Summary: Director Eileen returns with a request for the Cartwright’s to act in her latest fairytale adventure.
Rating and Reader Alert: Rated G (for Goofy). Another wacky Cartwright fairytale.
Words: 18,750
Four Men in Tights Series
The Brandsters have included this story by this author in our project: Preserving Their Legacy. To preserve the legacy of the author, we have decided to give their work a home in the Bonanza Brand Fanfiction Library. The author will always be the owner of this work of fanfiction, and should they wish us to remove their story, we will.
NOTE: I wrote this in request from a couple of readers of “Kingdom of Ponderosa”. At least I TOOK it as a request.
DISCLAIMER: The Cartwright characters were created by David Dortort and I claim no rights or privileges to their characterizations.
Ponderosaville, Or Four Men in Tights #2
******
It was a peaceful evening at the Cartwright domain. His three sons had gone into town while Ben Cartwright sat in his favorite red leather chair by the fireplace, watching the flames dance around inside. He smiled, being a very contented man and considered himself a very lucky man to have three wonderful sons and his beautiful Ponderosa.. Thinking of his sons, he began to sing softly:
“My sons, my sons, whatever you do
Reach for the rainbow that’s following you
Many the years I have traveled around
My wish is to give you the wisdom I’ve found.
Hold the stars that fall in your hand
Walk in the sunlight that’s warming your land
May the years bless you and mellow the wine
My sons, my sons, your heartbeat is mine
My sons, my sons, your heartbeat is mine…….”
Concentrating heavily on all his blessings and the song about his sons, he hadn’t heard the knocking on the door until it became very loud, like the pounding of a fist. Since Hop Sing hadn’t answered the door, he supposed the little Chinese man had already gone to bed, so he jumped up from his chair and walked quickly across the floor and pulled the door open.
“Surprise! I’m BAaaaack!” his visitor announced in a very excited tone of voice.
One look at his caller, and Ben’s eyes widened and he swallowed hard and stood unmoving in his place. His heart sank to the pit of his stomach and he groaned within himself as he remembered the last time he saw her, AND he remembered the tights.
“Eileen…h-how nice to see you again,” he lied, while he looked at her with a very strange expression and highly strained smile on his face.
“Good to see you, too, Ben!” she said, pushing her way inside. She took a few steps, then turned around to face him, her smile charming. “The boys here?” she asked.
“No, no, they’re in town…but they should be back pretty soon,” he said as he continued to stand beside the open door, wishing she would go back from whence she came.
“Oh, you better close the door, Ben, the mosquitoes are really terrible out there,” Eileen said as she removed her cape and hat and placed them on the arm of the settee along with her handbag, then she sat down on the settee, and settled back in the seat.
“I just love this house,” she remarked, looking around. “It’s big, but a person feels right at home, but then that’s because you Cartwright’s make even a total stranger feel at home. But we’re not really strangers, are we Ben. I mean, after “Kingdom of Ponderosa” one could hardly call the five of us strangers. You know what I mean?”
Ben sighed deeply and closed the door, then poking his hands in his front pockets, he walked slowly over to Eileen and looked down at her. “I know I’m going to regret asking this, but…what can I do for you, Eileen?”
Eileen jumped up from the settee and looked at him with excitement in her eyes. “Oh, I’m so glad you asked! I’ve just completed another fairytale, and I would like you and the boys to perform in it for me.”
Ben threw his hands up and turned away from her and walked away. “Oh no…not on your life! The boys and I had nightmares for a month after that last one! You’ll have to get somebody else to star in it!” Eileen followed him around the room while he paced and talked.
“But Ben…I don’t WANT anybody else to star in it! I want you and the boys! I wrote the parts ESPECIALLY for the four of you! You CAN’T turn me down!”
Ben suddenly stopped and turned to face her but not before she ran smack into him.
“Oh sorry,” she said in apology.
“We CAN’T turn you down? Oh, yes we CAN, and we ARE! Thank you, but NO thank you! Never again!” Ben replied and stepped away from her towards the door.
Eileen followed him quickly and looked up at him. “I understand, Ben,” she said in a very sad voice. “But I never thought a Cartwright would turn his back on a friend…especially a friend in need. And I’m in need of some help on this fairytale, Ben. You don’t know how hard it is for a woman to make something of herself in this day and age. This might be my only chance to be plucked out of obscurity and be known as the greatest woman writer of this decade.” Eileen sighed heavily and took another step towards the door, and turned around to look up at Ben once more. “I just never thought a CARTWRIGHT would turn his back on a friend in need, but…” she said, and drew in an emotional breath, and looked up at him and blinked her eyes, “…I understand,” she concluded, but continued to look up at him.
Ben’s harsh countenance softened when he looked in her eyes, and he relaxed his shoulders. “Well…goshdarn it, when you look at me with those sad puppy dog eyes…how can I say no. Alright. But only if my sons agree too. Even if ONE of them holds out, you have to promise never to ask us again.”
Eileen clapped her hands and smiled widely, and bounced up and down in sheer joy. When she stopped bouncing, she said, “I promise!” while she moved her arms behind her back and crossed her fingers, thereby making her promise null and void. Needless to say, Eileen was one very happy writer/playwright/director, as she gathered up her shawl, hat, handbag, and skipped over to the staircase, but stopped before she stepped up.
“Oh, it IS alright if I spend the night here, isn’t it, Ben?” she asked, with a sweet smile on her face.
Ben gestured towards the stairs, smiled, and said, “Make yourself at home.”
Eileen’s smile widened and took the steps up with much enthusiasm. Ben listened as she happily sang “Early one morning, just as the sun was rising, I heard a maiden singing in the valley below,” while she made her way up the stairs, down the hall and into the guest room.
Ben stood looking at the empty staircase, and when the reality hit him of what he had just agreed to, he suddenly turned very pale. “They’ll kill me…my sons will absolutely kill me when I tell them, what I’ve done,” he said in a very miserable sounding voice. Then poking his hands in his front pockets, he turned and walked very slowly to his chair, his gait showing just how miserable he felt. Sitting down very slowly, he leaned forward in his chair and placed his face in both hands. “Woe is me…Oh, woe is me,” he said in heart-wrenching sobs.
******
Riding into their yard, the Cartwright brothers noticed the rig and horse tied to the hitching rail.
“Wonder whose rig that is?” Adam remarked when he stepped out of the saddle. “It isn’t Doc Martin’s,” he added.
“Maybe Pa has a visitor we don’t know about,” Joe commented, as he stepped down out of HIS saddle.
“Yeah,” Hoss snickered. “While the mice ere away, the tomcat will play,” he quoted with a deep-throated laugh, as HE too, stepped down.
Adam looked at his brother and gave him an amused look. “I think the saying goes…While the CAT’S away, the MICE will play,” he corrected with a chuckle.
“Thet happens too, I reckon,” Hoss replied.
Joe and Adam looked at each other and wagged their heads at their brother. The three of them took time to stable their horses, before going into the house. Once their horses were stabled for the night, the brothers made their way across the yard and as Adam passed the buggy, he peeked inside the back seat and saw several large trunks and boxes, then caught up to his brothers and they entered the house together.
Seeing no guest, only their father and with his head in his hands at that, they became alarmed and went straight to him. Adam seated himself on the low table directly in front of his father and touched him on the shoulder.
“Pa? What’s wrong?” he asked softly with concern in his voice.
Ben raised his head slowly and looked into the dark eyes of his eldest son, then turned his eyes to his other two sons, who had concerned looks on their faces also. “Oh, boys…I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Obviously,” Adam replied. “You seem troubled about something. Does it have anything to do with our visitor? Who is it by the way, and…” Adam looked all around. “…where are they?” he asked. Joe and Hoss looked around for the visitor also.
Ben sat back in his chair and turned his eyes towards the staircase. “The way I feel has EVERYTHING to do with our visitor, and she’s upstairs in the guest room.”
The Cartwright sons straightened up at the news that their visitor was a female. “She? Well does “SHE” have a name?” Adam queried.
“Yeah, Pa, who is she?” Joe wanted to know.
“Wha’d I tell ya, ‘bout the tomcat, Adam,” Hoss commented with a snicker in his voice, and his nose wrinkling.
Adam threw his brother a no-nonsense look and he wagged his head in annoyment.
“WHAT cat?” Ben questioned with a puzzled look on his face.
“Never mind,” Adam replied dryly. “Who’s our guest?”
“Yeah, Pa, who is she?!” Joe asked excitedly. “Is it the Widow Jenkins?” he asked with a wide grin on his face.
“No, it isn’t the Widow Jenkins,” Ben replied, then sighed miserably.
The brothers looked at each other dolefully. “Don’t tell us it’s the Widow Hawkins?” Adam asked.
“No…no…she isn’t a widow at all,” Ben replied becoming exasperated and closed his eyes.
“Pa, now come on…you have a woman upstairs…who isn’t a widow…now are you going to tell us who she is or not?!” Adam said to him, also becoming exasperated.
“I’m trying to get up the nerve to tell you boys what I’ve done,” Ben said in a truly unhappy voice.
“It sounds serious, Pa…what did you do?” Adam asked and leaned in closer to his father.
“Yeah, Pa…tell us. Whatever it is, cain’t be as bad as all thet,” Hoss commented.
“It’s bad, Hoss, what I’ve done I don’t know if you boys will ever forgive me for. When she looked up at me with those big, brown eyes and such a sweet look on her face…I couldn’t help myself. I just couldn’t control what I did.”
The Cartwright brothers looked at each other and all three THINKING that something romantic transpired between their father and the unknown visitor, they all swallowed hard, then looked at their father, who, at the moment, looked to be the epitome of wretchedness warmed over.
The three of them moved in closer to their father and each laid a hand on his shoulder or arm. “It’s alright, Pa…we could never hate you, no matter what you did,” Adam reassured him.
“Gosh, no Pa…yer our Pa, we would never be ashamed a-enythang ya done,” Hoss also reassured him.
“Shoot, Pa, we love you and we’re proud to be your sons,” Joe said with emotion in his voice.
Ben looked at each son and smiled at them. “Thank you boys. I really appreciate your words of encouragement and love. It means a lot to me…especially after the wrong I did.”
In a very serious voice, Adam said, “Pa, maybe what you did in a moment of romantic passion WAS wrong, but we know you’ll do the right thing and marry the woman, and we’ll stand up proudly beside…”
“MARRY her?!” Ben thundered out. “What in the world are you talking about…MARRY her?!”
“Well, Pa…that’s the decent thing to do,” Joe said.
“Yeah, Pa,” Hoss agreed, nodding his head.
“Especially in a situation like this,” Adam added.
“Situation like what?! What are you boys talking about?!” said Ben.
“Well the delicate situation between you and this woman of course,” Adam replied. “At least tell us her name. We WOULD like to meet her first,” he added.
“Look, I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing here,” Ben said back to him. “Either YOU’RE confused…or I’M confused.”
At that moment, they heard footsteps on the staircase and the three Cartwright brothers turned around to see who they thought was going to be their step-mother. When he saw Eileen on the staircase, Adam stood up very slowly, not believing who he was looking at. Joe and Hoss were just as dumbstruck and they looked at each other, and Joe said, “Is that who I think it is, or am I just imagining it.”
“You’re not imagining. I see her, too,” Adam replied.
“So do I, but somp’n in my gut says I wish I DIDN’,” Hoss answered with a sick look on his face.
With his eyes still glued on Eileen, Adam wagged his head back and forth, and said, “Pa…what in God’s creation were you THINKING when you couldn’t control yourself! Eileen…of all the women in the world, you lose control of yourself with EILEEN!”
Eileen descended the staircase jauntily and in a happy voice, said, “Well, did your father tell you?! What do you fellas think about it? It shouldn’t last more than a week…two at the most. It all depends on the kind of response we get from the people afterwards,” Eileen said as she moved to the settee and sat down.
