Even now I still remember and the feeling’s still the same

Even Now by Barry Manilow

Ben smiled as he watched his youngest son pacing the floor. He remembered only too well the sense of anticipation merged with a deep tinge of fear. Three times he had dealt with it and each time he had been equally as useless at releasing it. Pacing may have taken the edge off, but not by much. It had been four years since Joe had raced after him and told him that he was going to be a grandfather. The memory of the look on his son’s face still made him smile, only to quickly be swallowed up by a sob of pain. So soon after that day of elation had come the worst day of Joe’s life. Ben still occasionally awoke in a sweat as he dreamed of that awful day and its aftermath. For weeks he had feared he would lose his boy too as Joe seemed to have lost the will to live.

But then slowly, softly, his son had come back to him. Not quite the same as he had been before, but close enough. Joe’s ready laugh and quick wit had been tempered by a desperate sadness that had stolen something from him that would never return.

Then Maddison arrived in town.

She turned up one day on the stagecoach and never left. Ben was never quite sure who had been the one to instigate the conversation, but one Spring day, Ben noticed his boy had a new air about him. Something that had withered and died had been brought to life again. Joe began to walk with purpose again and his sombre demeanour began to melt away. Something of his son’s spark had been restored. For that reason alone, Ben loved the girl. When the two had been married and some months later declared they would be parents, he had watched his boy like a hawk. Joe’s nature was protective of those he loved, but there was a new fierceness in the way he kept watch this time. He never voiced it to anybody, but Ben knew. His boy was watching and waiting in fear that it would all be snatched away again.

Candy poured a glass of brandy and walked over to catch Joe in mid pace.

“Drink this.” He thrust the glass towards Joe, who waved it away.

“I don’t need that!”

“I think you do. You’re wound as tight as a rattler.”

Joe resumed his pacing and Candy kept pace alongside him.

“You need something to bring you down a notch or you’re gonna drop that poor kid on its head when the doc hands it to you! Now drink this.”

Ben shrugged at him and smiled. “Better do as he says.”

Joe stopped and stared at his father. “Is this what it felt like with us?”

“Even now I still remember and the feeling’s still the same. Complete helplessness!”

Before Joe could answer, a lusty cry drifted down from above. They laughed as Joe bolted for the stairs.