Synopsis: Little Joe has another crazy dream. All the Cartwrights and Hop Sing are aboard the Dixie I when it is shipwrecked. [It is a comedy parody which combines Bonanza and Gilligan’s Island]. There’s even a song you can sing along 🙂
Rating: G Words: 1730
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Little Joe’s Island
“Pa, what’s the matter?” asked a concerned Adam.
“Hey, Pa. You don’t look too good,” a worried Hoss added.
“Maybe you should go back to bed, Pa. I’d be happy to stay home from school and do some of your chores,” offered the newest Cartwright son, Jamie.
“No, Jamie. That’s quite all right,” replied Ben, the Patriarch of the Ponderosa.
“Go figure, Jamie. We can’t get Pa back to bed and we can’t get Joe out of bed!” Adam snickered. Joe always liked to sleep in and was routinely late for breakfast, much to his father’s displeasure. Just then, Little Joe wearily trudged down the stairway and made it to the breakfast table.
“I’m glad you could join us, Joseph.”
“Good morning, Pa.” The morning light was beaming in brightly from the open window. Joe had been to Virginia City the night before and had sneaked back home a couple of hours before dawn. He had fallen into a fitful sleep and had a crazy dream.
“What’s wrong, little brother? Too much liquor, poker or women?” Adam questioned.
“Adam, Jamie hasn’t left for school.” Ben reminded him. “Watch what you are teaching him.”
“Teaching him! That’s it!” Little Joe was triumphant.
“What’s it?” everyone asked.
“Adam teaching him. That’s it.” Everyone now figured Joe had one too many beers the night before. Seeing their “knowing” look, Little Joe continued.
“I had this crazy dream. Adam, you were a professor on this uncharted desert island right in the middle of Lake Tahoe.”
“Now, what would a professor be doing on an uncharted desert isle in the middle of Lake Tahoe?” demanded Adam rather sarcastically.
“The professor, I mean you, well, you were trying to figure out a way to get the rest of us off.” Joe explained, knowing that the explanation made perfect sense, at least to him.
“Hey, Joe. Was I there, too?” asked Jamie hopefully.
“What about me, Short Shanks?” chimed in Hoss.
“Yeah, you were both there with me and the ‘good’ professor, too,” glancing over at Adam with a smirk.
Just then, Hop Sing spoke up. “Hop Sing wok velly hard. Cook big blekfast. You quit talk and eat. Especially you, Little Joe, and you too, Jamie. way too skinny.”
“Hey, Hop Sing. Don’t you want to hear my tale? You were on Little Joe’s Island, too!”
“So now it’s your island?” Adam half asked, half accused.
“Where’s Little Joe Island?” inquired the curious cook.
“Oh, Hop Sing. It was just another of Little Joe’s crazy dreams. You remember how he dreamed that I was the great and powerful Wizard of Poz?” reminded Ben.
“Hey, I missed that one,” complained Jamie.
“Another time, Son. Now, off to school.”
“Ah, Pa. At least let me hear about Joe’s Island. I’ll ride extra fast so I won’t be late for school. Joe said I was on the island. I want to know what I was doing.” Jamie hoped his father would let him stay to hear the tale of Little Joe’s Island.
“Oh, all right, but I’d better not get a note from your teacher saying you were late.”
“Thanks, Pa. So, what happened, Joe?”
Joe tilted his chair back, closed his eyes, and tried to remember in incredible dream. Just then he started humming a “catchy” tune. The lyrics started to flow…
The Dixie I was tossed.
If not for the courage of the Cartwright men,
The Dixie would be lost.
The Dixie would be lost.”
“So, what happened next, Joe?” Jamie demanded.
“Oh, we got shipwrecked.” Joe replied nonchalantly.
“Shipwrecked!” Jamie and Hoss exclaimed.
“Was everyone all right?” Hoss asked worriedly.
Adam interrupted. “Easy, Hoss, it’s just Joe’s silly dream. Don’t get so worked up.”
“I was just enjoying Joe’s story, that’s all. I know it’s not real, ” replied an insulted Hoss.
“Adam, I think you owe your brother an apology,” recommended Ben.
“Sorry, Hoss. No offense. It’s just you and Joe can sure get into some crazy schemes together.”
“Crazy schemes? Me and Hoss? What about the two of you with the Hayburner? Whose ‘crazy scheme’ was that?” Joe asked rather defensively.
“Hayburner? What’s a Hayburner?” Jamie wanted to know.
“That’s another long story, Son. We don’t have time for that right now,” reminded Ben.
“[Giggle] I finally got the best of old Adam here!” giggled Joe.
“Another time, little brother.” Hoss promised.
Jamie knew he would have to leave for school soon so he urged Joe to continue his story. “Hey, Joe. What happened after the shipwreck? Joe, hey, Joe?”
Joe was still laughing inwardly about the Hayburner story when he finally heard Jamie’s request.
Joe continued his tale. “Well, the Dixie was destroyed, but we all made it fine. With our help, Pa built The Ponderosa on that island offshore of Lake Tahoe.”