She waited for their reply but all she saw was dumbfounded looks on their faces. “Well…what’s wrong with the three of you?’ she said as she looked at each one.
“Shouldn’t last more than a week…two at the most…” Adam repeated, lowering himself slowly down on the table. “Would you care to explain, because I’m a bit puzzled by your attitude about a matter that affects ALL of us in a most sensitive way, especially YOU. Suppose you tell us WHAT shouldn’t last more than a week…two at the most.”
Eileen looked over at Ben, who didn’t look very well at the moment. “Would you like to tell them, Ben, or do you want ME to?”
Ben waved his hand at her, and said, “Oh, you tell them, I don’t think I can make myself say the words.”
His three sons looked at him with surprised puzzled looks on their faces.
“Alright,” Eileen said and smiled at the three younger Cartwright’s. “Your father has already agreed, and has volunteered you three to be in my new fairytale.”
“He did WHAT?!” Joe said as he stood up and his eyes widened.
“He did WHUT?!” Hoss said as he stood up next, and his eyes widened.
“He didn’t,” Adam said as he stood up last, his eyes unblinking and steady.
Eileen smiled and nodded. Ben’s three sons turned their eyes to look on their father. “I DID,” Ben said and nodded.
“Then you two didn’t…and you…aren’t. Well that’s a relief!” Adam said and sat down on the settee.
“A BIG relief!” Joe commented and sat down on the corner of the table.
“It shore is,” Hoss said and fell down into the blue velvet chair.
“Whatever you were thinking, I know I don’t want to know,” Ben said with a wave of his hand at his sons.
“So you three will be in my new fairytale, too?!” Eileen asked enthusiastically.
The three Cartwright brothers looked at each other, then turned their eyes to Eileen and at the same time they said, “NO.”
“But your father promised me. He agreed,” Eileen said in a pleading voice.
“Maybe HE agreed, but WE didn’t,” Adam replied.
“Nope,” Hoss said and shook his head. “Ya ain’t gonna git ME in them dadblame tights never agin,” he said definitely.
“Me either,” Joe replied.
“Nor me,” Adam answered.
Eileen looked at the Cartwright brothers and knew she was going to have a harder time convincing them to be in her fairytale, so she thought about a different approach than the one she used with their father. She stood up and walked towards the door, then turned back around. “Uh…Hoss…could I see you outside for a moment, please,” she said and turned and walked out the door.
“Shore, ma’am,” he replied and started for the door, but was stopped by both brothers.
“Whatever you do, Hoss, don’t let her talk you into anything,” Adam said to him.
“Ya ain’t gotta worry, bout thet, Adam, she ain’t never gonna git me tuh wear them dang fool itchy tights no matter WHUT she says,” Hoss answered.
“Be on your guard, Hoss, you know how she works things around to her way of doing things,” Joe warned.
“Don’t worry, little brother, ain’t nuthin’ she kin say thet’ll make me git in them itchy tights no MORE. Jist leave it tuh me, I’ll tell ‘er a thang er two!” Hoss replied and walked towards the door.
Both brothers slapped Hoss on the back and grinned. “Go get her, brother!” Joe said, urging his brother as though Hoss was going into battle. As Hoss closed the door behind him, Joe turned to look at Adam. “You look worried, Adam.”
“I AM, Joe. I feel like we just turned him over to an expert brain washer.”
“Hoss IS gullible, Adam, but he knows when somebody’s trying to take advantage of his gullibility,” Joe replied.
“I hope you’re right,” Adam replied unconvinced. “I hope you’re right.”
Outside on the veranda, Eileen stood looking up at the night sky when Hoss walked up beside her. “It sure is a beautiful night, isn’t it, Hoss.”
“Yes’um, it ‘tis. Now ‘bout us bein’ in this here new fairytale a-yers…”
“I’m glad you brought that up, Hoss,” Eileen interjected quickly as she turned to face him. “You don’t know how hard it is, Hoss, for a woman to make something of herself in this day and age. This might be my only chance to be plucked out of obscurity and be known as the greatest woman writer of this decade! Surely you don’t think I should be denied a chance for success, do you, Hoss?!”
“Shucks no I don’t, but…”
Eileen threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. “Oh, thank you, Hoss! I knew I could count on you to be in my fairytale! Thank you!” she said and pushed him towards the door and inside.
When the door was closed, Eileen stepped back to the veranda and brushed her hands together. “Two Cartwright’s down…two to go,” she said with an almost wicked smile on her face, and an almost wicked laugh. I said…ALMOST.
Hoss stood just inside the door with a greatly puzzled look on his face.
“Well…did you tell her we weren’t going to be in it?” Joe asked him.
“Wal…I STARTED to, Joe…”
“What do you mean you STARTED to…you were supposed to tell her in no uncertain terms we’re not going to be in that fairytale. What happened?” Adam queried.
“Wal…I don’t rightly know, Adam. One minute I was ‘bout tuh tell ‘er we wasn’ gonna do it, then the next minute she was huggin’ me an’ thankin’ me fer bein’ in it.”
“Well what happened between the ONE minute and the NEXT minute?” Adam asked.
“Shore beats the heck outta ME. All I know is I’m gonna be in her fairytale.”
“She snookered you, Hoss,” Joe told him. “We’ll just see WHO snookers WHO!” he added and bravely went outside to tell Eileen a thing or two.
Outside on the veranda, Eileen stood looking up at the stars, when Joe walked up beside her. “It sure is a beautiful night, isn’t it, Joe.”
“Yeah, it is…but I want to tell you something, Eileen,” Joe said as he pointed his finger at her and caused his face to take on a most serious look.
Eileen turned and faced him and smiled sweetly at him. “Yes, Joe?”
“About this new fairytale of yours and you wanting us to be in it. We…”
“I’m glad you brought that up, Joe. You know it’s really hard for a woman to make something of herself in this day and age, and this fairytale might be my last chance to be plucked out of obscurity and be known as one of the greatest women writers of this decade! And not only could it help me achieve that, why there would be thousands of beautiful girls just dying to run their fingers through the actors hair, Joe, or stand in line for hours just to touch his face or steal a kiss from him!”
Joe’s expression changed suddenly to one of great interest in what Eileen was saying and he smiled that incredible smile of his and his hazel eyes lit up when Eileen mentioned the word girls. He crossed his arms over his chest, looked very thoughtful for a few seconds, then said, “Ya really think that could happen? Just suppose I agreed to do this fairytale…I’m not saying I AM, just suppose I did…do you think all those girls…you said there could be thousands…would really want to run their fingers through my hair?”
Eileen’s eyes widened for Joe’s benefit. “Oh, DEFINITELY, Joe! And, yes, THOUSANDS of girls…maybe MORE! All at your beckon call!” she said, then turned her back to him and stepped a step away. “But…I don’t suppose that will ever happen though.”
“Oh, why not?”
“Well…only your father and Hoss have agreed to be in my fairytale, I suppose all those thousands of girls will just have to fall down and worship THEM when they become famous because of my fairytale. But I don’t blame you, Joe. Why, you’d probably have to go out with a different beautiful girl every night to work your way through thousands of girls…that would probably get very boring after awhile.”
Eileen turned and started walking slowly towards the door. Joe stood in his place and looked very thoughtful about what Eileen had just said. “Thousands of beautiful girls…different one every night….falling down and worshipping my father and brother, Hoss…” he said out loud. Then before Eileen reached the door, he realized the magnitude of the situation, and called to her and came to stand beside her.
“You know…I wouldn’t want to disappoint all those beautiful girls…”
“Oh, Joe…thank you! I knew I could count on you!” Eileen said as she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, then pushed him towards the door and inside.
When the door was closed, Eileen brushed her hands together and smiled at herself. “Three down…one to go,” she said, but then her smile left and her expression was replaced with a frown. “Adam will be the hardest one to convince. He isn’t gullible, so I can’t go that route like with Hoss; and he isn’t conceited, so I can’t persuade him with fame, fortune, or beautiful girls tagging along after him; I’ll have to be a little more diplomatic with HIM. He’s a lot like Ben, but still, he’s different…He won’t be so easy.”
Eileen walked back to the veranda with a very thoughtful look on her face and rubbing her chin between her thumb and forefinger while she thought.
Joe stood just inside the door with a far away dreamy look and a smile on his face.
“From the look on your face, I can see WHO snookered WHO,” Adam said to his youngest brother.
“Nobody was snookered, Adam,” Joe said in a dreamy-like voice. “What Eileen said made a lot of sense.”
“Uh huh…and what did Eileen SAY?”
“Well…she said…in so many words…that if I acted in this fairytale that I would be stepping from being an unknown into fame and fortune.”
“You’ll be stepping INTO something alright, but it won’t be fame and fortune,” Adam said sarcastically. “Don’t you realize she got you to agree to be in that stupid fairytale without you even realizing that’s what she was doing?!”
Ben had remained silent up to now and he turned to his son. “Now hold on a minute, Adam,” Ben said. “She’s very sincere about that fairytale of hers, and I don’t think you’re being fair to her. I’m going to help her because she’s a friend, and we’ve always helped our friends, especially when they’re in need.”
“Yeah, ya shouldn’ oughta talk thet way ‘bout ‘er, Adam. She’s only tryin’ tuh make somp’n of herself…and dadburn it, I’m gonna hep ‘er do it,” Hoss said to his brother with a determined look in his blue eyes.
“And just think about all the fame and fortune…and thousands of women who will idolize us one day!” Joe announced.
Adam looked from brother to brother to father, then wagged his head back and forth. “I don’t believe you fellas! My whole family has been taken in by ONE little female con-artist! All that stuff she told you was just to get you to agree to be in her fairytale!”
“Oh…and I suppose YOU’RE too SMART to be…taken in…by her, huh!” Joe said loudly at his eldest brother.
“Yes I AM! And I’ll prove it! I’m going out there and tell her what you three SHOULD have told her, and when I come back in here, she won’t have talked ME into anything!” Adam exclaimed. “You’re all a bunch of bleeding hearts!” Adam added, then opened the door and stepped outside.
On the veranda, Eileen stood looking up at the stars when Adam walked up beside her. “It sure is a beautiful night, isn’t it, Adam?” she said and smiled sweetly at him.
“Yes, it’s a very beautiful night. Uh, Eileen, could I talk to you about something?”
“Of course you can, Adam, we’re friends aren’t we…and who CAN you talk to if you can’t talk to a friend…Right?”
“Right. And friends talk openly and honestly with each other.”
“Well of course…there’s no other way it should be. What do you want to talk to me about?’
“I wanted to talk to you about my father and brothers and this new fairytale of yours.”
“I’m glad you brought that up, Adam. You just don’t know how hard it is for a woman to make something of herself in this day and age. Why this fairytale may be a chance for me to be plucked out of obscurity and become one of the greatest women writers in this decade and now with the help of your father and brothers, that could very well happen!” Eileen said, her eyes bright with happiness and her face alight with joy. “Well, goodnight, Adam,” she said and turned towards the door.
“Well wait a minute. You conned my father and brothers to help you with that fairytale…I thought sure you would try to con ME into helping too.”
Eileen threw him a shocked and hurtful look. “Adam! Con is a strong word…especially between friends! I didn’t ASK them to help, they volunteered of their own free will! And as far as asking YOU to be in my fairytale, I knew it wouldn’t do any good to ask! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going up to bed, before you accuse me of something else! Goodnight!”
Eileen whirled around and made a beeline for the door, but Adam caught up to her and reached out and snagged her arm.
“Now wait…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything,” he apologized. “But I’m puzzled about something. You really weren’t going to ask me to be in your fairytale this time?”
“No of course not…I told you that.”
“Oh. Well, I guess I misjudged you. I’m sorry. But eh, would you tell me WHY you weren’t going to ask me?”
