Summary: After a nearly fatal case of mistaken identity in Kiowa Flats, Joe and Hoss continue their quest for Texas Longhorn breeding stock, inadvertently stumbling across a potential goldmine (What Happened Next after “The Gunmen”).  Written for the Chaps & Spurs 2025 Third Quarter Challenge*.

Rating: K+   Word Count:  2974

A STOP AT THE SHADY VILLA

The sun was dipping into the trees as Joe and Hoss Cartwright, having gladly shaken the dust of Kiowa Flats from their boots hours before, tied their horses to the rail outside the Shady Villa Hotel.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m so hungry I could eat my hat.” Hoss rubbed his middle in a vain attempt to ease the gnawing in his empty stomach.

Joe trudged up the steps and paused to study the bill of fare posted by the door. “Looks like you won’t have to.”

“Today’s Special: Traveler’s stew with biscuits and beans,” Hoss read over his shoulder. “What are we standin’ out here for? Come on, I’m about to faint.”

Inside, a mouthwatering aroma beckoned from the noisy dining room adjacent to the lobby. A sturdy, red-faced woman scurried to greet them, tucking a stray curl into her disheveled brown bun. “I’ll have a table for you gentlemen in just a minute. If you need a room, Earl can help you in the meantime.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” Hoss touched the brim of his hat in deference and smiled, following Joe to the front desk, where a balding clerk with a sagging expression presented the registry.

“Room is seventy-five cents a night,” said Earl.

“I assume that includes a lock on the door,” said Joe, remembering the hotel at Kiowa Flats.

“Yes.”

“Good.” He signed his name and handed the coins to the clerk with a smile.

“It’ll be another twenty-five cents if you want the key.”

Joe’s grin faded into a frown as he fished the extra quarter from his pocket. “If I want the key…” he muttered.

Earl removed the key from a hook on the wall behind him. “Room 6, upstairs, left, at the end of the hall.”

“C’mon, Joe, table’s ready.”

The harried hostess led them toward the back of the room to a narrow table in a corner. “I hope you don’t mind. I know it’s a little small but at least it’s quieter.”

“It’s just fine, ma’am,” Hoss assured her. “I could eat standin’ up if I had to. And that stew sure does smell good.”

“I’ll have it right out,” she promised. An eruption from the vicinity of the kitchen made her throw up her hands. “Good heavens, what now?”

They watched her thread her way toward the direction of the offending clamor. “You wouldn’t think a gal like that could be so quick on her feet,” Hoss mused. “Seems like a popular place. The food must be pretty good.”

“Better than your hat, anyway.”

The meal arrived promptly as promised, heaping bowls of steaming stew, sourdough biscuits, and the obligatory pinto beans, along with two beers on the house, followed by generous slices of buttermilk pie. Joe watched in amusement as Hoss sopped the last of his broth with the remaining biscuit before he pushed his own unfinished bowl toward him.

“You sure you don’t want it?”

“I’m sure. There’s no way I can keep up with you, so there’s no use tryin’.” Joe’s gaze slid over the room and settled on a table of three men in the opposite corner. One of them caught Joe’s eye, and the two acknowledged each other with a nod. The man rose from his seat and approached the Cartwrights.

“I haven’t seen you two around here before. Where are you from?” He was well over six feet and wore a badge on his vest.

“Nevada Territory. Our family owns a ranch there, and we’re looking into breeding longhorn cattle with our stock. I’m Joe Cartwright, and this is my brother, Hoss.”

“Howdy,” said Hoss.

“Jim Bodie, sheriff. You know, you two look an awful lot like a couple of fellas that have been causing a passel of trouble around these parts.”

“If you mean the Slade boys – yeah, we know. They caused some trouble for us too over in Kiowa Flats,” said Joe. “But I don’t think you’ll be hearin’ from them again.”

“Kiowa Flats, you say?”

Hoss chimed in. “Yeah, you can wire the sheriff there; he’ll vouch for us. His name is B. Bannerman Brown.”

“All right, I’ll do that. You gonna be in town long?”

“Just passing through on our way to the Hi-Lo Ranch” said Joe. “We heard it’s not far from here.”

“Not far at all; in fact, the foreman’s sittin’ right over there if you wanna talk to him. I’ll introduce you.”

Before they could make acquaintance, a fight broke out between two cowboys at another table. During the scuffle that followed, a shot rang out, a window shattered, and by the time the sheriff was able to intervene, one of the men lay spread-eagle on the floor.

