Summary: Ben reflects. Written for the July 2017 Pinecone Challenge, and expanded (very slightly) for inclusion here. Prompt/lyrics: Old man, look at my life, I’m a lot like you were. (Neil Young)
Rating: K Word Count: 530
Scenes From Our Next Life Series:
Like You Were
Younger
A Good Life
Time and Change
Home
Warm Milk and Memories
Like You Were
Joseph married again this morning.
To say I was surprised when he told me last week … I’m not sure that even begins to describe my reaction to his news. I listened as he laid out their intentions, he and his Catalina—partners, helpmates, friends—and wondered how it could be enough for him. Had pain and loss truly so dimmed his passion? Despite my best efforts, he saw the doubt in my eyes, heard it in my voice. It hurt him, that my response was not what he’d hoped.
I thank the good Lord that this youngest son of mine is past holding grudges over unintentional offenses, and that he would have forgiven his old man even without the ham-fisted apology I offered the next morning over breakfast. Joe not only forgave, but smiled and embraced, and I saw that his heart really was lighter than it had been in many months.
Since Hoss. Since Alice.
My son is no fool. He has thought this whole thing through, and he is content with the path he has chosen. Without realizing it, though, he has set himself up for so much more. Watching them together now, hearing their laughter, I believe that soon they will leave behind contentment for happiness. Joy, even. It’s there to be found, in the ashes. It came to me not once but many times.
Old man.
I am. I have lived long and full. These last years are not what I had planned—not when I married Elizabeth, or Inger, or Marie, or when I built my Ponderosa alongside three fine sons—but they have a beauty of their own. It reflects in the burnish of April’s coat, as Jamie—the son of my heart, if not my body—brushes her until she shines. It carries in the sound of clicking checkers, not Joe and Hoss now but Candy and Griff. I smell it in Hop Sing’s wedding meal, which our faithful friend spurned aching joints and slowing steps to provide for his beloved boy. I feel it in the wind-blown dust that settles on me as I sit on my front porch — this beloved land claiming me as thoroughly as I claim it.
Yet … I see now that I have been looking upon it all with a kind of bittersweet stagnation. I wonder how that happened. It has never been my way. It should not surprise me, though, that Joe is moving forward, making some attempt to shake off the twilight that has settled here. I could wish that my son did not know the pains I endured in my own youth—but he does, and he is my son, and he is only following my example. Old man, look at my life, I’m a lot like you were.
Old man. Yes, I am … but maybe not so old as I have been thinking.
They see me sitting alone here, and they’re waving at me to join them. Here comes Joe to drag me along, just in case. My son and my new daughter don’t intend to take no for an answer — and I don’t intend to keep them waiting.
Next Story in the Scenes From Our Next Life Series:
Tags: Ben Cartwright, Family, Joe / Little Joe Cartwright
I loved a very contemplative Ben. Very nice story and I was able to read it after From Ashes.
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed. 🙂
The expected melancholy is well balanced in this vignette by the internal fortitude that Ben always had and the hope he sees in his youngest son. A lot went wrong with Ben’s dream, but he’s hanging on to what’s left and making the most of it. Despite all the tragedies mentioned, it ends up being an uplifting piece. Well done!
Thank you! The last season seems very subdued to me … more an existence than a life. I don’t know if this is my own thoughts reading into it or if the writing itself reflected something of the sort after Dan B died. Still, I can see Joe making the decision that he needs to move forward with his (their) life, trusting that good things will come of it. I suspect after losing Alice, he still yearns for that type of day-to-day companionship — it seems very in character for Joe (at least, to me). And he would of course choose someone who will fit in well with his family, as family is so important to him.
Thanks so much for reading, and for your lovely comments! I’m glad you enjoyed.
This was a lovely little piece, beautifully written. I found the section in which Ben reflects on his own losses especially touching. I am a bit lost to understand Joe’s apparently odd relationship with Catalina. Perhaps she appears in another of your stories that would explain their plan to be more friends than lovers?
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Joe’s story w Lina isn’t on (virtual) paper yet … I hope to begin writing on it around the first of the year (God willing and the creeks don’t rise). Definitely not before BoNaNo, at least. I have done a lot of the background research though (nothing as exhaustive as yours 😛 — though it doesn’t need anything quite that exhaustive), and have drawn up an initial timeline (my initial thought is to splice it into the latter half of the last season).