“Well…I don’t really KNOW why. I don’t know if I thought you wouldn’t be interested in it, or if you didn’t want to do it because you might think it would be beneath your dignity, or…well, to tell the truth, I don’t know WHY I didn’t ask you…I just DIDN’T.”
“Well, it’s not that I wouldn’t NOT be interested in it, because I DID have fun in “Kingdom of Ponderosa” and I don’t think I’m too dignified to act in a fairytale…I guess I don’t want to be in it because of the snickers and innuendos we had to put up with the last time.”
“Oh, well I can’t blame you for feeling that way, Adam, but I know the Cartwright’s are a strong bonded family that can weather any kind of storm. Everybody says that the Cartwright’s loyalty to each other is thicker than blood, and the four of you stick together no matter what.”
“Yeah, we’re close alright. Anything we do, we always do as a family. We’ve always been proud of that, and people know that. As a matter of fact, we’re known as The Four Cartwright’s,” Adam said with a pride in his voice and a look in his eyes to match.
Eileen smiled and said, “Yeah, I’ve heard people say that too. But I suppose the image of the Four Cartwright’s together bond is about to be broken. Well, goodnight, Adam.”
Eileen turned and headed for the door again, but Adam stopped her. “Uh, what do you mean…about to be broken?”
“Oh, well I was just making a statement…or at least that’s the statement the PRESS will probably put out. I can just see the headlines now….” Eileen held up her hand, cupped her fingers, and drew her arm across in front of her and said, “ADAM CARTWRIGHT SPLITS FROM FAMILY! DOES HIS OWN THING!” Eileen dropped her arm and looked at Adam. “You know how cruel and nasty the press can be sometimes,” she said and gave a slight shudder, then added, “especially when a family is as well-known as yours is.”
“How WELL I know. The newspapers have a field day with any little tidbit of news they can get on our family,” Adam replied with a disgusted expression on his face.
“Yeah, and I dare say they’ll REALLY crucify your family after the reviews are written up on my fairytale.”
“How do you mean?”
“Well…just think about it, Adam. There are four Cartwright’s…right?”
“Right.”
“And you’re all very close…right?”
“Right.”
“And the four of you are loyal to each other…right?”
“Right.”
“Well…there you have it,” Eileen said and shrugged her shoulders, and turned towards the door again. “Goodnight, now,” she added.
“Wait…I don’t see what any of this has to do with the press’ biased opinion of my family,” Adam said as he reached out and stopped her from entering the house.
“It’s simple, Adam, if you think about it. You’re going to be the only Cartwright who isn’t going to perform in my fairytale. You know the press is going to take that and run wild with it. They’ll depict you as the disloyal member of the family and probably even label you a loner…a troublemaker…an outcast…They may even go so far as calling you the black sheep of the family. You know how cruel and nasty the press can be, whether it’s true or not.”
“Yeah…I see what you mean,” Adam said solemnly with a thoughtful look in his dark eyes.
“But I don’t suppose there’s anything that can be done to stop them from forming the opinion that you’re disloyal and splitting up the family unit.”
“I would never do that. My family is the most important thing in the world to me.”
“Oh, I know, I know. But it’s going to be really difficult to convince everyone of that after the reviews come out stating there were only THREE Cartwright’s instead of the four that everyone has come to expect to stick together. You know how cruel and heartless people can be.”
“I guess it’s up to me to see that the family unity stays intact,” Adam stated.
“How do you propose to do THAT?”
“I’ll be in your fairytale, THAT’S how.”
“But I can’t ask you to be in it, knowing how you feel about it.”
“You didn’t ASK…I’m volunteering.”
“You’re SURE. I don’t want you to think that I coerced or conned you into it.”
“You didn’t. I WANT to do it. The responsibility of preserving the family unity has fallen on MY shoulders, and I must do everything possible to live up to that responsibility. Pa always taught us boys that when we have a responsibility, we have to see it through to the end, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.”
“Gosh, Adam…you’re just about the most honorable man I’ve ever met. You have just restored my faith in human nature. I’d be proud and pleased to have you perform in my new fairytale,” Eileen said and hugged him, and when he couldn’t see her face, she smiled a very self-gratifying, mission accomplished, smile. When she turned loose of Adam, she stepped back and said, “I think I’ll stay out here a little longer, my heart is just so full of awe and wonder at the prospect of having the four of you in my fairytale, I don’t think I could possibly go to sleep yet.”
“Alright. I’ll see you inside.”
Eileen nodded and said, “I’ll be in directly,” and with her back to him, she brushed her hands together, and snickered contentedly while Adam went back inside the house.
When Adam entered the house and closed the door behind him, both brothers rushed up to him, but Ben stayed comfortably in his chair.
“Well?” Joe questioned.
“Well what?” Adam responded.
“Did Eileen manage to talk YOU into being in her fairytale?”
“Of course not. In fact, she didn’t even ASK me to be in it,” Adam said and moved away from the door. “AND she didn’t even TRY to talk me into being in it,” he added in a patronizing tone. “I told you I was too smart to let that happen,” he added and grinned self-righteously, and sat down on the end of the settee.
Being impressed that their eldest brother had been able to withstand Eileen’s wiles, they both sat down and all four of them sat in silence for a few minutes, after which the front door opened and Eileen walked in and closed the door behind her and walked over to where the four of them were sitting.
“Uh, I hate to pressure you fellas, but rehearsal for my fairytale starts real early in the morning and I want you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, so I suggest we all get some sleep. Goodnight, fellas,” Eileen said and crossed to the staircase and turned around to face them.
“You don’t know how much this means to me. I feel very privileged that all of you are going to be in my new production. Thank you,” she said, then turned and made her way upstairs.
Three pairs of eyes stared holes in Adam. He spread his hands out, looked at his family, and said, “What?”
“All…she said ALL. Does ALL mean like all FOUR of us? Or just what does ALL mean?” Joe questioned.
“It means all four of us,” Adam admitted.
Joe narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his eldest brother. “But I thought you said she didn’t talk you into being in the fairytale…in fact you said she didn’t even ASK you to be in it. Isn’t that what he said Hoss?”
“Yup, thet’s whut he said alright.”
“Maybe I better explain,” Adam responded.
“Maybe you better,” Ben replied.
“Well, what she said made sense,” Adam began.
“About helping a friend,” Ben interjected.
“No…” Adam began.
“ ‘bout makin’ somp’n of herself,” Hoss offered.
“No…” Adam began again.
“About fame, fortune and beautiful women worshipping us,” Joe stated with that same dreamy-eyed look as before.
“No…now if you’ll just let me speak,” Adam began again. “What she said about family…about sticking together. That’s what we’re all about isn’t it…I mean the four of us…together? Aren’t we all about family and loving each other and being loyal to our name? Isn’t that who we are?”
“You’re right, Adam…That IS what the Cartwright family stands for, and we’re all a part of it…all four of us…together,” Ben replied very proudly.
“I know that…and I couldn’t let the family unit be broken up, not when I could do something about it. I didn’t want to be the one to bring reproach on the family name for being a dissenter. So…that’s why I asked Eileen if I could be in her fairytale.”
“YOU asked HER?” Joe questioned.
“That’s right,” Adam replied. “You see…I’M not a bleeding heart like a certain member of my family, who shall remain nameless,” he added, looking in his father’s direction and giving him a playful wink. “Nor can I be talked into things like you know who,” he said, giving Hoss a teasing look. “Nor can I be tempted with fame and fortune and hundreds of screaming females wanting to paw all over me.”
“Not hundreds of females, Adam…THOUSANDS!” Joe quickly corrected him.
“Whatever,” Adam replied, giving his youngest brother a look to match his reply. Adam then stretched himself out on the settee, placing his hands behind his head and plopped his feet on the table in front of him. “Nope…I’M the logical one of the whole lot of you,” he said confidently.
Ben looked at his eldest son and laughed inside himself. “Alright, Mr. Logical One…and you two too,” he said, looking at Hoss and Joe. “You heard what Eileen said…rehearsal starts early in the morning, so I suggest we get some sleep.”
Joe looked at Adam all stretched out with his hands behind his neck and his feet on the table. “Pa, why don’t you ever tell Adam to take HIS feet off the table, like you tell ME,” Joe asked his father.
Ben stood up and went to stand beside his youngest son and draped an arm around his shoulders. “Because that line is reserved especially for YOU, Joseph,” he said, then gave him a quick pat on the back. Laughter erupted from Hoss and Adam, then Ben joined in, and though it was at his expense they laughed, Joe laughed with them as they made their way upstairs to their rooms, for tomorrow would bring forth a new day that would pave the way to many more as they prepared for Eileen’s newest fairytale adventure.
******
Adam had managed to secure the town hall for a place to rehearse, and so the four Cartwright’s and Eileen congregated in the hall. All around them were props of all kinds, trunks and trunks full of costumes and boxes and boxes full of various trinkets and the like needed for the production of Eileen’s fairytale.
“When we start rehearsing, I have a surprise for you for the leading lady’s part,” Eileen told the Cartwright’s as she handed them their copy of the script.
“Can’t you tell us now?” Joe asked curiously.
“I could, but I’m not…I want it to be a surprise.”
Eileen opened one of the costume trunks and rummaged through it, then started pulling out items and draping them over the lid of the trunk.
“Oh no…not them thangs agin,” Hoss groaned, screwing up his face at the sight of the tights Eileen pulled out of the trunk. “If’n them thangs is itchy…”
“No promises about that, Hoss,” Eileen replied as she continued to pull clothing items out of the trunk. “They’ve been stored in this trunk since the last time you wore them, so…no promises.”
Hoss groaned again, then moved to a chair, sat down and opened his script and began to read over it.
“Is this supposed to be a musical?” Adam wanted to know, while he flipped through the pages.
“Well…sort of,” Eileen responded while she drew her hand across her forehead, moping away perspiration that had gathered there. “I incorporated some songs here and there, but I wouldn’t exactly label it a musical.”
“Looks like it’s going to be fun,” Adam replied and smiled.
Joe rolled his eyes at his brother’s comment and said, “Now don’t start with that “this is fun” thing again.”
Eileen chuckled at them, then went back to sorting out costumes while her four stars went over their scripts with each other.
******
Eileen stood in front of her four leading men and praised herself for choosing such fine specimens of manhood to star in her fairytale, of which has yet to start, because Eileen needs all this as an introduction.
Before her stood Ben in his silver tights and tan tunic; Adam in his black tights and black tunic; Hoss in his brown tights and white tunic; and Joe in his green tights and green tunic.
Hoss reached down and scratched the calf of his right leg then straightened up with a frown on his face and crossing his eyes to look at the feathered plume that insisted on falling across his face.
“Dadblame these itchy thangs,” Hoss grumbled. “And this goldarn feather ‘n me ere gonna part comp’ny real quick, if’n it don’t stay put!”
Eileen walked over to him and reached up to his hat. “I’m sorry, Hoss, I’ve done everything I can to make it stay in place,” she said as she adjusted the plume once again. “It’s just one of those little quirks you’ll have to put up with…I’m sorry.”
Eileen walked back to her place and turned and looked at them once more. “Well, if we’re ready, we can start this fairytale now, I know the people reading this are anxious for it to begin,” Eileen said to them.
“What about the leading lady…we have to have a leading lady,” Joe insisted.
“And so you shall,” Eileen answered and smiled.
“You said it was a surprise as to who she is…when do we get to meet her?” Adam asked anxiously.
“Right now,” Eileen said and smiled. “I’ll go get her.”
A few minutes later, Eileen came out onto the stage dressed in a leading lady’s costume. “Ta da! Meet your leading lady!” she said, spreading her arms out wide and twirling around in circles, showing off her costume.
Four pairs of eyes widened as they looked at her. “YOU?!” they exclaimed in unison.
Eileen stopped twirling and placed her hands on her hips. “Yes…ME! Who did you expect…Laura Dayton!”
“But you can’t star in your own fairytale!” Adam replied.
