shoulder a reassuring pat. “I’m sure you’ll be fit as a fiddle in no time.”
Alone, Little Joe leaned back against the pillows with a moan and closed his eyes.
“Bravo.” Adam applauded from the doorway. “That was quite an impressive performance, but unfortunately, not good enough to get you out of haying season this time. Nice try, though.”
Little Joe frowned. “Har dee har har. And where are you going all dressed up, if I may ask?”
“You may. I’m off to San Francisco. I took your turn last year, remember? So have fun, because I intend to. Oh, here’s a little something for you. Just in case.” Adam set a chamber pot on the floor next to the bed. “See you in a couple of weeks.”
Ben and Hoss looked up as Adam came downstairs, whistling.
“Think you’ve got everything you need?” asked Ben.
“Locked and loaded.”
“Well, have a good time, son. All work and no play, you know what they say.”
“Don’t worry, Pa. I’ll get those contracts signed and still have plenty of time to see a certain young lady I met on our last trip.” He grinned, winking at Hoss. “You know the one.”
Hoss appeared at sea, his brow furrowed as he tried to recall. “You mean that skinny gal?”
Adam smirked. “True, she’s as thin as a rail fence on the outside, but she’s like whiskey in a teacup in the ways that really matter.”
“Huh?”
Ben nodded approvingly. “He means you can’t judge a book by its cover.”
There was a thud overhead, followed by a scrambling Little Joe making a mad dash down the stairs and out the door.
“That sure was quick,” said Hoss.
“I had Hop Sing make up a double dose this time,” said Ben, looking wise.
“Oh, how I hate to break up a party, but I do have a stage to catch.” Adam gave a mock salute in farewell.
“You want some ice cream, Pa?” asked Hoss.
“No, you can save mine for Little Joe. Though it may be a while before he’s ready for it.”
“Reckon he’s learned his lesson?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s one he won’t forget.”
“Well, like I’ve heard you say. ‘All’s well that ends well,’ ain’t that right?”
“Yes, but I have a feeling your little brother is going to be mighty disappointed when he finds out.”
“Finds out what?”
“He’s still getting a haircut.”
***The End***
Author’s Note: Written for the 2025 Ponderosa Paddlewheel Poker Tournament. The game was 7-Card Stud and we had to use at least five of the seven cards dealt, each of which represented a word or phrase. My words/phrases were:
Yech!
Bravo
at sea
She’s as thin as a rail fence.
She’s like whiskey in a teacup.
For a complete, up to date listing of my stories, check out JC’s Author Page
I don’t have much use for “joe and pa” stories normally, but this one was pretty good. Thanks for throwing in Hoss and Adam at the end, JC; that made it all the better. What was Joe supposed to have been suffering from this time, anyway? Generic Victorian-era Brain Fever, or overeating, or what?
In case you didn’t catch it, this story is very tongue in cheek, and the only thing Joe is suffering from is overplaying his hand with Pa. The remedy is harmless though not without effect, in more ways than one. Thanks for reading, sandspur. 🙂
I loved this story! You had such great humor in it. The scissors part was hysterical! And the chamber pot too! Wonderful story!
Wrangler, just to clarify — “scissors” and “chamber pot” were not part of my poker hand but they somehow managed to find a way into the story. (Potty humor never seems to get old, LOL) I love making people laugh, and your review speaks to my heart. Thank you!
This story had me laughing out loud! Could just picture the petulant face and trembling lips and hear the snip, snip that brought Joe up short. Thanks for this fun entry.
Whew, that’s great to hear! I was afraid it would fall flat. Thanks so much for the compliment, Cheaux. 🙂
I’m sure that haying (awful as it must have been) would be less tortuous than snipped hair! Nice little bit of acting from the scalliwag!
He should know better than to try to outsmart Pa! Thanks for taking time to read and comment, Marion. 🙂
Har dee har har! Joe never stops trying.
He’s gonna have to try a little harder, I think, LOL. Thanks so much for reading, jojay! It’s good to have you back. 🙂
“His life flashing before his eyes.” that had me laughing.Good one.
I’m glad I could make you laugh, Elayne! That’s always a good thing, right? Thank you for reading. 🙂
Poor Little Joe because it’s three against one this time. His scheming doesn’t stand a chance, but that doesn’t ever mean he doesn’t try, now does it?
Poor Little Joe will catch on one of these days. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Betty. 🙂
Little Joe should know better than to try and pull the wool over Pa’s eyes, but it is fun to watch him try. This little story was enjoyable to read and used your poker hand to good effect. Bravo! DJK
A little comeuppance never hurt anyone, right? Glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks for reading, DJK. 🙂
This was so much fun! Little Joe still has some learning to do if he’s going to pull the wool over his family’s eyes. This would be a great scene in an episode! And great use of the words you were given.
Fun for you, not so much for Little Joe! Thanks for the kind words, Robin. 🙂
haha! The things Joe will do to get out of things! Ben is not easily fooled though!
Joe will never get up early enough to beat Pa. He should know better, right? Thanks for taking time to read and comment, Rachel! 🙂
Little Joe, drama queen. 😂
Pa’s genius move for the scissors (only because he wants Joe to look good in a coffin 😂) was just the motivation Joe needed to take the cure. Thank you for contributing a story!
Yes, Pa’s got plenty of tricks up his sleeve, and if all else fails, scissors in the drawer, Thanks for reading, Patina. 🙂
Hahaha the scissors! Well written and fun to read. Thanks for this!
Ha, you can bet Joe’s not laughing. 🙂 Thanks for the encouraging words, Lillian.
This was such cute Little Joe story. What a little actor. Didn’t Joe learn you can’t get nothing past Pa. He is quite the little cracker jack.. Loved how Pa and And Adam handled the sitiuation.. Thanks for a fun story.
Hope, you are such a faithful reader. I’m glad the story was fun for you! 🙂
Snort! Try to get somethin’ past ol’ Pa… ain’t gonna happen! Loved it, so much fun!
Thanks so much, Pat. I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
I take it Little Joe is playing sick to get out of haying season? Yeah, that’s never gonna work. Interesting interplay among the Cartwrights.
Yeah, interesting; I think I know what you mean. Thank you for commenting, Puchi. 🙂
What a delightful little piece with the Cartwrights! Spot on for each of them, especially in how well they understand each other!
Thanks for the compliment, Tavia. I was hoping people would see it that way. 🙂
Oh lord, that Little Joe never learns! I’m not sure we’d really want him to though. Score one for Pa (which brings his tally to, oh, a round million, surely?). Thanks for writing and sharing this little gem!
Pa has been around the block a few times, hasn’t he? Thanks for reading, CareBear. 🙂
Cute and Funny! Young Joseph can’t outwit Ben who’s already raised two other boys. Great story!
Thank you, SF. Ben does know a thing or two about that. 🙂
Very cute and sweet story, like Joe himself is. I love the reference to his adorable curls. At least Adam has his itinerary all worked out. Ladies, contracts, ladies.
Thank you for reading, Denise. Yes, that’s our Joe. 🙂