My thoughts behind their story came from watching the final season and thinking how melancholy was the feel of it. Hoss was gone, and Alice had died. Joe’s character (and the show in general) seemed to just somehow reflect those things — I don’t know that the writers necessarily planned it that way, but I found it so. I got to thinking what Joe might have done at that point. They all seemed to be existing more than thriving. Ben and Hop Sing are both getting older. I imagine Joe yearned for even a taste of the companionship that he knew while married, and probably for children (given how very excited he was about the upcoming baby in Forever). I also think he probably felt a desire for his pa to have have grandchildren (I think of this when watching the scene with Ben and the baby in Ambush at Rio Lobo, and how utterly joyful Ben seemed holding the little one). Perhaps Joe didn’t feel capable of ‘falling in love’ at the time … but knew a woman with whom he felt he could share himself and his family/build a life/raise a family. It wasn’t so odd at that time, I think — a lot of marriages probably started out with less. Of course, Joe being Joe, it will develop into more, because I don’t believe him capable of offering himself to a woman without eventually giving her his whole heart … and Lina for her part will bring a newness and lightness to not only him, but his family as well. (Of course, she’s got a whole story of her own to contend with — but I do so much want this to be a family piece, not just about her or her and Joe.)
Anyhoo … probably more than you were after, but in my head it’s great. 😛 Hopefully even a hint of what it could be will translate itself into the actual writing …
Thanks again for your comments!
Lovely piece of writing! You have a definite way with words, psw. Thanks for providing this window into Ben’s heart.
Thank you! 🙂 I’m so glad you liked it … it was a fun piece to write, just kind of flowed for me. Thx for your comments!
It’s good to see Ben and Joe both moving forward in this sweet look. It would have made a good final episode.
Thank you so much — that’s an amazing compliment. 🙂 I too wish we could have had something a little more positive and a little more final there at the end…
Thanks so much for letting me know you enjoyed it!
Lovely! ?????
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it, thx for letting me know! 🙂
I’m so glad somebody gave them a happy ride into the sunset, since the writers never did. This was lovely and a great intro to the Pinecone Challenge. I hope we see many more from you.
Thank you! Yes, I too thought they needed something happy-ish at this point in the game, since much of the last season is just so sad (IMO). Not just Hoss and Alice, but even Joe’s horse too! (I was genuinely surprised Jamie’s dog made it through that episode… ?)
Glad you liked, I had fun w it!
I love what you wrote about their love going from contentment to happiness to joy. It would make sense after losing Alice. I think you caught it perfectly.
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it — this scenario really kind of made sense to me too …
Thanks so much for your comments!
Oh my, but this is an excellent POV for Ben! Love it, just love it!! You really nailed how Ben would’ve reacted. (and kinda hits me in the heart at the right time. Thanks so much for sharing this piece. Funny how an author can affect readers in so many different ways. Perfect timing. Thanks!) 🙂
Thank you! ? I’m so happy you liked it. And you’re right … it is funny how that kind of thing works sometimes. One of the many reasons I’m grateful for forums like these where we can share our stories and love of writing …
Thanks so much for your comments!
Bitter sweet for everyone, but it reveals an offering of comfort and hope for a brighter future!
The last season of this show gives me a sort of late autumn, bittersweet feeling. Maybe it’s because of Adam, and Hoss, and Alice (and then that darn horse had to die too — I ask, was that really necessary?). A lot of it, though, is centered around Ben and how all he has built really seems to be at a bit of a standstill, there at the end. He delivers a baby in one of the last eps, and just looking at him with that little one is cute and sad at once. Three children, and no grandchildren. So I thought, you know, I’m sure something uplifting happened to them after the final credits rolled … ?
Anyhoo … thanks so much for your comments, I appreciate them!
Joy among the ashes. I said it before, this is a heart lifting piece. Thanks for posting it here, PSW. 🙂
Thanks for your lovely comments, both here and on the Pinecone string. I really appreciate the encouragement. I’m glad you liked it. ?
This is a sweet view of the next stage in life for both Ben and Joe. How wonderful that they can now relax in their relationship and simply enjoy life.
Thank you! 🙂 I’m happy you enjoyed it, I really enjoyed writing it …