“And why not?!”
“Well…you just…CAN’T!” Adam responded.
Eileen huffed and shifted her weight onto her other hip and looked at each one of them with determination in her eyes. “Hey…if Michael Landon can write, direct and star in episodes of Bonanza, then I can write, direct and star in MY fairytale!”
“Who’s Michael Landon?” Joe questioned.
“Yeah, he sounds full of himself…writing, directing AND starring,” Adam replied.
“What’s Bonanza?” Ben asked.
“Yeah, is thet some kind a-eatin’ place er somp’n?” Hoss wanted to know.
“Who’s Michael Landon?! Why, he was just about THE greatest actor who ever lived! And as far as him being full of himself…he was a very talented man and used his talent to bring enjoyment to thousands of people! And as to your question about Bonanza…no, Hoss, it isn’t an eating establishment. It’s THE greatest western that was ever produced! It’s been shown all over the world! But enough about that…we’re doing a fairytale here, so let’s get on with it,” Eileen said to the four of them.
Director Eileen sat down in her director’s chair and said, “Places everyone…and…Let the fairytale begin!” she said in a very enthusiastic voice, and wave of her arm.
******
The fairytale starts now…………………………………….
Ponderosaville was just your average, ordinary small village nestled at the foot of the Sierra Mountains. It was a quaint little village where everyone knew everyone and everyone knew everyone’s business. For the most part, it was a peaceful village and required no peacemaker as such. In fact, one could say Ponderosaville was a perfect place to live, work and rear children. That is, until The Evil Blue One reincarnated himself, moved into the village, and began to terrorize the people.
He allowed his thugs to loot the stores; they helped themselves to all the money in the bank; they stole all the horses, so the people had no transportation out of the village; and the Evil Blue One made slaves of all the village fair maidens, save for one, who manages to stay hidden when the evil horsemen make their rounds collecting fair maidens, making them work sixteen hours a day without pay in his factory manufacturing blue dresses. The village of Ponderosaville was turned from a happy, prosperous village into a virtual dungeon and prison which needed deliverance and protection.
Night and day, and day and night, the people called out for a deliverer to set them free and rid them of The Evil Blue One forever.
Was there no one in Ponderosaville brave enough to venture out in search of a deliverer?
Ah, yes…of course there was, but would hardly be considered a likely candidate to risk life and limb to search for someone who may not even exist. Who is this brave soul who has volunteered to risk life and limb; who has volunteered to sneak out of the village and go on foot in search of a deliverer?
Why it’s none other than the maiden who was spared from working in Evil Blue One’s factory, Maiden Mariah, played by our own Director Eileen.
(Applause, applause, applause….okay, that’s enough applause)
Maiden Mariah put her ear to the door of her cottage and listened intently. As soon as the hoofbeats of the evil horseman’s horse faded away, she opened her door just a sliver of a crack, and putting one eye to the crack in the door, she peered out into the night. All seemed calm and quiet, but she would have only a few minutes to leave her cottage and run to the edge of the village for escape before the evil horseman returned to canvass her street for curfew breakers.
“All seem-eth quiet,” Maiden Mariah said to herself and opened her door a little wider and stuck her head out and looked every which way. “So good-eth, so far-eth,” she said and opened the door a little wider, and stepped outside, easing the door closed behind her.
Taking a deep breath, she said, “It’s now-eth or never-eth,” and hiking her skirts above her shoe tops, she ran like a deer across the street, and just as she reached the corner of the house across the way, she heard the evil horseman approaching. Gasping, she flattened herself against the side of the house, and barely breathed, lest he should hear her.
“Halt! Who go-eth there!” the evil horseman called out when he heard a noise. When there was no answer, he dismounted and walked towards the corner of the house where Maiden Mariah was.
“Who go-eth there!” he called out again.
Thinking quickly, Maiden Mariah made a mewing sound like a cat.
“Stupid-eth cat!” the evil horseman exclaimed and picked up a stone and threw it in the direction of the sound.
The stone landed on Maiden Mariah’s foot and she squalled out like a cat that had just had its tail wrenched.
“That’ll teach-eth ya,” the evil horseman said, and made his way back over to his horse and mounted up and continued on with his patrol of the street.
Maiden Mariah reached down and rubbed her stoned foot and scrunched up her face in pain. “Dadblame-th it! That hurts-eth!” she complained. Knowing she had very little time left before the evil horseman made his way round to the edge of the village, Maiden Mariah limped her way as quickly as she could to the edge of the village, grumbling all the way that the evil horseman’s aim with the stone had been much better this time than all the rehearsal times put together.
By the time she reached the edge of Ponderosaville, the throbbing in her foot had vanished and so had her limp. She stopped at the edge of the village and turned around for one last look. A tear caught in the corner of both eyes as she gazed on the village of her birth.
“Farewell, mine sweet village…or at least thou used to be. Perhaps one day-eth thou wilt be again when I find-eth thy deliverer,” she said and placed her fingertips to her lips and blew her village a farewell kiss.
Turning, she ran out of the village limits and disappeared into the Blue Pine Forest, where the blue gnu and warthogs live.
******
Many miles away, beyond The Blue Pine Forest, dwelt a good man and his three good sons. They were not well-off by any stretch of the imagination, but they were happy and content on their two acres of land.
The man’s name was Pauper Ben, whom his sons called Pa…uh, that’s short for Pauper because they couldn’t even afford a last name. Pauper Ben’s three handsome sons were: black-haired, brown-eyed Pauper Adam, who was the first-born and only college educated son; then there was second-born, light-haired, blue-eyed Pauper Hoss, who was a giant of a man, but gentle as a lamb; then there was the third and last born, dark and curly haired, Pauper Joseph, whose hazel eyes twinkled with mischief almost daily and whose cackling laugh was unmatched. Though not a member of the family, Cook Hop Sing-eth, rounded out Pauper Ben’s household.
The house they lived in had a hundred doors inside, but only two of the doors led anywhere. The other doors led to rooms that seemed to disappear or change every time the door was opened, so they stayed clear of those rooms and used only the rooms they knew wouldn’t consume them forever when they entered in.
Pauper Ben loved his sons and his sons loved him. There was just so much love flowing from Pauper Ben and his sons that Pauper Hoss had a get-rich-quick idea that if they bottled and sold the love that flowed out of them, they would be rich in no time at all, but
Pauper Ben explained to Pauper Hoss that love shouldn’t be bottled up, nor should it be sold, but should be expressed sincerely and given freely.
“Shucks-eth, Pa, how ere we ever gonna git rich if’n we don’t got nothin’ tuh sell-eth,” Pauper Hoss complained one day.
“Wealth isn’t always measured in what we possess-eth, Pauper Hoss. It’s measured by what-eth we feel-eth inside,” Pauper Ben said, pointing to his chest.
“Do ya think-eth we’ll ever be rich in thangs-eth?” Pauper Hoss asked and reached down to scratch his leg. “Ohhh these dadblame ole itchy thangs!” he added most disdainfully. “Why we gotta wear these ole thangs?!” he grumbled loudly while he scratched his thighs wildly.
“CUT! It’s either wear the tights, Hoss, or thee wilt have bare legs,” Director Eileen said to him. “And please…try not to think about it, or stray from the script. Okay?!”
“I’ll try, but dadBLAME…these thangs feel like they’s full a-fleas ere somp’n,” he said and scratched the calves of his legs vigorously.
Adam stood with his weight on one hip and his arms crossed over his chest watching Hoss scratch. He wagged his head in amusement at him and did his best to stifle a smile.
When Hoss finally stopped scratching, Director Eileen started up the fairytale again.
“Okay…from Hoss’ last line. Places everyone…and…ACTION!”
“Do ya think-eth we’ll ever be rich in thangs-eth?” Pauper Hoss asked his father.
“I don’t know-eth Pauper Hoss, but even if we’re not, we won’t be any worse off-eth. As long as we have-eth each other, we’re very rich.”
“Time-uh fo-uh din-nuh, Mis-tuh Pauper-uh Ben,” Cook Hop Sing-eth said as he came from the kitchen.
Pauper Hoss rubbed his hands together and smacked his lips in anticipation of their evening meal. “Oh boy-eth…I bin waitin’ all day fer this-eth! What’re we-eth havin’ fer dinner-eth?” he asked Cook Hop Sing-eth.
Hop Sing-eth’s face beamed brightly as he answered. “Fo-uh din-nuh we-uh have f-lied lice an’ led beans!”
Pauper Hoss’ expression was one of pure puzzlement. “What’n tarnation is flied lice? Thet don’t sound too appetizin’, Hop Sing-eth. Don’t b’lieve we ever e’t flied lice afore.”
“FRIED RICE, Pauper Hoss…fried rice,” Pauper Adam corrected his pauper brother.
“Oh…well thet don’t sound-eth too bad, but I don’t know ‘bout them lead beans…they mite go down kinda heavy, ya know,” Pauper Hoss said with that same look of puzzlement on his face.
“RED beans, Pauper Hoss. Fried rice and red beans…that’s what Hop Sing-eth said,” Pauper Adam corrected his brother again.
“I guess I’m gonna hafta larn thet Chinese lang’ege so’s I kin understand whut Hop Sing-eth is say’n-eth,” Pauper Hoss said.
“Learn CHINESE…maybe you better-eth learn-eth English first-eth,” Pauper Joseph responded.
“Whut’s thet little-eth brother,” Pauper Hoss said to his sibling.
“Nothing-eth,” Pauper Joseph responded dryly.
“Let’s eat-eth shall we,” Pauper Ben said to his sons, and the four of them, and Hop Sing-eth sat down and enjoyed their dinner of flied lice and led beans…ah, I mean fried rice and red beans.
******
Maiden Mariah crept slowly through the Blue Pine Forest, trying to avoid stepping on loud breaking twigs as she journeyed through, hoping to reach the edge of the Blue Pine Forest while it was still night. If she happened to get caught trekking through the Blue Pine Forest, she would be turned over to The Evil Blue One to work in his factory, or be banished to the Blue Tower forever, or until she was rescued by some stupid idiot…I mean…some brave soul.
Looking behind and all around her, Maiden Mariah continued to walk towards freedom. Her search for a deliverer for her village was foremost on her mind. She was searching for a deliverer, but she wondered what a deliverer looked like.
“Is he tall-eth? Is he short-eth? Is he old-eth? Is he young-eth? Ahhh…so many questions without answers. How will I ever know-eth him when I meet-eth him?” she said out loud to herself.
“Thou wilt know in due time,” she heard a voice say, and she stopped suddenly, being very afraid.
“Who go-est there?!” she asked, her voice quavering and her dark eyes wide with fright.
“It is I…the one to whom thou speak-est.”
“Who are thou?”
“It is me.”
“Dost thou have a name?”
“But of course I have a name.”
Maiden Mariah folded her hands and placed them against her cheek, looked up into the darkness and said, “Pray tell me thy name.”
“It is me.”
“I know ‘tis you, but what-eth shall I call thee?”
“Thou mayest call me, ME.”
Maiden Mariah dropped her hands and frowned in puzzlement. “ME? What kind of name is ME?”
“That is the name thou wrote-est in the script-eth.”
Maiden Mariah who now took on the role of Director Eileen, stood with her hands on her hips and in no uncertain terms, said, “Alright, Bubba, no ad-libbing. Just stay with the script. If this fairytale is too long, no one will want to read it.”
Bubba’s voice came back and said, “Sorry.”
“Alright. From my last line…now places…and…ACTION!” Director Eileen called out.
“What kind of name is ME?” Maiden Mariah asked the voice.
“That’s short for Meanderthal.”
“Now…you say I shall know-eth mine deliverer when I see-eth him…how wilt I know-eth him?”
“Stay on the course thou art traveling and thou wilt find him in due time.”
“But HOW wilt I know-eth him?”