“Doc, better see to Ludie,” he directed to someone in the crowd as he handcuffed the other man.

The doc cast a cursory glance at the body on the floor. “It’s Ludie, all right.”

“Well, what about him?”

“He’s dead, Jim.” The declaration evoked a murmur of sympathy from the bystanders.

“He ain’t dead, look, his fingers are movin,” said Hoss.

The man groaned and squinted one eye open.

“Well, nobody’s perfect. Besides, I’m a dentist, not a medical doctor.”

“All right, somebody get him up and over to Doc Welby’s. I’ll take this one with me.” The sheriff departed with his prisoner, followed by a discombobulated Ludie with more than a little help from his friends.

Order restored, the milling onlookers resumed their previous activities. Joe caught Hoss by the arm. “Let’s see if we can talk to that foreman.”

“You know which one he is?”

“No, but I’ll bet the one he called Doc can tell us.”

Doc had returned to his seat at the table, alone. He was drinking from a flask and reading a book when they approached.

“Sorry to interrupt you, sir,” Joe began, “but my brother and I are looking for the foreman of the Hi-Lo Ranch. The sheriff said he was here a few minutes ago, and we were wondering if you could point him out to us.”

He raised his eyes but said nothing. Joe had a feeling he was sizing them up before answering. When he did speak, his words were cordial. “He stepped out but should be back soon. You’re welcome to sit and wait.”

They accepted the offer but declined the flask. Doc took another swig and placed it in his vest pocket. “Pardon me for saying so, but you two don’t look much like brothers.”

“Yeah, we hear that all the time,” said Hoss.

They made small talk, though Doc mostly listened. At one point, his eyes flicked past them.

“There’s the foreman.”

Joe and Hoss both turned as a broad-shouldered man in a red shirt, black vest, and black hat strode toward them.

“These gentlemen would like to speak with you,” said Doc.

“Oh?”

Joe and Hoss introduced themselves and explained the purpose of their visit.

“Well, I’m sorry I can’t help you fellas; I’m not the foreman anymore. I just picked up my pay from the Judge, and I’m headed back to Virginia in the morning.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” said Doc.

“All things considered, I guess it’s for the best. Well, so long, Doc.” He extended his hand in farewell.

“Vaya con Dios, Clarence.”

The other man grimaced. “You know, except for my Pa, you’re the only man who ever got away with callin’ me that. I can’t say I’ll miss it.”

Doc’s mouth quirked into a half smile. “Give my best to Virginia.”

“How far is it to Virginia?” Hoss wondered as Clarence launched himself through the bat wing doors.

“Not far. Virginia is his bodacious wife. She lives in Austin.” Doc had resumed his reading, signaling an end to their conversation.

“What do you wanna do now, Joe?”

“I guess we’ll just ride out to the ranch tomorrow like we planned. I’m beat anyway.”

“Me too.”

A shrill whistle pierced the air, and the brothers were caught in a melee of diners scrambling. There was a downward rush on the stairs as people poured from the rooms above.

Their frenzied hostess dashed from the kitchen, shouting. “It’s all right, everyone! There is no fire! Someone just pulled the alarm by mistake.”

“It was no mistake, Clarabelle,” said a slight man looking at his pocket watch. He then addressed the crowd in a high-pitched voice. “Folks, this is an official fire drill pursuant to town council ordinance 10 dash 4B.”

A jowly patron in a tailored suit approached him, bellowing, “Deputy Bernard, what is the meaning of this?”

“Just doin’ my sworn duty to uphold the law, Judge. We’re conducting random drills all over town.”

Clarabelle glared at him. “Really, Bernie – during the dinner rush on my busiest night? As if I wasn’t already a nervous wreck!”

“Now, Clarabelle…Sweetie Pie….” he implored before she cut him off.

“Don’t you ‘Sweetie Pie’ me!” She stomped back to the kitchen with him trailing like a lovesick pup.

The judge scowled. “I was holding three aces. My best hand in a month.”

Hoss elbowed Joe. “Reckon he’s the judge that foreman mentioned?”

“I dunno, but there’s one way to find out.”

They worked their way over to the man as he was headed back upstairs. “Excuse me sir,” said Joe. “Are you by chance the owner of the Hi-Lo Ranch?”

“Not by chance, son. By blood, sweat, and true grit. Judge Henry Wapner.” He stuck out his hand. “What can I do for you?”

“Joe Cartwright. This is my brother Hoss. We’re lookin’ to buy some longhorns to breed with our stock in Nevada.”