“That doesn’t make sense, Joe. Why would we build The Ponderosa on that island?” Adam interrupted.
“Adam, this is Joe’s dream,” reminded Ben. “Let him finish so Jamie can go to school [groan from Jamie] and you three can go mend fences [three groans in unison] and I can do my paperwork [sigh].
“Joe, what was I doing?” Jamie demanded. “Did I get a chance to explore your island? What was it like?” At that, Ben cleared his throat rarely loudly and gave Jamie “the look”. Jamie took the hint and kept quiet.
“Yeah, Jamie. We all got to explore, but the Professor, I mean, Adam here, insisted you keep up your school work so he became your teacher,” explained Joe.
“I don’t even get a break from school in your dreams?” Jamie couldn’t believe it!
“Jamie, don’t interrupt again. We have work to do and you have school.”
“Sorry, Pa.”
“Learning is good, little brother,” reminded Adam.
“Adam! Joe, please finish,” pleaded Ben.
“Well, it wasn’t all that bad, Jamie. Everyone helped Adam try to figure out all sorts of ways to get off The Ponderosa, I mean, Little Joe’s Island. We had all sorts of adventures. We all fell in love, including you and Hop Sing. The rest of us loved and lost many times. Hoss, don’t look so upset. Each time it only took fifty minutes. How hard can your heart break in less than one hour?” Joe continued. “People were always trying to steal our land or get our money. Hop Sing was always so upset when we didn’t get home in time for supper. He’d yell at us in Chinese and I was the only one who understood him.”
“Understood him?” chimed in Ben, Adam, Hoss and Jamie.
“Oops. That was supposed to be our secret, right, Hop Sing? Sorry.”
Joe knew that he had messed up.
Right then Hop Sing spouted off in Chinese, the words known only to himself and Little Joe.
“Joseph, do we have a conclusion to your dream?” Ben certainly hoped so.
“Yes, sir. The Professor, I mean, brother Adam here, finally figured out how to get off the island and left us after six years.”
“How did he do it?” Jamie questioned.
“I don’t know. Something about a contract. Every week, we had guests on The Ponderosa, I mean, Little Joe’s Island. It only took about fifty minutes and then they were gone. I don’t know how, but they figured it out too!”
Hoss interrupted Joe and asked, “Do you know, Pa?”
“You know I hate paperwork, Hoss. Besides, it was just a dream,” reminded Ben.
“Well, I don’t think it was very nice to leave us. We got all your extra chores.” At that, Hoss glared at Adam.
“Hoss, remember, it was only a dream. Besides, with me gone, you’d get more money and have more of a chance to fall in love,” explained Adam.
“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.” Hoss drifted off in his own dream of beautiful ladies once his older, handsome brother was out of the picture. Now, he’d only have to contend with Little Joe.
Joe again tilted back his chair and suddenly remembered the rest of his song in the dream. He cleared his throat and started up again.
A tale of the Cartwright men,
That started in Paramount Studios,
Upon sound stage 16.
Little Joe was a handsome, daring man,
Big Hoss was brave and sure.
NBC premiered Bonanza that day
For a 14-year tour,
A 14-year tour!
The problems started getting rough,
Everyone wanted our land.
If not for the courage of the Cartwright men,
The Ponderosa would be lost.
The Ponderosa would be lost.
On this unsettled Nevada land,
With Little Joe and Big Hoss, too,
The millionaire[that’s you, Pa] and his wives [Yeah, all 3: Elizabeth,
Inger and Marie],
The Chinese cook, Professor Adam,
Jamie too!
Here on Little Joe’s Isle.
Now this is the tale of the Cartwright men.
They’re here for 14 years.
They’ll have to make the best of things
And establish justice in the land.
Little Joe and Big Hoss, too
Will do their very best
To do their chores
And give their Pa some rest.
No Pettybone Power Wagon,
No birdman wings for Hoss,
They’ll have to ride and fight and love
In 50 minute episodes.
So join us here each week, Bonanza “Buds”
You’re sure to get a smile,
From the lonely Cartwright men,
Here on Little Joe’s Isle!”
final line.
“Well, now that’s an interesting little ditty. It sounds like it should have been Pa’s dream. The only women were all married to Pa. It was probably more like a nightmare. Imagine being married to all three wives at the same time and with them all on an uncharted desert isle!” Adam smirked.
Ben interrupted that line of thinking. “Well, that’s just about enough of this nonsense. Jamie, off to school and you had better not be late. Adam, Hoss and Joe – we have a ranch to run. Hop Sing needs to get a head start on supper. Hoss looks like he could eat a whole turkey by himself!”
At that, the Cartwright family parted their ways, each dreaming of what their next 50-minute adventure would be.
You’re sure to get a smile,
From the lonely Cartwright men,
Here on Little Joe’s Isle!”
That’s so cute and funny! I always pictured Adam being like the Professor, Joe even called him Professor in The Mill. And Hoss as Skipper absolutely. You can’t help but think Hoss and Joe were role models for those two characters. Well done!