“Thou wilt know. Now I gotta go, lady.”
“But…” Maiden Mariah was sorely discouraged that she could not learn the identity of her deliverer, and so she did as Bubba…ME…told her, and continued her journey through the Blue Pine Forest. She realized that she must hurry for in a few hours it would be morning and she knew she had to be out of the Blue Pine Forest by then, or something dreadful would happen to her. She stepped up her pace, though she was growing weary and hungry.
While Maiden Mariah was talking to ME, Pauper Ben and his pauper sons were sleeping contentedly in their room.
Pauper Ben dreamed of his pauper sons and how much he loved them; Pauper Adam dreamed of one day sailing the ocean blue in a ship; Pauper Hoss dreamed of a houseful of food prepared especially for him; and Pauper Joseph dreamed of being surrounded by thousands of beautiful women who kept running their fingers through his hair and kissing him.
When morning came and the paupers had finished sleeping, they rose from their pauper mats on the floor, dressed, and made their way into the kitchen to eat the delicious breakfast of blue bird egg omelet and rice coffee, Hop Sing-eth prepared for them.
When the food had all been eaten, Pauper Hoss stood to his feet and rubbed his stomach contentedly. “Thet sure was some good blue egg omelet, Hop Sing-eth.”
Hop Sing-eth smiled and bowed low. “Velly glad you-uh like.”
“Yes-eth, it was quite tasty,” Pauper Adam commented, then turned his attention to his father. “What wouldst thou wish-est for us to do-eth this day, Pa?”
“Thou may-est work with the horses,” Pauper Ben replied and Pauper Adam bowed at the waist in respect to his father, then left to do that which his father requested.
“What about me-eth, Pa?” Pauper Joseph asked.
“Thou may-est work on the fence-eth and thou, Pauper Hoss, may-est work-eth in the garden. Now, off you go-eth,” Pauper Ben said, dismissing them with a wave of his hand. “I have much paperwork to catch-eth up on.”
His two youngest left to do their chores, and Pauper Ben sat down at his small, but adequate desk and began working, while Hop Sing-eth shuffled back into the kitchen, singing his favorite Chinese folk song, “She’ll Be Comin’ Round The Mountain When She Comes.”
Before Pauper Ben hardly got started on his paperwork, Pauper Adam entered the house rather quickly and stood before his father. “Pa, I think-est thou need-est see this,” Pauper Adam said.
“What is it, my son?”
“I just think-est thou better come.”
Pauper Ben rose from his chair and followed Pauper Adam. They made their way to the barn where they kept their pauper horses, and when they entered, Pauper Adam placed a finger to his lips, indicating his father should not talk. Making their way silently to a corner of the barn, on a soft bed of straw, lay a maiden sleeping soundly.
Pauper Ben and Pauper Adam both looked at each other for an answer as to who she was, but since they couldn’t possibly know her, they shrugged their shoulders. At that moment, Pauper Joseph burst into the barn very loudly, and the maiden woke suddenly and when her eyes focused on the two men in tights standing in front of her, her eyes widened and she sat bolt upright.
“Please do me no harm! I have traveled far and when I saw-est thy barn, I took refuge for the night. I meant no harm!” the maiden said to them.
At the sound of a female voice, Pauper Joseph dropped his hammer and nails and ran to where he heard her voice. “A girl, Pa! A real live girl!” Pauper Joseph exclaimed joyously and started towards her.
Pauper Adam reached out and grabbed him by the neck of his green tunic and pulled him back. “Stuff-eth thy eyes back in thy head-est, young-eth brother.”
The maiden backed away from the three men in tights for she was fearful of them. “Please, I beg thee! Do me no harm!”
“We’re not going to harm thee, maiden. We are good and kind and wish no harm to anyone,” Pauper Ben spoke softly and kindly.
The maiden looked into his chocolate brown eyes and saw sincerity and genuine concern for her. “I believe-est thou speak-eth the truth. I will not be afraid,” she said and stepped towards them.
“From whence comest thou and what is thy name?” Pauper Ben asked her.
“I come from a village beyond the Blue Pine Forest and my name is Maiden Mariah.”
“Mariah? I know a song by that name…would you like to hear it?”
Without waiting for an answer, Pauper Adam began to sing:
“Away out here they got a name
For wind and rain and fire
The rain is test, the fire’s Joe
And they call the wind Mariah.
Mariah blows the stars around
And sends the clouds a-flyin’
Mariah makes the mountains sound
Like folks up there was dyin’.
Mariah (echo Mariah) Mariah (echo Mariah)
They call the wind Mariah (echo Mariah)
Before I knew Mariah’s name
And heard her wail and whinin’
I had a girl and she had me
And the sun was always shinin’.
But then one day
I left my girl
I left her far behind me
But now I’m lost
So goldarn lost
Not even God can find me
Mariah (echo Mariah) Mariah (echo Mariah)
They call the wind Mariah (echo Mariah)
Out here they got a name for wind
And rain and fire only
But when you’re lost and all alone
There ain’t no word but lonely.
And I’m a lost and lonely man
Without a star to guide me
Mariah blow my love to me
I need my girl beside me.
Mariah (echo Mariah) Mariah (echo Mariah)
They call the wind Mariah (echo Mariah)
Mariah (echo Mariah) Mariahhhhhhhh
Blow…my…love…to…meeeeeeeeeeeee
(echo Mariah-ah-ah)
When he finished, Maiden Mariah stood with her eyes wide and her mouth agape as she marveled in awe at his singing ability. “Where didst all that music come-est from when thou sang-est?!” she asked in a voice of total amazement.
Pauper Adam frowned thoughtfully and said, “Whenever I start singing…it starts up…I never have figured out yet just how that happens.”
“Thou art indeed blessed with talent…ah, I don’t know thy name.”
“Oh! It’s Pauper Adam. And this is my pauper father and my brother, Pauper Joe.”
Maiden Mariah smiled and curtsied at them, but suddenly became weak in the knees and would have fallen had Pauper Adam not caught her.
“Art thou alright?” Pauper Adam said to her as he supported her.
“I have been traveling all night and without food,” she answered while she leaned against him.
“Bring-est her in the house, Pauper Adam, we shall share our food with her,” Pauper Ben said.
“But I canst ask that of thee. I can tell by looking at thy clothes, thou art no more wealthy than I,” Maiden Mariah replied. “I canst take what little food I know thou must have. I shall just be on my quest,” she added and stepped away from Pauper Adam, but before she took ten steps she wilted to the floor of the barn, and the three of them rushed over to her.
“Bring-est her into the house,” Pauper Ben said, then led the way out of the barn.
Pauper Adam knelt down and hauled Maiden Mariah up in his arms and while he carried her to the house, Pauper Joseph rubbed her wrists vigorously and patted her face in an attempt to revive her.
Pauper Hoss saw them enter the house with her and he made his way inside the house also, scratching his legs as he walked. Pauper Adam laid the maiden down gently on the settee, then went to fetch Hop Sing-eth, who was trained in fainting females and such as that.
Pauper Adam and Hop Sing-eth returned and when he waved a bottle of something stinky under Maiden Mariah’s nose, she sputtered and coughed and her eyes fluttered open.
“Hop Sing-eth make-uh some-uh broth,” Hop Sing-eth said and shuffled back to the kitchen.
“Who is she?” Pauper Hoss questioned.
“She saith her name is Maiden Mariah,” Pauper Joe replied.
“Yeah, like that song I sing…Away out here they got a na…”
“Now don’t start singing,” Pauper Ben complained. “We’ve got a sick maiden here we must tend to.” Pauper Ben held one of her hands between his and said to her, “Hop Sing-eth wilt have some broth for thee soon…thou rest-eth.”
“Thou art most kind, and go-eth to much trouble-eth for a stranger. I thank-eth thee, but I canst stay, I must press-eth on,” Maiden Mariah said and started to sit up, but Pauper Ben gently pushed her back down.
“Thou must eat-est first to gain thy strength.”
“Thou art a most kind man. I shall do as thee request. Thank-eth thee.”
“Eh…you said thee came-est from beyond the Blue Pine Forest…thou art a long way from home,” Pauper Adam said to her.
“Indeed,” she replied.
“What’re ya doin’ way over here-eth?” Pauper Hoss wanted to know, then scratched his leg.
“I left my village to seek-est a deliverer for mine village.”
“A deliverer? Why must thy village be delivered?” Pauper Ben questioned.
“Mine village…Ponderosaville…is in bondage to The Evil Blue One. He holds everyone captive and I, alone, was able to escape.” Maiden Mariah sat up and with enthusiasm in her eyes and in her voice, she said, “If I couldst but find the deliverer for mine village, he wouldst set it free and rid it of The Evil Blue One forever. That is why I must press on. I must find this deliverer and take him back to mine village before the people stop wishing for a deliverer and die. Dost thee know where I couldst find him?” Maiden Mariah’s eyes were full of tears and her voice pleading.
“I’m sorry, Maiden, but we know-eth of no such deliverer,” Pauper Ben replied.
“I didst not think-eth so,” she said very sadly.
“Pa, why canst WE help her rid her village of this Evil Blue One?” Pauper Joe spoke up.
“Pauper Joe, son…we art paupers, we art no vigilante committee.” Pauper Ben turned to Maiden Mariah. “Is there no peacekeeper in thy village?”
“Nay. The Evil Blue One rules and chaos is rampant and all are prisoners in their own homes.” Maiden Mariah began to weep, then lay down again. “Mine heart holds much sadness for mine village. I feel I have failed them somehow and now they will perish-eth and it wilt be MY fault.”
Hop Sing-eth brought his patient a bowl of hot blue bird egg broth and shooed the four men in tights away until after she had eaten.
While Maiden Mariah ate, Pauper Ben talked with his pauper sons. “I sure feel sorry for her,” he said to them.
“Pa, we gotta do somp’n tuh hep thet little-eth gal-eth,” Pauper Hoss said, then reached down and scratched his leg.
“Pauper Hoss is right, Pa…we canst just turn-eth her away. It’s our responsibility to help her,” Pauper Adam said to his pauper father.
“Says who?” Pauper Ben responded.
“It says so in the script…see…right here,” Pauper Adam said, whipping out his copy of the script from inside his tunic, and showing Pauper Ben. “It’s our responsibility to help her,” he read as he pointed to the place in the script.
“Well…” Pauper Ben said and shrugged his shoulders. “If it’s in the script, then that’s what we’ve got to do.”
Pauper Adam nodded, and stuffed the script back inside his tunic front.
“Alright, fellas,” Director Eileen said. “Get on with it.”
They nodded and Pauper Ben said, “ Well, I guess I DO feel some responsibility for her…alright…we’ll do what we can, but we’ll have to make-eth her understand we canst do no more than try.”
When they turned around, Maiden Mariah was on her feet. “I thank-eth thee most kindly for thy hospitality. I shall burden thee no longer. Good-bye,” she said and turned towards the door.
“Uh, Maiden Mariah…we’d like a word with thee, if we may-est,” Pauper Ben said.
“Of course,” she answered and walked back to them. “What dost thee wish-est to speak-eth to me about? If thee want-est coin for the food thou fed-est me, I have none to give thee.”
“Nay-nay…the food is free. What we wanted to speak-eth to thee about is concerning thy village. If thou wish-est, we…my pauper sons and I…will travel back with thee and do what-est we can for thy village.”
Maiden Mariah’s eyes widened. “Thou mean-est thou wilt play the role of deliverer of my village?!” she asked excitedly.
“All we canst do is try,” Pauper Ben said.
“Oh, thou art truly most good and kind…ALL of thee! I wish-est for thee to help! Verily I do!”
“Then it shall be done,” Pauper Ben replied. “Prepare-est the horses, Pauper Joseph; Pauper Hoss, thou sharpen-est the swords, and Pauper Adam, thou entertain-eth Maiden Mariah whilst I help-eth Pauper Hoss.”