Judge Wapner looked them over before replying. “Well now, I think we might be be able to do some business. Why don’t you boys come out to the ranch tomorrow and I’ll show you what I’ve got. My place is about five miles north. Just follow the creek. You can’t miss it.”

~*~

The restaurant wasn’t nearly as crowded the next morning, and the only evidence of the previous night’s disturbance were the boards replacing the shattered window.

The pretty waitress introduced herself as Juanita and addressed Joe. “What can I get you?”

He replied with a well-honed grin. “That depends. What are you offering?”

“Coffee, tea…or milk. If it’s not on the menu, we don’t serve it.”

Joe’s face fell. “Coffee.”

Hoss snickered. “Same for me.”

“Anything else?”

Hoss perused the menu. “Aunt Bee’s Big Boy Breakfast looks mighty fine.”

“Sorry, our egg man hasn’t shown up yet today. How about a stack of Grannycakes with ham and hominy grits? Today’s special, buy one, get one half price.”

“All right, make it two. You want anything, Joe?”

“Make it three.” Joe yawned.

Juanita collected their menus on her way back to the kitchen.

“Little brother, you look like you didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“How could I? Between that poker game next door and your buzz saw goin’ all night, I’m lucky I slept at all. I’m surprised you didn’t wake yourself up.”

“I slept like a log.”

“Believe me, I know.”

Juanita returned with their coffee. “Your orders are up next. Morning, Sheriff Bodie.”

“Mornin’, Juanita. Well boys, your story checked out. Sheriff Brown says they’ve got the Slade brothers locked up tight.”

“I hope we never run into them again,” said Hoss. “They sure caused us a heap o’ trouble.”

“I can see why. Well, I just wanted to let you know.”

“Thanks. You’re welcome to join us for breakfast,” said Joe.

“I appreciate the invitation, but I’m on my way to a parent-teacher conference. My boy Junior seems to think old lady Schlump’s got it in for him. His words, not mine. You know how kids are,” he chuckled. “They tend to exaggerate things to their advantage, but I’m sure we’ll get things straightened out.”

“Good luck,” said Joe. “And good luck to Junior.”

Juanita delivered their breakfasts on a tray and refilled their coffee. They watched the sheriff ascend the stairs with a noticeable spring in his step.

“I thought he said he was going to a parent-teacher conference.” said Hoss.

“Conference room’s upstairs,” said Juanita. “Junior must really be having trouble, because he brings a note home nearly every week from that new schoolmarm.” Then she shrugged. “But Sheriff Bodie doesn’t seem to mind.”

“I guess he doesn’t need luck after all,” said Joe.

A portly gentleman hurried into the restaurant, mopping his flushed face with a handkerchief.

“Mayor Frankfurter, is something wrong?” Juanita asked.

“Yes, I’m afraid so.” He paused at their table, looking distressed. “My brother-in-law, Judge Wapner, asked me to tell you he won’t be able to do business with you young fellas after all.”

“Why not?” asked Hoss.

The mayor gulped. “He lost the ranch in a poker game last night.” He mopped his face again. “He said some wheeler dealer from Dallas named Ewing snookered him, took everything. Poor Henry is over at Doc Welby’s right now with chest pains. My wife is with him, frantic over her brother. Oh dear.”

“Maybe you ought to sit down,” said Joe.

“No, I have to get over to Bucky’s. Flo wants me to pick up some kolaches and a bag of Beaver Nuggets. They’re Henry’s favorite.”

Mayor Frankfurter rushed out the door.

“Beaver Nuggets?” Joe and Hoss both queried.

Juanita smiled as she handed them their bill. “If you know, you know.”

The other Doc walked in as they were getting ready to leave. “Tough break, boys. I guess you’ll be headed home empty handed.”

“Looks that way, unless you think that Ewing fella might be willing to make a deal,” said Joe.

“Not likely. He told me this morning he had a sweet deal in the works to sell the whole kit and caboodle to a man named Goodnight from up north. I expect that’s what’ s really got the Judge in a fit, missing out on that windfall.”

“It sure is a shame, losin’ his ranch like that, after all the blood, sweat, and grit he put into the place,” said Hoss, shaking his head.

“Well, don’t feel too sorry for him. He won it just last month in a high stakes tournament over in Fort Worth. That’s all the sweat he’s ever put into it,” said Doc. “If you’re still determined pick up some stock, there are plenty of outfits between here and Nevada. Stop in at Bucky’s and ask for Stumpy. He can give you some direction.”