“But, Pa, I want-eth to entertain-eth Maiden Mariah,” Pauper Joseph begged.
“Too late-eth,” Pauper Adam said as he whisked Maiden Mariah outside where he seated her in the garden bench, then knelt down at her knee.
“Wouldst thou like to hear me sing another song?”
“Uh…Yeah…Sure,” she replied, not wanting to hurt his feelings by saying no.
Pauper Adam cleared his throat, then began:
“Early one morning
Just as the sun was rising
I heard a maiden singing
In the valley below
Oh don’t deceive me
Oh never leave me
How could you use
A poor maiden so.
Remember, remember
Your vows to marry
Remember, remember
Your promise to be true
Oh don’t deceive me
Oh never leave me
How could you use
A poor maiden so.
Gay is the garland
And fresh are the roses
I culled from my garden
To bind upon thy brow
Oh don’t deceive me
Oh never leave me
How could you use
A poor maiden so.
Thus sang the maiden
Her sorrows be wailing
Thus sang the pretty maiden
In the valley below
Oh don’t deceive me
Oh never leave me
How could you use
A poor maiden so.
Early one morning
Just as the sun was rising
I heard a maiden singing
In the valley below
Oh don’t deceive me
Oh never leave me
How could you use
A poor…maiden….soooooooooo.”
When Pauper Adam finished singing he noticed tears in Maiden Mariah’s eyes. “Why weepest thou, Maiden Mariah? Was I off-key?”
She wagged her head slightly and displayed a half smile and through her tears she looked into his dark eyes. “We used to have music and singing in my village before…” Maiden Mariah stopped and placed her face in her hands and cried.
“Thou wilt again,” Pauper Adam said kindly and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder and seated himself beside her on the bench.
“I’m sorry, Pauper Adam, I didst not mean to show weakness, but when I left Ponderosaville in search of a deliverer, I was sad to leave because only sadness and darkness art there now, but once my village was full of music and singing and sunshine like thou hath here. Now…I’m not sure I WANT-ETH to go back.”
“Ponderosaville is thy home. Thou must return-est, and thou hast mine promise that we wilt do all we can to restore-eth the music and sunshine for thy village, and for thee,” Pauper Adam said then kissed the back of her hand.
“Thou art indeed a true gentleman, Pauper Adam. Now I know-est THEE art the deliverer I seek…Thee and thy kindred. Mine village WILL be restored as thee promised..I know-est it!”
“I said thou hast my vow that we wouldst TRY, I didst not promise that we wouldst for certain.”
“That is all that matters…that thee art willing.”
“We’re ready Pauper Adam,” Pauper Ben said to his son, and handed him his sword and sheath which Pauper Adam strapped around his waist. Placing his black hat on his head, he took Maiden Mariah’s hand, and she stood to her feet.
“I regret we have no horse for thee to ride, so thou must ride double with one of us,” Pauper Ben said to her.
“Muh horse is the biggest’un, she kin ride with me,” Pauper Hoss said, then reached down and scratched his legs vigorously.
“I know how to keep thy tights from itching thy legs so dreadfully, Pauper Hoss,” Maiden Mariah said when she was settled in front of him.
“How’s thet?” he asked.
Maiden Mariah leaned up and whispered something into his ear. He drew back suddenly, widened his eyes, and loudly exclaimed, “Shave muh legs?!”
His father and brothers looked at him, but showed no surprise. He looked at each of them and said, “Is thet why YOU three don’t itch?”
The three of them looked back at him, and raised their eyebrows at him, then heeled their mounts forward, a small smile on each of their faces.
******
The group traveled toward the Blue Pine Forest stopping once to water their horses and to rest before continuing on. While they sat on the grass beside the lake, Pauper Adam began to sing:
“The water is wide
I cannot get over
And neither have
I wings to fly
Give me a boat
That will carry two
And both shall row
My love and I.
A ship there is
And she sails the sea
She’s loaded deep
As deep can be
But not so deep
As the love I’m in
I know not how
I sink or swim.
I leaned my back
Up against an oak
I thought it was
A trusty tree
But first it bended
And then it broke
And thus my love
Proved false to me.
I spied a flower
On some soft bough
And thought to take it
For my own
I cut my heart
On the razor thorn
And left the sweetest
Flower alone.
Oh love is handsome
And love is fine
Gay as a jewel
When first its new
But love grows old
And waxes cold
And fades away
Like summer dew
And fades awayyyyyyyyy
Like summer dewwwwwwwww.”
“That was beautiful Pauper Adam, but very sad. Dost thee know any lively, happy songs?” Maiden Mariah asked him.
“Oh sure…Let’s sing ‘Sourwood Mountain’ for Maiden Mariah,” Pauper Adam said to his father and brothers.
“Fine, Pauper Adam son, but can we sing whilst we travel. We still have far to go,” Pauper Ben said.
When they were all mounted, Maiden Mariah riding with Pauper Adam now, and the horses started moving, Pauper Ben and his pauper sons began singing:
“Chickens crowing over the mountain
Hey ho diddle dum day
So many pretty girls you can’t count ‘em
Hey ho diddle dum day
My true love’s a blue-eyed daisy
Hey ho diddle dum day
Sometimes she almost drives me crazy
Hey ho diddle dum day………………..”
As the music and singing died out, Maiden Mariah was laughing and clapping her hands. “I haven’t had so much fun since…” Maiden Mariah stopped talking and her happy expression was replaced with an unhappy one. “Since the Evil Blue One took over our village,” she added, speaking Evil Blue One’s name with much bitterness in her voice.
“Tell us about-eth this Evil Blue One,” Pauper Adam said as the horses ambled on. “He sounds like a real sweet-eth character.”
“Poison is in his mouth and he alone holds the key to Ponderosaville’s preservation…or destruction,” Maiden Mariah replied very bleakly.
“How is it that thou alone has been able to keep free of Evil Blue One?” Pauper Adam asked her.
“Well…when Evil Blue One and his evil horsemen first came into our village, I was bathing myself in the river behind my cottage and I heard people screaming, so I got out of the water, put my clothes on and sneaked my way closer so I could see what-eth was going on. When I saw the people of my village in chains and stocks being led away, I hid until I heard no sounds in the village, then ventured out to investigate. When I learned everyone, save me, was a prisoner, I vowed to myself to avenge them of the adversary. Trouble was…I knew I could not do it alone. When I learned their routine of patrol, I worked out a plan to escape to search-eth for a deliverer for my village, and so I successfully escaped and ended up in thy barn. Thou know-est the rest.”
“Me thinks thou art a brave maiden,” Pauper Adam responded.
“I’m not brave at all, it frightens me sorely to think-est of coming face to face with Evil Blue One.”
“Why’s he called thet?” Pauper Hoss asked.
“When I was a child, I used to hear stories about him from people who had successfully escaped from him from other villages that he is a blue color from head to toe, and is truly a sight to behold, though I have never seen him myself. No one know-eth HOW it came-est to be that he is the color-eth blue,” Maiden Mariah explained. “And I have also heard when he has taken everything good from a village, he turns it and everyone in it blue, and then the village fades away into dust and the people die. Now he has taken over MY village,” Maiden Mariah began to weep again.
“Weep-est not, Maiden Mariah. I have vowed in mine heart to avenge thee of thy adversary. I will avenge thee to mine death if need be,” Pauper Adam said, stopping his horse and striking a most brave pose.
“Now ain’t thet goin’ a mite fer?” Pauper Hoss asked.
“No…it says so right here in the script,” Pauper Adam said and whipped out the script again from inside his tunic and showed it to Pauper Hoss. “See…to mine death if need be,” he read pointing to the script, then replacing it back inside his tunic.
Director Eileen gave him a look that said “just get on with the fairytale”. He looked at her and shrugged his shoulders.
Continuing on………………….
“STOP-ETH!” Maiden Mariah yelled suddenly, and Pauper Adam pulled a hard rein on Sport-eth’s bridle.
“What in the world is wrong-eth?!” Pauper Ben exclaimed at her.
“I didst not realize how near to Blue Pine Forest we have come. We must not enter therein whilst it is yet day,” Maiden Mariah said.
“And why not?” Pauper Joe asked.
“The Forest is awake in the day and many evils lurk-eth therein. Evil Blue One has his cronies hiding within and turn-eth everyone back to their own land…or kill-eth them if it pleaseth him more. That is why I traveled through at night…the Forest sleeps and it is safe to venture in. If I had traveled through in the light, they would have captured me and taken me to the Evil Blue One,” Maiden Mariah explained.
“We have a better chance of surprising Evil Blue One if we reach the village at night, but we must travel through the Blue Forest in the light to accomplish that, Maiden Mariah,” Pauper Ben explained.
“But art thou not afraid of being discovered and made to turn back or getting killed?”
“Well, we don’t go looking for a fight, but we don’t turn tail and run from one either, especially if we’re not the ones doing the provoking. Besides…we gave thee our word we wouldst help thee,” Pauper Adam responded.
“Thee do what thee think-eth best. I wouldst not think-eth less of thee if thou didst turn back. But if thee decides to advance through the Blue Pine Forest, then I wilt not be afraid,” Maiden Mariah said and looked at each one with great admiration.
“Time’s wasting,” Pauper Ben said, and held up his hand and gave them the command to move forward.
Slowly the travelers moved into The Blue Pine Forest. As they traveled they did no talking amongst themselves, only listening intently for signs of a coming attack from The Evil Blue One.
As they rode deeper and deeper into the forest, birds of the forest chirped and sang, and small animals scurried across the path in front of them. Monkeys screeched and swung from tree limb to tree limb. The blue gnu and wild warthogs snorted, growled, and chased each other, but left the humans alone.
Making their way through the thickest part of The Blue Pine Forest now, they had to dismount and walk their horses, because of the thickness of the underbrush and low hanging limbs. As they walked, the forest suddenly grew strangely quiet, and Pauper Adam stopped walking. “Listen,” he said. “Not a sound in the forest, save the sound of our own heartbeats.”
Maiden Mariah looked all around her and became suddenly afraid, so she pressed herself against Pauper Adam and she felt safe again.
“Me thought thee said The Blue Pine Forest sleep-eth at NIGHT. It is yet day,” Pauper Adam said to her.
“It does sleep-eth at night. I do not like-eth this, Pauper Adam,” Maiden Mariah said rather glumly.
At that moment, men jumped from behind trees with swords in their hands, and surrounded the group of travelers.
“Who art thee, and why hast thee come this way?” a swarthy swordsmen asked.
Pauper Ben took a step towards the one who spoke and said, “We art traveling to Ponderosaville. We have some business to attend to there.”
“What sort-eth of business?” the man asked.
“Well now, that’s our business,” Pauper Adam spoke up.
The man glared at him, then looked at Maiden Mariah. When she saw the look he gave her, she pressed herself tighter against Pauper Adam and he placed an arm around her in a protective way.
“Who is SHE?” the man asked as his eyes drank her in.
“She travels with us,” Pauper Adam replied, his hand resting uneasily above his sword.
“Thou may-est go back from whence thee came. The maiden comes with us,” the man said.
“The maiden stays with US,” Pauper Adam replied in a tone to let the man know he was not to be trifled with.
“The maiden will come with us,” the man repeated.
“Then thou wilt haft to fight-est me for her,” Pauper Adam said as he gently pushed Maiden Mariah towards his father and brothers and drew his sword at the same time.
“Thee art no match for me,” the man said in a menacing voice.
“I wilt take mine chances,” Pauper Adam replied.
“Pauper Adam! Please do not do-eth this…I beg thee!” Maiden Mariah pleaded with him.
Pauper Adam heeded not her words, but took his stance, feet spread apart, left hand behind him, and sword raised. “En garde,” Pauper Adam said to the man as he looked at him with steady, determined eyes.
The man took his fencing stance and said to his fellow swordsmen, “No one interferes…this man is mine.” Turning to Pauper Adam, the man raised his sword and said, “En garde.”
The two fencers touched the tips of each other’s sword to indicate each had accepted the challenge, and since Pauper Adam instigated the challenge he was allowed the first swipe of the sword.
Taking the initiative, Pauper Adam aimed the point of his sword at his opponent’s heart, but the man sidestepped the swipe and swiped his sword against Pauper Adam’s left upper arm when he came near him. The man laughed a taunting laugh at him. Maiden Mariah gasped and her hand flew to her mouth in fright. Pauper Ben, Pauper Hoss and Pauper Joe could only look on because of the “no interference” rule.
Pauper Adam grabbed his left arm where the swipe had torn his shirt and sliced his arm. He looked at the blood seeping through his fingers, then he looked at the man. Anger boiled up inside him and made him even more determined to defeat his foe. With renewed strength, he lunged at the man while the man still laughed and sliced the man’s cheek with the tip of his sword. That infuriated the man and so a raging swordfight ensued, each one trying for the most vulnerable part of the other’s body…the jugular vein.
Midst the cheering from both the evil swordsmen and the paupers, the two fencers engaged in fierce battle as sword clanged against sword. Eventually, Pauper Adam began to tire because he had lost a goodly amount of blood and the fact that he was not used to fighting so fiercely with such an experienced swordsman as his opponent.
Pauper Adam summoned his final round of strength and held his sword high above his head, then let it fall, flat side down, squarely on top of his foe’s head. The man was knocked down to his knees and Pauper Adam kicked the man’s sword aside and held the tip of his sword to the man’s throat. “Live or die,” Pauper Adam managed to get out breathlessly.
The man looked up at Pauper Adam and having been downed by a mere pauper, and knew his fellow swordsmen would label him a coward, said, “Die!”
Pauper Adam looked down at him and replied, “As much as I wish to conquer thee wholly, I will let thee live to bear thy disgrace and dishonor.”
Pauper Adam stepped back and removed his sword from the man’s throat and said, “Get thee up and out of my sight before I change-est mine mind.”
The man rose slowly to his feet and glared at Pauper Adam who stood staunchly glaring back at him. When the man turned to leave, Pauper Adam gave him a good swift kick in the backside. “Thou wilt regret this sorely!” the man called back over his shoulder as he started away.
The man and his swordsmen turned tail and ran out of the Blue Pine Forest towards Ponderosaville. Pauper Ben, Pauper Hoss, Pauper Joe and Maiden Mariah then ran to Pauper Adam, who had sunk to his knees on the ground holding his left arm while the blood ran.
Maiden Mariah tore Pauper Adam’s shirt sleeve all the way off to get a better look at his wound. Pauper Joe handed her a water skin and she ripped a portion of her underskirt for a bandage which she wetted from the water skin and cleaned Pauper Adam’s wound as best she could.
Pauper Ben said, “We’ll keep a look-out whilst thee rests-eths, Pauper Adam son.” Leaving Maiden Mariah to tend to Pauper Adam, Pauper Ben, Pauper Joe and Pauper Hoss left to hide in the Blue Pine Forest in case the swordsmen returned.
Wiping the wound area gently, Maiden Mariah did not look at Pauper Adam, but said, “Thee art noble like King Arthur and brave as Lancelot. What thee didst was very brave.”
“What I didst was very stupid,” Pauper Adam said, as he watched her carefully tend his wound.
“I wish to think-eth thee was brave. Not many men would have tried so daring a thing,” she replied, as she swathed the area again with the wetted cloth.
“He wouldst if he was protecting the maiden he loved.
Maiden Mariah’s eyes moved quickly to look into his, then she lowered them again, as she continued to swathe his wound. “My father’s dying wish was that I be married to a rich man.”
“And not a pauper,” Pauper Adam responded in a dejected tone of voice.
“And not a pauper,” Maiden Mariah answered quietly, as she tucked in the ends of Pauper Adam’s bandage. “But he didst not take into account mine heart. Mine heart loves a pauper,” she replied and raised her eyes to look into his once more. They held each other’s gaze for several seconds, then slowly Pauper Adam lowered his face to hers and their lips touched in a sweet tender kiss.
“Well now ain’t that touching,” a voice said, which caused Maiden Mariah and Pauper Adam to jerk their heads in that direction, and they quickly made their way to their feet. Pauper Adam pushed Maiden Mariah behind him and drew his sword. In front of them stood Evil Blue One with his sword drawn, and behind him stood Pauper Ben, Pauper Hoss and Pauper Joe being held prisoners by Evil Blue One’s evil cohorts, one of which was the man Pauper Adam had fought with.
“Me thought thee was safely hidden,” Pauper Adam said to his father.
“We wert. But they were hiding up in the trees we were hiding behind and they jumped us and took our swords,” Pauper Ben said.
Pauper Adam turned steady eyes at the Evil Blue One and said, “What happens now?”
“Hand over the maiden to me to be my wife,” Evil Blue One answered.
“Never. Thou wilt have to kill me to take her.”
Evil Blue One sighed deeply, and replied, “If thee insists.”
Maiden Mariah looked all around and saw they were surrounded by Evil Blue One’s henchmen. “If I go with thee, wilt thee let these men go?” she said to Evil Blue One.
“What was that?” Evil Blue One responded.
“What was that?” Pauper Adam also responded, and looked at her.
“If I go with thee, wilt thee spare the life of this man and the others with him?”
“I wilt.”
“Then I wilt go with thee.”
“And be my wife?”
“Thou hast said it.”
Maiden Mariah took a step, but Pauper Adam held her and stopped her. “Thou canst not do this,” he said to her.
Maiden Mariah turned her sad tear-filled eyes up to him and held his upper arms. “It is within my power to save thy life or cause thee to lose it. I do what I must do to save thee. It was my father’s last wish that I marry a rich man. Evil Blue One is a rich man, and a maiden must honor her father’s dying wish.”
“Even though thee dost not love him?”
“I didst not say it wouldst be easy. I do not marry Evil Blue One to fulfill my father’s wish, I marry him to save thy life, and for that reason alone.” Maiden Mariah turned her tear streaked face to Evil Blue One. “Might thee grant me one last kiss from this man?”
With an evil smile on his face, Evil Blue One nodded and said, “As thee wish.”
Maiden Mariah turned back to Pauper Adam and looked into his eyes and said, “I send with thee mine heart and all my love.” Maiden Mariah closed her eyes and turned her face up to accept his last kiss. It was a kiss that surpassed all others.
While their kiss lingered, you could hear soft music and a hundred and three voice choir singing these words:
“There were bells on the hill
But I never heard them ringing
No, I never heard them at all
Till there was you.
There were birds in the sky
But I never saw them winging
No, I never saw them at all
Till there was you.
Then there was music and wonderful roses
They tell me, in sweet fragrant meadows of dawn and dew.
There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all
Till there was you.
Then there was music and wonderful roses
They tell me, in sweet fragrant meadow of dawn and dew.
There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all
Till…there…was…youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.”
“I never knew love at all, till there was you,” Maiden Mariah said in a bare whisper and much emotion in her voice as she looked deep into Pauper Adam’s dark eyes, her own overflowing with tears. Then she broke away from him quickly and ran to Evil Blue One, but when Pauper Adam tried to go after her, two henchmen held him back and placed their swords in front of him.
Maiden Mariah stood in front of Evil Blue One with her head down and said, “I’m ready.” Then she looked up at him and said, “I have kept my word, now thee keep thine. And if harm comes to them in any way, I will kill myself and thee will be disgraced before thy followers.”
“Thee possess-eth little fortitude to take thine own life,” he answered her with certainty.
“Mine heart goes with that man. If I canst not be with him, I care little whether I liveth or die, but I know-est thou care-est much for me, else thou wouldst have already killed these men and I wouldst have killed myself because THEE killed THEM and it would have been one great big bloody mess, and I get sorta weak in the knees at the sight of blood, especially mine own…I think-eth thee get-eth the picture.”
“After that long spiel of words…I get the picture.” Evil Blue One turned to his swordsmen and said, “Release them and give them their swords.” Evil Blue One directed his next remarks to Pauper Adam. “If I ever see thee again, I will kill thee.”
Pauper Adam looked steadily at Evil Blue One. “And I thee,” he said in a definite tone.
Maiden Mariah turned around and took one last look at Pauper Adam. Their eyes sent a silent message to each other. Hers to him conveyed a plea to stay away, and his to her conveyed a promise that he would return for her.
Evil Blue One placed Maiden Mariah on a horse and mounted his and he and his henchmen made their way back to Ponderosaville, leaving Pauper Adam, his father and brothers to go their way freely.
******
Many days Pauper Ben and his sons camped in the Blue Pine Forest waiting for Pauper Adam’s wound to heal.
Maiden Mariah, held prisoner in the tower in Ponderosaville, walked through her days in pining for Pauper Adam and distaste for The Evil Blue One, but she was an honest maiden and vowed to keep her word and marry Evil Blue One.
One day as she sat in front of her long mirror, Maiden Mariah pulled her long dark hair over her shoulder around in front and began brushing it slowly as she thought of her pending marriage to Evil Blue One, but the face in her mind was Pauper Adam’s. Tears seeped out of her eyes and slid down her faintly flushed cheeks while she thought on him which made her heart very sad. She stopped brushing her hair and put her face in her hands and wept softly.
“Evil Blue One!” Pauper Adam called out. “Come out and face me!”
Maiden Mariah ran to her tower window and looked down into the courtyard and saw Pauper Adam, his father and brothers. Their hands rested above their swords which hung low and easy on their hips, the way a sword-slinger wears his epee. Soon she saw Evil Blue One emerge from below her window. She ran swiftly out of her room.
“Well, if it isn’t the man in black and his colorful cuties,” Evil Blue One taunted. “Didst thee not hear when I said I wouldst kill thee if next we meet?”
“I heard. I have come-eth for Maiden Mariah.”
“Dost this mean thee wilt fight me for her?”
Maiden Mariah ran out of the tower confines straight towards Pauper Adam, but when she passed Evil Blue One, he snatched her back towards himself. Maiden Mariah looked at Pauper Adam. “What art thee doing here?!” she said to him.
“I have come to rescue thee and rid thy village of Evil Blue One,” he answered.
“Thou canst not prevail against The Evil Blue One, Pauper Adam. He is cunning and crafty and very evil. Thou wilt surely die if thee go up against him!”
“Dost thou think-eth that frightens me?”
“I know thou art very brave, but thou must not attempt such a feat. I wouldst rather die myself than to see thee slain for thy bravery,” Maiden Mariah answered him.
“I do not fear-eth him.”
“Please, Pauper Adam…I beg thee…do not do this. If thou lovest me at all…do not do this!”
“It is BECAUSE I love thee, that I do this thing.”
“Wouldst thou wish grief upon me if thee die-est by his hand, knowing it is because of me that thou do-est this?”
“I wish no grief upon thee, Maiden Mariah…this is a matter of honor, and one I canst not walk away from.”
“I beg thee once more…do not this thing.”
“I canst not bear to think-eth of thee as that man’s wife,” Pauper Adam said to her.
“I will let Maiden Mariah choose between us,” The Evil Blue One announced.
All eyes turned to look at him. Maiden Mariah’s eyes were suddenly full of hope and gladness. “Thee wilt let me choose? And wilt abide by mine choice?”
“I wilt,” The Evil Blue One said where everyone could hear, then in words only Maiden Mariah could hear, and barely moving his mouth, he said, “However, if thee dost not choose ME, thy lover wilt die where he stands, for I have twelve archers with their crossbows pointed straight at his heart.”
Maiden Mariah’s eyes lost their luster of joy and filled with tears. She looked at The Evil Blue One a few more seconds then turned to look at a smiling Pauper Adam.