“Where is this Bucky’s?” asked Hoss.

“South side, west of the creek, there’s a great big sign out front. Carries just about anything you’d need, and a lot that you don’t. Take my advice, don’t pass on the Beaver Nuggets. They’re great for snacking on the trail.”

“Thanks for your help, Doc…?”

“Holliday.”

Joe’s eyes widened. “You mean you’re…?”

“Not that one.” He smiled. “But I’m flattered.”

Sheriff Bodie sauntered down the stairs, whistling.

Hoss nudged Joe, and they both grinned. “Everything get straightened out with Junior’s teacher?”

The sheriff looked smug. “Ellie Schlump is a very reasonable woman.”

Doc Holliday nodded knowingly. “She’s got great teeth, too.” He winked, lifting his hat in farewell. “Vaya con Dios, gentlemen.”

~*~

Camped on the trail that night, the Cartwright brothers rounded out their standard fare of cowboy beans and hardtack with a smorgasbord of cherry maple beef jerky, jalapeno peanut brittle, pecan logs, and, of course, Beaver Nuggets.

Fully sated afterwards, they stretched out on their bedrolls under the wide prairie sky and gazed at the big and bright, deep-in-the heart of Texas stars. Hoss broke the silence. “Who knew there were that many different kinds of jerky in the world? Or that anything called Beaver Nuggets could change your life?”

“All I know is that Bucky fella must be pretty smart. It’s got me thinkin’…” Joe made a mental note to save some of the nuggets in hopes that with the aid of Hop Sing’s culinary expertise he could recreate their crunchy golden goodness. He’d have to change the name if he wanted to market them to the Virginia City populace, though…

He snapped his fingers.“Gold nuggets! They would sell like hotcakes! What do you think, Hoss?”

There was no reply from the other side of the campfire. Hoss was sawing logs again. But this time, it was a lullaby to Joe’s ears as he drifted off to dream of becoming Nevada’s first snack food tycoon….

END

*C&S challenge words: wreck, eruption, wall, declaration, launched

If you enjoyed this bit of ridiculousness, you may  also like:

Shirtless Joe (by JC)

The Best Little Bed and Breakfast in Nevada (by JC)

For a complete, up to date listing of my stories, check out JC’s Author Page

AUTHOR’S NOTES/CREDITS:

Dream Supporting Cast:

Clint “Cheyenne” Walker as Sheriff Jim Bodie, DeForest “Bones McCoy” Kelley as Doc Holliday, James “The Virginian” Drury as Clarence, Don “Barney Fife” Knotts as Deputy Bernard, Katherine Barrett (Bessie Sue Hightower, Any Friend of Walter’s) as Clarabelle, Robert Middleton (Sam Bryant, Death at Dawn) as Judge Wapner, Henry Jones (King Arthur, A Knight to Remember) as Earl, Charles Watts (Sheriff Munsey, A Knight to Remember) as Mayor Frankfurter, Anita Sands (Willow Hoad, The Spitfire) as Juanita, Gregory Walcott (Farmer Perkins, Death at Dawn) as Ludie.

The Shady Villa Hotel (aka Salado House) opened in 1860 as a stage stop on the Chisholm Trail near Salado Creek in Bell County, Texas, where travelers included Sam Houston, Robert E. Lee, and Jesse James. It currently operates as the Stagecoach Inn and Restaurant in the village of Salado and is listed as the second oldest continuously operated inn/hotel in the state.

Bucky’s is an affectionate nod to Buc-ees, an iconic chain of travel centers that originated in Texas in the 1980’s and more recently expanded throughout the southern United States and Colorado (sorry, none in Nevada as of this writing). No visit to the Lone Star State is deemed complete without a pit stop under the giant Beaver sign where you will find, among its many other amenities, sparkling restrooms, souvenirs, sandwiches and snacks, sausage kolaches, a world famous beef jerky counter (some locations boast over twenty different kinds), and their most popular item, those deliciously addictive Beaver Nuggets. Like Juanita said, “If you know, you know.” (And if you’re from Texas, you do.)

“The Gunmen” (Bonanza Season 1, episode 19) was written by Carey Wilbur.

Though the real Doc Holliday (1851-1887) would have only been about 10 years old, the reference in this story is based on his appearance as a Cartwright contemporary in “Calamity Over the Comstock” (Season 5, episode 7), written by Warren Douglas.