“We all wait eagerly for thy decision, Maiden Mariah. Make thy choice. Dost thou choose this pauper, who canst offer thee nothing, or dost thou choose ME, who canst offer thee everything thee deserves.”
Maiden Mariah swallowed hard and held her gaze on Pauper Adam, who waited patiently for her answer.
Maiden Mariah bit her lower lip in angst. “I choose…I choose…Evil Blue One,” she said and lowered her head for she could not bear to gaze on Pauper Adam’s heartbreaking expression of rejection.
“Thee dost not love him!” Pauper Adam yelled out at her.
“Maiden Mariah hast made her choice. It is the code of honor that thee abide by her choice. Now, I ask-eth thee and thy colorful cuties to leave-est this village…Never to return,” The Evil Blue One said to Pauper Adam.
Maiden Mariah watched as Pauper Adam turned quickly on his heels, and it was very evident by the look he gave her and the way he departed from her sight, he was sorely displeased, and much angered by her choice. Putting her face in her hand, she burst out in tears, and turned and ran back inside the tower.
Reaching the entrance to the Blue Pine Forest, Pauper Adam stopped and turned around to look back towards the village. “She dost not love him!”
“What thee sayest is true. Maiden Mariah chose The Evil Blue One to spare thy life. There wast a dozen crossbow archers with their bows ready to fire at thee if she had not chosen him,” Pauper Ben told him.
“I canst not leave her there with him. I canst not bear to think of that man as her husband. I will keep trying to rescue her till I be successful or die trying.”
“I think-eth I know-est how we can get her out of there,” Pauper Joe spoke up.
“Oh?”
“Remember-est when I wast a lad and had trouble-eth sleeping. Hop Sing-eth made-est me a tea to drink to make-eth me sleep,” Pauper Joe replied.
Pauper Adam’s face lit up brightly. “Yes! And if we could get enough of it, we could put it in the water system and when they drink it, the whole lot will be as sleeping babes and we can sneak right in and take Maiden Mariah out!”
“Hey, thet’s a real good idée,” Pauper Hoss chimed in. “And mebbe Hop Sing-eth can conjure up somp’n tuh stop these dadblame tights from bein’ suh itchy,” he added, reaching down and scratching his legs vigorously.
“Maiden Mariah told thee how to take care of that, Pauper Hoss,” Pauper Adam reminded him.
“Yeah, I know she did, but…thet seems suh…well, you know…far-fetched. Whoever heard a-shavin’ their legs enyhow. Don’t seem natural.”
“This is a fairytale, Hoss, and Eileen’s fairytale at that, and you know how her mind works,” Adam replied.
“Ahem…could you just get on with it, fellas,” Director Eileen directed them.
“Okay, okay…where were we?” Adam asked.
“You’re getting ready to go back home to get Hop Sing-eth to brew up a sleeping potion,” Director Eileen said.
“Oh yeah…alright, let’s see then…my next line is…” Adam said, taking the script out of his tunic and scanning the pages.
“Let us go now…” Director Eileen prompted him.
“Yeah, that’s it,” Adam said, stuffing the script back inside his tunic.
“Let us go now and prevail upon Hop Sing-eth to help us defeat the enemy,” Pauper Adam said.
And so, the fearless foursome rode their faithful steeds all the way back through the Blue Pine Forest to their own homeland.
Hop Sing-eth was more than pleased to help in the demise of The Evil Blue One, especially when Pauper Adam told him he was going to bring Maiden Mariah back to be his wife, for Hop Sing-eth thought it was nigh time that at least ONE of the Pauper boys was married.
Loaded down with skins and skins full of the sleeping potion, the Paupers made their way back through the Blue Pine Forest traveling at night so they wouldn’t be discovered. By dawn, they had reached the edge of Ponderosaville, so they found a deserted building to hide themselves and their horses until another nightfall when they would put their plan into action.
With nightfall upon them now, the village became quiet, and so the Paupers went to work dumping a skin full of sleeping potion into every water well in the village. Now all they had to do was go back to the deserted building and wait until the evildoers had taken their fill of water and for the sleeping potion to take effect.
******
Now that it was midmorning of the next day, no one could be seen moving about the village, even the evil horsemen were not seen on their hourly patrols throughout the village.
Convinced the village was now under the spell of the sleeping potion, the Paupers came out of their hiding place and began moving about in search of the evildoers to collect them and put them in stocks for safe keeping against any more terrorizing against the village.
******
So with their mission accomplished, Pauper Adam began his search for Maiden Mariah. He looked carefully in every building and house, and always watchful in case there could be a surprise attack by a guard or guards that could possibly have missed drinking the water. He finally made his way to the end of town to the tower and pushed open the door carefully and stepped inside. Making his way inside, he climbed the winding staircase in a deliberate, slow, careful and quiet way until he came to Maiden Mariah’s room.
Fully expecting to find a guard inside, he paused outside her door just long enough to draw his leg up and kick in the door. He stepped in quickly, sword drawn, but found only Maiden Mariah lying on her bed. The noise of the door being kicked in caused no reaction from her, though she was clearly awake.
Pauper Adam went quickly to her bedside and knelt at her side. “I came for thee. I couldst not let The Evil Blue One take thee for his wife. We have apprehended him and his evil cohorts and they are in stocks. Rise…come away with me,” he said as he took her hand.
“But how wast thee able…”
Pauper Adam smiled. “We tainted the water with a sleeping potion so when they drank it, we were able to capture thy adversaries and imprison them. Thy village is safe once again.”
“Sleeping potion? Thee added a sleeping potion to…the water? Then everyone in the village wouldst have consumed the water also…even I.”
“Yes. But it will wear off soon. Come…I will help thee walk.”
“I canst not rise up to go with thee.”
“But why?”
“I am dying, for my body is wracked with poison.”
Pauper Adam’s eyes widened and he looked at her disbelieving. “No! H-how?!”
“Thee wast so angry with me when last I saw thee, I thought thee wouldst never wish to look-est upon me again, and I couldst not bear that. I wast disheartened that I wouldst never see thee again and didst not believe thee wouldst come a second time, so I gathered the poison berries that grow outside mine window and I didst eat them. Oh, what have I done to thee and me…what have I done!” Maiden Mariah cried in a lamentable voice.
“Poison berries…is there no anecdote?!”
“Nay, my love, nay. I am doomed to die soon,” she answered in a voice full of gloom and despair.
“Don’t speak so.”
Maiden Mariah placed the palm of her hand against his face and smiled a half smile through her tears. “Wilt thee kiss me, then sing to me one last time?” she asked in a weak voice.
Pauper Adam turned his head and kissed the palm of her hand, then held it between both his hands and looked into her eyes. He leaned over and placed a kiss upon her fevered lips, then began to sing:
“There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all
Till there was you.
And there was music and wonderful roses
They tell me in sweet fragrant meadows of dawn and dew
There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all…”
Pauper Adam stopped singing when he saw Maiden Mariah close her eyes and felt her hand go limp in his. He checked for her breathing and when he found she was not, he crossed her hands over her breast and sadly whispered, “Till there was you.”
He kissed her once more and laid his head down on the bed beside her dead body and wept softly for several minutes, after which he raised his head, wiped his face of the lingering tears and gazed upon her face and thought she looked very much like a sleeping angel. He brushed a stray lock of her hair off her forehead and with new tears in his eyes, he looked down into her face once more, and placed a kiss at the corner of one brow, then bowed his head in sorrow and grief. He stood to his feet, and with his shoulders sagging and a heavy heart, he left Maiden Mariah’s room.
Pauper Adam lost his true love that night. His grief was almost more than he could bear, and so he impressed upon his father to allow him to leave the family unit.
The father agreed to let Pauper Adam have some time away, so, Pauper Adam left Ponderosaville with only the clothes on his back, his sword, a bag of food, a skin of water and his faithful steed.
Before leaving, he made one stop outside the village, the cemetery. Pauper Adam knelt down beside Maiden Mariah’s grave and placed a hand on top of the mound of dirt she lay under, and this is the song he sang that day:
“Who can say for certain
Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory so clear.
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration.
Can it be?
That you are mine, forever, Love
And you are watching over me from up above.
Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for awhile, to know you’re there
A breath away’s not far to where you are.
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn’t faith believing
All power can’t be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me, every day.
Cause you are mine, forever, Love
Watching me from up above
And I believe that angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave.
Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for awhile, to know you’re there
A breath away’s not far to where you are.
I know you’re there.
A breath away’s not far to where you are.”
As the music faded out, Pauper Adam drew his sleeve across his eyes to dry his tears, then under his nose. Lovingly, he touched the mound of dirt one last time then stood to his feet, mounted his horse and slowly rode away, and never looked back.
There are many legends today about what happened to him, but none have ever been substantiated. It has been said he left to further his education…To become a roving seaman…Or even to live a life of seclusion, but whatever the legend, Pauper Adam was never heard from again, neither did his father or brothers speak his name again.
Now, I know fairytales are supposed to end with the words “and they lived happily ever after” but this is not your every day, run-of-the-mill fairytale. Though there is ONE happy note here…Pauper Ben and his two remaining sons decided to settle in Ponderosaville. As the foundation footing was being dug for their new home, a rich vein of silver ore was discovered and proved to be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, so Pauper Ben, Pauper Hoss and Pauper Joe were no longer known as Pauper Ben, Pauper Hoss or Pauper Joe, but took on the last name of Cartwright, for they were rich enough now to afford a last name. They even shortened Ponderosaville to just Ponderosa, where they lived happily ever after.
That is, until the next time Director Eileen shows up wanting them to help her with another fairytale.
THE END
Author: Eileen K
SONG CREDITS:
“My Sons, My Sons”
(Composer/Writer: Jay Livingston-Ray Evans)
(Can hear Lorne Greene sing this on the Bonanza CD #1)
“Early One Morning”
(Traditional)
(Can hear Pernell Roberts sing this on Bonanza CD #1)
“Call The Wind Maria”
(Composer/Writer: Alan Jay Lemer-Frederick Loewe)
(Can hear Pernell Roberts sing this on Bonanza CD #4)
“Sourwood Mountain”
(Traditional)
(Can hear Lorne Greene, Pernell Roberts, Dan Blocker and Michael Landon sing this on Bonanza CD #1)
“The Water Is Wide”
(arr. Dick Rosmini-Pernell Roberts)
(Can hear Pernell Roberts sing this on Bonanza CD #4)
“Till There Was You”
(Writer: Meredith Wilson)
(Can hear Shirley Jones sing this in “The Music Man”)
“To Where You Are”
(Writer: Linda Thompson)
(Can hear Josh Groban sing this on his CD “Josh Groban”)
******
Well, I guess it’s not really the end yet. After the production was over, and all the favorable thumbs-up reviews were in and Eileen left after fulfilling her dream of being plucked out of obscurity and becoming a successful writer, the Cartwright’s gathered in front of the fireplace as they so often did for relaxation. Ben sat in his red leather chair enjoying his pipe while Joe and Hoss played their usual game of checkers, and Adam on the settee reading Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.
They were each very satisfied…Ben, because he helped a friend; Hoss, because he had a
part in helping Eileen being plucked out of obscurity to realize her dream of being a successful writer; Adam was satisfied that he dispelled all the rumors about him being the reason for the break up of the foursome; Joe was thrilled at all the beautiful girls that vied for his attention. Why, he even stopped combing his hair, for every time he combed it, another beautiful girl would run her fingers through his hair and mess it up again, so he just wore it wild and free, and they all lived happily ever after.
Now it’s
THE END!
But you ask: What became of Evil Blue One? and Did Hoss really shave his legs to keep the tights from itching?
I’m sorry, my friends, for these and other questions, will have to remain unanswered until the next wacky Cartwright fairytale…providing there IS a next wacky Cartwright fairytale…only time will tell. So for the meantime, I’ll end with these words: “And they lived happily ever after.”
Now it’s REALLY……..
April 2003
